How i got fat

[Nicole Chavez 87]

For me, I learned a lot of faulty beliefs about food as a child. My Dad, who had schizophrenia, was never very loving (actually extremely abusive) but on occasion, when he felt especially happy, he'd share his joy, and love with us buy buying junk food. I remember him carrying me on my shoulders at around 4 years old down to the corner store and bought me those little chocolates wrapped in foil in the shape if a football! That's a special memory for my because I've had very few experiences of feeling loved by him. (Food = love) I was the oldest of 9 children. I had a lot of responsibility and stress growing up seeing as my dad was unreliable mentally and our mom was a raging alcoholic with a mood and anxiety disorder. I felt very comforted with food. I liken it to a drug. I could eat so much pizza that it would get me high. I would feel relaxed and happy afterwards. (Food=escape) I was never called fat in kindergarten, but that changed in 1st grade. It was so humiliating. I was ostracized from my classmates and I hardly ever had friends through out school. Thats when I knew I was fat. My mom said I wasn't and that it was baby fat and I'd grow out of it. I didn't. I got bigger and bigger. I went through a little phase where I tried not eating. I wasn't very good at that. (Food=companion) So this little fat girl grew up to be a fat teen with very low self esteem. The first boyfriends I had at that time were real scumbags and of course that's all I thought I deserved, subconsciously anyways. They were into the drug scene and I made some pretty poor choices back then, experimented with drugs, sex, and alcohol. During this time I lost weight. I remember fitting into a size 16 and I felt like I was getting skinny. Food wasn't an issue for me at that time. Male attention was my drug of choice. It sure felt good to feel wanted and be given compliments and to have that void in me, that deep dark hole of just desiring to belong and feel significant temporarily filled by the strange men. By the grace if God, I was able to pull my self out of that. But at 15 and having had many many horrible experiences, I developed depression. And there was my good ol' frenemy FOOD. (Food=antidepressant) I got my first job at Taco Bell. I was 16. I ate whatever I wanted. I was up to 230lbs and 5'3". There were times I tried to diet and exercise, just never worked out. I met my husband there. He liked me because I was big. He was into that. I never felt pressured to lose weight and he treated me to anything I wanted. (Food= love) He didn't do it to hurt me, he saw feeding me as making me happy which it would do. For years though, I'd cry to him. "I'm so fat, my knees hurt, my back hurts, I can't climb stairs, I broke your moms chair, I hate my self, that's why I can't get pregnant, I'm too fat, I can't lose weight, I need help, promise to help me?, don't let me eat too much.... And on and on. He'd try. He would really try to help. The addiction was too powerful. I decided I need to do something about it. I started researching fertility treatments and they assured me if I were to lose weight I'd greatly increase my chance to get pregnant. I researched the lap band back then, before anyone really heard of the sleeve. I decided that that's what I wanted. I had to lose 30lbs to get the surgery and I put my butt to work! I wanted a baby! I was infertile for 5 years and once I lost those 30lbs I got pregnant. I was around 250-260lbs then. I said well to heck with getting the lap band now! At the end of my pregnancy with my son I was a whopping 310 lbs. (Food= I can eat more when I have an excuse...I'm feeding two!) Some of the weight came off and I was pregnant with my daughter at 276lbs. I was 300lbs at the end of that pregnancy. I was the fat mom. The lazy mom. I was the fat wife that just found out after (at that time) the whole 9 years I had been with my husband he had been cheating on me with another woman!!! I was not going to be fat anymore!!! I pursued wls and had my sleeve on 2/13/13. I am down 116lbs. Currently weighing in at 185lbs at 6 months post op. I have had the most bumping road I could have imagined for my self. I have had several breaking-up and getting-back-together episodes. I had an extremely slutty stage too where I was reverting back to what filled my void as a teen since food wasn't an option anymore. I cheated on my husband with random men. I was a mess. As for right now, I'm doing good. I'm happy with my husband and have not been promiscuous. Doing pretty good eating wise and working on becoming a better me. I'm learning to love myself in a way that heals my void so that I wont rely on an external substitute. I am learning to be really nice to me. Now if I can only quit smoking! Lol, but really I need to.

[dlareme 23]

That was a really personal story. I don't know if it took a lot to share it but it would have for me. So wow. I'm sorry about everything you've been through but you look amazing! Congratulations on your victory despite everything!

[Nicole Chavez 87]

Thank you. Yes, it was very personal. Lucky me I don't know anyone on here lol. I didn't mean for it to come off as sad, or something to be sympathized with or to be given condolences. Just my story. I appreciate your congratulations to me!

[FRED1977 186]

you are a strong woman, I like that you are being real and not trying to make excuses. It is what it is. Congrats on all your success.

[mil621 5]

For me' date=' I learned a lot of faulty beliefs about food as a child. My Dad, who had schizophrenia, was never very loving (actually extremely abusive) but on occasion, when he felt especially happy, he'd share his joy, and love with us buy buying junk food. I remember him carrying me on my shoulders at around 4 years old down to the corner store and bought me those little chocolates wrapped in foil in the shape if a football! That's a special memory for my because I've had very few experiences of feeling loved by him. (Food = love) I was the oldest of 9 children. I had a lot of responsibility and stress growing up seeing as my dad was unreliable mentally and our mom was a raging alcoholic with a mood and anxiety disorder. I felt very comforted with food. I liken it to a drug. I could eat so much pizza that it would get me high. I would feel relaxed and happy afterwards. (Food=escape) I was never called fat in kindergarten, but that changed in 1st grade. It was so humiliating. I was ostracized from my classmates and I hardly ever had friends through out school. Thats when I knew I was fat. My mom said I wasn't and that it was baby fat and I'd grow out of it. I didn't. I got bigger and bigger. I went through a little phase where I tried not eating. I wasn't very good at that. (Food=companion) So this little fat girl grew up to be a fat teen with very low self esteem. The first boyfriends I had at that time were real scumbags and of course that's all I thought I deserved, subconsciously anyways. They were into the drug scene and I made some pretty poor choices back then, experimented with drugs, sex, and alcohol. During this time I lost weight. I remember fitting into a size 16 and I felt like I was getting skinny. Food wasn't an issue for me at that time. Male attention was my drug of choice. It sure felt good to feel wanted and be given compliments and to have that void in me, that deep dark hole of just desiring to belong and feel significant temporarily filled by the strange men. By the grace if God, I was able to pull my self out of that. But at 15 and having had many many horrible experiences, I developed depression. And there was my good ol' frenemy FOOD. (Food=antidepressant) I got my first job at Taco Bell. I was 16. I ate whatever I wanted. I was up to 230lbs and 5'3". There were times I tried to diet and exercise, just never worked out. I met my husband there. He liked me because I was big. He was into that. I never felt pressured to lose weight and he treated me to anything I wanted. (Food= love) He didn't do it to hurt me, he saw feeding me as making me happy which it would do. For years though, I'd cry to him. "I'm so fat, my knees hurt, my back hurts, I can't climb stairs, I broke your moms chair, I hate my self, that's why I can't get pregnant, I'm too fat, I can't lose weight, I need help, promise to help me?, don't let me eat too much.... And on and on. He'd try. He would really try to help. The addiction was too powerful. I decided I need to do something about it. I started researching fertility treatments and they assured me if I were to lose weight I'd greatly increase my chance to get pregnant. I researched the lap band back then, before anyone really heard of the sleeve. I decided that that's what I wanted. I had to lose 30lbs to get the surgery and I put my butt to work! I wanted a baby! I was infertile for 5 years and once I lost those 30lbs I got pregnant. I was around 250-260lbs then. I said well to heck with getting the lap band now! At the end of my pregnancy with my son I was a whopping 310 lbs. (Food= I can eat more when I have an excuse...I'm feeding two!) Some of the weight came off and I was pregnant with my daughter at 276lbs. I was 300lbs at the end of that pregnancy. I was the fat mom. The lazy mom. I was the fat wife that just found out after (at that time) the whole 9 years I had been with my husband he had been cheating on me with another woman!!! I was not going to be fat anymore!!! I pursued wls and had my sleeve on 2/13/13. I am down 116lbs. Currently weighing in at 185lbs at 6 months post op. I have had the most bumping road I could have imagined for my self. I have had several breaking-up and getting-back-together episodes. I had an extremely slutty stage too where I was reverting back to what filled my void as a teen since food wasn't an option anymore. I cheated on my husband with random men. I was a mess. As for right now, I'm doing good. I'm happy with my husband and have not been promiscuous. Doing pretty good eating wise and working on becoming a better me. I'm learning to love myself in a way that heals my void so that I wont rely on an external substitute. I am learning to be really nice to me. Now if I can only quit smoking! Lol, but really I need to.[/quote']

Wow that's very inspirational and must have taken alot of courage to share with people. I for one have been up and down with getting it done. I hear stories the good the bad and the ugly. I hear stories like yours and although I don't or can't relate to ur story but maybe with a few things it kind touches home with a few things. I want to do it because of health reason HBP and my butt not fitting in things but also to look good, I hear wow ur beautiful but I don't see that when I look at my body, my arms are too big I have love handles and forget my butt. Maybe u can share a little if ur experience about ur surgery I'm a week away from getting mine and so nervous haven't had any surgery since 95 so apprehensive.

[angied 39]

It took a lot of courage to share your story and you should be so proud of yourself. I believe that's part of the healing process.

What a beautiful gal you are too! You look fantastic . Keep up the great work!

[Arts137 1,811]

Thank you for sharing. You are among friends here!

[SuzyB 182]

Wow You have had quite the life journey. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Nicole Chavez 87]

Thank you all!

[Nicole Chavez 87]

Wow that's very inspirational and must have taken alot of courage to share with people. I for one have been up and down with getting it done. I hear stories the good the bad and the ugly. I hear stories like yours and although I don't or can't relate to ur story but maybe with a few things it kind touches home with a few things. I want to do it because of health reason HBP and my butt not fitting in things but also to look good' date=' I hear wow ur beautiful but I don't see that when I look at my body, my arms are too big I have love handles and forget my butt. Maybe u can share a little if ur experience about ur surgery I'm a week away from getting mine and so nervous haven't had any surgery since 95 so apprehensive.[/quote']

The surgery has been the best thing I've ever done! I've had zero complications and very little pain after surgery. I never had the gas pain that I hear so many others have. I eat around 4oz of food at a time. I don't really count calories but I am aware of them and I make healthy choices. I focus on eating Protein and I avoid everything artificial. I never liked the Protein drinks so as soon as I was on food I never touched them again. Good luck to you!