Telling family

[gmanbat 5,889]

The big question is: What are you prepared for?

Most people know little about this surgery and what people don't understand they fear. Fear causes adverse reactions. You can't expect people not to be people.

If you have the tolerance and patience to endure backlash and don't demand support you will be OK telling all. Because people lash out at what they don't understand does not mean they don't love you. Can your love hang on to them while they work you over? How well do you handle disappointment because you expected better out of your loved ones?

[SueJH 205]

I pretty much told everyone - family and friends. Didn't have to worry about gossip from extended family because my mom took care of that! Not in a bad way, but she told everyone about my surgery, even my next door neighbor who I rarely talk to!

Word of caution: If there are any life or death secrets out there, do not tell my mom!

[hopingtolose2013 81]

I told everyone...except my aunt that lied about having the procedure to me. I wouldn't of had this procedure if my friends hadn't told me about their experience. I am thankful they shared. I feel they helped save my life. So...I am very open about it. Not ashamed at all. If I can help one person stop the cycle then its worth me sharing my experience. If someone is negative its their problem and I don't need them...or I can educate them...as I did my brother.

[Andrew0929 1,101]

The big question is: What are you prepared for?

Most people know little about this surgery and what people don't understand they fear. Fear causes adverse reactions. You can't expect people not to be people.

If you have the tolerance and patience to endure backlash and don't demand support you will be OK telling all. Because people lash out at what they don't understand does not mean they don't love you. Can your love hang on to them while they work you over? How well do you handle disappointment because you expected better out of your loved ones?

You've raised some valid issues. I know that my tolerance for uninformed advice is very low. I tend to be a '1 strike you're out' kind of guy so I'm probably best served by not telling many family members beforehand.

I may loosen up post-op as it will be too late for them to talk me out of it.

[Jenni77 60]

I am not telling anyone that I am going to have this surgery. I mentioned it to one Aunt and she expressed great concern and tried to talk me out of it. She went as far as to suggest that I get hypnotized. She is a psychologist and I guess she suggested something that she knows a lot about. I have several problems with her suggestion and know that isn't the answer to my weight problems. I come from large people and I am the smallest female in the family. I know they will just say..that I don't need it cause I'm not as big as them. My response to that in my head is well should I let it get as bad as they have? Which is why I am on this website now. I don't want or need the negativity. Later I may tell them what I have done, but only if they ask.

[SuzyB 182]

I am preop and have told my husband, 12 year old because he overheard me talking and 5 friends. 2 are long distance, and 3 are local. I am 6wks out so I will tell more people as it gets closer I am sure. I do not want to tell my Inlaws anything and I will not tell my brother who will give me the ole, eat less move more lecture. He has never had a weight problem. I will tell my other 3 kids closer to the time.

There is a huge part of me that doesn't want to tell anyone else. Another part says tell them all. who cares what they think of me.

[Tiny One 223]

I told only:

*my husband, of course

*my hr rep only because I thought it would be on my paperwork, but doc only listed "abdominal surgery." Had I known that, I wouldn't have told her. However, she's sworn to secrecy or she'll lose her job.

*3 really close girlfriends

I didn't tell anyone else, not even family. My health issues & medical decisions are private & not open for judgement & scrutiny.

[K33 87]

If you do not tell your family, or many friends, who drives you to the hospital and waits for you while you are in surgery? And who drove you home?

[gia24 85]

I've chosen not to tell my extended family, my husband and kids know, 2 closest friends, and my favorite cousin, that's it. My extended family isn't supportive and I just don't care to include them in this part of my life, my husband and kids are super supportive and that's all I need. Other than that, it's no one's business. I've found people tend to be negative or give unsolicited advice or commentary on my choice. So I've left them out of the equation.

[PGee 318]

I have told hubby and 1 sibling......using vacation time..., so not telling the office.....haven't told my parents--mom will share it to the aunts/uncles etc....but there are a few people that see me every week, at the gym, etc......and I just don't know what I'm going to say...also trying to figure out what to say to explain a 3 week hiatus from one activity.....

[Tiny One 223]

If you do not tell your family, or many friends, who drives you to the hospital and waits for you while you are in surgery? And who drove you home?

My very supportive husband was there all the way. Took me to hospital, waited, stayed overnight both nights, drove me home & took off work the first week to care for me.

[dawners73 19]

My In-laws have already started saying "can't she wait" (so hubby doesn't have to take time off), or "why does she need that?" And thy treat it like I'm getting cosmetic surgery or something. They haven't offered to come up and visit me and haven't said good luck which is fine. Theyre just being cold which kinda hurts. I would postpone the surgery but my bp is extremely high even with medication and I feel I need to do this now and he understands. Besides he could more than likely go back to work in a day or two after I get home. I'm overly senesitive and let things get to me :/

[Jenni77 60]

My In-laws have already started saying "can't she wait" (so hubby doesn't have to take time off), or "why does she need that?" And thy treat it like I'm getting cosmetic surgery or something. They haven't offered to come up and visit me and haven't said good luck which is fine. Theyre just being cold which kinda hurts. I would postpone the surgery but my bp is extremely high even with medication and I feel I need to do this now and he understands. Besides he could more than likely go back to work in a day or two after I get home. I'm overly senesitive and let things get to me :/

Thats one reason why I am not sharing this decision. Its personal, and quite frankly none of anyones business. I have made up my mind I'm doing it and don't care to hear anyone say anything to try to discourage me. Im 36 and have let this go way too long. My son is finally 18 and its time to do something wonderful for myself.

[KaraBoo 37]

I'm not keeping this private. My friends and family know, my boyfriend's ex-wife is in my 12 week supervised diet group with me (not planned that way but kinda cool) and a good percentage of the people I work with have had wls, including my boss and his wife. I'm very blessed to have so much support! Oh, and my mom had her sleeve 2 years ago -- she's my inspiration for doing this! Now if I had people in my life who were negative, I probably wouldn't say anything to them, but I love being able to educate people about vsg

[E-girl 98]

I told everyone at work and my dad, of course my husband, and my brother. I told my mom after I had a date because she can be a little critical and a worry wart. Husband spilled the Beans to my in-laws, after I told him not too. His family is the gossipy type. My family is not.

My reason for telling was I wanted people to say what they wanted to say when I was strong enough and confident enough to fight the criticism. I knew after the surgery I was going to feel ready bad because of the pain and I did want any outside options making me question my decision. Plus I didn't want to have to explain why I wasn't going out to lunch and the gurgles after I ate. For me, it was the best decision to tell early and to tell all. Most people were just curious. I only had one person criticize me but I am an out spoken person to begin with so I was able to handle her. It worked out for me because in the end I had lots of support at work and at home.

People say what they say because most a genuinely worried for you other are just jealous or in the dark. For the first 6 months, I put up with some, "see I told you so's". But once I got to goal...starting looking hot...most were very impressed with my progress and a few were very jealous. After seeing my results 4 people from work have done some kind of WLS, 2 are looking into it, and 1 is weighting on approval. I think you would be surprise how many people have had WLS.