My boyfriend thinks i haven't tried hard enough

[nsweety123 19]

Today after go through the gastric process for almost 5 months tells me " i think that surgery should be the last result" really!!!! Are you serious as he kept talking i felt more and more unhappy with him. Now I am only waiting for a date from surgeon and he says that. I am so confused not by my decision but by him being able to be supportive after the surgery. If someone is out there who is going through this or has,please help.

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

My boyfriend still doesn't fully understand.. He simply can't wrap his head around someone wanting to cut out 3/4 of the stomach. I finally made him understand a bit when I served him a portion of food that was the size that I need to eat in order to create a caloric deficit large enough to lose a significant amount of weight. Of course after eating that he was still hungry (he's skinny but a huge eater) so I explained to him that how he was feeling is how I would have to live every day of my life without the surgery and that WITH the surgery I would be able to be satisfied after eating a small portion. He still maintains that nobody should ever have to eat portions as small as what I do, but he recognizes that without the surgery it would be impossible to eat so little on a consistent basis.. so I guess he's half on board... he's not super supportive, but at least he's not hostile about it. Also I found I don't really NEED his support.. I get plenty from other places.. as long as he's not being negative about it I'm good.

[Momonanomo 534]

The bottom line is it's your decision. I understand that his support is important, but....... If he can't be supportive, then find support elsewhere. He hasn't lived in your body your entire life. Do YOU think you've tried hard enough? If you do, and you understand the risks of this major surgery, and you understand the hard work involved after surgery, then that's all you need. It's more harmful to your body to continue on yo-yo'ing your weight up and down with failed attempts at other weight loss efforts. And it's harmful to your soul to let someone else dictate what they think is right for you based only on their own experience.

Sorry if I'm soap-boxing I had some rough conversations with my husband early on in my pre-op process. He really thought it was a matter of me not trying hard enough. But after a lot of long talks, he accepted that my reality was different than his when it comes to weight and food and exercise. He thought it was just a lack of trying on my part. I quit smoking cold turkey right then and there, and he saw that I do indeed have will power. Now he's already so glad that I've had the surgery.

One thing to consider too....I know this was true of my husband....some of his reservations were coming from a place of fear regarding the surgery. He was worried sick about the risks of surgery and possible complications afterward. So I acknowledged that and we talked through it. And now that I'm "out of the woods" so to speak, we're all good.

[megansmommy123 57]

It's easy for people to make judgements when they have never struggled with weight. Walk a mile in our shoes.

[No game 14,437]

Well I think the operative word here is "boyfriend"

Really, he's not you and he's not having this surgery you are... That said It's not uncommon for partners, when the surgery becomes a reality to them, to say some dumb things. I think it comes from worry and fear of all the unknowns with a changing partner.

Do what you need to do for you, but also tell him what you will need from him. And assure him this will not change you as a person (not much anyway )

[Ms.Cali 56]

This is a major surgery with risks and it will be life changing. I think it's natural for the people that care about us to have cold feet. I know a few in my life that did. It doesn't mean they don't understand my struggle with weight or they don't love me.

Just sit down with him. Discuss his concerns/questions. You have to remind him how important this is for your health and how much you need him to be your rock through the process.

[nsweety123 19]

I do think it come from fear and other people churping in his ear about me probably thowing up and getting sick. I am doing the surgery i was researching about it even before i met him so i am just going to have to explain to him the whole process to him. Hopefully he comes around cause i don't like doubting. I am glad i have this forum to be able to vent cause i really have no one to talk to who know how i feel. Thank you

[nsweety123 19]

Sorry for the typos im writing from my phone.

[2tonsdown 3]

my wife went thro something just like that she was scared I was going to leave her after I got skinny so he better me nice cuz were going to look dang sexy and their a lot of fish out their , I told my wife I wont leave her im love with her . so keep tell him that ,

[nydiva 27]

My husband has been pretty supportive but I think that comes from not realizing the extent of the whole process. So the other day I showed him a YouTube video of the actual surgery and I think I shocked him because he said "wow, this is serious. That means I'm going to have to help you by taking care of you and picking the slack around the house." My eyes popped open because he never does any kind of house work, but in his defense he works 50 hours a week so it's not too expected that he does housework other then throw out the trash. He did say in the beginning why don't you just try dieting one more time and really sticking with it this time, and I gave him the evil eye and said let me do my research on the whole idea and he zipped it! During my research I always keep him informed of anything interesting I read and discussed all of what has taken place during pre-op appointments, and he appreciates that. Also, I've showed him before and after pictures of folks who have gotten sleeved and it just amazes him sometimes, so it kinda makes him excited that ill look and feel better. The only problem I have is that my brother in law keeps telling how ill have all this loose skin and how nasty I'll look. Which I had to tell my brother in law OFF about that, how dare he! But no worries my hubby said if he has to work another 50 hours just to pay for my plastic surgery he will.

[nsweety123 19]

Your luck. I hope he comes around because i felt good about our future now i am am saying hummmm. No bueno for him.

[gmanbat 5,889]

If we "tried hard enough" we could be olympic athletes, get 5 doctorate degrees, be a hit on Broadway, make a billion dollars, and beat up Chuck Norris.

We can only do what we have the desire and energy to do.

It's up to us and noone else to decide what that is.

[nydiva 27]

@ nsweety123, hang in there girl. Concentrate on you and your health those are the most important things for your weight loss journey. Have faith that he will come around and support your decision and if all else fails think of what a hottie you'll look like and all the romantic possibilities that'll come your way

[lsereno 2,525]

My weight watchers coach once said a weight loss journey has to be "all about me" and she was so right. You have to be the one to decide.

You could take him to the pre-op appts with you or to a support group meeting.

Lynda

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,146]

If we "tried hard enough" we could be olympic athletes' date=' get 5 doctorate degrees, be a hit on Broadway, make a billion dollars, and beat up Chuck Norris.

We can only do what we have the desire and energy to do.

It's up to us and noone else to decide what that is.[/quote']

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.