Dysfunctional Beginnings and Trigger Foods

[leatha_g 4]

Ice cream was pretty much the only sweets we ever had too. I came from a very dysfunctional place too. My father was an abusive alcoholic and my mother was a very sick co-dependant. We were very poor due to my father's escapades - drinking up the pay check/bailing out of jail. Not a pretty picture, I know.

However, his favorite thing was ice cream after dinner in the evening. If we had anything more than ice cream as dessert, it was definitely a holiday or guests were around.

So, that's the one habit that we all inherited. Ice cream in the evening.

My brother still thinks he has to have half a gallon at a sitting. I'm much better, although it's been hard. It's okay with me if I just use a cup instead of a bowl or I often buy the pre-filled 4 oz cups. Now and then I find myself wanting more so I stop bringing it in the house. Then, if I absolutely feel I 'need' it, I will take myself in the car to find it. I have, however, learned that frozen yogurt is just as good and lower in fat and calories.

All things in moderation. What a concept!

[New Hope 37]

Dysfunctional families seems to be a common thread with bandsters. I had an alcoholic dad, abusive (mentally & physically) mom, and poor. So can we blame our weight problems on our crummy childhoods? Somehow I don't see us getting the same amount of sympathy as anorexics do.

Leatha, would that be "Blue Bell" ice cream we're talking about? Yum!!!

[leatha_g 4]

Originally posted by New Hope

Dysfunctional families seems to be a common thread with bandsters. I had an alcoholic dad, abusive (mentally & physically) mom, and poor. So can we blame our weight problems on our crummy childhoods? Somehow I don't see us getting the same amount of sympathy as anorexics do.

Leatha, would that be "Blue Bell" ice cream we're talking about? Yum!!!

Gawd - Blue Bell is my weakness, for sure.

And yes, you're right. Eating disorders (compulsive overeating/anorexia/bulimia) is often a result of growing up in dysfunctional families. There are many studies. However, blame does little to break the chain. Once we're adults, it's up to us to make a difference and to be responsible for our own behavior.

Exploring the dysfunction in my family did help me to understand the dynamics of how it all came about. How to change it is the real challenge.

[DeLarla 22]

Quote: "Once we're adults, it's up to us to make a difference and to be responsible for our own behavior."

Sorry, but I gotta disagree about this statement. Sure, as adults it's up to us to fix what our parents did, but after so many years of conditioning, abuse, binge eating, etc., things become habit. A habit that you pick up along the way, like guzzling Diet Coke or maybe needing a Starbucks every morning is one thing, but to break an entire life of one big long habit to me seems impossible. Sure, I'm losing weight, but my thoughts haven't changed one little bit. Maybe over time they will, but for today, I'm always going to be the person hiding in the corner hoarding her food. The band helps me fight the urge, but I'm still just as crazy as ever in the ol' coconut!

Hey, Leatha, after that last post, I went grocery shoppiing. And guess what I bought? I just HAD to have ice cream, but I didn't want to eat the whole container, so I bought those little tiny baby cups. They must be only 3-4 ounces. I wonder if I can learn to eat just one?

[leatha_g 4]

Originally posted by DeLarla

Quote: "Once we're adults, it's up to us to make a difference and to be responsible for our own behavior."

Sorry, but I gotta disagree about this statement. Sure, as adults it's up to us to fix what our parents did, but after so many years of conditioning, abuse, binge eating, etc., things become habit. A habit that you pick up along the way, like guzzling Diet Coke or maybe needing a Starbucks every morning is one thing, but to break an entire life of one big long habit to me seems impossible. Sure, I'm losing weight, but my thoughts haven't changed one little bit. Maybe over time they will, but for today, I'm always going to be the person hiding in the corner hoarding her food. The band helps me fight the urge, but I'm still just as crazy as ever in the ol' coconut!

Progress, not perfection, Delarla. You'll get there. Besides, it only takes 30 days to break a habit.

[New Hope 37]

Leatha, you're right. It really doesn't do any good to keep brooding over our past. But we can try to make our futures brighter. I was very conscientious of a verbally and physically abusive mother. I probably went too far the other direction. Yes, my sons did get a few spankings. But I can honestly say that I never spanked my sons when I was really angry with them. I had enough rationality to stop and cool down. I also was able to apologize and say I'm sorry when I'd verbally flown off the handle. That was one cycle I was determined to break.

[New Hope 37]

Also, I show affection. I hug and tell others "I love you." I guess that was something I grew up craving.

[DeLarla 22]

I've heard it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. But I've been a perfect band girl for 30 days (not this month tho) and my old habits are still right at the tip of my brain, screaming to get out. It's a struggle.. every single day.

[tellie 0]

???? what are you all taking about! 21 days to break a habit? 30 days? I was thinking about that not long ago, praying and hoping that maybe in say, 20 or 30 years i will be strong enough ( or at least forced for too long to change) to live w/o depending on my band being full!

I was very restricted for 8 weeks in a row, and yes, I stopped making the bad choices, because I had no choice . As soon as I was unfilled, took 3 days to become my old self. I am terribly dissapointed with myself, and angry, and frustrated.... and yet, I had cake and ice cream for Breakfast because I could today and probably wont be able to tomorrow ( fill in 4 hrs, thank God!).... And the more food I eat, I get more depressed, and eat more.... just back to being my old self....

[paula 4]

Oh yes, I fit right into that same family catagory. But as an adult, Ive realized that food has always been the big crutch.... something that was instantly good. Now the problem IS... that I cant seem to find anything else for a food replacement (for the instant good thing).

Id ask for suggestions, but Im sure I could give you a real good reason why each suggestion wouldnt fit in my lifestyle.

Heck, I might go meet Lisa at the Funny farm. At least there I could sleep (nearly every night, one, two or all three of the animals, oops I mean kids, wake me up).

sleep would be considered "instant good", right?

[molynn 0]

I too came from an abuse family. My dad was a nasty alchoholic.

I remember too vividly being beaten with his belt. My mom I guess did the best she could. The grandfather my children know and love (and so do I) is not the same person I grew up with.

My mom died 7 months ago and my dad has not had a drink in about 20 years. He was able to beat his addiction and I am sure it is still a struggle for him everyday.

I was also sexually abused by a first cousin for many years when I was approximately 10 years old. I am seeing a counselor once a week now to deal with all these issues.

food is my addiction. chocolate candy (Milky Way bars) I considered my biggest weakness. Since I don't have the strength to say no on my own, my band stops me from overdosing on food.

I have to admit since I was banded 4-1/2 months ago, I did have a bad day where I just thought to myself that for one day I wished I didn't have the band so I could stuff my face. Now that I am having problems with my band I wish I could take that back.

My band is a part of me now and I don't want to lose it.

Sorry for rambling on........

[leatha_g 4]

Molynn,

I think it's good for us to 'ramble on'. It's these things that we need to purge from our lives. Those thoughts that aren't popular to say out loud in some environments.

There are some really great books out there on these subjects.

Lisa is right. We will always be a product of our environment. Even though, with diligence, we can work on learned behaviors. They change slowly. Sometimes they come back to remind us, but with awareness, we do have the power to change those things about ourselves that we are not proud of.

It definitely is not an overnight process. It is a lifetime journey.

Have a good day everyone!

[paula 4]

I was doing some digging and I found this thread. I though it was worth bumping.

Its one of my favorites.

[claraluz 2]

I've heard that you can make a new habit or break an old one in three weeks, but that has not been my experience. I dieted for a year, walking three miles everyday. I guess you could say I established new habits. But as soon as I reached goal, the old habits came right back. That's why I need the band.

nancy

[Jammin & Losin 1]

Dylans mom : I'm right there with ya I had a wonderful family and we always had plenty to eat,and life in our house was surounded by food. I think we ate in sad times happytimes all the time any time. Food was entertainment and socializing and the very best times that I can remember spending with my dad was on saturdays after not seeing him much threw the week, he would say you kids get in the car we are going for icecream! We were thrilled that he wanted to take us with him. I think food brings me comfort and a feeling of love and I know now that love and comfort comes from within and no food can give you that kind of comfort and love,but with my band I think it will help me say no to food alot more than I do now and then I can live and love life to the fullest!!!!You see it wasn't the icecream that made me feel close to my dad, it was the time he spent with us that mattered!