Keeping surgery a secret...?

[SaraLou 8]

Has anyone successfully kept your surgery a secret? I only plan on telling a few people. And I do not want my work to know. What can I tell them when I request off?

[penguin13 17]

I was keeping my surgery a secret but I did tell some important people. I figure on my 1 year anniversary or when I get to my goal weight jus posting on Facebook before and after pictures. I was planning on keeping everything a secret but I figured screw it. I did this for me and my future no one else. My boyfriend and my parents support my decision and that's all that matters. People are going to talk no matter what, I just want to make sure they keep their stories straight.

As for work, I would tell the person that approves your time off the truth and to keep it on the down low but if that person is untrustworthy. Tell them you have a personal matter you need to tend to and your doctor should be able to write you a note

[unbesleevable1 420]

I wanted to keep it pretty DL if I could. (Im pre op- just submitted to ins last wk.) Anywayyyy, close friends, close family and that's about it. BUT, last nite at dinner with a bunch of friends, on of my friends (innocently) outed me. One of the ppl there I wasn't planning on telling, at least until way after. So my advice so far, "a secret between 3 people is easy to keep, if 2 of the people are dead." It isn't too realistic, but that's just been my experience so far.

As far as work, that's much easier. you just tell them you're having surgery. they arent legally allowed to ask what kind, but if someone does, just say 'girl stuff'.

[Macy6 356]

I kept it a secret through the whole process (except to family and close friends) and on the day of my surgery, a few hours post op, high on morphine I outed myself to the world. I have no regrets, it was my plan all along. I couldn't believe the rush of support and ongoing support. I believe we have all earned the right to our privacy and if you want to keep it a secret do! I agree that the only way for things to truly remain a secret is if no one really knows. Even yesterday my dad had a phone call at work from a past employer who had a question and she said "your daughter and I were in the hospital at the same time and have the same surgeon" my dad was like how in the world did she know? Well my best friend had told her mom who went to visit her friend and mentioned their former bosses daughter was in the hospital and why. I don't care either way but things like that spread like fire.

[FRED1977 186]

Who cares what others say, its your life and body. We couldn't hide that we were fat,and everybody still showed us love and attention. Keep it a secret for what????

[saffikeagan 8/31/13 48]

I'm keeping the surgery a secret at work as much as possible. I'm in management, and it's not really anyone's business. I didn't even tell my boss. I just submitted for vacation and left it at that. This past week people asked me what I was going to be doing on my vacation, and I told them I'm going to San Diego and Tj to have a bit of fun. I'm not taking but two days of PTO due to the holiday weekend, so it's not like I'm having to explain a long vacation.

I did tell my HR manager just in case.

[NurseGrace 509]

I kept it private for quite some time, some people still don't know. I did find, with time, that I did tell more people than I thought I would, but I did it on my own time and my own terms. This topic comes around on the forums here quite a bit so you may want to do some digging to read more on the subject.

I just don't believe its anyones business so if I don't want to tell anyone thats exactly what I'm going to do.

[Arts137 1,811]

IMHO, if you tell one person, you've told the world. Good luck. I made it no secret because facts are the ONLY response to gossip, and I hate being the subject of gossip!

[Michellemo 161]

I've kept mine a secret for over a year. Still glad I did!

[Bufflehead 6,358]

Unbesleevable one is correct - it is fine for you to tell your work that you are having surgery and need some time off. You are not obligated to tell them exactly what kind of surgery. You can choose to only tell the person who needs to approve your time off, whether that is your boss, HR, etc.

If HR acts like they need more information to approve it, get a letter from your PCP or surgeon stating that you are having surgery on X date and need Y days off of work. If your surgeon writes the letter, you may want to request that it be on a letterhead that does not say something like "Center for Bariatric Surgery." Most surgeons also belong to a surgical group with a neutral name like "Acme Surgeons" or whatever and a surgeon could write a letter on that letterhead instead.

Alternatives if someone (a co-worker -- NOT boss, HR, etc.) asks what kind of surgery: "Geez, that's kind of personal, right?" or "I could tell you all the gory details but then we'd both be embarrassed." or "Sometimes I want to ask personal questions about other people's surgery too, but then I remember they could be having anal fissures repaired or a hemorrhoid resection and they might not want to talk about it." or "Excuse me? What did you ask me?" (repeat as necessary until the person gets the point).

[Jerzygurl 372]

I'm not keeping it at secret at all. At first, I told my family and some close friends...then I said what the heck... what's the big deal. Told a couple of colleagues and employees last week at lunch. Those that agree, will agree and support and those that don't well.. to heck with them. This is for me and my health. Like it or Lump it. If someone wants to past judgment on my decision, who cares... I'm sure some of those that do, would love to do the surgery too but don't have the cajones..because they are afraid of what others will say or think, or are terrified of making a positive change in their lifestyle and health choices.

Oh well..again, if they don't like it.. C'est La Vie.

[butterfly_gal 151]

I was planning on keeping it a secret at work but now I found out that we're switching health insurance carriers in October and we need to fill out a health questionnaire that of course asks for any previous surgeries, and all this paperwork is submitted to the HR Manager. If I could trust my HR manager, I would just tell her, but she is the worst gossiper in the building (which is sad considering she is supposed to be the confidential one). My plan is to tell everyone before then so it doesn't come out as a "secret" because if it comes out as a secret they'll talk more about it, but it I just tell them, hopefully it will be all they hype for a couple days and be over with. I work in a small office (8 people total) I initially didn't tell anyone because it is none of their business, and I have heard them scrutinize and pick on someone else for having gastric bypass a while ago. I am the only overweight person in the group. I enjoy my job, but I do not enjoy my co-workers! I did tell my family and friends though, it was just the snooty co-workers I didn't really want to tell.

[marfar7 1,533]

Who cares what others say, its your life and body. We couldn't hide that we were fat,and everybody still showed us love and attention. Keep it a secret for what????

Amen. I couldn't keep that secret (not very good at keeping secrets as it is!). While I've never posted about it on FB (nor did I post anything about my lapband almost 4 yrs ago) I've told everyone I know. And if it comes up with a perfect stranger, I'm not ashamed to tell my story. I'm proud of my decision to get healthier and proud of my accomplishments. Guess I should brag about it on FB, but I haven't and won't.

Good luck with keeping it to yourself!

[atlchick 42]

They are gonna think you had surgery anyway! I haven't had the surgery yet but I think I will tell everyone after I have lost significant amount of weight. Its only a few days to take off if you use the weekend so they will just think I took a few days off. I also plan to start dieting before I go so people will see the changes before hand.

[homersmomma 77]

When I had the doctor's office fill out my FMLA paper work I asked that they not disclose the surgery that I am having. They put "elective " surgery. As my insurance does not cover any weight loss treatment and I am a self pay going to Mexico it's nobody's business. I am not telling anyone outside of my immediate family what I am doing by the way I have told my PCP for obvious reasons but that's it. People where I work tend to be busy bodies too and I work in health care. HIPPA means nothing there.