I need Advice!

[TwinsMama 483]

Everyone that is suggesting the daughter follow the diet along with the mother after her surgery........really???????? Does anyone actually think that an overweight person can just stop eating all together? Hey what a novel idea. Then there would be no need for WLS because nobody would be overweight. Let's just get everybody to stop eating regular meals and eat 3-4 ounces at meal times and no snacking! Not to be sarcastic here but what is that idea but just another diet? As for school lunches, pack her a lunch! No big deal. Okay, sorry, got that out of my system.

From what I've noticed I think everyone is saying monitor what she eats, more Protein, less carbs, being active each day. I may have missed someone saying eat like a post-op...I agree won't work.

I do however feel, by changing her diet (or even WW like someone suggested), she would benefit. The thing is, even with the sleeve a person can cheat. I see a coworker do it daily.

If she cannot do simple (gradual) diet changes, the sleeve will fail her too. Or, rather, she will fail her sleeve.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,146]

Yes can you imagine having this done and going back to school so soon after?? And starting high school?? Getting liquids and required Protein is literally a full time job in the months after surgery.. One of the MANY reasons this is not a good idea.. Speaking of which' date=' how much thought has been put into this?

To the op you were supposed to have this done to yourself in March, but got sick and say now your thinking of just doing the both of you? And paid her deposit.. That's a small chunk of time to make such a major decision on such a MAJOR surgery....

I know I keep chiming in here, but honestly I'm sick to my stomach about this.. And as a mother of a teen girl beg you to reconsider if only for just a bit and go through it with yourself first.[/quote']

I felt/feel tightness in my chest and an upset stomach while reading through this thread.

I've been overweight forever and obese+ for longer than I can remember. My daughter will be 13 this winter and battled with weight issues. I could not imagine her, or any of her peers, being ready for this drastic and permanent decision.

Its a major adjustment and struggle for me as an adult. An adult who's considered WLS for almost a decade and researched VSG for over a year before making the leap.

It's too much for a child. They're still learning and growing. We want our children to learn and grow from seeing our life experiences and choices. And be better because of it.

This thread has motivated and empowered me. My daughter and I are going to work on a healthy and realistic plan together so that she isn't faced with this decision in her future.

[wannabaloser 59]

She will be mad and upset but she is a teenage girl. She is devastated when I won't buy her a $100 pair of jeans or when she gets her phone taken away.

I am not worried about that, she is devastated 10x a day.

I will feel horrible about getting the surgery and losing weight while she doesn't.

I think I didn't make myself clear, I am not considering surgery so she looks like everyone else. Of course I want my daughter to be able to wear normal sizes and not have to shop at Lane Bryant but I would not consider surgery for that reason.

I am considering surgery because she is as unhealthy if not more so. She is borderline diabetic, I am 32 and don't have that issue. She is 14 and can't walk up our stairs without gasping for breath. She can't ride rides at the amusement parks cause she is too big. She has more stretch marks than I do and I have 3 kids. She is constantly tired. Hee blood pressure is higher than mine. These are just a few of the reasons we are thinking about surgery.

She knows the only thing that will change after losing weight is her weight and weight related health issues. She knows she won't be anymore outgoing or be any happier than any other normal teenager. She also knows she will be different than all of them because of her food restrictions.

I said we just started considering this surgery a month ago but that's not true. We had already planned on her doing it next summer, if she needed it, if everything went well with mine. Then I saw other younger kids have had the surgery and decided to do it sooner since her health is getting worse.

She has done lots of diets and didn't lose weight. She understands that this surgery is not a miracle. She knows that she will be working her butt off and that there is still no guarantee that this will work. She may just have something wrong that the doctors cant find.

I have not made up my mind at all. She has a doctor's app Monday to go see what they think plus to run more tests so I no there is nothing medically wrong like her thyroid.

I appreciate all your responses and she and I are going over each one together and talking about each point made.

Our appointment in Mexico is in 2 weeks. I have changed my date 2 times and have no problem changing it 10x if need be. I have been fat for 10 years so it wont hurt me to be fat another couple months if that's what it takes to get everything cleared away for her.

[blash67 82]

I just don't think a person at that age is mature enough to deal with the lifetime restrictions this surgery brings. She may seem mature enough at this point in time, but teenagers evolve and it ain't always pretty. She may deal with the initial post op diet OK, and even the first year, but ... with all of the things I have read about potential for regain ... and all the things that teenagers do, including drinking ... I just can't imagine she is ready to handle the lifetime of risks and changes this surgery imposes.

I do regret not doing this surgery earlier in my life, but I never would have handled it properly at that age. You have to get to a certain point where you are ready to submit and eyes are wide open. And even though I see this surgery as the best chance for success, I still see it as a last resort. Give her a chance to learn better habits through your new lifestyle.

[hopingtolose2013 81]

I'm torn on this. I think she is young and everyone is saying she isn't mature enough to handle restiction.....but as a mom isn't it our job to teach our kids what's best? Should u allow the surgery and teach her...or should you allow her to continue to gan weight and be miserable? We all know dieting doesn't work. We all know that others telling us to eat right doesn't work. The sleeve does. It helps us make better decisions. I think I would allow it and help her rather than allow her to gain 100 more lbs before she is 18.

[NoneYa 380]

I don't necessarily think 14-15 is too young. I think it depends on the child's other health conditions, risk including family health history, her full understanding and desire, commitment and maturity. The reality is that she is morbidly obese and she is/will suffer physically and emotionally due to it. School, especially a new one will be even more difficult for her. It isn't wrong to give her options if she is capable of handling them and the ramifications. The girl needs help.

What i would do in this situation is go ahead with my surgery now and postpone hers for 6 months or a year or so. In that time i would take her to counseling sessions and let her see what i go through first hand, good and bad. In that time she'll be a little older and have some first hand knowledge to base her decision on.

Who knows, she might make healthy adjustments on her own in that time. She might see your meals and lifestyle and think it doesn't work for her after all. Its easy to read about it on a forum but i can tell you its not the same as living it. Good luck to both of you whatever you choose.

[lisa2job 130]

I would wait , she is only 14 and still goin thru emotional time of just being a teen.... maybe with you getting the surgery and staring a healthier life style she will fall in suit.... at 14 I wouldnt of been able to make this kind of decision on surgery... definately have her see a counselor though and see where her head is at ...

[bigsleeve56 266]

"You will not be "curing" or "fixing" anything else, and I am afraid you will see the repercussions of this choice down the line. I stand by my earlier post - I really feel that the biggest thing you can do for her is teach her by example"

Who here has learned by example and does not have the sleeve or is not going to have the sleeve. The example here is mom can't do why should I. Why try to make someone do something none of the rest of us could do. If she had another med problem there would be no problem removing a portion of her stomach. Overweight can lead to major med problems at a young age and maybe should be treated as such. There are alot of things I missed in growing up because of my size and it had nothing to do with beuty and fitting in. Now every day I suffer because of my large size as a youngster. This is availble and it is not new it has been done for many years for other reasons and should be an option for anybody. You do not know this person and her mother does. Not that many years ago14 was old enough to be married and have families and many girls of this age are more mature than alot of people on this sight that have the sleeve.

[No game 14,437]

Yes by example... This is a post of yours I put up but then took down, I'm putting it up again because I think you are lying to yourself about how hard she has tried, if you eat this way, so does she... Keep the the stuff out of the house!

I am scheduled to have the Sleeve Surgery with Dr. Garcia in Tijuana Mexico on March 23. I am so excited but also worried. I know the sleeve is made so you can't eat large amounts of food. My problem is that I already don't eat large amounts. In fact I hate the feeling of being full. I am a snacker. It is not unusual for me to go 2-3 days without eating a meal. I will eat junk food and sweets throughout the day instead. I eat stuff such as little debbies' date=' ice cream, frozen pot pies, ramen noodles, and similar junk. Do you think the sleeve will help me eat less and better? I know it is not a miracle cure but I hope it will be a tool to help me eat better and no sweets.

I would love to hear from someone who has had the sleeve surgery and who had the same bad eating habilts as me. Please let me know what you think from your experiences with your sleeve. I have researched all the different surgeries and this one seems to have the best results with the least side effects. I don't think I have heard of anyone who was unhappy with the results.

I am 32 years old, 5'3", 310 pounds, with a BMI of almost 55. I have to do something and I feel like this is the surgery for me but I don't want to spend this hard earned money if it is not going to work.

Please let me know what you think, whether it's good or bad.

Also I would love to meet people who are having surgery around the same time as me in Tijuana.

THANKS!![/quote']

[bigsleeve56 266]

"I just don't think a person at that age is mature enough to deal with the lifetime restrictions this surgery brings. She may seem mature enough at this point in time"

I do not think I'm mature enough to deal with the lifetime restrictions or are most of us

[Nicolanz 1,484]

If my mom didn't have frozen dinners, little Debbie's, Cheetos, hot dogs, etc in the house with the freedom to eat whatever and when ever I wanted, I probably wouldn't be in this situation. Veggies and fruit were completely foreign to me as a kid. Leading by example can work especially when you have kids who have no control over what foods are kept in the house. I think OP is feeling guilty of what her daughter has become. My dad did and offered to pay for lapband when I was 18. I knew then I wasn't ready for anything like that!

I agree this surgery isn't going to fix anything but her size. Teens of any size can have issues with low self esteem, depression, promiscuity, being bullied, etc.

[No game 14,437]

I know it sounds weird because I was morbidly obese, but I did not keep that stuff in the house. I think that's part of the reason my children are fit.

I am a special kind of fat person. You would never catch me buying anything thing like little Debbie's or ice cream because I was to "embarrassed" of what others might think! Not to say that it never happened once in a while chips or Cookies might make their way in by my husband, should he want a rare "treat" for him or the kids.

I was a diet coke fiend but never allowed them to drink it.. My daughter would say she couldn't wait till she was 18 so she could buy one!

I cooked healthy foods but I stuffed and binged at night alone..

It really is up to the parents to make those shopping and cooking choices. And a good start is stop buying the crap.

[wannabaloser 59]

I eat bad but I cook very healthy. I cook Breakfast and dinner everyday. The only time my kids are on their own is for lunch. My daughters favorite meal is southwest salad with chicken breast. I may be from the south but I don't even know how to fry food. I bake EVERYTHING!! I am a good cook and baker. I make desert and they get a serving after dinner. She usually eats fruit as lunch or a snack.

I am the one that eats crap. I don't know why but in the last few years I went to eating crap non stop even though there i. A meal right there.

Luckily I have kicked that habit and havent eaten sweets or that other junk in over a week while I get ready for my preop diet.

I have 2 boxes of little debbies and a gallon of ice cream that I haven't ate any of in 2 weeks and not one of my kids have asked for any.

My daughter is a volume eater. It doesn't matter how healthy a food is if your eating non stop you are going to gain weight. I can stop her when I am there to watch her but I can't be there nonstop as we all know.

Like I said before she never has a feeling of being full, thats her problem.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,146]

If my mom didn't have frozen dinners, little Debbie's, Cheetos, hot dogs, etc in the house with the freedom to eat whatever and when ever I wanted, I probably wouldn't be in this situation. Veggies and fruit were completely foreign to me as a kid. Leading by example can work especially when you have kids who have no control over what foods are kept in the house. I think OP is feeling guilty of what her daughter has become. My dad did and offered to pay for lapband when I was 18. I knew then I wasn't ready for anything like that!

I agree this surgery isn't going to fix anything but her size. Teens of any size can have issues with low self esteem, depression, promiscuity, being bullied, etc.

I think you hit the nail on the head. The OP is reacting to her own feelings of guilt.

[TwinsMama 483]

I'm torn on this. I think she is young and everyone is saying she isn't mature enough to handle restiction.....but as a mom isn't it our job to teach our kids what's best? Should u allow the surgery and teach her...or should you allow her to continue to gan weight and be miserable? We all know dieting doesn't work. We all know that others telling us to eat right doesn't work. The sleeve does. It helps us make better decisions. I think I would allow it and help her rather than allow her to gain 100 more lbs before she is 18.

While I value what you're saying there is a bit I don't agree with at all. My sleeve doesn't help me make better decisions. My mental work before and during this process helps me make better decisions. Check some of the Vet boards, you'll see that many people regain because the sleeve doesn't help them make better decisions.