WLS Cover-up Story

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

Only say you're getting your gallbladder removed if you actually ARE.. otherwise, if you ever have to get it removed for real, then that's another cover story you'll have to invent... If you really feel you need a cover story, you could say you're having a hiatal hernia repair...And it's something in the digestive system, so it would require the liquid diet and all that.

Personally, I just didn't say ANYTHING. That left my options open so that when I was ready to, I could tell people. I waited until I had lost 100 pounds and then just casually told people about it... kind of like in an "I can't believe you didn't know" kind of way.

[newat52 1,613]

You make some good points and I do hate to get all caught up in a web of lies. One lie leads to another, when trying to cover-up the truth, and eventually it can all become apparent to everyone that I was lying. That turns into a lot of work for me (keeping track of all the lies) and for no net gain if everyone figures out the truth in the end.

This is what I'm struggling with in trying to determine whether to attempt to cover up or just be (somewhat) honest with everyone from the start ...

Do whatever you need to do to get through this journey. Trying to cover your tracks can be tricky. How about not saying anything at all? It has worked well for for me. The only people who know about my surgery are my husband on one of our sons. For me, I'm just a private person and never talked about my medical history or very personal things. It's just not who I am.

For work, unless someone asks, don't say anything. Legally, you don't have to disclose to HR anything other than medical issue. If someone asks how you are losing weight say "working really hard at it." Or how much have you lost? (a very rude question in my opinion) say "a bunch."

There are ways around it without lying. You just need to remember that just because you are asked a question, does not mean that you are obligated to answer it. People will get the idea that you do not want to discuss it. Some may persist, those are the ones that whatever you tell them, they will tell someone else so don't hesitate to shut those ones down. If someone keeps asking me I will look at them and say "boy you sure are asking a lot of personal questions." They will usually get embarrassed and say something like I was just curious and my reply is "yes, I can see that." It will shut them up.

What I am saying is don't be bullied into telling people things you don't want them to know, just because you are asked a question don't mean you owe them an answer. Then you don't need to keep any stories straight.

Getting sleeved and losing weight is not the easy way by any means. Do whatever you need to succeed. Sometimes though, we over think things and they can be quite simple. For me, closing down the conversation before it gets rolling has worked for me.

Good luck in whatever decision you make!

[newat52 1,613]

You make some good points and I do hate to get all caught up in a web of lies. One lie leads to another, when trying to cover-up the truth, and eventually it can all become apparent to everyone that I was lying. That turns into a lot of work for me (keeping track of all the lies) and for no net gain if everyone figures out the truth in the end.

This is what I'm struggling with in trying to determine whether to attempt to cover up or just be (somewhat) honest with everyone from the start ...

Do whatever you need to do to get through this journey. Trying to cover your tracks can be tricky. How about not saying anything at all? It has worked well for for me. The only people who know about my surgery are my husband on one of our sons. For me, I'm just a private person and never talked about my medical history or very personal things. It's just not who I am.

For work, unless someone asks, don't say anything. Legally, you don't have to disclose to HR anything other than medical issue. If someone asks how you are losing weight say "working really hard at it." Or how much have you lost? (a very rude question in my opinion) say "a bunch."

There are ways around it without lying. You just need to remember that just because you are asked a question, does not mean that you are obligated to answer it. People will get the idea that you do not want to discuss it. Some may persist, those are the ones that whatever you tell them, they will tell someone else so don't hesitate to shut those ones down. If someone keeps asking me I will look at them and say "boy you sure are asking a lot of personal questions." They will usually get embarrassed and say something like I was just curious and my reply is "yes, I can see that." It will shut them up.

What I am saying is don't be bullied into telling people things you don't want them to know, just because you are asked a question don't mean you owe them an answer. Then you don't need to keep any stories straight.

Getting sleeved and losing weight is not the easy way by any means. Do whatever you need to succeed. Sometimes though, we over think things and they can be quite simple. For me, closing down the conversation before it gets rolling has worked for me.

Good luck in whatever decision you make!

[kimbernada 190]

I thought oh the weight is going to melt off of me and I will be so skinny people will have questions. In real life I still wear the same size clothes and no one that doesnt know I had the surgery knows that I have lost a pound.

I even bought the same brand/color of pants in smaller sizes so that no one really even noticed my weight loss until I'd lost closer to 50-75 pounds. No one even said anything for the first six months. Well, no one outside of my team at work. They knew I had the surgery, but they didn't find out until the Friday before I had my surgery. I had okayed the time off with my manager and didn't tell anyone else about even that (just the generic "surgery"). One of my teammates had asked "What kind of surgery are you having? Or should I not ask that?" So... I said "Weight loss surgery" and then explained what kind. Our team is like family, so once I told them, I felt much better about it. NOT saying anything was kind of bugging me. I didn't want anyone to know that I was having this surgery BEFORE I had it - mainly because I did NOT want to hear negative stories. Everyone knows someone who had complications, etc. Well, actually I do know someone - my aunt. (She had bypass surgery about 15-20 years ago.) But there are complications for any surgery. I know someone who died during a knee replacement, which seems to be one of the more "common" surgeries. Another aunt (sister of the other one) died during a different "common" procedure.

Anyhow, I've rambled a little. To the OP, there is no right or wrong regarding what to tell others. What YOU feel you need to do or say is the right choice for you. For ME, once the surgery was over and I was feeling good about my surgery, having great success and no complications, I found that I didn't have a problem telling people who asked. <-- emphasis on asked because I don't just stop and tell people about the surgery.

Even my UPS driver said to me last week "Okay, so just what have you done?" I was actually confused because I wasn't sure what he was talking about. He was pretty funny because he said that he had wanted to say something the last time he saw me, which is actually kind of rare to SEE him, but he said he wasn't sure if it was appropriate. I did tell him that I had surgery last summery and then, as usual, I explained a little about the surgery. (Who knows? Maybe his wife is overweight and that's why he asked me what I did?)

[kimbernada 190]

I thought oh the weight is going to melt off of me and I will be so skinny people will have questions. In real life I still wear the same size clothes and no one that doesnt know I had the surgery knows that I have lost a pound.

I even bought the same brand/color of pants in smaller sizes so that no one really even noticed my weight loss until I'd lost closer to 50-75 pounds. No one even said anything for the first six months. Well, no one outside of my team at work. They knew I had the surgery, but they didn't find out until the Friday before I had my surgery. I had okayed the time off with my manager and didn't tell anyone else about even that (just the generic "surgery"). One of my teammates had asked "What kind of surgery are you having? Or should I not ask that?" So... I said "Weight loss surgery" and then explained what kind. Our team is like family, so once I told them, I felt much better about it. NOT saying anything was kind of bugging me. I didn't want anyone to know that I was having this surgery BEFORE I had it - mainly because I did NOT want to hear negative stories. Everyone knows someone who had complications, etc. Well, actually I do know someone - my aunt. (She had bypass surgery about 15-20 years ago.) But there are complications for any surgery. I know someone who died during a knee replacement, which seems to be one of the more "common" surgeries. Another aunt (sister of the other one) died during a different "common" procedure.

Anyhow, I've rambled a little. To the OP, there is no right or wrong regarding what to tell others. What YOU feel you need to do or say is the right choice for you. For ME, once the surgery was over and I was feeling good about my surgery, having great success and no complications, I found that I didn't have a problem telling people who asked. <-- emphasis on asked because I don't just stop and tell people about the surgery.

Even my UPS driver said to me last week "Okay, so just what have you done?" I was actually confused because I wasn't sure what he was talking about. He was pretty funny because he said that he had wanted to say something the last time he saw me, which is actually kind of rare to SEE him, but he said he wasn't sure if it was appropriate. I did tell him that I had surgery last summery and then, as usual, I explained a little about the surgery. (Who knows? Maybe his wife is overweight and that's why he asked me what I did?)

[Skinny in Here 83]

I tell most people that I had surgery to fix a hernia ... which is true. If they inquire as to why I'm losing weight I tell them I'm on a high Protein low calorie diet .. which is also true.

[Skinny in Here 83]

I tell most people that I had surgery to fix a hernia ... which is true. If they inquire as to why I'm losing weight I tell them I'm on a high Protein low calorie diet .. which is also true.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I told people that NEEDED to know that I was having surgery for whatever reason that it was for "girly" things (truth--I'm a girl). I tell them I am doing a medically supervised high protein/low carb diet (truth), exercising a lot more (truth), I am measuring/logging everything I eat (truth), and that I cut out a lot of the bad stuff (truth-- my tummy!). I tell the truth about how much I've lost, too.

All that long drawn out subterfuge would make my head spin and quite possibly explode. When someone asks me a personal question that I don't want to answer, or one that is rude, I simply smile as if they are an idiot and respond with, "Now why in the world would you ask someone that?". Shuts 'em up every time.

[A_ReNUDE_me 148]

I told people that NEEDED to know that I was having surgery for whatever reason that it was for "girly" things (truth--I'm a girl). I tell them I am doing a medically supervised high protein/low carb diet (truth)' date=' exercising a lot more (truth), I am measuring/logging everything I eat (truth), and that I cut out a lot of the bad stuff (truth-- my tummy!). I tell the truth about how much I've lost, too.

All that long drawn out subterfuge would make my head spin and quite possibly explode. When someone asks me a personal question that I don't want to answer, or one that is rude, I simply smile as if they are an idiot and respond with, "Now why in the world would you ask someone that?". Shuts 'em up every time.[/quote']

I LOVE THIS ^^^^RESPONSE^^^^ RIGHT HERE^^^ AMEN!! LIPSTICK LADY

[newat52 1,613]

I told people that NEEDED to know that I was having surgery for whatever reason that it was for "girly" things (truth--I'm a girl). I tell them I am doing a medically supervised high protein/low carb diet (truth), exercising a lot more (truth), I am measuring/logging everything I eat (truth), and that I cut out a lot of the bad stuff (truth-- my tummy!). I tell the truth about how much I've lost, too.

All that long drawn out subterfuge would make my head spin and quite possibly explode. When someone asks me a personal question that I don't want to answer, or one that is rude, I simply smile as if they are an idiot and respond with, "Now why in the world would you ask someone that?". Shuts 'em up every time.

Gonna steal that one wise lady with the awesome lips!

[Bombs 353]

Tell them you are having vaginal rejuvenation. That will shut them up. Ha. In the mean time, I have said I am having a hernia repaired. I am. So that is not a lie. I finally told my dad the truth today. He was under the impression that the lapband was "safer". I told him. We are good. He is supportive. Phew.

[taylokat 180]

I only took one week of vacation from work. Counting the weekends I was back to work on post op day 10. Told my coworkers I took a "stay-cation" . I'm almost 6 months post op and I have lost about 65 lbs. I tell people I've lost about 50 lbs. tracking my food on My Fitness Pal. High Protein, low carb and 1200 calories a day. Early post op when I went to lunch I had plain yogurt in from of people (dumped half of it out before they sat down!) I'm a nurse in a surgical area and we do lots of bariatric surgeries. I hear how judge mental my co-workers are so I had surgery somewhere else. Nobody's business.

[Andrew0929 1,101]

Thanks for all the great responses and suggestions everyone. I genuinely appreciate all of the great advice.

I think I'm going with the hernia repair story. Originally was going with the gallbladder but as someone mentioned, I may end up having gallbladder surgery at some point in the future. Hernia surgery is something that is very believable and something that, in theory, I could get multiple times.

Then, I'll explain the weight loss as being due to better eating habits and exercising.

Please keep the great ideas and suggestions coming ....

Andrew

[Bombs 353]

Errr sorry. Realized you are a man!

[Fat Pat no more 89]

I only told my girlfriend' date=' two very close friends, and my mom. I think there are really two issues. 1) What do you tell people because you are going to be out of work for a while? 2) What do you tell people afterward after you lose a lot of weight? If possible, you should avoid telling people a lie that you might have to later admit to telling. Instead it will be easier and keep your options open if you tell people an incomplete truth. At work you shouldn't have to tell HR anything other than you need the time off for medical treatment or surgery. Your supervisor may be more curious, but you should just say that you are having surgery and if your supervisor pushes for what kind of surgery, just say abdominal surgery, but that you don't want to talk about it. Or, if you have lots of vacation time stored up, you could just take vacation time and if anyone asks just tell them that you aren't going anywhere, but just going to get caught up on things around the house. Depending on how important it is to you to keep this under the radar, taking vacation time will result in less chance of people finding out. Once you are back at work, I would suggest drinking lots of Water and Protein Shakes in the most visible way you can. If there is a break room, drink some of them there instead of just at your desk. I suggest that you go at least a month or two and not eat anything at work, just drink Protein shakes. You want to draw a little attention to the protein shakes, but not too much. If someone asks you if you are dieting tell them you are on a diet like the Slimfast diet where you drink protein shakes a few times a day and eat a small meal in the evening. If you want to keep this under the radar you do not want to be eating pureed food at work. Once you are back to eating normal foods you can eat at work if you want to, but I would keep this as out of sight as possible so as not to draw undue attention to yourself. Just the other day, at the nine week post surgical mark did someone at my work noticed that I had lost weight. It was when I had just reached the 65 pound mark that someone noticed. Even though you might think people would notice sooner, they don't usually. I did have a few people at the gym notice at about the four week post surgical mark, but at the gym I wear t-shirts which let people see the outline of my abdominal area in a more detailed fashion. Start walking at lunch and invite other people to join you. Once people start noticing your weight loss, you can simply accept their compliments and thank them and try not to become the topic of conversation too much. Do not tell people how much weight you have lost if you can avoid it. They probably don't know what you weighed before, so when you have lost 60 pounds and someone notices, if they ask how much you can tell them I haven't weighed recently, but I think I've lost more than 20 pounds. People simply don't know what you weighed before and they don't know what you weigh now. If they ask more about your secret to losing so much weight then just tell them that you are watching what you eat and that you are exercising. Ask them if they want to go walking with you at lunch. As you lose weight, don't suddenly start wearing a whole new wardrobe. Even if you go out and buy all new clothes, you can start wearing one new thing per week, and retire one of your old ones per week. Also, go to a thrift shop and find some used clothing in your new size, because when you wear something that's used, but "new to you" people will be less likely to notice it than if you are wearing all new clothes. You want to wear clothing that is moderately loose. If you wear very loose clothing it makes you look like you are flopping around in your clothes and it will make people think you have lost more weight. On the other hand if you wear things that are too form fitting it shows your new smaller size too much. Once you get several months down the road, you need to come back on here and post this same question from the view that you are several months post op and that you have kept it a secret thus far and you want to continue to do so to get some more tips.[/quote']

I love your response. K