female only Already receiving heat from the hubby

[TwinsMama 483]

I started not to post on this because only you know how your marriage is and many people I think give up too soon on their marriages. That said...you have to think of your physical and mental health (and that of your kids if you have any). This surgery will give you much of your life back, but it will also make you much more prone to depression and other problems if you already haven't done the "head work".

You will need to decide if your husband is helping or hindering your development. If he is hindering your development, you will need to go to counseling (alone if he won't go) and keep on going until you feel ready to make a decision and stick with it, either way. I believe part of his issue is fear. Our fears (at least as healthy adults) are never really about someone else, they are ours to own and acknowledge.

If he is so scared of losing you that he resorts to hurting you (even mentally) you have to decide if you are willing to put yourself at risk for mental abuse because of his issues. I'm all for realizing that people hurt because they are hurt, but you cannot fix his past any more than he can fix yours. He has to want to do better to do better.

Please consider the message his behavior sends to you (and your kids if you have any). Do you really want to risk your safety and sanity because he is not willing to take action and fix his issues? If you have kids, do you really want them to treat others/ or be treated the way he treats you?

That's really what you need to decide.