Finding myself again

[NurseGrace 509]

Happiness... Oh the elusive happiness.

So here is the thing, I don't really believe that walking around freaking happy all the time is a true experience. I think that is a bill of goods sold to us to keep us discontent. Theres always one more thing we need to buy, or 10 more pound to lose and then we can be happy, right?

I've lost 70 pounds, and I find myself changing the goal post quite a bit. At first my goals were to get to 170, then it was 140, then it was 115, and recently I have been wondering what I would look like at the 100 pound mark. I am not very tall, so that is not as crazy as it might seem to some of you.

I don't know, I feel like I am really stepping into my own, and reclaiming myself. Something I have always struggled with is the fact that I AM a touch on the... eccentric side? President of the art club, wearing black from head to toe, thick glasses....

Somewhere along the time I lost touch with that girl, and I started living for other people. Went to nursing school even though it wasn't truly my calling, dressing for other people in your standard young adult getup, all the while getting fatter and not understanding why I felt so disingenuous.

I gained nearly 40 pounds while I was away at nursing school, that tells you everything you need to know about how happy I was.

Anyways, I can feel the real Grace coming back, and shes not some pink shirt wearing stiff. I needed new clothes and I went and got them, my old standard uniform of slightly offbeat mostly black, gray, and blue and I love myself again. I got a new hair-do to match also. I needed something a little different than before, to signify my fresh start so I went platinum. I've never been this light before but I love it, I love myself, and I give myself permission to be myself again, even if my mother hates my clothes. HA!

[Arts137 1,811]

Congratulations, I think this is GREAT!!!

PS, I love the books by Terry Pratchett, and you describe perfectly a character there!

http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/index.php/Agnes_Nitt

[Camella 209]

Thanks so much for sharing that Grace! It was so nicely written and I can completely relate. I "march to the beat of my own drum", however I'm also a huge people pleaser so I understand how many small compromises can steer you in a totally different direction. I'm only recently sleeved, but look forward to discovering what is under all this weight. Congratulations!

[gmanbat 5,889]

This surgery and the subsequent body change certainly is an exercise for the psyche as well as the body.

I found myself dumping emotional garbage along with the excess fat.

I found that if I don't allow myself to be victimized by the neuroses of others I became freer to love them, being on a firmer psychological footing.

I became a person I liked to be around.

I allowed love to come to me, from God and the ones I had blocked out.

There is much more to us than we can imagine. We have a lifetime ahead to explore ourselves and the new realities we are discovering.

[NewSetOfCurves 1,553]

Hey, I'm one of those girly pink stiffs!

However, I truly wanted to congratulate you on the rediscovery of yourself. It's so easy to get lost, and many of us lose our way--especially when we don't have some type of foundational support system that keeps us grounded or encourages us to stay true to who we are as individuals. I hope you continue on your journey of rediscovery, as well as new discoveries.

[lsereno 2,525]

Congrats Grace!! I like the occasional odd outfit and I just wear it loud and proud no matter what anyone says. Can't wait to see a few pics of the new you.

Lynda

[carstanger 346]

I always wanted to wear what was different than everyone. Now our daughters who are 39 and 41 have me try on their things. Pretty funny. One took me to Victoria Secret to get a new style bra as they never had ones I could wear!!

[Nursebarbie 392]

Ever noticed how many of us nurses are on this site? I think we find it easier to take care of other people than ourselves. By the way nursing school sucks and there are plenty of eccentric nurses most either work psych or like I did in the ER. I started out as an Art major switched to nursing as a way to guarantee I could support myself. Making 6 figures a year is wonderful and I actually love what I do. There are so many things you can do besides just bedside nursing. Now I am a case manager. I think I will get into bariatric case management. Just a thought.

[NurseGrace 509]

Hey, I'm one of those girly pink stiffs!

However, I truly wanted to congratulate you on the rediscovery of yourself. It's so easy to get lost, and many of us lose our way--especially when we don't have some type of foundational support system that keeps us grounded or encourages us to stay true to who we are as individuals. I hope you continue on your journey of rediscovery, as well as new discoveries.

tehehehe I love this reply! there is NOTHING wrong with the girly pink types, I like girly stuff too, but in a different way. it's just about being true to yourself. You know that feeling of how awkward and strange it would feel for someone like you to dress head to toe black, a little on the ruff side? That's how I've felt every day of my life for the past 3 years.

[NewSetOfCurves 1,553]

tehehehe I love this reply! there is NOTHING wrong with the girly pink types' date=' I like girly stuff too, but in a different way. it's just about being true to yourself. You know that feeling of how awkward and strange it would feel for someone like you to dress head to toe black, a little on the ruff side? That's how I've felt every day of my life for the past 3 years.[/quote']

Lol! I wasn't offended. I've gone from goth to grunge, from preppy to super girlie...I've done it all! And I continue to mix it up and make my own.

Here is to all of us rediscovering who we are and whom we've become !!!

[PsychoVGS 16]

This thread reminds me again of my true journey: Losing excess layers to find my true self.

Thanks!