Don't lose too much - aaaargh!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Just had my first "oooh surely u can't have any more weight to lose.... got to be careful u don't get too thin"....

I explained patiently that I am still overweight and that I am trying to get to a normal BMI. But there was still a great deal of sucking of teeth before I was told I needed to be really careful or my pretty little face will collapse!

As this person never told me to look after myself when I was overweight, I am treating this as insincere concern ... but getting my defence ready for other comments. This is way harder than comments about the surgery, this feels more personal.... But bring it on, I am sooooo ready for the next comment :-))))

[PrettyLilButterfly 124]

It's so funny to read this... it reminds me of the moment I had with my mom last week. All my life I've been 20+ lbs over weight. And every month she'd bring me a new pill, a new shake..something to help me lose weight. She was always on me "you're too pretty to be overweight" "you need to lose weight, i'm worried".

I was at her house last week..and SHOCK.. guess what? the comment of the day was "you're getting too thin, you look too old, don't lose anymore"..

ummm??? I'm only 139 (I'm 5'3, just barely hit 'healthy' for my size by 1 lb).

I can imagine what a shock it was for you to hear that from this person. It's funny to hear comments, who they come from and the times they choose to say them. I just giggle.

At the end of the day, Im proud of me..period. I'm healthy and that's all that matters.

And you are happy with yourself and where YOU want to be

[Indigo1991 1,612]

I like the idea of giggling, seems like a great response!

Congratulations on getting to 139, bet you look fab. As far as your mum goes, I have one like that at home.... why say a good thing if she can say something that makes you feel bad? But you have the right attitude towards her. All too often, we let others behaviour impact on us when they don't deserve to have that power.

And you are right, haven't been this happy in years, with my health, my life and how I look. Its all good and I won't let any naysayers bring me down :-))))

[TvlGrl712 113]

I cannot wait for someone to tell me I look to skinny!! haha

Ya'll look great and its between you and your doc how much you lose! Keep your head up!

[gamergirl 4,610]

Is it wrong and petty for me to be jealous?

J/k. I am so glad for you!

[nmck 68]

I had a troublesomefirst pregnancy followed by a twin pregnancy and got TONS of unsolicited advice. Also, with all 3 of my kids being preemies, I got more of the same. I learned a phrase my OB taught me and have used it A LOT over the years. "I've discussed this with my doctor already. Thank you!" I've used many variations of this in the years since, and think it should fit nicely in this situation. "I'm following my doctor's orders and am being closely monitored."

[Indigo1991 1,612]

nmck, great phrase, which I will steal if you don't mind :-)

And GamerGirl, won't be long before you are being told the same!!!

While I have had a rant, I am so happy to be here rather than where I was. I have also started to get the once over from guys and, trust me, I ain't offended, lol.

[Taels2013 33]

I had some one say to me the other day, "what did you do to your face? You look different." One of my friends chimed in and said, she's lost some weight! The face questioner responded, "oh." Ha. My good friend then said I look even more beautiful than before...put that jerk right in her place. Loved it.

[erp 2,016]

This week I have had a few people tell me that I do not need to lose anymore weight. The first was my mother. I find her comment bizzare, she knows the struggles I have gone through to get where I am now and now she is dissuading me from getting to goal? Huh? The others are coworkers. I keep stewing about it because, I am not thin. I still need to lose 20 lbs to be at normal BMI or more if I go off a medical height/weight chart. I just find the whole thing irritating.

[sanks51 214]

I think, and this is definitely true for me, people have got so used to me being very fat for many many years. So when the weight starts to come off they have an altered perception of the new you and how you look. They can't process it in their heads!! I have had a number of people tell me I must be close to goal etc... I'm only halfway!! I still have another odd 100lbs to loose! Maybe to them they can't visualise me at a healthy weight because they have nothing to measure it against. So me been a thinner fat person is better than the fat person!!Perceptions are funny things!! All I can say is watch this space, as I'm not taking advice from anyone as to how much I should weigh.

[Fat Pat no more 89]

Also there's the jealousy issue.

[jensjoy28 351]

I think some of these responses come about because we drop weight so quickly...imagine if we gained weight as quickly...it would be equally alarming.......of course, this only accounts for some of the responses...the rest are responding from a whole other cadre of underlying insecurities, jealousy, resentment (some that they are likely not even aware of) that has more to do with them than us...

[aliekat55 157]

I believe these coments are totally disingenuous. I am nowhere near enough to be considered skinny but i am getting warnings. tiny people dont get these 'warnings'. I do not feel any genuine concern for my safety but rather some psychological self care on their part.

nevertheless, i let it go and keep working at my program. It is after all about me living in a world that is not kind to us, whether we lose the weight or not.

[BlueClementine 70]

About 5 years ago I went from 190 to 140, from size 12/14 to a 6. My best friend of many years (petite, beautiful, size 2/4) kept telling me how sick I looked and how unhealthy I was. The more weight I lost the angrier she became. Se was getting married in Vegas and I was her maid of honor - during that trip she flipped out on me several times and within a week of returning home, she "dumped me" via the phone telling me I wasn't the same person and we no longer were compatible. I was heartbroken. I felt the same and acted the same, my family assured me I hadn't changed, just my appearance.

It took several months to realize that she was insecure and jealous and since I was no longer her "fat" friend, she didn't want me around anymore. Even worse, a year later when I regained all the weight and then some, she said shed made a mistake and wanted to be friends again.

Ya, no thanks. Who needs enemies when you have "friends" like that? Just ignore the comments, the people are talking out of their %€¥{} and need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves.

[Indigo1991 1,612]

It is strange that there is a whole range of comment that accompanies each stage in our weight loss. My pet hate was the "you've lost weight, it can see it off your face" when I had lost over 20lbs - I must have had quite a feckin' fat face, lol.

Then we moved to "you are looking well - not that you didn't before, but you know what I mean..." Yes I do - u thought I was a sick looking heffalump but didn't care enough to say anything to me....

Then it was the "ooh, you are a little thing/skinny Minnie/disappearing before our eyes" line. Yes but I am still technically overweight at 3/4 points off the top end of my BMI.

Now it's "are you sure you need to lose any more/be careful not to overdo it." More of that when I was out tonight. But I am still overweight and not yet within my BMI range. I may look like a yogurt, but I wobble like a jelly....

So like other posters, I keep focused on what I am doing because it's all about my health, no one else's. but I think I am going to have to grin and bear it cos next shock will be the boob job I am having - and that's going to make me look different again. And everyone will have an opinion.

But it is all worth it, lol!!!!!!!