why do people hide it?

[italian-girl 152]

I tell everyone. I am very open about the surgery. I see it a motivation. I don't want to fail because I know everyone is watching.

Also I have to admit I enjoy the haters.

Lol I enjoy the haters!! Funny thing is I was telling my brother yesterday that its kinda nice to have someone not like me ( we were talking about 2 specific people in a group of friends, they are friends with several of my friends) I need a little yin with my yang!! I'm always entertained by those that hate me... Kinda thrive on it! Lol

As for hiding the surgery... I haven't hidden it from anyone... The choice to have surgery was mine, nobody else's I gave everyone the opportunity to deal with the news of my surgery the way they wanted... Only one brother of my 4 was upset about it... I simply told him that he didn't have to like my decision but his opinion wouldn't be considered in my decisions. This is my body not his. I told him I do however expect you to respect my decision. He was at the hospital the day of my surgery. Because at the end of the day I'm his sister and we support one another no matter what.

The difference between myself and most people is the kind of family I have and the kind of support I have. I am extremely lucky in this regard, everyone at my work knows why I'm on medical leave. All my friends and all my family know as well.. I chose to include them in my journey because they are all a part of my daily life in general. I'm Italian I have a huge family (ever seen my big fat Greek wedding? Sums up my family in how family gatherings are)

I think confidence plays a huge roll in why people don't say anything or do... I wasn't that kid who got picked on for being fat, I was the kid who had friends in all different social groups. I have always made friends easily, dated traveled... I'm lucky. But it comes from the support and love of the family I was raised in.. Not everyone has that. Again I am lucky to have that kind of support which is why it's easy to tell everyone about it.

I wish everyone had the kind of support I have. But they don't.

[Ballermom 803]

I have only informed a small group of people... But one thing I would like to interject here..No one ever helped or supported me before in weight issues..losing or gaining..In fact some were quite happy and relieved that I was bigger then them....

I have been asked if I would speak to folks who are looking into WLS...I have replied yes but only one on one....I am not a freak show and one to be watched....Will not let the masses know because this is my journey. I have things I have to work on for myself....

When I was sick and almost died due to complications from the sleeve surgery...The only question people asked was oh...Has she lost any weight or how much weight has she lost?

I experienced hell for this before and even now 10 months later....I will do it with only the team and the people I trust with the info.....

Hi RJ i Read your story, your are full courage and a blessing.

[chrmen85 11]

I was open about my surgery, I wish I wouldn't have told anyone. I received a lot of negative feed back. At work I can't even enjoy my lunch with out being asked; how may calories is that, how many grams of Protein is that, that doesn't look healthy and the list goes on.

[Ballermom 803]

To the OP,

First you really don't know what circumstance people are in that makes them keep this thing a secret I told some family but had health issues unexpected right before hand that left me in tears like a back injury! It complicated things.

We made that choice and have to live with it!

You deal with your the way you choose. I don't bother with why people have different opinions.

I Am Happy!!!!

I tell some that I'm comfortable with but at work

I dont period.!!!

[Macy6 356]

I chose to only tell a few select people while in the application process. I didn't want to have to explain to people what happened if I failed at it. Once I received my approval and surgery date I told others, who I am close with that might be upset if I had surgery without them knowing (family and friends) once I have surgery I plan on telling others on a need to know basis. I have no intentions on hiding it, however I don't necessarily want to walk around with the t shirt.

[KayCTheNewMe 50]

Wow I am really suprised at all the feedback! And I can relate to a lot of it. My family is full of "fat and happy" people but their health is horrible and they really are miserable but won't imagine chaning their life. When I first started going thru tue idea about what I wanted to do I only cared for 2 opinions...my husband and my grandmother. They both knew me the best and knew how long I had tried and failed at losing weight. It also mattered because they had to care for my little boy while I was incapable of it. Ive had to learn with my family to say this is what im doing so deal with it for so many other things in my life this was the same thing, but no one was happy about it. I had them and friends say "you don't need it. You just need to try harder" or "youre tall so u hide it well" and as we know that doesnt always work (my surgeon actually said only 5 percent of people who reach obese and super obese will lose the weight on their own).

Im just curious what feedback I would have gotten if I had not said anything and just showed up thinner. Ive lost 46 lbs but im only 10lbs lighter from when I left home so they wouldnt have noticed by time I go home in 2 months. Sometimes its easier to explain things but others its not. Like every time I go to the hospital and have to explain to the doctors what a sleeve is or what I think may be going on cuz they don't know what problems may be associated with the sleeve until they call the surgeon. My friends i am sure think im faking or lying about things but thankfully none of them have treated me bad or offered things they know I cant have. In the end I only need to focus on myself and the people I live with support me I did it for myself, my son, and in a way my husband (tho he never treated me bad or unsexy, I always wish hed look at me as he did when we met 13 years ago. Id love to show up one day and look and feel sexy...who can deny that it makes a marriage better when you love how you feel too?)

[PGee 318]

When my sister had her surgery years ago, I was excited for her, overwhelmed with the speed of weight loss, and would constantly ask "how much did you lose this week?" I'm sure it was a pain in the rump, but she never complained, and everyone and their brother would ask her nonstop about her weightloss and question what she put on her plate.

Four years ago my only child died.....and well meaning people concentrated on it..... 2 and 3 years later people still focused on it....and it was so hard to heal and continue on........I do not want people to focus on me, how much weight I lose, nor what I'm eating......it's no one's business.....and where I work, I'd get nothing done......so my hubby and above mentioned sister know, and that's it.

[chass003 15]

I've told a few people fam and friends, they have been so supportive. However my father in law feels the need to tell everyone including his family in Oregon and Florida!! That has made me all uncomfortable. I've been receiving texts and FB comments which I do t like fb comments since I didn't post anything about it!

I don't need to tell anyone that I had the surgery, just like I don't tell anyone about any other health related procedures that is just between my doctor and I. The problem with a lot of people is they tend to define you or paint you as "hey did you hear Chass had the surgery"? Im not the bariatric girl I'm still Chass.

[cindymg 629]

I was open about my surgery' date=' I wish I wouldn't have told anyone. I received a lot of negative feed back. At work I can't even enjoy my lunch with out being asked; how may calories is that, how many grams of Protein is that, that doesn't look healthy and the list goes on.[/quote']

Sounds like people you work with don't have enough to think about. Isn't there anyone having an affair, had gotten pregnant, is splitting up -- something else for them to gossip about?

[marfar7 1,533]

I've read of so many comments about people who how the surgery from friends, families and even doctors. I am just really curious as to why? My surgeon told me of a fellow army wife who had the surgery while her husband was deployed and has never tolld him and they're trying to get pregnant. It just seems like it will cause more problems than help to hide it. This isn't a diss!!! I am just really curious about why one's reasons to hide something so big in your life.

I think the husband of this wife will know somethings up when he sees the 5 incision scars on her tummy! Why would anyone try and hide this from their spouse? Silly really...

[TwinsMama 483]

I think confidence plays a huge roll in why people don't say anything or do... I wasn't that kid who got picked on for being fat, I was the kid who had friends in all different social groups. I have always made friends easily, dated traveled... I'm lucky. But it comes from the support and love of the family I was raised in.. Not everyone has that. Again I am lucky to have that kind of support which is why it's easy to tell everyone about it.

I wish everyone had the kind of support I have. But they don't.

This sums up my life. I have never had issues or shame about my weight even at 375 lbs. I also have been really fortunate and blessed to have excellent family, friends, etc.

I've found so much support by telling people, but I do know that may be uncommon. Literally every day someone (work and personal life) walks up and compliments me on the fact that I was "so brave/lucky/etc" to have gone through with the surgery.

I've also become the sleeve expert because I'm "the only" person many people know who had the sleeve instead of the band/RnY. This journey (dealing with people) has been amazing and encouraging.

I really wish I too could share my support system with others that don't have it. It is what helps me get through the tough days when my sleeve decides it hates everything I try to eat.

[TwinsMama 483]

I was open about my surgery, I wish I wouldn't have told anyone. I received a lot of negative feed back. At work I can't even enjoy my lunch with out being asked; how may calories is that, how many grams of Protein is that, that doesn't look healthy and the list goes on.

Oh they would so get a none of your business from me. No one once asked me anything like that. How dare they police you???

On the other hand I think sometimes people are just curious and it comes across so very rude.

[chrmen85 11]

Sounds like people you work with don't have enough to think about. Isn't there anyone having an affair' date=' had gotten pregnant, is splitting up -- something else for them to gossip about?[/quote']

Lol, no so far I am the the main topic! I was even told isn't that surgery suppose to make u lose weight faster. I have left work mad, crying and in arguments with people.

[TwinsMama 483]

Lol, no so far I am the the main topic! I was even told isn't that surgery suppose to make u lose weight faster. I have left work mad, crying and in arguments with people.

This makes me soooo mad. I'm so sorry you're going through this. What they are doing to you is not right and doesn't help you. I would simply tell them the discussion is over and off limits. PERIOD.

I hope things get better and some other scandal happens so you don't have to deal with this drama.

[Michellemo 161]

I've kept my surgery a secret except for a few people. It's my business and my choice to tell. My medical history is no one business. I had a cousin who had a breast reduction because they were large, and one was much bigger and saggier then the other but she didn't make it public knowledge that she was having a surgery to fix them. Why should we have to tell the world about our medical conditions?