Worried about how my boyfriend will handle the "new me"

[gmccon 0]

as a 'guy' who has gone up and down between the range of 175 to 275, i can tell you that our fellow man (women, for me), become much more flurtatious in the lower weight range. at the lower end of my weight range, women strike up friendly conversations in the grocery store line, etc.

i also have noticed that once a woman has 'screened' your face, their eyes go right for your belt line. if you are 'in the zone', their eyes go back to your face for one more look, and sometimes you share 'a moment', or exchange a special smile.

so for me, thinner is better. i find the 'you can do me' moments to be important, and rewarding social behavior. the exchange of smiles is very nice.

now, my wife. she once made a 'freuding' slip: "keeping your man fat means no one can steal him away".

"whoops", i thought. you are busted!

[lawanda jessica 0]

Thank you all so much for your posts. I am single and seem to find all the aholes lawanda jessica wrote about. I have a wonderful support system and have no fear about going through the surgery and having all the help I need after. I am thinking dating needs to be on the back burner. I just wonder if it is possible to find someone who can love me now as I am and enjoy the hell out of me on my way to my goal?

Julie honey I know it's possible.

It's just that you have to choose wisely.

Me with my fat arse and all love pretty men.

I'm a pretty woman fat but pretty.

Anyone can get a man but it's the quality I'm looking for.

In my twenties I was up and down with my weight so I dated all types of pretty men.

Some arseholes,playas.mamas boys,nut jobs even a few unattractive men.

I gave them chances and loved a few but it was rarely returned.

I prefer the entire package.

I'm 31 now and I have too much on my plate now to deal with a mans bs.

Yes even at 200 plus pounds I want it all.

I feel like other woman have their ideal mate and they are not half the woman I am(not size wise but quality wise) so why can't I?

When you have been hurt enough you learn from your mistakes especially being a big gurl/teanager/ woman with low self esteem.

Alot of boys/men play on that.

I know I need to lose weight but I dont need some undeserving,self serving piece of a man to remind me of it everyday.

I could very much remind him of his imperfections as well.

Instead I would encourage,console,nurture and completely go blind when it came to his.

I'm down on myself enough!

When I get to goal gurl they better watch out because I'm going to be dangerous!

[JulieC 0]

lawanda jessica, amen girl

you have totally summed up my feelings!!! thank you! I think we are living in a parallel universe lol.

[grahamsh 0]

I have just begun looking into lapband surgery, and am seriously considering it after doing all my web research (including here!). In the past, I lost over 60 pounds with Jenny Craig, after being told by my husband that if I did not lose weight, he would divorce me. We are still married (12 years later-22 years altogether), but I gained back all that weight plus another 60 (now 279 at 5'3" - yikes!!!) now I have to wonder what he thinks. I know he will be supportive (need I say he has his own weight issues?), but I know what happened before. I thought it would change things, but things really got worse. My new found confidence and self esteem were pretty rough on both of us. While the self esteem has not really gone away (thank goodness!!), the confidence has, that is for sure. I am just really leary of going through that kind of emotional havoc again, even though the weight loss will be the best thing I've ever done for myself!!! How about you married gals out there who have overweight husbands......are they ever really able to deal with the new you, while they are still same ol', same ol'?

Thanks!:eek:

[ParaGirl 71]

My husband has decided to try to lose weight as I am losing weight. My surgery is Oct. 11. He has gained some, but I am not really bothered by it. I know it sounds weird, but my weight bothers me to no end, anyone else gains weight and it doesnt bother me one bit.

[NY031978 0]

Mu hubby says he loves me how i am...but I told him I dont love me how I am. So I decided I want to look into the lap band. My cousin and aunt both did it...and both said it was def something they wanted and needed. I feel the same. So I agree if its a good and healthy realtionship it will just get better! If it isnt...it prob will fizzle out.

[MSMAURANY 0]

wow candle. ur posts sound exactly like ur writing from my mind. my bf same way! im so nervous about what hell think of me after the band. and im being banded by geiss 2!!!!

[LMarie_MD2b 0]

My fiance is concerned about the surgical part of the Lap Band--anesthesia, complications, and all of that. But, being that I'm a medical student and have read the studies on the Band, I have been able to assuage his fears about that so far.

I think, though, he is afraid I will leave him once I look different. Like I'm going to turn into some completely different person, and want to throw away 5 years of friendship and 2.5 years of our relationship (possibly our brand new marriage) and go through the horrors of dating all over again. He's overweight, but 1) unhealthy or 2) insecure about his body.

Does anyone else have this problem? I wish I knew a way (better than, you know, staying engaged to him and planning our wedding!!!!) to make him understand and believe that I'm not doing this to escape him... I just want to get out of my "fat suit"! :thumbup:

[KristyLynn 0]

my bf didn't say too much, but surprised me with comments like "next time we come here, i will be eating pizza and you will be eating baby food." haha. and he has also said things like "now that she lost weight, she thinks she's too good for her husband so she will ask for a divorce." about someone, like..in a stereotypical sense. i didn't say anything...lol. i was like...whoa. what was that about? so, he probably just picks up what he hears from .. tv? or whatever, right? lol. but he is a lil bigger than me, we love each other, i met him at a BBW club. hahahah. annnd i KNOW that he likes skinny girls because i watch him check out his roommate's girlfriends....... :thumbup:. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. BUT...my day will come. his roommates will be talking about me, soon enough . and THEN...i dunno. hahahha. i'll just have that chunk of confidence that i am missing at the moment.

i got a good word of advice from this thread...good will be stronger and the weak will deflate. i think we have a pretty strong relationship. so...this shall be interesting lol.

AND YES! those guys..pshhh. i can't wait to get my life on track and then go to my 10 year high school reunion and say HA!! SEE!! i am .. pretty. hahah. it's just a lil more obvious now. hahahha. WOW. high school was horrible and my senior pic sucked hardcore. i looked like a chipmunk. on top of that..........they spelled my name wrong and when i picked up my year book, they handed me a box of TINY names...all MY NAME. they wanted me to go around, giving my name sticker to everyone in the entire school, to place over the spelling error. HA!!!!! NO WAY. lol. you think i want to point out that pic..and say...HERE, take my sticker because the school messed up, and remember that face with this name!??? haha. naw. lol. terrible.

[LMarie_MD2b 0]

Ohhhhh, my goodness--I cannot *WAIT* until my 10 year reunion. I was voted Most Likely to Succeed, so everyone expects the education and good job and blah, blah, blah... but I can't wait to show up, look the former "Popular Pretty Girls" in the eye, and say:

"Oh, well, since high school, I graduated with Honors with my Biochemistry degree in four years, then I went to medical school and got my MD in 2011, now I'm a practicing (insert specialty here). And this is my husband, Greg. He's an engineer who graduated top of his class... Oh, right--my name is Lacey W_____, don't you recognize me? .... So what have you been up to?" :wink2:

[BRANDYK 0]

Ladies,

All I can say is that if your man truly loves you, he'd love you thin, fat, or any other condition you can come up with. I was worried that my guy would have issues with my weight loss (he won't come out and admit it but I think he likes big girls). The only issue he had was that I wouldn't buy as much lingerie as I used to because I didn't want to waste the money on stuff that I wouldn't be able to wear for very long!! He's been totally supportive and even lies to me and tells me how great my saggy ugly boobies look. (I'm having those fixed in January)

[MSMAURANY 0]

im totally freaking about the sagging skin/ anyone see Click? remember when adam sandler lost all that weight and then had " the tongue" where his stomach was? is it really really bad?

[Candle 11]

Another update since this old thread has resurfaced:

I've lost 115lbs with another 20lbs to go.

My relationship is stronger than ever. :cursing:

[Luscious 1]

I don't see its any different to having a boyfriend who loses interest or attraction because you gain weight. If he only loves you, or is attracted to you because you are larger, then I'd say you are better off without him. Find a man who loves you NO MATTER what you look like :-) I'm lucky to have one of those.

Edited May 21, 2008 by Luscious