I need Advice!

[deedadumble 1,033]

I would recommend waiting for several reasons. The first is at 14 going on 15 your daughter is still growing. The growth plates in her bones have probably not closed. The beginning phases of diet restriction from the sleeve will not provide enough nutrition for growth and development.

Second, you mentioned that the other diets that she has tried have not worked. Has she been fully compliant with the diets and not lost weight? If so, she may have a metabolic disorder that should be identified before surgery because the sleeve will not fix metabolic disorders. You should have her thyroid tested and take her to a Gyn for testing for polycystic ovarian syndrome.

Third, If she's tracking on MFP, have her follow the basic plan for the sleeve... 64ou+ Water, 60g+ Protein, 30+min exercise, and track all eating. If she eats that much Protein and drinks that much Water, she shouldn't be as hungry.

Fourth, the first few weeks after surgery are going to be a full time job for you to track and get in your water and protein. It's going to be extremely difficult to manage both of you in that situation.

Finally, until you've had surgery you have no idea what it's like. Having her watch you go through it will give her realistic expectations.

[LI Gemini NY 607]

I am a future Mexico self pay sleever.

I was originally scheduled for March 9th but had to reschedule. I got extremely sick and the doctor's could not find anything wrong. I did not want to go through surgery not knowing why I was hurting and sick. I rescheduled my surgery for July 27th.

In the meantime I started thinking and worrying more and more about my daughter's weight. She is 14 and been overweight for 2 years. She is 5`3 and weighs 248. She has tried to diet and exercise but has a very hard time losing weight. The doctors can't find anything to stop her from losing medically.

She is starting a new school' date=' in a new city this year after going to the same school her whole life. She is terrified of being made fun of. I also don't want her to deal with all the side effects of being overweight. I know I don't have to list the side effects on here, just think of your own personal experiences.

About a month ago I contacted my doctor, Dr. Garcia, and sent him her medical info. He accepted her for surgery even though she is very young. I changed our dates to August 10th, paid her deposit, and booked the flights for us.

Now, I am having second thoughts. I am terrified of taking my young daughter to another country for surgery. I don't know if I am being pro-active and stopping this before it gets out of hand or letting her give up on losing weight on her own. Then I start thinking that her life has barely started and I am forever altering her. My mind is just racing with thoughts.

She is very excited about the surgery though.

I need some advice from people who have had surgery, from parents, or anyone else who wants to respond.[/quote']

Please take a look at this video of a 12 year old girl that had surgery.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

This is tough. Especially since you've already prepared her for surgery. Of she's as passionate about having it done as I was, it would crush her to turn back now. I personally think you should have had the surgery first then her after a year or so. She may have followed your lifestyle changes and y'all could have exercised together. She may have not even needed surgery. She's a kid. I was probably her weight by 14 too. I can't imagine doing this at that age and my recovery was easy physically and mentally. 14 is also the time I experienced with drugs and alcohol. A crossover addiction could have easily happened. Good luck either way. I am praying for your family!

[No game 14,437]

Please take a look at this video of a 12 year old girl that had surgery.

Sleeving his niece at 12 years old, youngest sleeve patient in the world.. Nice.

Great advertisement for the Dr.....

All these videos he makes of this girl...

[BKLYNgal87 503]

Sleeving his niece at 12 years old, youngest sleeve patient in the world.. Nice.

Great advertisement for the Dr.....

All these videos he makes of this girl...

EXACTLY. At the end of the day surgeons may have the MD degree but they are best at only three things - cutting, sewing, and making money. Many don't have much of a clue when it comes to real medicine.

[Bredred 45]

I agree with the others that 14/almost 15 seems really young for this surgery for all the reasons mentioned. I also wanted to point out the practical considerations for waiting at least a year for her to have surgery. I'm 3.5 weeks out and have had a very smooth recovery. However, even with that, all the planning and coordination involved with meal planning and making sure I'm getting in enough fluids and Protein is like a full time job. I'm on purees for another 4 days and then have 2 weeks of soft foods. For now, that means I need to have 5-6 small meals/snacks a day with all time in between spent drinking my Water. I couldn't imagine doing that while at school. IMHO, you'd be better off with you having the surgery this year, and she and you can take the next year to see what it really entails and she can adopt a healthier lifestyle, along with you. If you both decide, in consultation with her regular primary care doctors, that this surgery is appropriate, you can do it as soon as school lets out next summer and she will have the whole summer to recover before going back to school. By then, she should be in a grove in terms of eating and drinking.

[No game 14,437]

Yes can you imagine having this done and going back to school so soon after?? And starting high school?? Getting liquids and required Protein is literally a full time job in the months after surgery.. One of the MANY reasons this is not a good idea.. Speaking of which, how much thought has been put into this?

To the op you were supposed to have this done to yourself in March, but got sick and say now your thinking of just doing the both of you? And paid her deposit.. That's a small chunk of time to make such a major decision on such a MAJOR surgery....

I know I keep chiming in here, but honestly I'm sick to my stomach about this.. And as a mother of a teen girl beg you to reconsider if only for just a bit and go through it with yourself first.

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

Nutritionist - " weigh and measure your food. Here's some hand outs. Eat 1200 calories sugar free fat free. Drink 64 oz Water. Eat 60 gm Protein."

Doctor- " exercise 30 minutes every day. Eat less move more. Eat less carbs. Eat more Protein. No junk food."

Psychiatrist- " any plans to hurt yourself? No? How long have you battled your weight? Were your parents overweight? How did being overweight make you feel?"

Same stuff in different versions for me past 30 years. Frustrating when I know if my thin friend and I eat the same kind of sandwich. I will metabolize it slower and retain more calories than her. People know why they are fat. We eat too much food than our bodies can naturally handle. For a variety of factors. I may not be an "expert" on the sleeve (yet) but I am an expert at being fat and its miserable when you are 14 and being teased at school. All it did was reinforce unhealthy habits of trying to lose weight and ruin my self esteem. I even tried to kill myself when I was 15 because I hated myself. This is why I am so passionate about this topic.

Hey Nurse, I've always read ur posts since being here nd appreciate all of ur views, but let me just say somethin about the above scenarios u gave to the OP...the one thing that stood out to me about this post was that YOU gave URSELF EVERY chance in the world b4 u had wls. I hate that people were so cruel to u as a teen AND ALTHO I DON'T KNOW YOU, I THANK GOD THAT UR SUICIDE ATTEMPT FAILED! What I feel, which Is just mho as well, is that just like you did, the op needs to give her daughter the full arsenal of support as well. I'm not scolding or trying to change ur mind Nurse, ur post here just struck me differently. I'm proud of ur success:) now i'll go post to the op:) glu.

[DonRodolfo 1,416]

... the sleeve in itself is not a cure either and she will need to work out her issues around food regardless. There are plenty of people here that are sleeved and still struggling with overeating and eating the wrong foods for the wrong reasons..

This. Right. Here.

[DonRodolfo 1,416]

It never occurred to me to take her to a NUT, which I will be doing.

I lost 50lbs preop on the knowledge i gained from my NUT and less effort than I had put into weight loss in the past.

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

Ok, its me again, and this is to the op. As been stated b4, u sound like a gr8 mom, one whose trying to rescue her daughter from the un necessary pains of middle school bullying. Let me share this w u first, my daughter didn't get the overweight gene I have, she's 17 , skinny as heck but in a healthy way, beautiful, an athelete too but guess what, shes had to deal w bullying since we've moved to this new school 3 yrs ago! She sees a therapists now. Y wud they bully her u might ask, well, jealousy, bc they are insecure, bc she's a Christian teen who tried being different and they cudnt handle that so they bullied her! My point, it doesn't matter these days, teens nd people in general can just be ASSESS for no good reason. U didn't say if ur daughter has gone threw bullying, I think, but ur trying to stop it b4 it happens. It may or may not and if it does, it may or may not b bc of weight, some kids are just cruel that way. I cud go one w telling u or giving u suggestions on how to prepare ur daughter mentally for the new school change, but since ur considering surgery first, I again, like others say this...you came to this forum with mommy emotions that tells u to protect ur sweety at all costs, and u came in here w mommy intuitions which makes you take a second thot about the wls, I'm glad u are here. U can protect her but instead if giving that money to the dox, be just as diligent and give that money to a the wls therapists, followed w wls nutritionists! I am a grown woman and was told yesterday by the nut...u will NOT be approved unless you are willing to make these changes nd then she gave me, a grown woman, some goals to fill first b4 she'll approve me to c the surgeon again. She said if u can't make the NECESSARY CHANGES prior, YOU WILL FAIL EVEN W THE SURGERY. She said but if u fail w this surgery, ie...not making good food choices, drinking/smoking, discontinue alllll sweets now, no soda Everrr...if I don't now b4 surgery, and I continue after surgery, I'd b in the hospital almost the rest of my life. I almost changed my mind, not bc of drinking/smoking bc I nvr have but bc of sweets, again, ima grown woman! No sweets? So my point, if uve not grabbed it by now, bc I can b chatty;), is I am a grown woman jumping threw the NECESSARY hoops to insure my successes w this surgery, before it, during it, nd for my lifetime. I agree w a lot of the posters, nd I agree w u trying to protect her from evil people, but no matter what, she's got help you to help her. She's excited about the vainity part of the surgery, but guess what, in our own way so r many of us, but I feel for her its more so bc she has a teenage mindset nd thats ok bc she's a teen. Like the postops r telling u, nd ull soon c, its a full time job! She will have to measure foods always, drink a certain amt always, can't drink alcohol, hopefully she won't, but UK teens nd college yrs...I'm just trying to say that she has so much social life to go thru in order to become an adult one-day, nd if she chooses any of those things bc of peer pressure w the sleeve, it cud really hurt her worse in the long run. If ur willing to do ALL you can for her, then do like the postops said, u have it done, make her follow ur pre n post op regimen to the letter, nd I assure you she will lose some, nd maybe that will boost her confidence enuff to stick w a diet an exercise plan while seeing psych, nd nut along the way. Then if uve exhausted all of those avenues, re eval nd see where u guys stand. But don't rush the decision based on she'll be at a new school soon, so we gtg it done NOW. just mho and I'm proud of u for sticking ur neck out here to strangers about your life but just think, u came here for a reason. U can't take back the 85% stomach that they will take from her. But u can arm her with ALL the data from all sources and then ull know wo a doubt what u need to do. ) God bless nd gl.

[Nursebarbie 392]

I appreciate all the view points and hopefully this is helpful to the OP in finalizing her decision.

[chris54 106]

Deedadumble very well said and thoughtout plus others hve pointed out the danger associated with surgery period. In my opinion the support has been given its up to her. Either she will take the emotion out of decision and look at it logically or she may have to live with a decision she may regret. I am a adult 9 months out 83 pounds lost and it is a life style that at times can b over whelming. Docs in the u.s. r not requiring u to see a nut, psychologist classes, support groups just for the hell of it, its all there for a reason. Even if your daughter get the surgery the fat is not going to come off instantly she maybe still teased at school so this is not a quick fix, u need to find out what's going on with her emotionally first b4 surgery

[clk 3,519]

Clearly it's a difficult decision.

As a vet, three years out and here on this forum for four years, I can say that I've seen maybe FIVE people come back a couple years out and say they're still easily maintaining with no regains and no issues.

Will the sleeve help your daughter lose weight? Indubitably.

But as many of us determine after life at goal, being thin does not equate with being happy, even if we convince ourselves it's the one thing keeping us from loving ourselves.

We're talking about a number of issues here. I say this as a mom/stepmom of six daughters - there is absolutely no right or easy answer here.

Things to consider:

1) Has she done other methods to lose weight? There are a few reasons I ask. Did they work for me? NO. But they built a foundation and forced me to exercise willpower. Few people succeed with traditional dieting but WLS should not be the first time she actually tries to lose weight. Instant gratification in this can lead to issues everywhere else in her life.

2) Why is she obese? Is it solely genetics? There is more here than just food. Being skinny and all of a sudden being accepted by her peers will be just as damaging as being rejected by them, and will reinforce the idea that beauty/thinness equates with love/happiness/popularity.

3) Teens are the most impulsive and irresponsible creatures. Truly. Consider transfer addictions like drugs and alcohol. Experimenting with these things is now the norm, not the exception.

I am not saying whether or not it's "right" to do this. I think no matter what you decide that counseling is imperative, and lots of it. I think that at fourteen as a morbidly obese teen myself I would have wanted this surgery. As the mother of an obese little girl (age five) who has four older, attractive and yes, svelte sisters, I can absolutely understand and relate to your concerns. I posted about it at length in the "VSG as a preventative" in the Vet forum.

If being obese as a teen is damaging, so is having the idea that your entire worth and likeabilty as a person is tied up in your appearance. Adult women post here all the time about being treated differently and the trust and confidence issues it causes once you shed the weight.

I say wait at least until she's sixteen and reevaluate then, but that is what I would do with my own daughter. And I would keep her in counseling until that age, too, because there are underlying issues here if she has social anxiety. I would be sure she really understands - not just the challenges and the diet - but that this is FOREVER. That's not a very easy to comprehend thing for some of the grown ups here, and many of them struggle in maintenance as a result.

And what if it DOESN'T resolve her obesity? There's a vet here sleeved the same time as me who still has sixty pounds to lose and is still (I think) considered obese by the BMI chart. She's having big troubles reconciling that and trying to figure out a way to shed the weight. There are other vets here that are still trying to lose the last thirty pounds or so to goal, too. We're talking THREE YEARS out. If your gal thinks this is an easy fix, it's really not.

Best of luck to you. I'd wait but I know that it will be a challenge if she's excited and wants it right now. Sometimes we have to do what's best - and this really isn't the easy solution I'm pretty sure she thinks it will be. Just follow a diet and eat less and be skinny - I wish it were that easy!

~Cheri

[sarsar 824]

I read this post first last night and have been thinking about it ever since. I feel for you op, the heartache you must be going through trying to make this decision for your daughter. I can honestly see both sides of this. I didn't become obese until I was in my 20's so I didn't grow up fat. I can't imagine going through high school obese, it would be one of the most horrible things a child would have to deal with. I'll just say my different thoughts here...

I know for sure I would not do this surgery at the same time as anyone in my family that I need to care for. Like others have stated, after surgery it is a full time job just trying to get in all of your fluids and Protein, and, for months, just trying to adapt to this new life style. Mentally, it is the hardest thing that I have ever gone through in my life and I am 40 years old. I cannot imagine you trying to deal with all of the post op issues and having to be there for your daughter at the same time. With a teenager, you would need to be at your best to be helping her through this, if you decide for her to have this surgery. You can't be there for her 100% while you are healing from this, there is no possible way.

I had a wonderful recovery, physically, really no issues except for becoming dehydrated once. But, I was tired. This is major surgery.

I am a SAHM and I have to say that for me to do this for myself was tough, I am used to giving and doing for everyone else all the time. It's my job and I actually enjoy it, so having to decide that I had to take some time off and focus only on me during my recovery was tough. It needed to be done and I am a better person, better mom, better wife, and better friend for it now at over 2 years out from surgery.

Please think about this....I strongly suggest you having the surgery first so that when your daughter has it you can be there for her 100%, you can know what to expect and you can be there or her to help her along in her recovery.

I am sure that your daughter wants this surgery more than anything. She is almost 15 and most likely the only thing she has on her mind is wanting to fit in and be pretty and be thin. She isn't mentally capable of seeing her life 20 years from now having had this surgery. It is a life change, if she can't change her habits she will end up gaining weight back, there is no doubt about it, it will happen if she can't make a life long change. This is why as her mother you have to make this decision for her.

My other thought is that if your daughter is being bullied at school, I wouldn't even send her back in the fall. If it were my daughter (and I have one who is now 22), I would pull her out of school in a heartbeat and home school her. There are plenty of virtual schools online now that provide a computer and all of the teachers are there for support at all times. They even have field trips and things like that that your daughter could get involved in. Just something to think about aside from the surgery.

How heart wrenching for you...all we as moms want are the very best for our children and we would go to the ends of the earth trying to give them the best life possible. I don't know what I would do, I just don't know (other than for sure having the surgery first and after healing making the decision for her). I do know that I won't look down upon you for your decision, whatever it is. Mothers need to stick together and support each other even if we don't agree. State your opinion and realize that we may not agree but we all have the same goal in mind and that's to do what is best for our children. Motherhood is too tough to go at it alone, we need eachother. Hang in there, my thoughts are with you.