Well intentioned relatives

[Fiddleman 4,376]

At the Labor Day dinner yesterday, I got my first " do not lose any more weight" comment from a SIL grandmother. She means well enough and said it quite seriously in tone and facial exp<b></b>ression, but I do not really know her that well because we see each other about once a year. She has not seen me since I was morbidly obese.

The rest of my relatives, especially my parents, are "happy" with my physique and do not comment in the way the SIL grandmother did. They all are very happy with my current physique.

It was funny actually. My twin brother has been putting on some weight, but has always been lighter than I, by 100 lb, in that last 15 years or so. The grandmother kept calling me by his name and I kept having to correct her. No, see, it really is me. It took a while for her to believe me.

I look at myself and see a pretty fit guy, but still see a few areas to work on which might be 5-10 more lbs. my weight currently centers around 175 and I am 5'11". I asked my wife about this comment from SIL grandmother and she started to say my face did look pretty thin. I just do not see this "thinness" with the same clarity when I look at myself in the mirror. I still see "issues" with it in terms of an attractive male face (comparing myself to what I consider "attractive" face).

I guess I am always going to be acutely aware of blemishes or discrepancies in vanity. Am I ok with that? I think so, but am acutely more aware of it now after reaching goal, getting lean and getting athletically built.

Do I have slight dysmorphia issues? Perhaps...

[No game 14,437]

I guess I am always going to be acutely aware of blemishes or discrepancies in vanity. Am I ok with that? I think so' date=' but am acutely more aware of it now after reaching goal, getting lean and getting athletically built.

Do I have slight dysmorphia issues? Perhaps...[/quote']

Perhaps you do fiddle... But you seem ok with it

[Fiddleman 4,376]

What sort of dysmorphia do other vets deal with? Is it minor or major? I guess I have an eye for perfection. It is not causing stress, but is still slightly annoying.

[Tiny One 223]

My brother in law told me 3 months ago not to lose anymore weight. It really doesn't matter what he or anyone else thinks. To be honest, I encouraged my sister to start exercising & eat healthier. So I think he's afraid my sister may lose & become more attractive.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Fiddle...I think alot of us deal with that same uncertainty. I know I do. I look at myself and see a big man, even though I keep getting told I'm not. I still see the fat, even though it's mostly just excess skin. Those things don't go away quickly.

But on the other hand, I still feel a huge sense of accomplishment. And I feel I have the tools to maintain that accomplishment. I'm realizing now I may never have the perfect Adonis body that I dreamed about. No amount of weight loss or surgery is going to do that. What I need to do is find a balance of being happy with myself and my health, and taking the time to enjoy all the things in life that prompted me to do this in the first place.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

You guys know what is the most attractive thing about a man?

Love of life. LIfe in the big sense. I have known men with a pasty paunch, no hair, deformities, disease and brain damage who have IT, and they are positively magnetic. It adds a glimmer to any body possessing it. Those with vivation need not worry about what is conventionally less than perfect. (whatever that is). I thought I had made up the word "Vivation" so I looked it up to make sure it was not something creepy(hehehe....) and I saw that it is a real word and means exactly what I was meaning it to!

Vivation is a form of meditation whose primary aim is the permanent and pleasurable resolution of suppressed negative emotions. The word "Vivation" comes from the Latin word vivé(to fully embrace life). Vivation integrates the core principles found in yoga, tantra, breathwork, and meditation

so there and don't you forget it! This applies to the women folk as well!

[vogue 310]

What sort of dysmorphia do other vets deal with? Is it minor or major? I guess I have an eye for perfection. It is not causing stress, but is still slightly annoying.

Im going thru it too.... you know how when you sit in a chair & your thighs flatten out?? ughhh it drives me CRAZY and help me see nothing but me at 280 pounds...

Im 45... and I think the thin face is aging me... no one else has said anything, but Im starting to avoid looking at myself in the mirror....

I now have a 4 pack...would be a 6 pack if not for this pannus...but because of the pannus and the hyperpigmented surgical scars I have, I LOATHE my middle area despite being told I look good in a bikini...

Im attempting some body recompositioning... plan is to lose another 10 pounds, then a controlled bulk... hopefully to thicken in desired areas but maintain my thinness in others...

Will it help?? who knows..... but Im going to be grateful for the cover of winter clothes as I expepriment

[Heyher 581]

I was told yesterday I am withering away to nothing.... But when I look in the mirror, I still see my gut. I know it's a fraction of what it use to be. But it's going to take me a long time to see the results.

I enjoy the compliments. Even the one about losing a ton. And I see the number on the scale. I see a big difference when I put my size 7/8 jeans up against my old size 20. But I long to see it in the mirror. I'm still fresh out compared to you vets. And 80% excess weight loss in just over six is not something I personally will see. But dang it, I want to. :-)

[clk 3,519]

What sort of dysmorphia do other vets deal with? Is it minor or major? I guess I have an eye for perfection. It is not causing stress, but is still slightly annoying.

This is tremendous for me. I am slowly coming to the realization that I traded the fat (and the diabetes, blood pressure, ticking time bomb) for loose skin and I'll eventually trade the loose skin for plastic surgery scars (and a heap of pain as well as a massive sum of money)...but I don't ever get to be that genetically "perfect" woman that never battled obesity and has a body to envy.

I'm not her. And I understand that. But it doesn't stop me from looking in the mirror sometimes or judging the way my clothes fit by the standard this idealized perfection has set in my mind.

I do not feel thin.

I do not feel skinny.

I know I am not fit or athletic and I know that nobody looks at me and wishes they looked like me.

I can say "I am small."

But I only feel it's true because that's what the label in my clothes says, not because I feel I'm really, actually small.

This isn't to say I am unaware of my progress or that I feel I'm a failure.

But I do not see what my husband or my friends see when I look in the mirror.

My husband's fear is that I will eventually have my plastics and STILL be unhappy. What next? My hair, my scars, what? What would I feel the need to improve upon after I reach that point?

In some ways, I can absolutely see his point.

I'm still struggling (sometimes) with the lack of "insta happy" that I really expected to have once I reached goal.

Certainly struggling to reach goal again post pregnancy is NOT helping me! Nor is a lack of sleep, or a deploying husband, or a recent move away from most of my friends, yada yada yada. If I felt better all around maybe it wouldn't bother me as much.

But I never had a point where I was able to see the person that other people describe to me, and often even now, I don't believe I'm smaller until I see it in a picture. And even then? The first thing I do is dissect all of the things I'm unhappy about in the photo. Oh, look, my thighs are big and oh look, my arms are flabby and oh look, I have a tiny flaw there...yeah, dysmorphia? It's an issue for some of us.

~Cheri

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Oh Cheri....yes to all of that.

[M2G 1,836]

What sort of dysmorphia do other vets deal with? Is it minor or major? I guess I have an eye for perfection. It is not causing stress, but is still slightly annoying.

Really good discussion on this topic...

http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-ricki-lake-show-wrap-up.html

I'm not sure exactly where I sit on this whole topic. There are days that I feel over-the-top excited over getting to live life in a smaller body, and then there are days that all I can see is the extra skin, sagginess, and I feel sad about my body. And then when I'm feeling sad that sort of mean, reproachful (not helpful) voice chimes in and says "well what did you expect spending most of your life either obese or morbidly obese, you get what you deserve..." Blah blah blah.

And there are days that I feel like I'm in "touch" with my body now, and then I will realize that I have it all wrong. The other day we took the girls to see OneRepublic in concert, first concert for our pre-teen girls...how fun! And while we were all waiting in line to use the bathroom there was a large mirror to the side wall of where we were standing. I scan towards the back of the line and saw someone who I guessed to be about my size. Then later we both happened to be right up at the washroom mirror both washing our hands and I was shocked to realize that she had at least 60+lbs on me that I couldn't see until we were standing next to each other. And so then times like that I realize that no I really don't exactly "see" what other people see.

Certainly a good topic for discussion...it's rather disheartening to hear that Michelle from Eggface (link above) had bypass AND plastic surgery and still isn't happy with what she sees in the mirror.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

The kind of dancing I do (Belly Dance) really shows how my skin has a mind of its own. It goes one way while my muscles and bones go the other! My teacher (who is awesome!) keeps saying pull that gut in, don't let it hang! I think she must be talking to me, but really probably to everyone... but my gut does hang, cause it has a mind of its own! I also have about a 2 or part of a 4 pack, but the other two are hidden under skin. I work to not downgrade this part of myself... I think I am very lucky with my skin, it has bounced back pretty well for a 60 year old. I try to keep positive, and am happy I look good in cloths. My husband keeps telling me, "I'm glad you haven't lost all the smooshy parts!" He loves them. I'm glad about that.

[No game 14,437]

''Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is perfect. There are lumps in it,'' said the Philosopher. James Stephens

[No game 14,437]

The kind of dancing I do (Belly Dance) really shows how my skin has a mind of its own. It goes one way while my muscles and bones go the other! My teacher (who is awesome!) keeps saying pull that gut in' date=' don't let it hang! I think she must be talking to me, but really probably to everyone... but my gut does hang, cause it has a mind of its own! I also have about a 2 or part of a 4 pack, but the other two are hidden under skin. I work to not downgrade this part of myself... I think I am very lucky with my skin, it has bounced back pretty well for a 60 year old. I try to keep positive, and am happy I look good in cloths. My husband keeps telling me, "I'm glad you haven't lost all the smooshy parts!" He loves them. I'm glad about that.[/quote']

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”

― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

[No game 14,437]

What sort of dysmorphia do other vets deal with? Is it minor or major? I guess I have an eye for perfection. It is not causing stress' date=' but is still slightly annoying.[/quote']

I'm sorry I'm having a moment with the word perfection....

Perfection is, a state of completeness and flawlessness.

“HOW

do you define a word without concrete meaning? To each his own, the saying goes, so

WHY

push to attain an ideal state of being that no two random people will agree is

WHERE

you want to be? Faultless. Finished. Incomparable. People can never be these, and anyway,

WHEN

did creating a flawless facade become a more vital goal than learning to love the person

WHO

lives inside your skin? The outside belongs to others. Only you should decide for you -

WHAT

is perfect.”

-Ellen Hopkins