Husbands

[reaganm04 0]

My very suportive Husband has all of a sudden started to bring up the price I payed for the band. When I weighted fifty two pounds more he was so suportive. Now he is very mean. Why? He is not a big man. I wanted thais for me. Now it seems to be making him mad I don't understand why:think

[anonemouse 1]

It sounds to me like he is getting insecure. I have heard several people with lap-bands say that their spouses changed once they started losing weight, thinking that they might leave them.

[siyah 0]

Men are big babies! And they, like many of us, fear change. It sounds like he's lashing out at you out of fear of some kind. Maybe he's aware of a financial issue and he's "blaming" the band's expense. I'd try to have a conversation with him about it, but not right after he's made a comment. Use the old "I" statements. (I feel bad when,... It upsets me when you say...because...)

Just my two cents!

[2bthinagn 3]

My very suportive Husband has all of a sudden started to bring up the price I payed for the band. When I weighted fifty two pounds more he was so suportive. Now he is very mean. Why? He is not a big man. I wanted thais for me. Now it seems to be making him mad I don't understand why:think

If the two of you made the decision together to spend the money I would remind him of that. And also tell him if he had issues with it now isnt the time to tell you. He should have voiced those before you all spent the money. I agree sounds to me like he is seeing you lookin good and it is making him insecure.

[coltonwade 27]

My husband made a comment that when we "needed" for me to work I didnt but when I "Wanted" Something I went to work and the money went towards the band. Well ( background) before we couldnt afford to pay daycare for me to go back to work, it didnt make sense to do so . Now my youngest is in school , we can afford alot more things. Now im not even working for the money we will have it next week.

But he made the comment it was "Selfish" . I reminded him that the previous choice for me NOT to work was a MUTAL desicsion. And that If he brought this selfishness crap up again about the band, I would just not have it , I explained to him again why i was getting the band( Im not banded yet) that it was a beneift to our children as well , and that IF he brought that he thought i was selfish up I would not have the surgery. We talked about it and I made SURE that he no longer felt this way .

It might be a good time for ya'll to try counseling before things get out of hand ? I know the divorce rate after surgery can be high . This was something I explained to my husband as well, that we would BOTH go to counseling after surgery if there was any issues.

We have not had any problems before, he's been very supportive before. But From what I have read on here things change with men. Like someone else said men are like big babies. LOL Hang in there, talk to him and think about counseling if you need it.

HTH

Mindy

[edieparks 2]

Bring to his attention how much your before eating was costing the two of you compared to how much your food intake is now. I figured I was spending at least $7 a day on my daily stash of Cookies, candy and ice cream .

edie

[libra 13]

Overall, my husband has been supportive but he did say once that he thought I was becoming "self-absorbed" When I asked him why, he said that I never used to worry about my appearance. I told him it was because I couldn't stand to look at myself. Now, I don't feel that way.

[barbara465 2]

It sounds like he is a little insecure and doesn't know where "his" place is in your life. You might start reassuring him you love him, etc. etc. etc. Find your support outside of family and attend support meetings or on here for support. Make the band a non issue at home. If this doesn't help than you will have to rethink your position and your relationship.

[lisah25 3]

I would talk to him honestly when you are feeling calm. Just say that you've noticed he is less supportive of your banding then he was at the beginning, and you are wondering what is on his mind.

I think losing weight is a strain on a marriage. It changes the dynamics, and we have to re-adjust to our spouses. Both those of us losing and our loving DHs and DWs.

I've noticed lately I've been getting snappy with my DH. Finding fault with him more and more. I think in the past I've just stuffed my feelings down with food, and just been grateful I had a hubby at all. Now I can't just take a big ole dose of comfort food and go into a stupor. And as I'm getting noticed a bit more by other guys, I'll admit I've had moments of "Hum, wonder what it would be like to be with him".

I remind myself that DH loved me no matter what size I am. That no one is perfect, and that he's pretty dang good most of the time. We are going to go see a counseler, just to help deal with the changing dynamics. At the end of the day, I really do want to be married to him.

[MISS Banster 0]

you know my DH has been really weird as of late

he thinks as soon as i get "Skinny" i will leave him

one. i was way skinny when we started dating and i do not intend to ever be that skinny again.

two. are you serious?

i think their insecurities are just as relevant as our inner "fat" girls....our weight protected them from their jealousy too.

as for the $$ portion of this...who am i to say anything. $$ and how to spend it and where it goes is a constant battle at my house. constant. lucky for me, this came out of my own bonus from work so i do not hear too much about it. except when the vacation for this year topic comes up.

..maybe that's where i will find this man i am leaving for LOL!...

empathy and hugs for you.

[Wheetsin 714]

Have you asked him why he brings it up now, but not 52 pounds ago? Has your financial status changed, to where it wasn't a lot of money but it is now? Etc.

libra - we're sharing the husband experience a bit, I think. I was thin when we met. Part of what he liked was that I dressed/appeared "classy", as he calls it. Not high maintenance, but I paid a lot of attention to being put together. As I got fatter, I cared less. For a while I took to sweats, oversized t-shirts, and crocs. Or jeans & tennis shoes all the time, with whatever top was oversized enough to hide under and wasn't yellow. I know he always hated that, but would only rarely say something. But when you weigh nearly 400 pounds, it's a LOT more about "what fits" than "what I like", you know?! But I think he got used to it because now he thinks I "fuss", even though AFAIK I'm doing the same things I did last time I weighed this little.

I asked him the other day, why he never comments on my weightloss. I've lost 8 sizes so I know it's noticeable. He'll say some things, but I always take them as jokes... like he'll hold me and say "You're thin" (yeah right, how can I take that seriously?). He replied, "Because you're always asking me, I never get a chance to just say it on my own" LOL

[conniesueb 1]

I think all men who are married to "big girls" have that insecurity that we will leave them once we are thin. And maybe some of us will, if they don't straighten up, right?:scared: But seriously, I think it's hard for them to know what the right thing to say and do is. My DH has been pretty great about things, but there are still some things that annoy me--like him asking me constantly how much weight I've lost. I mean, I'm glad he's interested, but it gets annoying being asked every other day, because if I haven't lost any for a few days, then I feel guilty or something. Is that crazy? And I don't like being called "skinny" either, because I am far from that--I would rather he just say "You look nice" or something like that. I know, picky picky. Anyway, those are just my ramblings.

[beachgirl 2]

I think what your going through is sooooo normal. I've been married to my husband for 25 years in May and we paid cash for ours out of our savings account and counting fills we've been out about 14000.00 so far and he was all for it. Now, 6 months later we're just not getting along very well. He's even mentioned divorce and I just don't get it. I'm 60 pounds lighter, much healthier and would like to think I look a little better. I agree, I think they get insecure, but mine gets plum nasty at times. I wish you luck because I'm not at all sure how mine is going to turn out, somedays it doesn't look very good at all and he's the only man I've ever dated. I can't imagine what I would do after spending my entire life with someone and then being all alone. I hope things are going better for you and he smell's the coffee.< /p>

[charlottesweb91 0]

When I decided to do this, my DH was behind me, and still is. My surgery is January 29th and I had to approach him recently about loaning me a little money to cover what I did not have, as I am self pay. (NOTE: We keep our finances seperate, always have, avoids fights!) Anyway, he said he would help me, but only if I promise not to leave him when I am skinny...so, yes, he is insecure. Silly guy even talked about making me sign something that said I won't leave him when I am skinny!!!

[Marimaru 7]

My fiance and I started having arguments when I got banded. It went on for a while and one day I finally said "you either need to tell me what is bothering you, or get over it, because things are not okay with us, and I'm not staying like this any longer". He admitted that he was scared that I would leave, and I told him that he fell in love with me nearly at my highest weight, and anyone who wouldn't talk to me then isn't worth my time just because I get skinny. The 2nd thing I told him was that with things going they way they were I was a little nervous that he might tell me that he was going to go back home (he moved from WA to CA to live with me). I think it actually made him feel a bit better that I worried about whether he was thinking about leaving (ie; if I wasn't worried, I didn't care).