Big fear

[beccakatherine 1]

So I am only 15 days post and I'm 24 yrs old and I've never really had a bf, there was one for a while but I had to be kept his secret and no one could know about me, so it wasn't much of a relationship. So this is my big fear... once I start losing more weight and guys actually start looking at me and are interested, am I going to resent them for not seeing me earlier when I was over weight? Especially if I knew them prior to the weight loss?

[FitnFabfor2014 358]

You make a valid point. I thought the very same thing but, I also thought will I be the same person after surgery? I will have way more confidence and hold my head just a little bit higher. Some people are just that shallow they can't see past our weight. Screw them. When you find the right person it won't matter anymore.

[Arts137 1,811]

There are some great threads about this, little one. Fixing our stomachs the surgeon can do. But we deal with our heads... Snoop around. And if I was your Pop (since I am old enough FOR SURE) I'd say... "darling, way will open, usually when you least expect it. Focus on yourself and boys will take care of themselves. Focus on boys, and you might never address your own issues!"

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Beccakatherine, one thing at a time, lol. As Arts137 says, focus on urself and everything will follow as it should.

Don't give anyone the power to mess with your mind - but so what if someone who you were invisible to before suddenly sees you? Does that make them a bad person? No, it just makes them human, maybe ill informed, maybe shallow but don't rush to judgment - we have all had that experience when fat, being judged for the wrong reasons, but two wrongs don't make it right.

Anyway, if someone does that, you can choose not to have a relationship with them. But don't start on your new life by setting false standards based on how you felt in your old life. Trust me, you will change, your attitudes will change.

I am more than twice your age and, yes, I have found some guys now interested in me who wouldn't have looked at the ground I was standing on before. In the early days of weightloss, i was probably grateful to be noticed. But now, as my confidence has grown, I smile and think what a shame it is that they won't get the chance to get to know me !!!

Good luck, relax, a great life is heading your way and I bet there will be more to it than guys :-)

[Brighteyes 237]

Everyone is giving you great advise. I have been thinking about this issue and here is the conclusion I have reached. I have never been attracted to men who are overweight. That's me being honest. I am a firm believer that you must be a reflection of the values you seek in a partner. It's not that because I am overweight that I am undeserving of love. I just need to reflect those values that are important to me. Being physically fit is one of those values. So basically, I hold no resentment to those that wouldn't even give me a second look because if the tables were turned I would do the same thing. This is me being brutally honest. I wish you the best of luck! And no one deserves to be someone else's secret.

[Sassygirl06 962]

So I am only 15 days post and I'm 24 yrs old and I've never really had a bf, there was one for a while but I had to be kept his secret and no one could know about me, so it wasn't much of a relationship. So this is my big fear... once I start losing more weight and guys actually start looking at me and are interested, am I going to resent them for not seeing me earlier when I was over weight? Especially if I knew them prior to the weight loss?

I would try to give the future prospective guys the benefit of the doubt that possibly they would have noticed you for you prior to weight loss. There are a lot of men out there, that are indeed actually nice guys and actually enjoy heavier woman....just a thought. Good luck with your new dating life! And for that matter your new life post sleeve as well!

[Old self 16]

Arts had great advice and I believe he is 100% right - focus on yourself and everything else will follow.

I met my husband at work and had passing contact with him several times a week for over a year. He never once gave me a second look...until the day I dyed my blonde hair red. He saw me and immediately asked me out. Lol.

I could be irritated that he didn't notice me earlier, instead I choose to believe that things happen when they are supposed to.

[beccakatherine 1]

Thank you all for the amazing advice I'm just taking things day by day night now, I'm not out there searching for a man but I wouldn't be opposed to one falling in my lap lol

[beccakatherine 1]

Thank you all for the amazing advice I'm just taking things day by day night now, I'm not out there searching for a man but I wouldn't be opposed to one falling in my lap lol