Well intentioned relatives

[No game 14,437]

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy,

Ok going to the bad bad girl corner now...

[coops 1,790]

So many chords have been hit here for me...

I went out Saturday night - red skirt, black top - nothing too fancy. Look ok, felt great!

My friend's husband was out and at the end of the night he told me that he 'had my back'. Being confused at this comment I asked him what he meant and he told me that there were me 'lusting after' me and 'oggling my legs'! This was followed by raucous laughter from me... he told me that I didn't realise how 'hot' I was!

He also told my hubby - who gave us a lift home - and he agreed. He told me that he has never seen me looking so good.

Hmmm, I don't see that! I know I look better; my God I couldn't look any worse (physically) and yea, I feel great. But I too see imperfections (even post TT and BL) and I am more than aware that I will never be perfect but that doesn't stop me wanting a body like Lara Croft!

The other side of the coin for me is that if, one day, I become completely happy what will I strive for? What will be my next goal? And those questions kinda scare me... so I don't really mind chasing the achievable because it will keep me on my toes and at least make me stay where I am today 'hot' - apparently! LOL

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Laua-ven, you have got it exactly! "Never obese" people aren't perfect either and i know for a fact I look better/fitter/more attractive than many of them! More importantly, this life is the only one I get (as far as I know). I wasted alot of it being morbidly obese; therefore limited in what I could do. I am NOT gonna waste the rest of it worrying about what might of been or how imperfect I am.

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy,

Ok going to the bad bad girl corner now...

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So, I too have experienced this feeling, I guess we all have. Heck, sometimes I come on this forum and I see other vets women who are so much thinner than I am and think "why aren't I thinner?"

I had a photo taken of me lately that really showed off my melting snowman look. Most of the time I hide it well in clothes, but it is a slap in the face when it shows up in public....lol

I have alot I can say about this and why the body image is getting stronger and stronger. Lately I have been wearing ... gasp... sleeveless outfits. Being a single woman these days I get the ultimate meter - I get hit on a fair amount, even in my sleeveless summery dresses. I even get second date requests when i show of those "lovely arms" on a first date, by guys that are quite acceptable" - my point being that I MUST not be as hideous as my upper arms would leave me to believe. Those arms need to stop being so critical of me!

My face - OMG, I went through the "I am soooo old looking now" phase. Then I had the experience of several people telling me I look 15 years younger and jokingly saying they didn't know I had a teenage daughter when I posted my photo to Facebook. Apparently, I was the only one who thought my face looked younger when fatter....

Bottom line, NOBODY and I mean NOBODY sees our imperfections the way we do.

I am getting plastics that is true but to be honest my main motivation is to get rid of that hanging tummy skin since that really does interere with clothing fit.

I highly recommend that if you are at goal, and still think you are fat (fiddleman!) - get consults with a plastic surgeon even if you don't want to do plastics. They will tell you how much more you can really lose versus how much is just that extra skin and loose fat cells. It truly changed my mindset. My BMI remains just a smidge over 25, but since I am "hot" already (hahaha) and my body really doesn't want to lose more - I am maintaining in this general ballpark. so be it.

[No game 14,437]

Laua-ven, you have got it exactly! "Never obese" people aren't perfect either and i know for a fact I look better/fitter/more attractive than many of them! More importantly, this life is the only one I get (as far as I know). I wasted alot of it being morbidly obese; therefore limited in what I could do. I am NOT gonna waste the rest of it worrying about what might of been or how imperfect I am.

Yes that's the "perfection" I'm looking for! To be comfortable in my imperfect self. To love this 47 year old body.

This body has lived... It has been bigger and smaller through the years, gave birth to 2 children and it has the battle scars (and lumps and bumps) to tell the stories.

I guess fiddles "perfection" comment hit a chord?

Or a button?? I thought am I not giving enough?

Am I still being "lazy" minded by not striving for perfection?? Am I stopping just short of goal again and saying "eh good enough" only to slide back into the abyss of morbid obesity again??

I want to be healthy, healthier than I am right now,

But I need to love me and be accepting of my imperfect self.

[Almostthere34 128]

I definitely have a form of body dymorphia. I keep startling myself in mirrors at stores or catching my reflection in the mirror and being surprised its me. I also think sometimes I am fat. I am a size 4 but I see every flaw. In my workout clothes I see my extra skin on my stomach when I am dancing/Zumba or running. It's very weird. I just wonder when it will go away. I know I am small but I don't feel small. The other day someone asked how my legs were so big but I am so small. I know it was meant as a compliment. i think but it only reinforced the fact that I think I am skinny fat. Which just sent me to the gym to do more squats. I guess it's a good thing in that it helps me remember what could happen if I don't watch it.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

The other day someone asked how my legs were so big but I am so small. I know it was meant as a compliment

What the HeII!? Doesn't sound like a compliment to me! Someone jealous or something? That just plane rude. They wish they were a size 4, and couldn't just give you a real compliment.

[Almostthere34 128]

What the HeII!? Doesn't sound like a compliment to me! Someone jealous or something? That just plane rude. They wish they were a size 4' date=' and couldn't just give you a real compliment.[/quote']

Lol. She wasn't being mean. She said my legs were nice and couldn't understand why they were so big when i shrank so much. She meant it in a good way. Like someone says Jlo has a big butt. I didn't think my legs were abnormally big but maybe they are.

[FishingNurse 1,210]

This is tremendous for me. I am slowly coming to the realization that I traded the fat (and the diabetes, blood pressure, ticking time bomb) for loose skin and I'll eventually trade the loose skin for plastic surgery scars (and a heap of pain as well as a massive sum of money)...but I don't ever get to be that genetically "perfect" woman that never battled obesity and has a body to envy.

I'm not her. And I understand that. But it doesn't stop me from looking in the mirror sometimes or judging the way my clothes fit by the standard this idealized perfection has set in my mind.

I do not feel thin.

I do not feel skinny.

I know I am not fit or athletic and I know that nobody looks at me and wishes they looked like me.

I can say "I am small."

But I only feel it's true because that's what the label in my clothes says, not because I feel I'm really, actually small.

This isn't to say I am unaware of my progress or that I feel I'm a failure.

But I do not see what my husband or my friends see when I look in the mirror.

My husband's fear is that I will eventually have my plastics and STILL be unhappy. What next? My hair, my scars, what? What would I feel the need to improve upon after I reach that point?

In some ways, I can absolutely see his point.

I'm still struggling (sometimes) with the lack of "insta happy" that I really expected to have once I reached goal.

Certainly struggling to reach goal again post pregnancy is NOT helping me! Nor is a lack of sleep, or a deploying husband, or a recent move away from most of my friends, yada yada yada. If I felt better all around maybe it wouldn't bother me as much.

But I never had a point where I was able to see the person that other people describe to me, and often even now, I don't believe I'm smaller until I see it in a picture. And even then? The first thing I do is dissect all of the things I'm unhappy about in the photo. Oh, look, my thighs are big and oh look, my arms are flabby and oh look, I have a tiny flaw there...yeah, dysmorphia? It's an issue for some of us.

~Cheri

for the record Cheri I have said to myself more than once when seeing your pic, "oh I wish I looked like her!! " 100% true

[Chimera 644]

It is a crazy bunch of emotional stuff we have to address after losing so much, after changing so much - I guess that is the constant - change, something I was always terrified of before. I know I will spend a long time working on my own dysmorphia issues - I can see how far I have come - freakishly far, my husband doesn't even recognize the person I was before surgery.

I recognize and embrace my newfound health and energy - not to mention how much better I look. Did that stop me from breaking down in tears two days ago in a dressing room because of excess skin - and I guess really realizing how poorly I treated myself in the past with my food addiction and how badly it damaged my body and health - no it didn't. Feeling deep regret for what I had done to myself...in the past.

Well I am sure most of us have had a good cry over the myriad of issues we face as we go through these ups and downs - I will take my loose flappiness over those extra 140 some lbs anyday

And for the record - I think each and every one of you is beautiful.

[Heyher 581]

Well over the weekend my nephew said I was kinda fat....

So... Not sure how to feel about that. 6 year olds are brutally honest. Now I am even more confused about how I actually look.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Well over the weekend my nephew said I was kinda fat....

So... Not sure how to feel about that. 6 year olds are brutally honest. Now I am even more confused about how I actually look.

He probably draws stick figures! What does he know! Its all relative.

[M2G 1,836]

He probably draws stick figures! What does he know! Its all relative.

HA HA HA!!! That is hysterical FYE!

Heyher...didcha pull out an OLD photo of yourself? LOL, not that it would make a difference, kids are nothing if not brutally honest, but don't let it get you down. I was shocked hearing a first grader talk about a mom at school (years ago, my kids are now in middle school...there's a brutal place) but one of the little boys in the first grade class talked about a mom who had her tummy showing and a pierced belly button as a "hot mamma"...I was like really? You are SEVEN. Get your mind out of the gutter...LOL!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Two things define you.

Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.

Love your quote!

[M2G 1,836]

Love your quote!

Thanks FYE. I saw it once and it just hit me so hard. I truly do believe having the right "attitude" when it comes to happiness, struggles, the ups and downs, sure does make a big difference in life!