My husband wont sleep with me

[AutismMom 92]

I'm 5 weeks post op and my husband has had sex with me 3 times. Hello!!! I'm 31 and I still need sex in my life...maybe not everyday, but at least every other day. It's killing me emotionally. He says he's just stressed. I believe that may be part of it, but I'm sure there's something he's not telling me. I know it's another person (in person anyway) they're aren't enough hours in the day....but that's not enough to reassure me that everything's going to be ok. I have asked. I have initiated. I have have done everything I can think of. He says he's stressed & busy, he has to do XYZ...then i'll ask again and he'll say fine, but for God sake i shouldn't have to twist his arm. That totally is a buzz kill....what do I do? Any ideas? He just is always too busy for me.

[NoneYa 380]

What was your sex life with him like before surgery?

[AutismMom 92]

It wasn't as much as I would have liked, but it was way more often! He was gone 11 of the last 13 months though. Overseas. But before that it was more often than this too. This is new and making me crazy.

[GBFree82 75]

Was he deployed with the military?

He could have PTSD, it's common for guys to come home and not be very sexually active.

[maharet111 544]

He could also be worried about hurting you. My crazy boyfriend make me wait 6 weeks because he was convinced it would hurt me.

But I also agree with the PTSD comment..sit down with him and talk to him. Don't make it about the sex..seems there is something else going on.

[NoneYa 380]

I think communicating feelings is going to be of help here. I know a lot of men aren't all that much into discussing feelings but i would try to get to the bottom of his. In a completely nonthreatening way i would honestly express mine too. In this situation I would feel hurt and I would tell him so and why. It would be especially hurtful and frustrating for me if I had just lost weight because that tends to make us feel more sexually desirable. If you've been apart it might be that you just need to learn to be comfortable with each other again.

[vicster247 8]

I know my husband was scared he would hurt me so he was stand offish at first but everything was fine. I agree you need to talk and find out whats wrong. Good luck with this and your new you.

[HatheryOnHerWay 603]

Highly unlikely, but do the incisions bother him?

[Old self 16]

I imagine that spouses go through as many emotional issues as sleevers do.

You are changing and he might feel intimidated by it or insecure because of it.

[AutismMom 92]

Thanks. He says its stress---when I ask what kind or if he knows what's causing it he says our son...the Autism is getting to him. :/ that's scary as crap, because the Autism isn't going away.

[NoneYa 380]

Do you believe him? I really think he needs to talk to someone. The autism is a stressful issue for everyone in the family no doubt. If that is truly the issue he needs help to work it out because as you say isn't going anywhere. He can let it tear up your marriage or help it unite the two of you and make it stronger.

[Mexico 16]

He may be suffering from ptsd and may feel like the stress of the autism may trigger something in him because he has been dealing with many other stresses overseas and may feel he doesn't know how to handle your son now. It takes a while for soldiers to really come back to the real world and may take hime even longer to admit to ptsd and especially to get help. While it is getting a little better it is really hard to ask for help as a soldier when part of your duty is selflessness. I know that sounds hypocritical but getting help may effect how he is viewed in his unit or he thinks it will and these are the people who defended each other with their lives in danger. I would say give him a bit more time...reality is probably just now sinking back in and its scary...it took me about a year to feel comfortable back home. It doesn't seem fair and as long as you keep communicating to him you guys need him back without being angry he may feel the support he needs to work at getting better for his family which is always more important. Being s military wife is a hard job hang in there and enjoy ur journey by the time hevis ready for more you will be feeling hotter than ever!

[DanaMomto3 145]

I have 3 kids with asd. It definitely affects our sex life. I suspect him coming home after being away so long and seeing his son is making him relive the diagnosis and emotions. Keep talking, keep trying. Communication is key.

[Heather Meyer 103]

It sounds like he is under lots of stress from having to transition and adjust...think about it this way: he has been gone for 11 months...and then he comes home..your recovering from surgery and life is different for you in a lot of ways...its a new thing..he has to get used to the idea that you just had your body opened up and cut and sewn...to top it off..your son has autism and that is a big adjustment for anyone..let alone..for someone who has just been away for almost a year...your life is turned upside down...you have to adjust quickly..no time to sit back and unwind..you have to get into a routine with your son instantly because children with autism need routine...so...is he stressed? Oh you bet...i dont think he is making that one up ...and of course if that wasnt enough to handle...he just got back from somewhere that was pretty stressful as is im sure...has he talked about what has gone on the past 11 months? Odds are: he is suffering from military ptsd..and the side affect of that includes: insomnia, irritability, isolated or withdrawn and sexual dyfunction as well... I understand that you have needs and that includes intimacy and affection..however.. i think you might have to lower your expectation in the bedroom with him and give him some time..let him adjust..and stop bringing it up and trying to initiate it all the time..let him come to you when he feels ready..it will go over much better that way..and again like others have said..counselling is a very important tool for your marriage and for him too..i highly recommend it. Good luck

[Poorehouse 18]

I'm not saying this to be funny... But is it possible the problem is with him and not how he feels about you at all. Maybe he is having trouble "performing" and rather than admit that he makes other excuses. Some man hate to admit that they are having a problem in that area and it is too embarrassing to them to tell you or a doctor... Just a thought. I know I am having that issue with my spouse and he gets frustrated with himself. Just something else to consider but you would have to be careful how you approach that topic with him because he may not be ready to discuss it.... If all else fails get some blue pills and roofie him... Now I am just kidding about the last part! Good luck to you