How hard is it not to feel jaded?

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,146]

I am four months postop and I feel really good to see others excited and empowered by their sleeves. That's how I feel most of the time. I still struggle. I occasionally make bad choices and suffer the consequences. I'm getting better at it. My addiction fights my progress and I fight back.

I get frustrated more when people rush into this full of bravado backed by very little research and unrealistic expectations and start with the regrets. I empathize with the regrets because this is an unringable bell but also feel frustration.

I get frustrated by the Sleeve Purists who seem to lie in wait, ready to pounce on someone who dared to be human and ate a cookie.

I get frustrated by those who ignore the postop diet that is mostly about your body healing.

I get frustrated when resuming preop behaviors is a priority to some ASAP.

Buuuuuuut. I try and be supportive and helpful. I try and remember that they struggle for, mostly, the same reasons I do.

The one I also struggle with that is kind of shallow on my part. It may be jealousy that my road is longer and maybe harder for me.... The people with 50 lbs or less to lose. Exception would be band to sleeve conversions. But that's my hang up.

Whew! That was actually cathartic.

[Reigo 111]

Thanks for all the honest responses. I enjoyed the perspective provided. I can see how all the things that are frustrating would be just that! This is why I asked because while I haven't been here long I observe patterns (I am an auditor so that might explain it).

Just a thought but can you create a private vet forum or some other area that is private so you can vent in a productive manner? I certainly didn't post over here to kick the sand in the sandbox but the question I had was geared toward the small group who have hung around here after a year plus so I thought it was the right place to post logistically speaking.

Thanks again everyone for weighing in.

[lsereno 2,525]

This forum is not private because it contains valuable information for newbies. It's not a forum to vent about newbies, but a forum for vets to find support and information. It also gives newbies a window into what life will be like further down the post-op road.

Lynda

[mistysj 1,940]

This forum is not private because it contains valuable information for newbies. It's not a forum to vent about newbies' date=' but a forum for vets to find support and information. It also gives newbies a window into what life will be like further down the post-op road.

Lynda[/quote']

I agree. I'm not yet a vet but I have this forum in my favorites and I read every post. I don't get much info from the rest of VST, to be honest. I did my research pre-surgery, went into it with realistic expectations, and know how to follow my surgical team's instructions. I know I'm in the honeymoon period and I scrutinize the vets so I can know what to expect when I'm not. I already find most of VST tiresome and repetitive. I suppose I am already jaded, at 10 weeks out.

[Georgia 2,908]

My two cents....it's work. I've failed. I don't know how to get back into the swing. I'm 2.5 years out. Lost 76 lbs. Still have 100 to go. I've been to therapy. I'm just.....well....idk. I wish I did. I eat 1800 calories a day' date=' sometimes 1600, sometimes 2000. I know the key is in dropping lower but I just can't seem to do it. It's mental. A big mental game that I just cannot win. Not wanting anybody to feel sorry for me, just wanted to say that it's not "easy". Does it matter that I've been fat since the day I was born? I think so. Add thyroid issues. Add having to work twice as hard to lose weight bc of the damn metabolism issues and you have a recipe for quitting when you're not seeing results like you should. This is work. HARD work. You won't always get your payoff. What can you do? Keep working. Try not to say never. Realize you may never be at goal but work DAMNED HARD not to go upwards.[/quote']

Try 5:2 intermittent fasting. Two 500 cal days for women, 600 for men. Others normal. It might kick start YOU and your body/mindset. Working for me at 3 years out. I reached goal but regained 20-25 lbs. I have lost 19 since June 5.

You can do this!!! I got really down for a while too but you have been given a great tool (sleeve) and once you start doing what you know to do agai. Your restriction becomes very obvious. Trust me, I could down a bag of powdered donuts in an hour!!!!

There are several threads concerning the 5:2 or google it and watch the short explanation. Just a thought.

[Georgia 2,908]

So having been there and done that with the bright eyed bushy tailed (or honeymoon syndrome) and now realizing what the real constant struggle is' date=' how hard is it not to be jaded here? Most people posting are newly sleeved and are so fresh and eager with the easier road still being travelled. While its great that their outlook is positive, it must get a bit difficult to read all these types of posts. Just curious when the rose tinted glasses came off for you?

I am only 7 weeks out and realize I. Am facing an uphill battle for life. Wanted the solution but realize I only got a calculator! Still up to me to solve the problem...[/quote']

I get amazed at people I guess who are so newly sleeved and so frustrated. Somehow their surgeon/nutritionist did to prepare them or they just didn't listen to the part about " this is work". Your life WILL change and food is no longer our lover. Sniff sniff.

THST takes a while to wrap your mind around. I definitely don't get jaded because this is a LifeTime have to for me. I went into it for health and I'm remaining in the fight for health!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

My two cents....it's work. I've failed. I don't know how to get back into the swing. I'm 2.5 years out. Lost 76 lbs. Still have 100 to go. I've been to therapy. I'm just.....well....idk. I wish I did. I eat 1800 calories a day, sometimes 1600, sometimes 2000. I know the key is in dropping lower but I just can't seem to do it. It's mental. A big mental game that I just cannot win. Not wanting anybody to feel sorry for me, just wanted to say that it's not "easy". Does it matter that I've been fat since the day I was born? I think so. Add thyroid issues. Add having to work twice as hard to lose weight bc of the damn metabolism issues and you have a recipe for quitting when you're not seeing results like you should. This is work. HARD work. You won't always get your payoff. What can you do? Keep working. Try not to say never. Realize you may never be at goal but work DAMNED HARD not to go upwards.

Your tummy has not stopped working. It works as good as ever, if you use it the right way. You want to get to goal? Get back on the wagon. I am 2 1/2 years out, got to within 5 pounds of my goal, stalled out then gained 22 pounds. As of Jan 2013 I got back on the wagon, tried three different methods to get the 22+ off, and the third one is working the best. 5:2. NOT for people under a year out, people who are pregnant or that have eating disorders and are prone to being underweight. ... in my opinion. Like Georgia said, do some research, we have posted some stuff here, and there is more on line.

As a newbie, I asked every question in the book. I also spent a lot of time researching, and still do. I have made mistakes, but learned from them. I have learned how to (mostly) not panic. Slow and easy. For the long haul. Leave hate out of it. Get informed, patient, accountable, honest. Get moving, make myself into the person that can get healthy and stay that way. Develop a support group.

Great responses and perspective.

My topic actually was more about feeling jaded as a "vet" and listening (reading) all the honeymoon posts and realizing that it's not all roses and sunshine but listening to others who can't believe how the weight is just melting off them. And not really about how you feel about your sleeve journey. More just wondering if the inundation of newbie posts get old.

Yes. I tried to pay it back for the first couple of years, and never left this forum. About a year ago I just didn't feel like I had so much in common with the newer members. I needed support for myself and my struggle, and newbie advice was full of hubris and "I have lost this 20-30-100 pounds FOREVER" and "what am I doing wrong? I haven't lost any weight in a week! or two, or three..." I understand this. I said it too, but I needed someone to talk with who has the same experience level that I have...its not the same as early on. As others have said, Easy to stall, Easy to gain, Hard to lose, Easy to eat more, Hunger. The good part is the restriction is still there if the tool is used well. The honeymoon is a very exciting time, don't forget to enjoy every day of it! I still am so happy I got the sleeve, and it still serves me well. I love the Vets group, and they give me lots of support and I hope I do the same for them. Really, I think having a slightly isolated think tank of vets can be very useful for people closer to the surgery. When I was early out, I totally looked everywhere for people and research about people 3-4-5 year out... not much at that time. We can be that reality check. We are not everyone, I don't know what everyone else is doing that were on this forum years ago when I started here... some are coming back and its nice to see them, some are working thier a$$es off still, others, who knows. My Docs assistant said 50% of his sleeve patients hated the sleeve. She was surprised I liked it so much and was doing so well. What the F&%@? I just find that hard to believe, but thats what she said. You have to be a fighter. You have to get rid of your ideas about hating diets, hating weighing, hating counting calories and weighing food, exercising. Loving life and living a different way can be rich and good and it can work. "Dieting" is a small price to pay for a greater life! Learn to be grateful for the chance to turn things around. I am now 8 pounds from my lowest weight post sleeve. 13 from goal. Im almost there at 2 1/2 years. I am optimistic I will get there this time. It might take a while, but I have not given up, so it is still possible. Then there is maintenance.....which is pretty much more of the same forever (or maybe its not! Only the future will tell!) Good luck to you all, and welcome to the Vets forum soon enough....

[M2G 1,836]

Your tummy has not stopped working. It works as good as ever, if you use it the right way. You want to get to goal? Get back on the wagon. I am 2 1/2 years out, got to within 5 pounds of my goal, stalled out then gained 22 pounds. As of Jan 2013 I got back on the wagon, tried three different methods to get the 22+ off, and the third one is working the best. 5:2. NOT for people under a year out, people who are pregnant or that have eating disorders and are prone to being underweight. ... in my opinion. Like Georgia said, do some research, we have posted some stuff here, and there is more on line.

As a newbie, I asked every question in the book. I also spent a lot of time researching, and still do. I have made mistakes, but learned from them. I have learned how to (mostly) not panic. Slow and easy. For the long haul. Leave hate out of it. Get informed, patient, accountable, honest. Get moving, make myself into the person that can get healthy and stay that way. Develop a support group.

Yes. I tried to pay it back for the first couple of years, and never left this forum. About a year ago I just didn't feel like I had so much in common with the newer members. I needed support for myself and my struggle, and newbie advice was full of hubris and "I have lost this 20-30-100 pounds FOREVER" and "what am I doing wrong? I haven't lost any weight in a week! or two, or three..." I understand this. I said it too, but I needed someone to talk with who has the same experience level that I have...its not the same as early on. As others have said, Easy to stall, Easy to gain, Hard to lose, Easy to eat more, Hunger. The good part is the restriction is still there if the tool is used well. The honeymoon is a very exciting time, don't forget to enjoy every day of it! I still am so happy I got the sleeve, and it still serves me well. I love the Vets group, and they give me lots of support and I hope I do the same for them. Really, I think having a slightly isolated think tank of vets can be very useful for people closer to the surgery. When I was early out, I totally looked everywhere for people and research about people 3-4-5 year out... not much at that time. We can be that reality check. We are not everyone, I don't know what everyone else is doing that were on this forum years ago when I started here... some are coming back and its nice to see them, some are working thier a$$es off still, others, who knows. My Docs assistant said 50% of his sleeve patients hated the sleeve. She was surprised I liked it so much and was doing so well. What the F&%@? I just find that hard to believe, but thats what she said. You have to be a fighter. You have to get rid of your ideas about hating diets, hating weighing, hating counting calories and weighing food, exercising. Loving life and living a different way can be rich and good and it can work. "Dieting" is a small price to pay for a greater life! Learn to be grateful for the chance to turn things around. I am now 8 pounds from my lowest weight post sleeve. 13 from goal. Im almost there at 2 1/2 years. I am optimistic I will get there this time. It might take a while, but I have not given up, so it is still possible. Then there is maintenance.....which is pretty much more of the same forever (or maybe its not! Only the future will tell!) Good luck to you all, and welcome to the Vets forum soon enough....

Ah, FYE, you said it perfectly (in both responses!!!) as usual.

I still sometime struggle with exactly what your surgeon asst. said, but come hell or high Water, I am a fighter, so I'm usually pretty optimistic. There are days when I just want it to be "easy" without having to count the calories or put in the work at the gym. But then I stop and remember that no one ever said this would be easy (losing weight and keeping it off) and that everything that I value in my life (my faith, marriage, family, work) also takes hard work but the hard work is worth the results.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Okay, I like to "pay it forward" - lots of people helped me and I would like to help others. The best way i can do that is simply ignore 99% of the newbie posts since there are people who are in the still excited phase all happy to answer their questions. I reserve my enthusiasm for people who are high BMI, especially Band to sleeve revisions. There were a couple of people with that profile who inspired me - I am not sure I could have faced my fears without seeing the success of a few of those people and I would like to share that with others.

On the subject of getting on track/getting to goal. My personal experience is that going low carb is the key... calorie counting has never ever ever worked for me.

[Paul11011 372]

Well, in all honesty, I hope that NO ONE ever told you "this will solve all your problems" because that just isn't the truth. Everyone says (and repeats) this is just a tool. And yep, here I am getting close to 3 years later and guess what? I still have to weigh and measure my food, I still have to be ON my game, or some weight can slip back on.

So on one hand sure it can be frustrating sometimes to have to remain diligent. I did NOT get skinny from this surgery and did not pick to be in maintenance when my body decided to quit losing. But I have made peace with being where I am. (I am battling a bit of a regain +15lbs which I AM refusing to accept and will continue to battle until it's gone) but I have made peace with the fact that I will not have a "normal" BMI. I'm okay with that.

On the other hand, this is ONE piece of the big puzzle. Why did I eat, when did I eat, and what did I eat pre-surgery? And because of having surgery and dealing with some of the issues around my own eating puzzle, I'm forever grateful for having this surgery. Would I have ever been able to lose -85lbs and KEEP IT OFF for 2 years? Nope. Not this girl. I would have already gained it all back by now.

So the answer to the question is the rose colored glasses are MY CHOICE and how I want my journey to be. I've learned that there is NO finish line, there is no DONE and now I just get to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. So I've accepted that this is MY battle MY cross to bear and I refuse to accept defeat. Attitude counts...it's really all up to you and it always has been. The surgery is the tool to help you, not do it for you.

***STANDING OVATION*****

[Paul11011 372]

Great responses and perspective.

My topic actually was more about feeling jaded as a "vet" and listening (reading) all the honeymoon posts and realizing that it's not all roses and sunshine but listening to others who can't believe how the weight is just melting off them. And not really about how you feel about your sleeve journey. More just wondering if the inundation of newbie posts get old.

I appreciate when the newbies post of their successes. The reason is that it reminds me of the elation I felt when I was seeing success for the work and commitment I was putting in. It was very motivational to see the results and know that I was doing what I needed to do to make this work. When I read such posts I hope that their victories are providing them with the same elation and validation I felt when I was where they are now.

As a side note, one would be very wise to document such events, NSVs, feelings of elation, etc.

There comes a time when the NSVs and the, "wow you look awesome" encounters fade. We all begin to live in what is our new normal. It is in those times that it is beneficial to be able to look back and remind ourselves just how important those events were to us and just how far we have come.

[LindaS 316]

I will be two years out in just a couple of weeks. I don't come here as often as I once did, but it is because WLS no longer dominates my life.

Before I had surgery, it was all I could think and dream about, so I was here more than I was anywhere else. Once I had surgery, I had some weird things happening and this forum helped me realize it was normal (Protein breath, for one). It was also great to see people who had surgery around the same time I did and see what they were going through. Plus, I liked staying up on the people who inspired me to begin with.

In the last 6 months or so, I might be here once a month. I want to give back like those that helped me, but I am also trying to get my life back to normal, which means my extra time is limited.

So do I spend an hour sitting on my butt reading the boards or do I spend an hour working my butt off exercising? In most cases, I now choose to be more active.

This has seriously put a dent in my internet time, y'all.

Right now, I just finished my second week of a 6 week boot camp that I love and hate. I have not had any weight-loss as a result of said boot camp yet, but it is doing everything it can to reshape my muscles, and I know this because they complain to me. Did you know that even your wrists and elbows can be sore after a good workout?

I have also been battling some flare ups from the arthritis in my ankle, which I think I have finally managed to subdue once more thanks to a well-placed cortisone shot.

So, I try to get on here to help the newbies, but I am trying harder to make sure that I am living an active life, which means I don't sit in front of a computer nearly as much as I once did.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

What an interesting thread. As to the original question, I don't think most vets get tired of reading the posts by people who are still losing so easily. It's very easy to be a cheerleader for them. What's difficult is reading the posts by folks who are "struggling" and losing patience. People who are ready to revamp their whole plan because they didn't lose a pound in the last 2 days. People who "regret" the surgery after 2 weeks because they are mourning food. People who can't wait to eat a cheeseburger again, or who are hesitant to even have surgery because they are more afraid of loose skin and thinning hair than remaining obese. Those are the threads that are hard to read for me, and there are a million of them. The Vets forum makes it easy to avoid most of them thankfully. I still like helping newer folks, but it can sometimes be difficult sifting through all those issues.

[Puja 148]

Holy sleevies, I love some of the responses in this thread. They speak to me a great deal, and I feel so vindicated!

I love my sleeve, and I could talk about it all day long. I love that I have a new life because of it, and that it has taught me so much about making my health a priority. Yes, I worked my butt off to educate myself. Yes, I revamped my whole outlook on food and nutrition. Yes, I had to become super honest with myself about my bad habits, and change them.

But, this was all a learning experience. Not everyone realizes the work it takes from the start, and unfortunately some never realize it.To those people I want to give them a good smack and tell them to take a hard look at themselves. Why would you cut out half your stomach if you weren't ready to adapt to that change? Why would you undergo this procedure without knowing what you were in for? Why would you complain about something without taking the steps to fix it?

There are so many amazing vets here that have not reached their "goal" (I say that with quotes because honestly how you feel and live is much more important than the number), and are still going strong. They keep tracking their foods and continue to face their inner demons on a daily basis. We all do. I will forever be a bariatric patient, there is no denying it. And, honestly, I'm the happier for it. I LIKE this lifestyle. I'm not on a diet, I'm eating as I should have been eating my whole life. I walk the perimeter of the grocery store because I'm aware of the dangers that lurk in the middle. I acknowledge my faults and weaknesses.

Like so many in this thread, I did all my research before the surgery, so I knew what I should expect. I knew that this was not a quick fix and that this surgery was FOR MY HEALTH. Who cares if I lose slowly or quickly, or if I can't stuff my face full of junk anymore?

I will take the slow sips of Water, the weird gurgles, the loose skin, the thin hair, the wonky poops, and the strict regimens any day over a life of complications due to obesity.

This doesn't answer the OP's question at all, but I felt inspired to express myself! Like Butterthebean (who always has great advice), I appreciate the people who are optimistic and excited... I appreciate those that look for answers. I don't pay much attention to the complainers or whiners that don't seem to have their priorities straight.

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Holy sleevies, I love some of the responses in this thread. They speak to me a great deal, and I feel so vindicated!

I love my sleeve, and I could talk about it all day long. I love that I have a new life because of it, and that it has taught me so much about making my health a priority. Yes, I worked my butt off to educate myself. Yes, I revamped my whole outlook on food and nutrition. Yes, I had to become super honest with myself about my bad habits, and change them.

But, this was all a learning experience. Not everyone realizes the work it takes from the start, and unfortunately some never realize it.To those people I want to give them a good smack and tell them to take a hard look at themselves. Why would you cut out half your stomach if you weren't ready to adapt to that change? Why would you undergo this procedure without knowing what you were in for? Why would you complain about something without taking the steps to fix it?

There are so many amazing vets here that have not reached their "goal" (I say that with quotes because honestly how you feel and live is much more important than the number), and are still going strong. They keep tracking their foods and continue to face their inner demons on a daily basis. We all do. I will forever be a bariatric patient, there is no denying it. And, honestly, I'm the happier for it. I LIKE this lifestyle. I'm not on a diet, I'm eating as I should have been eating my whole life. I walk the perimeter of the grocery store because I'm aware of the dangers that lurk in the middle. I acknowledge my faults and weaknesses.

Like so many in this thread, I did all my research before the surgery, so I knew what I should expect. I knew that this was not a quick fix and that this surgery was FOR MY HEALTH. Who cares if I lose slowly or quickly, or if I can't stuff my face full of junk anymore?

I will take the slow sips of Water, the weird gurgles, the loose skin, the thin hair, the wonky poops, and the strict regimens any day over a life of complications due to obesity.

This doesn't answer the OP's question at all, but I felt inspired to express myself! Like Butterthebean (who always has great advice), I appreciate the people who are optimistic and excited... I appreciate those that look for answers. I don't pay much attention to the complainers or whiners that don't seem to have their priorities straight.

So well put!