Telling family

[dawners73 19]

How many of you have choosen not to tell family other than your parents or siblings? I feel like I'm in a delima because my aunts would be hurt that I never told them but they tend to gossip. I wouldn't mind them knowing but I really dont see the reason for my extended family to know. I'm feeling torn and somewhat alone in this process as I feel as though I'm keeping a big secret (which i guess i am lol).

[TerpGirl12 4]

I wasn't even planning on telling my brother and we are extremely close. Only my mom and husband know at this point. I may end up telling my brother because I will still be in the hospital on my birthday. Only reason I chose not to tell him is because I know he doesn't understand. He's an athlete and has been fit his entire life.

From talking to the psychologist that my doctor requires his patients to see, she said that she doesn't think it's necessary to tell anyone other than the absolutely necessary people. But she also told me not to be embarrassed because I was taking control of my life.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I told my mom, my dad, my best friend group and a few people on my team. I felt no need to tell anyone else and I don't feel bad about it.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I told my parents, three of my four siblings (I'm not close to my brother), and my oldest niece. Other than that only two close friends, one of whom happens to also be a work colleague. Anyway, when I told my family, I just sent them a group email one week before surgery. I live over 2,000 miles away from my all of family so telling them in person was not an option. When I told my family, I asked them that if they wanted to talk about it with other people, to keep it in the family or very close friends and keep it off of Facebook. I didn't want to ask them to keep secrets from other family members -- that's a tough position for them to be in -- so I left that up to their discretion.

[Arts137 1,811]

Well I took a different approach. I did not keep quiet,... did not volunteer, but answered any questions. Reason? Gossip. Rather than the rumor mill diagnosong me with something like cancer (to explain my leave) I just said it.

Whatever you decide IS RIGHT for you!

[Chelenka 827]

I put off telling my elderly parents for fear that they would be very concerned and worried until I had my surgery date. I was also concerned that they would try to talk me out of it but they didn't. I also waited until I was close to the surgery to tell my brother as he is extremely critical, especially of over weight people. I suppose I could have decided not to tell him anything but it didn't feel right to keep it from him. I was very surprised by how accepting he was of my decision. You never know how people will respond. Other than that, I told a few of my very close friends but waited until about one-month post-op to "out" myself on Facebook. LOL???? Not that it's anyone's business. I received wonderful support though so all my angst was unnecessary. Some of my FB friends have asked me to post progress photos which I haven't done yet here, much less on FB.

pre-surgery weight 325; surgery date 2/28/2013; surgery weight 307; 8 weeks past-op weight 281.4; 12 weeks post-op 274; 4 month post-op 266.2; 5 month post-op 262.6

[Andrew0929 1,101]

I'm pre-op and also struggling with this issue. Have a large family (wife and I) and several that are very opinionated and love to gossip.

I've told one close friend who continues to try talking me out of it and emailing info on new fad diets to me. Told one sister, brother, and sister in law and they were predictably supportive.

I hesitate to tell my mom as she always has an abundance of bad advice, although she means well. I hate to hide this but I know I'll regret it if I fully disclose to all .

[vinniej3 139]

I struggled with this issue, but in the end I decided to tell my family and friends. Other than my mother and sister being concerned at first, everyone has been supportive. The way I figure, if anyone has an issue with my WLS, it's there problem. Besides, what are they going to say? Wow, he got skinny the easy way? If that's what they want to think, it's their problem... as many a rapper has said, "Haters gonna hate!"

[chibabyy 77]

Personally, I don't think it's anyone's business. I told my immediate family and my boss, that's it. The reason I told my boss was because I didn't have enough vacation time to cover me so I had to use some of my sick time which I had to bring a doctors note. If I had enough vacation hours, I wouldn't have told him, I would put in for vacation. People gossip too much and they tend to think about the surgery as taking the easy way out but it is anything but that. We have to work extremely hard if we want to achieve our goal. My point is- if you know someone that gossips a lot, don't tell them. It's your body, your business, and your story/surgery.

[aumum 41]

I decided it needed to be all or none. I have chosen to only have my husband and mother know. He already went and blabbed to his mum :/

It is going to be tough to keep a secret. Good luck!

[Sassygirl06 962]

I only told my husband and my oldest daughter. It's a personal decision really. If you feel you can't do it without them, then I would tell, but if you don't want everyone to know then you should tell only those you trust to keep it to themselves. Good luck!

[thinathart 197]

I didn't tell any family members or co-workers. My husband and 2 close friends know...that's it.

Weight is a private issue for me and I'm glad I didn't share my surgery with everyone.

[flyme_places 99]

I took a different route. I told EVERYONE I know. Friends, family and even put it on Facebook. I actually found more people have had some kind if WLS done or knew someone who has. I think it really helps with my recovery process and getting thru everything cause there are people there to congratulate you when you hit certain milestones. I know among everyone I told there are people who don't agree with it but to heck with them. I'm hoping that in telling everyone and not keeping quiet that someone who has been thinking about it will actually do it and change their life like I did.

[vinniej3 139]

It's intersting to see the different responses here. At the end of the day, I guess it's just a personal preference or choice. Whatever works for you, go for it. But don't forget you have friends here on the board that are willing to talk through all the issues.

[Poolguard 55]

It is up to you to decide what you think is best. I told a few people. Close family members, people at work, some neighbors. I have not heard one single negative comment. What I have learned is... at least my belief... people struggle with this topic out of their own insecurities. I do not mean this in a bad way - we all (fat people) have to battle with demons and insecurities every day and they sometimes overcome our lives, which in some part can contribute to being so over weight and getting us to this point. Telling or not telling does not change the eventual outcome of what will happen with your relationship with the individual. Delaying in telling only delays what will ultimately happen in the relationship. If they were going to be against you getting the surgery... most likely they will be against you having had the surgery when they find out about it and that ultimately will will effect your relationship moving forward in the future.

Having people supportive of this life change is important and you will find that the "new" you will naturally seek the company of more positive and supportive people and will think less of those that choose not to be supportive, even if they are family. It will hurt, but doing this truly gives you an honest picture of who truly loves you for who you are. I found that with people in my daily life knowing what I am doing helps me stay motivated to follow the program. I am somewhat of a people pleaser and these people are generally pleased with the success I am having with this programs, which in turn helps me work harder at it. Just some thoughts I have from my perspective. Good luck with this decision. I know it is not easy.