Hating everything in my life

[kathp 81]

So, at what point do I determine that my unhappiness is unrelated to the changes in my weight? I'm miserable at work, I'm bored with food (since I can't eat that much, and I don't like to cook, it's a hassle and I'm bored with it already, and not being hungry I don't get a taste for anything), and I feel like my friends have abandoned me. Gee, I sound so much fun no wonder no one wants to be around me.

How long do I live in limbo post-op before I determine that it's OK to make some other changes? I have a job interview, but I'm scared to hope for the new job, and scared to leave the one I have (even though it makes me crazy and there are real reasons it won't get better). I'm scared to make new friends, and the old ones have put up with a lot and are kind of fed up. Or, they aren't being very supportive of the changes and are not worth my time (I see that, but it's not easy).

So what the heck do I do?

(I see my therapist tonight, honest, just need to rant; looking to know that this is normal?)

[ScottsGirl 106]

Sounds like you're just in a funk. Something good will happen that will change your attitude. Unfortunately, we tend to allow outside events determine our emotional forecast! This is an issue def meant for your therapist and I'm glad you have one to moan, b***h and complain to, not everyone does. I'm also happy to be part of your sounding board, give me your best shot!!!

Since you've lost so much weight, your hormones have probably been up and down, have you thought about meds or maybe changing them if you already take them?? At least until your body is done losing the weight and your hormones balance out.

I hope your life changes to a point where you are happy again and that your true friends love you 'unconditionally' and will help you mend the relationship(s) most important to you.

[gamergirl 4,610]

Do you think you are depressed? Your symptoms sound like a lot like that, and if so, you might want to discuss some temporary meds with your shrink.

The Beck Depression Inventory is a good test to take.

As others have mentioned, it's not unusual for us to get a bit depressed while losing weight and have some ups and downs so worth asking the shrink what s/he thinks. Good luck!

[ArtistNic 13]

First, if the friends are pulling back, evaluate who your true friends are. There may be only one or two, that's ok. Build your support system. Let them know they can be honest with you as well and sometimes u need a kick in the butt. Second, if you are unhappy at your job, you are due for a change. You deserve it. I had been at a job I hated for 2 years but was working in my degree field. Through a revelation thru my therapist, my son and God I realized it wasn't a good fit for me. I stepped out on faith and went back to doing Nails in a salon, and tho it isn't a steady paycheck like my other job, the business is building faster than I could ever expect and they have been so supportive through this surgery for me. Third, having a therapist in place is vital through this process I think. I am a very emotional, hormonal person and my dr told me at my last appointment before surgery that because estrogen is stored in the fat cells, as we rapidly lose weight that estrogen would be released into our bodies and cause emotional issues. My husband said why didn't she tell us this sooner, I don't know if i would have signed up for this. LOL Realize this is all a journey of self discovery and learning to love and take care of ourselves. You can do this, and by the way I am on depression meds and they do help once they found the right one.

[Jen35 283]

If you are like me, I've always thought that if I lose the weight it will make me happy. I started therapy several months before my sleeve and had to come to terms with the fact that this isn't true. My weight wasn't the only thing keeping me from being happy. That said, I do have more confidence in my self which has led to more doors opening in my professional life. They are doors I could have opened at any time, though, I just didn't have the confidence!

Hang in there things will get better. Reevaluate your friendships - if there are some that you value and want to keep, sit down with them and pour your heart out. If that doesn't work, they were never really your friends. I know what it's like to hate your job. Now I'm at a job that I really love and that makes all the difference in my outlook on life. You deserve to be happy. Go out there and find your Happy!

[SuzyB 182]

I think it is easy to blame all our problems on our weight. I believe as we lose weight we often find it is not always as clear cut as it. I would guess that yes losing weight is opening your eyes to other issues and you will have to take time figuring out what needs work

[kathp 81]

thanks guys! Yes, my meds need adjusting, again. I just want to flip the switch and have everything be OK, which is a good sign I'm in a funk. I appreciate the advice, and the support.

I'm going to have some Water and take a few deep breaths, and then go back to my arts and crafts project at work (I'm cleaning up my lab notebook, to shut off my analytical mind for a while).

Kathy

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

As far as food goes......I have learned to look for things that I have never tried before..I read all the labels and have turned it into a game for myself....I eat different things all the time now...EX. fish....I have eaten so many different kinds now and have evaluated which ones I like or don't and there are still so many kinds to try....Make it fun for yourself.....That may spark an interest in eating again...K

[Indigo1991 1,612]

At the start of this year, I wrote down everything I hated about my life and was shocked to find 13 things, large and small, my weight being only one of them. But all were bringing me down in different ways. Next to each one I wrote down what the answer was to make the problem go away - and every issue had a solution....

So I have spent the last eight months dealing with each in turn, while also undergoing VSG, and my life is transforming. Nothing has been exempt - I am working on a major career change, have eased people out of my life who were toxic and have significantly improved my health through the surgery. I have 4 matters still not fully resolved but I have made a start on each. I feel as if I am back in control of my life for the first time in years and I am not at the mercy of my weight, other people or my own negative thoughts.

What I am trying to say to you is that sometimes weight is a catalyst for making changes in life but once you start down that road, you can better see there's more work needed on other things than you realised. But it is all do-able. Good luck, hope adjusting your meds again gives you space to stand back and appraise things in a more positive way. And to reflect on the amazing weight loss you have achieved to date - hang in there!!!

[gamergirl 4,610]

At the start of this year' date=' I wrote down everything I hated about my life and was shocked to find 13 things, large and small, my weight being only one of them. But all were bringing me down in different ways. Next to each one I wrote down what the answer was to make the problem go away - and every issue had a solution....

So I have spent the last eight months dealing with each in turn, while also undergoing VSG, and my life is transforming. Nothing has been exempt - I am working on a major career change, have eased people out of my life who were toxic and have significantly improved my health through the surgery. I have 4 matters still not fully resolved but I have made a start on each. I feel as if I am back in control of my life for the first time in years and I am not at the mercy of my weight, other people or my own negative thoughts.

What I am trying to say to you is that sometimes weight is a catalyst for making changes in life but once you start down that road, you can better see there's more work needed on other things than you realised. But it is all do-able. Good luck, hope adjusting your meds again gives you space to stand back and appraise things in a more positive way. And to reflect on the amazing weight loss you have achieved to date - hang in there!!![/quote']

I really admire your approach. Practical, logical, thoughtful, and I'm guessing effective. Good for you!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Gamergirl, thanks!!! For too many years, I put myself last and allowed my emotions and actions to be influenced by others. But I also held myself back, probably out of fear of confronting what I knew I had to do.

Doing this exercise showed me I was right to be worried about some things and wrong to be wasting time on other stuff. It put things in perspective and reminded me that everything is possible - and that sometimes you have to have faith in yourself, even if others don't because this is your life, no/one else should live it for you.

My life is now my own, I am happy and, with my better health, I intend to make the most of it :-))))

[FRED1977 186]

thanks guys! Yes, my meds need adjusting, again. I just want to flip the switch and have everything be OK, which is a good sign I'm in a funk. I appreciate the advice, and the support.

I'm going to have some Water and take a few deep breaths, and then go back to my arts and crafts project at work (I'm cleaning up my lab notebook, to shut off my analytical mind for a while).

Kathy

Try and see what type of therapy you are receiving from your clinician. You may want to inquire about doing client centered therapy, this type of therapy revolves around the clients particular needs and will help you with your current mood concerns. I have to admit there are days I feel ust liek you do. Everyday is getting better but right now I'm in a financial burden and have so much stress that I just keep praying and pushing for the best. Please continue to post and gather support,you are not alone.