why do people hide it?

[mlcarawan 16]

I didn't tell people because if you fail it would make me feel worse and also because I don't want people asking me all the time about it' date=' my weight to me is extremely personal to me.[/quote']

This was my reasoning too. I've failed before so the fear of failure is what stopped me. My mom started telling people though so I guess it's mostly out now. I'm finding that I'm a slow loser too and she's constantly asking so how much have you lost now, how about now... Every other day it seems. It's somewhat stressful.

[Char_Hardin 11]

I wouldn't say they feel ashamed. Maybe they want to surprise their family and friends. Many of the people I have known to have done bariatric surgery have not told everyone. They do it and their lifestyles change and they look to see if anyone has noticed. Then there are those folks who are just private. Everyone is different.

[supbanana 153]

Because when people know about it, my weight becomes the sole focus. Every time we meet, "how much weight have you lost?", "you look great!", "have you heard about the new tapeworm diet??". Im a very private person, and with telling people I feel like I'm under a microscope that's focused solely on the size of my ass. My weight is the least interesting thing about me and I find the topic both boring and uncomfortable. I'm not at all ashamed of the surgery, but I went through it so that my weight would no longer be an issue. If I tell people, it becomes THE issue.

[Pangur 19]

I am one of those who have told very few people. While mostly it is just because it is a private decision and I don't feel the need to shout from the rooftops there is also a background of being "shamed" by my mother and sister over anything weight related for my entire life.

I just didn't want to deal with the people who are negative about this, and there are always some of those hanging around. The people who need to know quite frankly know...my wonderful husband, my closest friends, my Primary Care Physician, the supporters in my family, etc. As I learn more about the new me and my new life and as I become more comfortable in that knowledge I am sure that the circle of who knows about my surgery will increase.

I don't discourage anyone from keeping their decision private and I don't discourage anyone from blasting it worldwide......it's a personal choice.

[auntmissa1 39]

I kept it pretty quiet at first - family and close friends. I had to work through my own shame. I'm almost 5 mos post op. I don't proclaim my story to the world, but will now share it with anyone who asks. My shame has turned to pride in taking steps to put my health first.

[sweetlaydee1 1]

I didn't tell many ppl #1 embarrassed that I couldn't do it on my own #2 my medical reasons are my business #3 don't want ppl to keep asking questions or looking for results which I should be worried about myself. I think it's more of a personal thing for me

[Esmeralda75 26]

I didn't tell many ppl #1 embarrassed that I couldn't do it on my own #2 my medical reasons are my business #3 don't want ppl to keep asking questions or looking for results which I should be worried about myself. I think it's more of a personal thing for me

I totally agree with u

[Char_Hardin 11]

I am reading your responses and when I see, "had to work through my own shame", it breaks my heart. Being big is something that happens and for every person how they deal with it sometimes defines who they become. And through this surgery we are not only shedding pounds we are shedding that person we have become. This is a chance, a new chance to take control of our lives become healthier inside and out. Instead of feeling shame or l feeling like I have to hide it, I choose to say, SCREW THAT. Many of you have already had your surgery and are on your new journey to a healthier happier new you, I will be joining you in two days and I cannot wait.

I started out telling only my inner circle of friends because I am going to a horror con in May 2014 and I want to surprise them. But instead of hiding it and worrying about things alone, I am embracing this new experience and sharing my news. I am saying good bye to Fat Char and my friends...all of them know as do my family. They have said they want to cheer me on and help me stay motivated. If I had hidden that, then I would have missed out on celebrating with someone other than myself. I know this is right for me and may not be for others. It's just my wish that everyone who is feeling "shame" or "ashamed" that they flush that and get ready for a brand new you...tomorrow is now...SEIZE THE DAY and I am so glad that I found this forum because all the great information and seeing where others have been where I am and where I am going.

Chin Up Ladies and Gentleman...it's a long road ahead...YOU CAN DO IT and if YOU can then so can I!

[Leleboo 104]

I feel that it is no ones business. I told one friend who is 600+ lbs incase it could help him. My mother knows and I just told my brother 5 months after the fact. I live around the block from my mother and every time she would see me she would ask how much have you lost, I had to tell her that it was very annoying and to quit it. My husband told his mother about me and it seems she told everyone and I'm not happy about it - people find something else to talk about.

[auntmissa1 39]

Amen, Char! I did lose myself over the past few years and with the help of this tool I am getting ME back. I did have shame, but it's long gone now. Loving life again!!

[PGee 318]

Char, I love your words! Good luck tomorrow....will look for you on the losers' bench!

[TwinsMama 483]

I live around the block from my mother and every time she would see me she would ask how much have you lost, I had to tell her that it was very annoying and to quit it.

Because I tell everyone who asks that I had surgery, some people ask me all the time (almost daily because we work together) about how much I lost. It doesn't annoy me, in fact it is funny when I say nothing in the last 8 weeks. I had surgery 10 weeks ago.

They almost always don't believe me since I'm losing so many inches. They generally respond, "no way, you look great...well it's better to lose inches anyway".

I used it as my motivation to keep working hard. Being accountable helps me, but I do realize not everyone likes to be on the radar. Everyone should do what they feel is best for them and not think twice about it.

[RockyRitz 28]

I'm choosing not to tell people besides my Husband and one or two of my closest friends. I'm pre-op and just don't want any judgement or uneducated comments from anyone about my decision. When you talk about WLS to people it seems like everyone has a horror story or know somebody that knew somebody who died (which is BS considering the statistics). I'm protecting myself from negativity I guess.

After I have surgery I am pretty sure I'll be open about it. Anyone who doesn't agree at that point can let the door hit them in the ass!

[TES 858]

Because when people know about it, my weight becomes the sole focus. Every time we meet, "how much weight have you lost?", "you look great!", "have you heard about the new tapeworm diet??". Im a very private person, and with telling people I feel like I'm under a microscope that's focused solely on the size of my ass. My weight is the least interesting thing about me and I find the topic both boring and uncomfortable. I'm not at all ashamed of the surgery, but I went through it so that my weight would no longer be an issue. If I tell people, it becomes THE issue.

AMEN! Very well said.

[Banned member 320]

My aunt used to talk about her surgery ALL THE TIME! and it was so annoying for EVERYONE and I swore that I wouldn't bore the masses with my constant talk about myself and surgery. Like seriously people do not care and too many people probably yap about it way too much. My close friends and family know but as for everyone else they don't mention my weight or weight loss and just treat me the same as they always have and I prefer it that way. My journey is mine and I don't owe it to anyone to share more info than I'm willing to. Like I've always said, "I'm not the spokesperson for WLS/VSG".