female only Annoyed with Spouse and some Friends

[opal_m 38]

I have been working out nearly everyday for over a month now. I decided I want to have the best success after my surgery, this would be best achieved through exercise and eating right. Recently I started stalling on weight loss. I decided it was time to change the exercises up. I asked my husband whom is physically fit to teach me how to properly lift weights. He said he would do so. However, today he become annoyed with me after I asked him twice "what time were we going to the gym". He behaved as if he was getting dressed twice to go, but he would always end up back in bed playing games on the IPAD.

This hurt my feelings for I felt he is not taking my commitment to health seriously. It is bad enough that he will not be in attendance for my surgery for he will be out to sea (military), but at a minimum I felt he could work out with me from time to time.

I usually give in and not nag him for I always consider how hard his days and nights must be onboard the ship. I never wish to burden him with my problems. Yet, I feel he does not give me the same courtesy.

Then, there is friends whom say they are going to work out with me and do not. I have already figured that this journey will be mines alone. However, the realization does not make me less sad .

[Reigo 111]

I am sorry you aren't getting the full support you need. Maybe get someone in the gym who works there to show you some techniques. They may have affordable sessions with a trainer too which solves both problems bc you will have an appt and know you need to go. I just a precor elliptical so I can do cardio from home! I need to push myself bc I need to and can't rely on others whims.

Glad to hear your are already getting geared for the journey. Don't let anyone get ya down

[Baba Wawa 543]

Why are you depending on friends and hubby to get your a** to the gym? Just go! There's people there who are better able to guide and support you in getting fit.

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

Hello. I'm so sorry to read of ur unhappiness. I too am a military wife and mother and we are always considering their feelings while ignoring our own. In my opinion this is why there are so many un healthy military spouses, particularly women. They have someone to keep them accountable for their weight issues or they can get kicked out of the military. But as for us we have to do things on our own and we have to get used to that, and in the process we become unhealthy nd un noticed by our spouses. From reading ur situation, it seems like, Finally, u want to do somthn to help urself and hes not willing to give to you what uve given to him, which is his space nd respect bc of his job. Is it fair, crap no! Idk if u have kids but if u do nd he chooses not to help u, then leave the kids w him nd u go to the military facility gym and they have people who'll show u what to do. He will be on a ship soon nd then where does it leave u? So yes, its UR journey, it may be by urself, but if u arm urself now, ull do just fine. Ik u wanna include him, but if he's not willing, don't let him hold u bck. Ask once, give him the opportunity to help but if not, tell him ur headed to the gym, c him ltr! Military spouses are very strong individuals who don't get the accolades deserved. With that said, ur getting ur health bck nd ur life, so u go girl! U can do it bc we can do anything:)). I am pre -sleeved, hubby seems ok w things now, goes bck to ship next June, so far, he's on board w my choice...bc its my choice to finally do for myself! Take care nd pm if I can help support u n any way, we military spouses gotta stick together. Gl. Dee Dee

[opal_m 38]

Thank you Dee Dee & Reigo. it is hard for so often the responsibility falls upon me. My husband has been enlisted for 18 years. We have been together nearly 14 of those years. If, anything comes up regarding bills, my health, the children etc....I just shoulder the issue alone.

I am sick of not telling him how I feel . I once gain attempted to tackle the issue about 30 minutes ago, but he jumped up and went downstairs to eat. My husband avoids confrontation @ all costs. Anyway I have been using the gym on the base. We live in military housing , so lucky for me I am literally across the street from the gym. I do Zumba and Spin class a few times a week, and I throw in some Water aerobics. I do have a new friend I met here on this site whom lives about 35 minutes drive away, but we both have family and active lives. The gas prices are killing me making the drive. On the other hand, oppose to complaining I will just keep doing what I am doing. My surgery in in 4 and half weeks. No sense in becoming all sad now. Thank you for the advice and allowing me the forum to vent.

[Reigo 111]

It's hard when you already have so much on your plate! My husband is supportive but eats whatever he wants in front of me. He ordered pizza when I was on liquids which irritated me. He's in pretty good shape an just doesn't know what I go through struggling to loose weight. When I decided on surgery, he said "its up to you but I think it's crazy! Just stop eating so much. Eat a turkey sandwich everyday and Water and you will loose weight" first off, I am not Jarod or my face woud be all over those commercials! He may not realize how difficult your weight loss is bc he's never been in your shoes.

Just be a little selfish and focus on you!

[VSGKirk 855]

Just go to the gym alone and then casually mention all the guys (and maybe some ladies) "noticing" your progress... He'll be there with you next time

[VSGKirk 855]

Oooops, just noticed where this was posted. Sorry ladies!

[opal_m 38]

Reigo that was funny!!! I am not Jarod (Subway).LOL! My husband told me that he did not feel I needed the surgery. He stated " You are not that bad off, just exercise !". I was offended for I do exercise. That is the problem in a nut shell I try to walk in his shoes , but he does not in mines.

Oftentimes, I believe my husband feels I have it easy. I am in graduate school full time to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker to work with military families. We have three children (one of which has Autism). I am the cook, gardener, chauffeur, doctor, accountant, problem solver, maid, car repair person, and I have become totally overwhelmed. He says " honey I appreciate all that you do", but it would be better if he showed me.

I know people assume all fat people sit at home eating donuts and watching Home Shopping Network, but that is not true for everyone. Some of us had medical issues, bad hormones, stress and overall poor decision making due to life circumstances. I made a vow to myself once I lose this weight not to judge others, for the struggle is real. thanks for the laugh Reigo, I really needed it.

[opal_m 38]

thanks VSGKirk for the male perspective .

[gmanbat 5,889]

I have found that exercise draws excuses like a prom queen draws phone numbers.

Having to go to a gym; nothing to wear, too cold, it's raining, car's out of gas, etc. Then there's waiting for someone to go with you, too tired, just ate, good tv show on, I'm sore, maybe tomorrow, blah, blah, blah.

I devised many exercises that I do at home that got me in top shape. Don't have to go anywhere. Whether someone does them with me is irrelevant.

Edit:

I, too, have posted in the ladies powder room by accident. Reminds me of the time when I was sick and half there and wandered into a theater women's room by accident. I saw high heels in the next stall and when I emerged I gave the lady a mean look as she gave me a mean look. I looked above the door and saw "Women". I left the theater in the middle of the show. :ph34r:

[Camella 209]

Hi Opal

My hubby was not really on board before my surgery, but he came to a couple of my appointments and suddenly started to "get" what a big deal it is. I'm sorry that you will have to do this alone! Just wait until the weight starts falling off and you look and feel great! I have a feeling he won't let you go to the gym without him!

[Disco 56]

Girl, I am so sorry that your husband doesn't have the ability to empathize with you in your situation.

Though my husband was suppoortive of my surgery, while I was going through HE.LL (i.e. the 1 week pre op liquids & mess and the post op, 4 days of Clear Liquids and then another week and a half of full liquids) his A$$ had the nerve to bring food to eat upstairs in the bedroom (he always eats in the bedroom..... he is NOT a person that likes eating at a "table".....retarded, I know...). And I went OFF. I was like "if your ass doesnt eat that **** QUICKLY, you need tro leave or I need to leave. period". He looked at me like I had grown 4 heads and 2 tails.

I don't give a S&!T ! They will NEVER know how VERRRRRRRY difficult this is (for some......i.e. ME) to see you eat and smell good food and NOT be able to eat it!!! (yes, I know we are "choosing" to do this, but that doesn't mean it's ANY dang easier I have alllllllllllways been that person that, if I was hungry..... I am exTREMELY E.VIL ! SO, I had been doing well to not go off but one time! lol

But I agree with others in terms of the gym thing...... don't wait on him.... go yourself and work it on out. You can do it

[abranewme 98]

Hi Opal

My hubby was not really on board before my surgery' date=' but he came to a couple of my appointments and suddenly started to "get" what a big deal it is. I'm sorry that you will have to do this alone! Just wait until the weight starts falling off and you look and feel great! I have a feeling he won't let you go to the gym without him! [/quote']

Not completely alone she has us... I love my husband but he has become a P.I.T.A. when it comes to this whole situation. He doesn't want to walk with me or do anything remotely healthy as he cooks sausage the morning with no other food groups. I make my Protein shake and keep it moving. When this weight comes off rapidly believe me he will b on board in a heartbeat.... Men are very competitive and he will just want to keep up with me to see who's checking me out at the gym or the track. SMDH. He was very secure with me being overweight but when I was THIN when we first met.... (This may sound conceited but it's true) I WAS HOT and he wasn't even remotely as secure as he is now! I still get hit on even though I'm close to 230 pounds believe it or not but the oogling from guys has gone CONSIDERABLY down. Good for him right? I love my husband but I swear to God he used to sabotage me to help me put on weight.

I'm not looking forward to getting all the attention again but I've lived that way most of my life so it won't be anything new TO ME... but my hubby on the other hand may have an issue with it. OH WELL.

DO YOU OPAL!!!!!!!!!!!

[Reigo 111]

Reigo that was funny!!! I am not Jarod (Subway).LOL! My husband told me that he did not feel I needed the surgery. He stated " You are not that bad off, just exercise !". I was offended for I do exercise. That is the problem in a nut shell I try to walk in his shoes , but he does not in mines.

Oftentimes, I believe my husband feels I have it easy. I am in graduate school full time to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker to work with military families. We have three children (one of which has Autism). I am the cook, gardener, chauffeur, doctor, accountant, problem solver, maid, car repair person, and I have become totally overwhelmed. He says " honey I appreciate all that you do", but it would be better if he showed me.

I know people assume all fat people sit at home eating donuts and watching Home Shopping Network, but that is not true for everyone. Some of us had medical issues, bad hormones, stress and overall poor decision making due to life circumstances. I made a vow to myself once I lose this weight not to judge others, for the struggle is real. thanks for the laugh Reigo, I really needed it.

My husband starting appreciating what I do when I started traveling for work and he had to do it alone! Sad it takes that but it did. And that was a true story...he actually told me to eat turkey sandwiches...