Worried about how my boyfriend will handle the "new me"

[Candle 11]

I've seriously researched the Lap-Band and finally decided it's the right thing for me.

Now I am menatlly preparing for how it will change my life. (Once the insurance nightmare is worked out :phanvan )

One of my big worries is my relationship with my boyfriend.

I know he wants what's best for me. Being healthy, having energy, and getting out of this depression, will all have positive effects on our relationship but what about the physical side? My man is an admitted "chubby-chaser" (god! I hate that term!!!!) He's thin and very attractive. It took me a long time to accept that he is actually turned on by me, likes how I look and not to feel like I'm not good enough for him.

Has anyone been through this? I see a lot of girls posting about their SO telling them how good they look now ... I'm worried the reverse will happen to me. I know he loves ME for ME but I love how turned on by me he is. I've never had that before and I don't want to lose it!!

[hotpink_bubbles 0]

Hey, I know exactly how you feel. I just made the decision to go in for the LAP band surgery, I just sent my paperwork in a week ago and am waiting for a call to get a consult appt with the surgeon. My boyfriend tells me all the time that he thinks im beautiful and he loves me the way i am. He has asked me to marry him several times, over and over and over again, even though i always say yes lol. I have this crazy idea in my head though, that once i am "skinny" that he will love me more, or want me more, or think i am prettier, or anything. Though i know he says he does now, i cant help but wonder what it will be like, once i do lose the weight. He too likes the bigger girls, though im sure he thinks smaller girls are pretty too. What will happen though? That is one thing i am concerned about too. I guess if he doesnt like the new me once the new me is reborn then he isnt the one for me right? Just like if your boyfriend doesnt like the new you, or has a problem with you losing weight, for health, or vanity reasons, then he isnt the one for you. Just becaues you lose weight, doesnt mean the person you are will change. Looks arent everything, though sometimes i wonder if they are. I guess you, and I both will just have to wait and see what happens. Who cares what guys think anyways right? Most of the time, they are thinking with the wrong head anyways! :clap2: Good luck with your banding journey, and keep me updated!

~Hotpink~

[Lap_dancer 8]

how will your boyfriend handle you? The same way my husband will, with both hands or maybe one because he won't need two. (and I'll be smiling)

Wishing us both a healthy new life.

[Dani-X 0]

I, too, was worried about this same thing. My boyfriend of 4 years has NEVER made me feel bad about being overweight. He wants me healthy and supports me in my decisions but supporting the band was a tough one for him.

For starters, he was worried that I was doing it for him, or my family, or a million other things except the only one that matters - doing it for me. He was worried that I might take his support for the band as him saying I need to lose weight when that was never the case. One thing he never worried about was the strength of our relationship... the thought of me having anesthesia and being cut into was enough!!!

Now that I'm nearly 3 months post-op, he is thrilled with the results. And I don't mean the changes is my body... he loves my new found confidence, my strength, my cheer. He loves the fact that he gets to come along for this amazing journey. I'm not so sure he loved it when I went I started bawling in the middle of Ann Taylor Loft when I tried on a coat in XL and it fit!!! (trust me, it'll happen to you)

But seriously, I know it's hard to do but take your body out of the equation... it's you they love. And you got it right, this thing is an emotional roller coaster. While it's definitely more highs than lows, it's tough to prepare for what's happens to you emotionally. I never anticipated to have the feelings I do... but, it's all a journey and it makes us who we are.

Congrats on your decision and good luck! You'll have to keep us posted!

[Candle 11]

Thanks, girls!

The encouragement and understanding on this forum is amazing!!

This particular "worry" is small in comparison to all the others circling in my head right now but it is hard to ignore.

When we first started dating and he'd tell me I was beautiful I would always say "thanks" and kind of 1/2 smile. He asked me one day if I really believed him and I admitted I did not. He told me he was going to tell me everyday until I belived him and once I did ... twice a day after that.

He's truly is one of a kind and a big motivation/support in my decision . I want to be happy and healthy, so we can have a long life together, fulfilling all the plans we've made. (I want to be sexy too though - shhhhh :biggrin1: )

[JulieC 0]

This is the first time I am writing here. I am in the trying to get my insurance to approve me phase. I am dieting for six months to try to get approved, I will be asking for approval again in November. My concern with relationships at this point is wondering if anyone out there has met someone preop and maintained that relationship through the surgery and into finding the "new you"? I date here and there and never know whether to say anything about my pending surgery. Any suggestions? Thank you all for the support! Julie

[babygrl1234 6]

Good relationships get stronger, bad relationships usually fizzle out.

[ragdollx19 1]

While I love my spouse and value his opinion by the time I made up my mind to get the lap band anything he could have said before or after would not have mattered to me.

I have a long list of reasons I had it done but at the top of this list was FOR ME!! I know he totally supports me but even if he werent to like the new me that is too bad. I know this sounds really harsh but i am the one miserable in my fat suit he has no idea how it feels to be stuck in one.

Luckily with each lb I lose he gets sweeter, the other day the compliment was "youre starting to look like you did when I met you" which is a fabulous compliment in my book because I was HOT!

Do what is best for you, if your boyfriend loves you he will love the new you even more. What guy doesnt really love a hot chic anyway?

[MissMom24 2]

I totally agree with Ragdoll, at this stage of the game, nothing my husband can do or say will change my mind. NOTHING! I know that in my heart I am doing this for ME, no one else. I have confidence that he will see me through, but if he doesn't than it is his loss!

[lawanda jessica 0]

It's nice to have someone to love you for you.

It has not been so easy for this big gurl.

I mean I have dated my share of aholes who tear down big gurls.

Most of the men I'm attracted to only use big gurls one way or another or play with their hearts.

The ones I am not attracted to usually never go away.

Some men even feel better about themselves the more unattractive you are to other men.

The minute I lose weight the chubby chasers become intimidated immediately.

People often think because you are fat you should be happy to have any man and that is often what I see my big friends deal with which is why I remain single.

If I can't have unconditional love I'd rather be alone.

People change every day and with any positive change love should remain.

[Candle 11]

Wow - This is old. I forgot I'd even posted this.

It's over 8 months later and I'm almost 1 month post-op. I've lost 30lbs so far and am doing great!!

I'm also happy to report, I am closer to my boyfriend than ever! He has been sooooo supportive. He's learned all about the band and pretty much knows just as much as I do now - lol.

He was there for me during surgery and took excellent care of me while I was healing. He's been helping motivate me to exercise and eat better, by doing it all right along with me. He's really given me the strength to do this and a lot of my drive has been the desire to live a long and healthy life with him.

[Candle 11]

This is the first time I am writing here. I am in the trying to get my insurance to approve me phase. I am dieting for six months to try to get approved, I will be asking for approval again in November. My concern with relationships at this point is wondering if anyone out there has met someone preop and maintained that relationship through the surgery and into finding the "new you"? I date here and there and never know whether to say anything about my pending surgery. Any suggestions? Thank you all for the support! Julie

You might want to check out a thread in the SUPPORT FORUM titled "Single Bandsters".

[ParaGirl 71]

This is a good post.

My situation is a little different, my husband is all for me getting banded! When he and I met, I was about 50 pounds lighter. He is ready for me to get back to where I was when we met, and to lose some more.

He is so behind me on this, he is paying for the surgery, which is $17,400.00. Our insurance wont cover any bariatric surgery. I am so happy that he is behind me on this.

[Daisalana 33]

My husband is admittantly NOT a chubby chaser.. It's kind of a sorted deal on how we hooked up to begin with, I've always been fat.

He thinks I could have done this without surgery (I know better), but he supports it. I think he's anxious to see me at a normal size!

[JulieC 0]

Thank you all so much for your posts. I am single and seem to find all the aholes lawanda jessica wrote about. I have a wonderful support system and have no fear about going through the surgery and having all the help I need after. I am thinking dating needs to be on the back burner. I just wonder if it is possible to find someone who can love me now as I am and enjoy the hell out of me on my way to my goal?