Brother's Wedding - To Go or Not To Go, That is THE Question!

[SarahBeth1217 19]

I just had my surgery on 7/25. My brother is getting married in Colorado (in the mountains about 5 hours away from Denver and civilization) on 8/10. I'm supposed to fly up there on the 8th and I've got this horrible internal battle going on over whether or not I should go. My whole family says it's ok if I don't feel up to it, but I'd feel guilty and sad if I didn't go. At the same time, I'm still dealing with pain in my incisions, some pretty foul smelling gas, and I'm an emotional wreck. I don't want to get up there and ruin everything because I can't hardly do anything for myself and I get very irritable very easily. Just the thought of traveling and airports stresses me out right now, which sucks because I usually love flying and traveling.

Not to mention the struggles of still being on a liquid/puréed diet at a wedding. No dinner, no cake, no alcohol. Sounds pretty miserable.

I'm just so torn. It feels like a bad idea to go, like everything added together equals disaster. But, it is my brother's wedding. I don't want to miss it. I've made it to all my other brothers' weddings (five weddings total, including this brother's first wedding and my baby bro's who had it in Hawaii) and I would just feel sooo guilty if I didn't make it.

Anybody have any advice? Sorry about the rambling of this post, it kinda reflects my brain right now.

[Lori228 60]

It sounds like you really want to go, so my suggestion would be to plan ahead at what issues there may be and work those out and go. This stage you may not be able to indulge in cake and such, but hopefully you won't be wanting it either and since you are trying to get healthy you will be able to deal with that. Don't dwell on what you can't have or do, but what you will be able to do shortly. Two weeks out hopefully you will be feeling better each day and by then it won't be what it is today. Just my thoughts. It is survivable. Just take it easy. If you decide not to go, don't beat yourself up. Guess I am not much help.

[tufcat 2]

I just had my surgery on 7/25. My brother is getting married in Colorado (in the mountains about 5 hours away from Denver and civilization) on 8/10. I'm supposed to fly up there on the 8th and I've got this horrible internal battle going on over whether or not I should go. My whole family says it's ok if I don't feel up to it' date=' but I'd feel guilty and sad if I didn't go. At the same time, I'm still dealing with pain in my incisions, some pretty foul smelling gas, and I'm an emotional wreck. I don't want to get up there and ruin everything because I can't hardly do anything for myself and I get very irritable very easily. Just the thought of traveling and airports stresses me out right now, which sucks because I usually love flying and traveling.

Not to mention the struggles of still being on a liquid/puréed diet at a wedding. No dinner, no cake, no alcohol. Sounds pretty miserable.

I'm just so torn. It feels like a bad idea to go, like everything added together equals disaster. But, it is my brother's wedding. I don't want to miss it. I've made it to all my other brothers' weddings (five weddings total, including this brother's first wedding and my baby bro's who had it in Hawaii) and I would just feel sooo guilty if I didn't make it.

Anybody have any advice? Sorry about the rambling of this post, it kinda reflects my brain right now.[/quote']

Seems to me you want to be given a pass this time. Take the pass if you need it.

If you decide to go, you have to surrender to the limitations off your restrictions. You have to do it with substitutions and with grace and drama free.

My vote would be to stay home this time and find a way of incorporating yourself into the ceremony.

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Sounds as if you feel you should be there but know, in practical terms, that you can't...

You just did something major and positive for yourself, now give yourself time to heal, recover and get used to the new life. We can hear your distress at the thought of missing this event but, as you say, you went to his first wedding.

Cut yourself some slack, your hormones will be all over the place which will also be making you feel emotional. Decide today what you are doing then stick with your decision or it's going to be another week when your focus is elsewhere rather on you. And at the moment, you need to concentrate on you.

Final thought - we would all like to believe that if we don't go to something, we will be missed. That's true up to a point, but if you don't go, everyone else will still go and have a good time, your absence will be noted - but that will be it. Limited impact. Meanwhile you will be safely at home doing what you need to do, looking forward to seeing the pics of the day...

Think you know what my advice is :-)))) Just make the decision then relax, stress isn't good for weight loss

[cindymg 629]

Take GasX strips and chew Gaviscon for the gas. Then get on the plane. It will always bug you if you miss your brothers wedding.

As far as being on liquids, make sure you take plenty of RTD Protein shakes. You can also get broth -- just ask the restaurant to give you just the broth from the chicken noodle, veg Soup or French onion Soup.

I found that when I was just on liquids, I was better if I didn't miss social activities. And I actually enjoyed the people I was with MORE when I wasn't obsessed with the food. Make sure you have your own hotel room to escape to for an hour or two if exhaustion starts to take over.

Go, have a good time. Then you can look back on it and say, "remember when I survived my brother's wedding on a liquid diet?"

[artymama 170]

Go !!!

[SueJH 205]

Ultimately it is up to you. I personally found in the first couple of weeks after surgery, looking at "real" food wasn't even appetizing. If you decide to go, a suggestion is for you to become the "unofficial photographer". That way you can keep yourself busy and away from the food if you're up and about taking pictures of everyone and everything!

Good luck!

[gamergirl 4,610]

I went for my ex-husbands wedding while pre-op on liquids and managed to not eat or drink with some, but not a lot of trouble. I carried RTD Protein drinks and definitely we had our own hotel room to retreat to which helped.

For me, when struck with doubt on big issues, I always ask myself which I will regret 5 years from now? Having gone, or not gone? Because in 5 years you don't remember the negatives, only the positives of whatever choices you made. Will you look back and regret having missed the wedding? If so, go and do your best. If not, then rest and take care of yourself and don't feel guilty for making the best choice that you can right now.

[colcol 128]

I flew to see my dad NY-FLA about 3 weeks post- op he's 86 yrs old and I really wanted to see him I was uncomfortable and was on mushy foods but I did it and it wasn't bad at all I think you should try to go because a wedding is a big deal and I'm sure your family would be happy if you did good luck let us know how you made out:)

Sent from my iPhone using VST

[pantala 125]

What percentage of you not wanting to miss this is guilt and what percentage is wanting to be with your family and brother at this event? 'Cuz if it's more about guilt, I say throw that bugger down the stairs - you went to his first wedding and you just had surgery - really??? Guilt for no good reason serves no purpose.

But if it's more about not wanting to miss a big, fun, family event then you might want to put on your big girl panties, take the great advice here about how to handle that, and go!

[Ballermom 803]

I say you ultimately know what you want to do.

If you want to go then go.

If not really then I say make the most practical

Decision. Because, every ones recovery is different this is major surgery. Some are up and going some people need more rest.

My nephew died a week before my surgery

I didn't put my surgery off. I was in the hospital

Day after surgery, during his funeral. I actually

Took clothes hoping I'd get released and I didn't.

Felt guilty for choosing to go ahead with having the surgery at first. But now I'd Never Ever Apologize for taking care of me!!!

Do what you really want to do.

[Lorraine_2013 11]

Go!! The day I got out of the hospital I traveled by car 8 hours away! It was the most comfortable I was the whole time I was in the hospital and probably the next week after I returned home. I had my lovely pillow to squeeze into my tummy in emergency situations (my crazy driver;) ) Is it something recommended? No! But my stepson was graduating and I wouldn't miss it if I were laying on my death bed! This certainly wasn't stopping me I thought I'd be miserable and putting on a fake face, truth is it was fantastic!!! I'm so glad I stuck it out. Not going was never an option to me. Good luck to you!! I hope all goes perfect for all and Congrats to your brother and soon to be wife

[NoneYa 380]

I think you have to really answer this question for yourself. Do you really want to go or would you appreciate having an acceptable way out. The truth is that by the wedding date you should be more than fit to travel. You shouldn't be in pain more than a twinge here a there and you shouldn't be that tempted by the dinner, cake or booze. They certainly aren't a reason to miss a special occasion, not if it is special to you. I don't think it matters that its his second wedding and you've already attended one for him. Its still his big day. You can be prepared to make it is painless as possible. You can keep a supply of what you can have handy. If a sit down meal is served and that bothers you take that time to excuse yourself and rest somewhere or take a walk. Reappear after the meal in time for the remainder of the celebration. If you really don't particularly want to go you can easily get out of it just by saying you're sorry but not quite up to the trip yet. It really just depends on what you really want.

[SuzyB 182]

Personally I would try to go. A wedding is an important mile stone in a families life. What I will remind you is you will be in the mountains. Be extra sure to drink drink drink. Altitude sickness is not something that you want to mess with when you are still in recovery. Colorado is gorgeous this time of year.

[SmilinNC 27]

I think you should go. Change of scenery would help some of your pain & misery. As for the reception or eating times, you could always excuse yourself for the initial, go stretch out in your room, have a Protein Shake etc & then go back to join for the activities. Amazing what some laughter, activity & change of scenery can do for the mind & body!