I just told my boss! I feel so judged...

[Febi135 23]

I am new to the sleeved community and new to the site, but I feel like sharing this story. I have had to take off from work a few times to do different procedures in relation to the surgery. A few hours here, a day there...I felt compelled to tell her what was going on so she would know why I was taking 2 hours off tomorrow (for the heart test) and why I had to leave early next thursday (for dietician meeting). I also wanted to give her a heads up that I would be taking 2-3 weeks off in a month or so.

So I took a breath and told her...she spends 15 minutes telling me about the 17 day diet and how it helped her to lose 21 pounds 2 years ago and how it could help me. She was not being aggressive, she was trying to be supportive I guess, but she did not understand why I would do such a crazy, insane thing. Surgery just seemed so extreme to her. She kept asking why I couldn't just eat less. I started explaining my reasons to her, but realized I was starting to feel silly...I started asking my self (internally) why am I doing this? Maybe she is right? Maybe I am I being too extreme? Am I too lazy to stay on the right track?

I had to tell my mom and husband who were not immediately on board, but for some reason this was different. She is the first real "naysayer" that I need to tell that I had not told. The next is one of my closest, most skinniest friends (size 0-2) who has made comments in the past about how bad it is to have WLS surgery. After that it is my sister who is going to be really worried and, quite frankly just as judgmental. Oye....I am not looking forward to those conversations.

Anywayz, I can deal with it really, I just felt like sharing. Have any of you had this experience? How do you all deal with the skinny b***** judgement?

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

I try and remember that people that care about us aren't trying to be judgmental, no matter how it comes out. They are coming from a place of concern/fear. But... no one that hasn't walked in your shoes can ever really know how you have struggled with weight. We can't expect them to. Try not to take it personally, they are telling you what they know to be true. Deciding to have surgery can be a deeply emotional decision. I know that coming to the realization that I needed surgery was very hard for me. I initially felt "why CAN'T I just do this?" But I couldn't, I needed the help the sleeve has provided me. You'll get all the support you need here with folks that know how you feel. We have lived it to.

Be well and best of luck!!

[gamergirl 4,610]

I saw my rheumatologist today who is very happy about the weight I lost. But he says he doesn't recommend the surgery to patients because he'd rather they do it on their own, since the results from bariatric surgery are not that great long-term.

Not that great? how about better than without the surgery??

This from a physician who should know better.

Then he says "ALL the surgery did for you was restrict your intake." I looked at his skinny body and thought of asking him how many people did he know that could eat 600-700 calories day after day with an intact stomach, and then thought .....

Meh. I don't care what he thinks. He has no idea what I live through. Whatever.

And so I moved on and stayed happy!

You may have to do the same thing.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I deal with skinny b***** by smilin and saying, "never the less, this is what I choose and I hope you can be supportive of me." My BF thought that I would continue to lose weight and not stop.....She also struggled with my getting skinny and made a remark walking out my front door in a barely audible voice, "I can't stand your skinniness!" This is where I adopted my name MsSkinniness..... Yep, that's me and she will just have to deal with it. I don't talk with her about it anymore, I'm over it. Love it...

You will do fine and your boss is lost and it's totally her issue, so please don't give her or anyone else much thoughts about it now....This is for your health and the fantastic side effect of getting skinny...... You can do it...

[LouiseC 1,031]

I try and remember that people that care about us aren't trying to be judgmental' date=' no matter how it comes out. They are coming from a place of concern/fear. But... no one that hasn't walked in your shoes can ever really know how you have struggled with weight. We can't expect them to. Try not to take it personally, they are telling you what they know to be true. Deciding to have surgery can be a deeply emotional decision. I know that coming to the realization that I needed surgery was very hard for me. I initially felt "why CAN'T I just do this?" But I couldn't, I needed the help the sleeve has provided me. You'll get all the support you need here with folks that know how you feel. We have lived it to.

Be well and best of luck!![/quote']

This.

I will also add that to deal with judgement from others we need to learn to be completely comfortable with ourselves and our choices. When we have confidence in our own ability to choose well for ourselves, then other people's opinions are of little consequence.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

GamerGirl, you're so right about that one. After considerable academic research, discussions with some of the best in the business and which requires to be thrust in your rheumatologist's face immediately, is the undeniable fact that diets don't work. That everyone is pre-programmed to be a certain weight in our brains and all our yo-yo dieting has done, is to deplete our muscle mass and wreck our metabolisms. Does the weight come back after a few years post bariatric surgery? Yeah, it can do, I concede that. However, I believe we have the tool and it's up to us to use it. My Nutritionist said that I would lose 85% of my excess, gain about 20-30% and will level out. Even with those stats I was elated. I am NOT trying to look like Kate Moss here.

Febi, for what it's worth and in my humble opinion? If you don't want the negative, don't give them the ammo. I know you felt obliged to share it with your boss - but in all honesty and based on UK employment regs; unless you're taking significant amounts of time away and not correctly accounting for it, the specifics of your medical care, is not really their business. As for the other people you're intending to tell? You already know what they're going to be like, so is it worth it? I know some people might truly surprise you. However, you know these folks and I would say trust your instincts. If you know they're going to give you a hard time, is it worth wishing for them to be caring and sharing, when all they'll end up doing is making you feel like crap? Just a thought.

Wishing you the best of luck with everything to come. We'll all be here to listen when you need to get it off your chest. We're all pretty good at that! x

[sharonlaff 17]

I didnt tell anyone except my husband before surgery. I just told everyone i was taking a 10 day vac. I was able to go back work fine and nobody has noticed except that I am looking good!! I have told 2 friends now... what can they say after the fact...

[loobylou238 43]

I too am more or less new to this site and to the sleeved community. I was sleeved on 18 September. The only people I told were my sister and my son. My best friend came with me, so she knows. I've taken a two week vacation from work and go back on 1 October. You are NOT doing a crazy, insane thing. For a lot of us this is a lifesaver of an op. No more medication, money saved in the long term, you will be able to exercise, go on walks, go to the shops - whatever you are not doing just now you will be able to do after your op. Forget about the skinnies of this world. They don't understand. They seem to think that we all get to our size by eating like pigs every moment of the day. No, instead you put on say 7 pounds and think, oh I'll deal with that next year. Next year comes, same thing again. You have a family, money worries, job problems. Wham! Before you know it you've gained 70, 80, 90 pounds. How did that happen?

I'm 61(whoops I never reveal my age) and I've used part of my retiral money to fund my op. Look at my stats and I bet you are nowhere near my weight. Think again of the reasons of why you want to do this op. I am so excited about my future and I have a list of things I want to do and do you know what? Nobody or nothing is going to stop me.

[blackfalls 26]

Pimping out my blog post: http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/blog/2630/entry-6709-100-of-people-with-bmi-30-who-lose-weight-with-diet-and-exercise-gain-it-back-and-more-within-3-years/

After I read those quotes I stopped feeling sorry for myself and thinking I should be able to do it with dieting and exercise. I feel no guilt over taking the surgical way. And I will never let anyone guilt or shame me either. I'm only 13 days post-op but this has already changed my life so much. I am so grateful I had the money to self-pay in Mexico. I had a serious, out of control weight management problem and I chose to do a drastic surgery to fix the problem.

Screw those who think they know better than yourself. They have NO idea and never will.

[Candyland86 24]

My BFF told me I was taking the easy way out. But then on a different conversation said now she is going to be the only fat one in the group. Can you say HATER. Good luck to you!

[spunkyirishpunk 29]

Some people unfortunately will just never understand, and you know what its their loss. You don't have to justify your reasons to anyone. You are doing this for the most important reason there is - YOU ! You're doing this to make yourself a better version of the person you are right now and that's all that matters.

I was very worried about discussing my surgery with my job as well as my training coach at the gym. Not to mention the clients I help train as an intern. I am very fortunate to have an outpouring of support.

[cathycnyrs 85]

At work a bunch of the overweight women are starting a "weigh in" once a week, and everyone pays to weigh and whoever loses the most gets the pot. I was approached on Thursday about joining, and it was someone I felt comfortable telling... and basically said you know it wouldn't be fair for me to be part of the weigh ins, plus I'm fixing to be out. I also just turned in my leave and was worried about getting questioned from management or problems... so, I have "FMLA" papers in process. I am taking a full 5 weeks, I have the sick time and also I have to dead lift 70 lbs at work. I am a mail carrier, and we lift a lot! I came back in from my route on Friday afternoon and was confronted by the Postmaster. She asked me if I was going to participate in the weigh ins. I said NO, and was going to leave it at that. Then she looked at me and said, "You chicken"? I said, "NO... I wouldn't feel right about kicking all your tales and taking all of your money". She was... "WHAT?"" I then spilled it, "I'm having weight loss surgery". She grabbed my arm and told me "she was so proud of me and for me, that she had thought about it for years but didn't have the courage to do it." She wanted specifics, and had a million questions. I decided then and there that maybe I can help others... The hardest person to tell was my mother, but I've dealt with it. Wouldn't feel right leaving her out. My husbands family has been mean to me about my weight, and I told him he better not tell any of them... I don't care if they think I'm on crack, or if I have cancer.... don't tell them anything. They have never supported me and aren't on my support team. I also work with a guy that just had the RNY in June and everyone is supporting him. Hope it is the same for me!

[NtvTxn 1,262]

I am new to the sleeved community and new to the site, but I feel like sharing this story. I have had to take off from work a few times to do different procedures in relation to the surgery. A few hours here, a day there...I felt compelled to tell her what was going on so she would know why I was taking 2 hours off tomorrow (for the heart test) and why I had to leave early next thursday (for dietician meeting). I also wanted to give her a heads up that I would be taking 2-3 weeks off in a month or so.

So I took a breath and told her...she spends 15 minutes telling me about the 17 day diet and how it helped her to lose 21 pounds 2 years ago and how it could help me. She was not being aggressive, she was trying to be supportive I guess, but she did not understand why I would do such a crazy, insane thing. Surgery just seemed so extreme to her. She kept asking why I couldn't just eat less. I started explaining my reasons to her, but realized I was starting to feel silly...I started asking my self (internally) why am I doing this? Maybe she is right? Maybe I am I being too extreme? Am I too lazy to stay on the right track?

I had to tell my mom and husband who were not immediately on board, but for some reason this was different. She is the first real "naysayer" that I need to tell that I had not told. The next is one of my closest, most skinniest friends (size 0-2) who has made comments in the past about how bad it is to have WLS surgery. After that it is my sister who is going to be really worried and, quite frankly just as judgmental. Oye....I am not looking forward to those conversations.

Anywayz, I can deal with it really, I just felt like sharing. Have any of you had this experience? How do you all deal with the skinny b***** judgement?

Some of my biggest cheerleaders were my THIN friends, not the chubby ones, the ones that could and should think about it.....not so much. You know, I am over three years out, I'm not "out" to everyone, but I've told a lot of people......and I know there are many who think's it's the easy way out. I personally think popping prescription diet pills is the 'easy' way out, but whatever. It didn't work, well, it did, but when the prescription runs out, the weight comes back.

If you are sarcastic at all, just say "I'm going to have 85% of my stomach surgically removed.....permanently. Clearly I want to take the easy way out" It's forced Portion Control, the doctor does his job, then it's up to you. If they cannot understand that, then maybe they'll understand when you are thinner, feel better about yourself and are a healthier you.

[A_ReNUDE_me 148]

I am new to the sleeved community and new to the site' date=' but I feel like sharing this story. I have had to take off from work a few times to do different procedures in relation to the surgery. A few hours here, a day there...I felt compelled to tell her what was going on so she would know why I was taking 2 hours off tomorrow (for the heart test) and why I had to leave early next thursday (for dietician meeting). I also wanted to give her a heads up that I would be taking 2-3 weeks off in a month or so.

So I took a breath and told her...she spends 15 minutes telling me about the 17 day diet and how it helped her to lose 21 pounds 2 years ago and how it could help me. She was not being aggressive, she was trying to be supportive I guess, but she did not understand why I would do such a crazy, insane thing. Surgery just seemed so extreme to her. She kept asking why I couldn't just eat less. I started explaining my reasons to her, but realized I was starting to feel silly...I started asking my self (internally) why am I doing this? Maybe she is right? Maybe I am I being too extreme? Am I too lazy to stay on the right track?

I had to tell my mom and husband who were not immediately on board, but for some reason this was different. She is the first real "naysayer" that I need to tell that I had not told. The next is one of my closest, most skinniest friends (size 0-2) who has made comments in the past about how bad it is to have WLS surgery. After that it is my sister who is going to be really worried and, quite frankly just as judgmental. Oye....I am not looking forward to those conversations.

Anywayz, I can deal with it really, I just felt like sharing. Have any of you had this experience? How do you all deal with the skinny b***** judgement?[/quote']

OMG! I did the exact same thing last Thursday with my boss...I immediately regreted it. Felt totally judged & she said, are you ready for the emotional impact this will have on your life? I was like FML, I really per HR didn't hsvr to tell her anything because I have a right to take off time for health issues under FMLA since I work for a company with more than 50 employees..but I wanted her to know why I am taking so much time here & there leading up to my surgery...BIG MISTAKE! But I decided that I was not going to let her make me feel bad..the truth is some people will naturally not understand, so now that I gave her a heads up. I will NOT discussbit with her any further. In fact I will purposely let her know that I am not comfortable sharing any specifics with anyone at work to protect my privacy. Ha, that'll fix her! Best of luck to you. In the end as long as your happy with your decision, that's all that matters!

[kvlasy 195]

One often repeated phrase you will hear on this site is that every persons journey is unique. What's crazy to one person is a perfect choice of lifeline for another. None of those people is you! If you and your physician agree that this is the right path, that's really all that matters. I wish you the best journey possible!