"are you sure this is going to work"

[Marivdb 22]

Really having a hard time of it right now. Yesterday I went to see my parents who have been sick since the weekend before my surgery. I had my two weeks and one day ago. Since beginning my journey in February I have already gone down 5 pants sizes (from barely squeezing into my 26's to easily zipping and having room in my 18's now). I have lost 30+ lbs--15 of which were in the last two weeks. I am barely getting in 400 calories a day and choking down my Protein drinks......and my mom asked "are you sure this is going to work?"

Mind you this is the woman who has been after me to have this surgery for the past 10 years. Now that I have actually done it and can't go back she is like "are you sure you aren't eating too much?" "are you sure this is going to work"........

I went from feeling great about myself and my progress, to feeling like a complete and total failure once again. I can't avoid her as she and my dad are very sick and need us three kids to step up and care for them. It has been bad enough that I can't be there to help her in and out of bed since I have had surgery and can't lift more than 5 lbs.

I guess I am just looking for someone to reassure me that Yes this does work. That yes, if I follow my dr's rules and move more and eat less I will lose weight. That my mom is just being her usual critical self and it isn't about this surgery--that the surgery is just the most recent thing for her to pick about.

You would think that by the time I am nearly 45 I would be over her nit-picking......but I"m not..........

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Looking at your stats, you are starting out at just a few more pounds than I did and you are a wee bit taller. I am 42, so we are close in age, too. I am three months out and 71.4 pounds down.

It works.

I do recommend you move more starting now, even if it's just walking. You want toned muscles and to be stronger overall, I assume. Plus, it's fun feeling your progress when you can do one more lap or ten more sit ups or 5 more minutes on the elliptical...

[Marivdb 22]

Thanks...I already am moving more than I was before surgery.....I am keeping track of the little successes....like the first week home I walked three of the 7 days. This week I have managed to walk 6 of them, AND have spent two days in a row doing laundry all day AND have packed two rooms for our move. ALL of which was more than I could even begin to do the week before surgery. Today, even tho I didn't get a chance to walk, I did spend about 40 minutes playing with my weights here at home--both my upper body and lower body.

Before my RA dx, I was very active....exercise has never been my enemy till the past few years. However, my weight has been a problem all my life......I am just happy to be able to move more than I have for the past few years.

Just trying to get past my mom's comments AGAIN.

[srs82781 83]

Your mom sounds a lot like my father. Some parents just feel the need to be critical, that's how they feel like they are still taking care of us when we adults. That's my opinion. My dad has pushed for me to lose weight and even paid for me to have the procedure when insurance denied me.... Has not once said you look good, more worried that I may gain it back or it will stop working. I have lost 80 lbs in 6 1/2 months and have 40 more to goal. He will ask how much I've lost but never says anything about how I look. He does in fact tell other family members about my progress so I know he is proud and cares.

You are doing great so far and know that some parents have a different way of showing they care! keep up the great work!!!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

You are 45 years old. It's time to listen to *your* inner voice instead of your mother's. Yes, you love her and you want to make her happy, but not at the detriment of your own happiness. She has no power over you unless you give it to her.

Why are you giving it to her?

(Spoken with a smile. Promise.)

[nsquared 232]

We have very similar stats and I'm just a few inches taller. I started at 274 lbs. you have to work the program, follow the rules and it does work.

[2btrim 129]

You are 45 years old. It's time to listen to *your* inner voice instead of your mother's. Yes, you love her and you want to make her happy, but not at the detriment of your own happiness. She has no power over you unless you give it to her.

Why are you giving it to her?

(Spoken with a smile. Promise.)

I totally agree with this. I am 45 also, and I love my mom dearly and would never want to disrespect her, but I have finally realized she doesn't know everything or whats always best for me. I think that old saying "mom knows best", doesn't always apply once you get to be our age. Letting go and trusting that we know what we're doing, isn't often easy for them. I don't have children of my own so its sometimes hard for me to understand where she's coming from.

[Daydra 345]

Posters so far have given you some really great comments, so I won't add my 2 cents on what they've already addressed. I noticed that you mentioned that you were barely getting in 400 cal/day. I just wanted to remind you to be really careful to get enough. I don't know where that line is for you, but I just spent a couple weeks with some nausea, thought I was dehydrated, and neglected getting in calories in favor of trying to push more fluids. I just found out that my bloodwork showed that I was never dehydrated in the first place, but have spent the last couple weeks getting less than 400 cal/day. I developed some pretty significant fatigue that I thought was just another symptom of dehydration until my surgeon told me last night that it wasn't . Her determination is that the fatigue is because I was basically starving, since I burn about 5 times that number of calories in an average day. The fatigue isn't fun... So just be aware and be careful.

And our parents sometimes really screw with our heads. I know they usually don't mean to, but still... You are definitely not a failure and this will work if you make the appropriate adjustments, which the sleeve will make easier to do.

Best of luck to you and congratulations on your hard work so far!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I haven't read all the posts but I do know that you already know u can do this. My evidence is ur pants siE drastically changing. U are already a success. It will be hard but u will do it.

[Marivdb 22]

Posters so far have given you some really great comments, so I won't add my 2 cents on what they've already addressed. I noticed that you mentioned that you were barely getting in 400 cal/day. I just wanted to remind you to be really careful to get enough. I don't know where that line is for you, but I just spent a couple weeks with some nausea, thought I was dehydrated, and neglected getting in calories in favor of trying to push more fluids. I just found out that my bloodwork showed that I was never dehydrated in the first place, but have spent the last couple weeks getting less than 400 cal/day. I developed some pretty significant fatigue that I thought was just another symptom of dehydration until my surgeon told me last night that it wasn't . Her determination is that the fatigue is because I was basically starving, since I burn about 5 times that number of calories in an average day. The fatigue isn't fun... So just be aware and be careful.

And our parents sometimes really screw with our heads. I know they usually don't mean to, but still... You are definitely not a failure and this will work if you make the appropriate adjustments, which the sleeve will make easier to do.

Best of luck to you and congratulations on your hard work so far!

I already battle fatigue with my RA, so I am hyper aware when it rears it's ugly head. I moved up my mushy stage to exactly two weeks rather than waiting on my dr appt tomorrow and the past two days I have managed 650 and 830 calories. So I do believe I will be able to get the calories and Protein in once my sleeve stops being swollen and angry!

I am also working with a therapist to help me work through these negative self-talk issues that take the form of my mom's voice. I don't want to turn around after this and have the same battle in two years because I couldn't learn to let go of her negativity in my life......

thank you all for the kind words and support......and even the "lipstick" smile !!! I tend to tell the truth the same way!!!

[Daydra 345]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You are going to be great!