Breaking the news! HELP!

[amagriffin 4]

So I'm actually in the beginning stages of my new journey, and I haven't told many people about my decision to do surgery. I only told my mom, dad, boyfriend and very close cousin (all of them have been very supportive). But now I'm in a sticky situation as I didn't want to tell anyone else. My education surgery classes are on Tuesdays, well at work we have quarterly meetings on Tuesday evenings (they are strictly mandatory). So now I have to tell my boss that I can not make it to the work meeting next month. I don't know if I should be honest and tell her that I'm attending these classes? And if so how should I go about it? I'm scared of being judged... Hints why I only told so few of people. And I feel that if I lie, it will come back and bite me in my a**. My boss and I are very close but my fear is that she will tell other people about my decision. I'm still so early in this journey and I'm not ready to explain my reasoning why or hear negative remarks about it. Please give me advice!

[MeganES 41]

that's tricky. I'm in a similar boat all around. If you explain to your boss why you'll be missing the meeting, but make it very clear that you would prefer that it stays between the two of you for now, do you think she would respect that wish?

I think I'm going to tell as few people as possible until after the surgery. It's a hard decision to make anyway, who needs negativity from people who don't know what they're talking about about what a bad idea it is? At least once it's done it's done so there's not much they can say.

[TvlGrl712 113]

I felt weird about telling some of my work teammates too. I started with telling my boss because I had to be off work for appts and she (who is a twig) was actually very understanding and supportive. Right before I took off for the surgery, I told my teammates in an email. I told them I felt like this was the right thing to do for me and my future and I hoped I had their support, and I didnt really want it to spread much further, so I asked that they please keep my news within the team. So far, even the ones Im not close to have been very supportive. You will be amazed! Good luck!

[chefcoll 53]

Oh mY Gosh - I am so glad you posted this! I am sorta in the same boat! Just started this past July. My center is VERY strict as well - which I am glad about. Cannot even see surgeon until you lose 8%! Grrrr! I have only told 3 pple and i am slowly telling a few others. Also because they are other "life" things i should be attending to but I have my mandatory mtgs.

I for one believe you should be honest w/ your boss and if she is any kind of a good boss or friend, she will be nothing but supportive. Ask her to PLEASE keep this between the two of you. If an alcoholic had to attend mtgs, I do not think bosses can share that info w/ others!!

Stay in touch - we shall go thru this together!

[JoiaRox 430]

Something to remember...you don't HAVE to tell your boss. Technically, federal HIPAA laws protect you from having to tell your boss about the nature of your medical record. Is there any way you can miss the education class instead?

I'm one that's been open with everyone - from Facebook to co-workers to friends. People will either support me and my choices or not...either way, I don't let their reaction influence my happiness.

[RebecaSparkles 247]

U could tell her that you're doing a medically supervised weight loss program and have to attend classes but that you will bring a dr's note stating that it is medically necessary for u to attend.

That way it is the truth and a lie by omission.

[amagriffin 4]

that's tricky. I'm in a similar boat all around. If you explain to your boss why you'll be missing the meeting' date=' but make it very clear that you would prefer that it stays between the two of you for now, do you think she would respect that wish?

I think I'm going to tell as few people as possible until after the surgery. It's a hard decision to make anyway, who needs negativity from people who don't know what they're talking about about what a bad idea it is? At least once it's done it's done so there's not much they can say.[/quote']

First off I GREATLY appreciate your reply and I'm so glad I'm not the only one in this type of situation. I would hope she would keep this between us. I'm not much of an open person but after surgery I don't THINK I would have a problem discussing my decision with co workers. Because after its said and done I don't have to hear.."we'll just eat differently and exercise." So I completely agree with you!

[kwigillingok 177]

I've told a couple of people at work about the surgery, just the ones I'm close to and have already trusted with other personal information so I know I can trust them to keep it to themselves. As far as my manager is concerned, I'm having my gallbladder removed (which is also happening) and I don't feel the need to tell him anything different.

[amagriffin 4]

Oh mY Gosh - I am so glad you posted this! I am sorta in the same boat! Just started this past July. My center is VERY strict as well - which I am glad about. Cannot even see surgeon until you lose 8%! Grrrr! I have only told 3 pple and i am slowly telling a few others. Also because they are other "life" things i should be attending to but I have my mandatory mtgs.

I for one believe you should be honest w/ your boss and if she is any kind of a good boss or friend' date=' she will be nothing but supportive. Ask her to PLEASE keep this between the two of you. If an alcoholic had to attend mtgs, I do not think bosses can share that info w/ others!!

Stay in touch - we shall go thru this together![/quote']

Wow my program is a little different. I have an appointment to meet with my surgeon next Wednesday and I just started my journey about a month ago (so not even close to 8% gone)! And I think I'm going to be honest with her. Plus i will need time off for so many different appointment I think she would wonder what's going on anyways. And I absolutely love your remark about alcoholic meetings ... Never thought of that! I would love to stay in touch and go thru this with someone! Even though everyone I have told have been super supportive, they just can not relate to how I'm feeling inside... My dad, mom, boyfriend, and cousin are all skinny! So when I'm having a break down because I'm hungry or I just want ice cream and can't... They seem not to fully understand!

[italian-girl 152]

So I'm actually in the beginning stages of my new journey' date=' and I haven't told many people about my decision to do surgery. I only told my mom, dad, boyfriend and very close cousin (all of them have been very supportive). But now I'm in a sticky situation as I didn't want to tell anyone else. My education surgery classes are on Tuesdays, well at work we have quarterly meetings on Tuesday evenings (they are strictly mandatory). So now I have to tell my boss that I can not make it to the work meeting next month. I don't know if I should be honest and tell her that I'm attending these classes? And if so how should I go about it? I'm scared of being judged... Hints why I only told so few of people. And I feel that if I lie, it will come back and bite me in my a**. My boss and I are very close but my fear is that she will tell other people about my decision. I'm still so early in this journey and I'm not ready to explain my reasoning why or hear negative remarks about it. Please give me advice![/quote']

It would strictly be against human resources and the confidentiality breech. 1. Your boss and employer can't say no to medical treatment no matter when it is. 2. Your boss could get into trouble if she says anything to anyone other than HR that you missed meetings for that reason.

I was very open with it to my boss and co workers, in order to go to appointments that would be during my work week. So that it was never an issue to get days and times off, or sometimes be late for a shift if my appt. lasted longer than it should of.

I have also read the state laws and federal laws in regards to medical time off and our company's HR guidelines. I made it my goal to know how each one could affect me.

You can always call your HR dept. if you need help with telling your boss and ask them for the correct way to go about it for your company.

Good luck!

[K9chita 14]

You do not have to inform your supervisor of your specific appt. You can just let them know that you have a medical appt. that prevents you from making the meeting. The Americans with Disability Act (ADA) and HIPAA back you in that matter. The ADA protects you from any type of reprisal from your managment team for not making the meeting. It seems that you're not worried about anything other than just not wanting anyone to know. Your private medical info, is just that...private.

[amagriffin 4]

Thank you everyone for your comments!! It is truly appreciate and helpful.

[Alajane 17]

I agree that it would be better to not confide in her. I did tell my immediate supervisor, who is a close friend, because I would be missing a lot of work for all the pre-op appointments. I asked her not to tell anyone else, with full confidence that she wouldn't because she's always been very trustworthy with confidences. She asked me what to tell her boss and I said just tell him I'm having surgery and I don't think he'll ask anything else. Well, he asked if it was serious and that led her to tell him what type of surgery it was, at which he joked "maybe I should do that, too." That really annoyed me because all she had to do was tell him no, it wasn't serious and he would have assumed it was a "female" issue and never asked anything else!

[1gorgeousgodzilla 192]

Can you just say you have to miss because you have an appointment with your physician and if she requires a note, you will provide her with one upon your return.

I havent toldl my coworkers and during the pre-op phase I kept the explainations as simple as possible. Luckily (depending on your view) I was in a car accident a few months earlier so I think they automatically assumed my appointments were related to that

[socalfosh 17]

When I had my band removed, I said I was having surgery and that was it, I never disclosed what kind to anyone at work. I told hr, and my supervisor, I was out a week and when I returned people said where were you, vacation? I said "something like that." When I go out for my sleeve I'm not telling anyone at work I'm having surgery again, just scheduled vacation days. Hr knows I have a second surgery, she doesn't know why, she never asked, and I never said why.