Keeping complications secret NO MORE!

[SkinnyGirlNC 7]

Hello,

I am not keeping secrets anymore. This is my story...

My pre-op weight was 228, I am 5 ft 2in, surgery 4/25/12.

Now I am 115, and wear a size 2....goal weight was 130.

food is difficult for me to eat, easier to go without - BUT I AM TRYING!

It is extremely difficult to maintain weight, seems impossible to gain.

I posted in another forum and found 2 other ppl with struggles like mine, one was actually diagnosed with anorexia.

I do not want to be sick. I do not feel fat, I feel I am too skinny....but I can't stop losing weight.

I cry, out of fear of getting sick. I am not depressed, I am scared. My blood results are all good, low but still good. But everyone comments on how small I am. I thought it was because they were just not used to seeing me at this weight, but I am beginning to feel otherwise now. I have scheduled appts with my PCP, my surgeon, my nutritionist and a therapist already so pls don't post to tell me to do that. I am trying to be proactive in my health already. I KNOW I need to eat more, but it is HARD when everything inside you is saying the opposite. On my previous post, all the comments from ppl who are in my shoes came in private messages, not public. And I truly appreciate them, but I think it needs to be brought out in the open. Please do not bother to comment if all you have to say is, "I wish I had that problem", because the truth is, YOU DON'T!! It is difficult and scary. If you do not want to post publicly, please send a message privately if you also are experiencing this. I need to know there are more of "me" out there.....I want help and support, not criticism. I am not to the point that I regret having the surgery, but in 6 months I might feel otherwise if I have still not got a handle on the lifestyle I have chosen. I don't mean to scare others out of going through with it, seems there are not many ppl out there in my position....but the reality is, there are a couple of us. If you are one, please reach out to me....

[kltklass 144]

I have just started my journey, therefore, I can not offer advise to your situation. However, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck and please keep us posted.

[rhw94123 115]

Thank you for sharing this. I am rapidly moving towards getting sleeved next month and it was meaningful to read this now. My mind had wandered ahead to (possibly?) being an under-weight elderly person unable to eat much/enough. I think many of us have a senior loved one for whom we have to buy Ensure or similar to keep calories in them. Obviously that is not you (!), but your struggle really caught my attention (thank you). So much to think about with this procedure! I hope you get some great support posts & messages and I am sending you my best as you deal with this very real and understandably troubling situation!

[indecision 863]

Thank you for sharing. Sorry you are going through this as I just can't even imagine what it must be like. I am not at your stage yet and wonder how hard it will be to maintain but on the other hand I cant wait to get to the maintain part. I hope you are able to get this figured out with your upcoming Dr visits!

[SkinnyGirlNC 7]

Actually, I DO have to drink Ensure everyday, the Plus kind with the extra calories. And I am unable to drink an entire bottle in one day. It is expensive too!

Eating is uncomfortable, period. It is expensive to eat out AND to eat in as MOST of my meal is discarded. 99% of the time it doesn't even look like I have touched my plate, but I am finished with it and full...my dogs are thrilled to death!

I believe, personal opinion, that my lack of nutrition has caused my immune system to break down....I bruise when the wind blows too hard, my healing time is AT LEAST double of the average person. Every time I turn around I have to go to another dr appt to deal with something....it's frustrating. The majority of my days are spend either in a dr office, trying to get in a dr office, or trying to force myself to eat 2 bites of SOMETHING!

[Jen35 283]

I'm sorry you are going through this. What does your surgeon say? Is it a capacity issue (sleeve not big enough, or a stricture) or do you just feel full too quickly? I was sleeved 5/22/13 and I don't have this issue - just trying to understand. For me, eating is fine physically. I could easily see how this surgery could lead to anorexia. I have an eating disorder which has always presented itself as over-eating. I can see how surgery could swing the pendullum the other way to under-eating.

[newme816 15]

I am only 6 weeks out but I can honestly say with my mentality right now I can see myself being in this situation. I feel like I'm anorexic right now. I get all of my Protein and Vitamins but never exceed 700 calories. I get tired so easily and absolutely hate eating. I don't look forward to it. I dread it and when I do eat I am uncomfortable. I also do not venture towards many different foods for fear of hurting my tiny tummy. Thank you for sharing and being real abt it

[MommyofFive 243]

I'm so incredibly proud of your courage. I too am having this issue. I simply have no interest in food and no matter how much I tell myself I NEED to eat I can't. I am fully aware of the dangers of not eating and I'm not deliberately trying to make myself sick. Heck, health was a huge motivating factor in my decision. I'm trying to maintain my weight but I just keep losing. It's not like I feel sick after eating or anything like that. I just can't bring myself to eat. They idea of even chewing is often in appealing. I could walk away from food completely and never look back....even pizza. All that said, I have no regrets. Maybe it's just part of learning how to live in our new bodies. Either way, I'm committed to being healthy and we will support each other.

[rachel marie 42]

I concur! I am going through the same thing, and feel very scared. food never sounds appealing, and when I finally do get a taste for something, I can't enjoy it. I was 250lbs when I had surgery, and I am 5'10". I was still wearing my maternity clothes 1 year after my 3rd son was born because I refused to buy a size 22 pants. I am now 6 months out, I weight 150lbs and I am in a size 8. This is exciting don't get me wrong, but I literally have started to cry when I step on the scale, and have lost more weight. I am getting to skinny and cannot control it. I would love to work out and build muscle but, I can't do that either because I burn more calories than I can consume in a day.

[MommyofFive 243]

Thank you, Rachel for sharing. I dread the scale too. Especially with my GP who has been so supportive. People are starting to notice and tell me I need to stop losing. I just smile and reassure then that I will but I don't know if I will. My husband doesn't understand why I can't "just eat". lunch meetings and food related social events always lead to a conversation of how little I eat with lots of advise on why I should. I am a smart cookie. I have 5 children who are all healthy and well fed. I know all of the right things to do but I just hate food. I do....my old best friend is now one of my biggest enemies. This too shall pass and AGAIN at this point I still have no regrets. Once I get this under control everything will be awesome.

[rachel marie 42]

I feel it. I'm happy with my results, and do not regret anything. I just want to stop. Everyone comments about my weight and it really pisses me off. My old beat friend is also my enemy. I'm not sure why but I feel like it's jealousy and I have not changed who I am just because I'm skinny. But her loss not mine.

[piercedqt78 658]

Actually, I DO have to drink Ensure everyday, the Plus kind with the extra calories. And I am unable to drink an entire bottle in one day. It is expensive too!

Unfortunately I don't have any experience with this other than caring for an elderly woman that struggled with chewing and retaining solid food. She also struggled to get an entire Ensure down. We discovered they make a kids ensure, and it's smaller with the same fats, and calories. It's just more concentrated. She also did a generic Muscle Milk. I am only about 13 pounds from my goal, and I have some fears that I will be in your shoes. I was a band to sleeve revision, and have lost almost 60 pounds since May. My surgeon told me my weight loss would be slower and I would most likely only get to about 160ish. (I'm 5'4) but here I am at 148 already and still losing without even trying. I lost so much so quickly that I feel like my skin didn't bounce back at all, so now I'm looking into plastics as well. I wanted to be healthy, and comfortable in my own skin. The only thing I'm not happy with is that I went from a 38DD down to a 36C. And the plastics doc told me at my consultation that I have somewhere between 8-15 pounds of skin to be removed. So if I lose anymore I will be under a healthy BMI if his predictions of skin removal are accurate. I see my surgeon again in Oct and I will be asking him what he suggests. Please let us know what your doc says. I'm always curious about the different methods by different doctors.

[SkinnyGirlNC 7]

Thanks Piercedqt78 for the kids ensure tip! I will buy some tomorrow and try it!!! I can relate to the boob loss (lol). Considering getting a "job", but still not sure about it. But after reading your post I for sure will go to the plastic office and see what they say about the weight of extra skin. I don't have too much of it, but I do have some. Curious how that will change my BMI. Never thought of it that way before. I appreciate your time in sharing!

[nyorker 67]

What if you add some junk food into your plan? chocolate? Cake? Bar?

[SkinnyGirlNC 7]

Choc cake, donuts, etc.... Love them!! But those are only fat calories w no nutritional value. The objective is to stay healthy, not only increase numbers. That being said, I LOVE my glazed donut w choc milk at least once a week!