How to deal with family that disagree with surgery?

[Doxiemom 16]

Hi,

Im new here and need to know how others have dealt with this issue. My boyfriend is unsure of the surgery. I have shown him everything from the doctor, and nothing has helped. My best friends are ok with me doing it. One is even wanting to take from his job in India to come back to the states for my first month. I have some great support but from the one that I need it the most from. Help?

[hunny79 72]

Gotta do whats best for you hun,hes your boyfriend not your husband and even if he was its about you being the very best you so you can be a part of a great relationship ...good luck

[ramirelek 59]

This just remind me my husband the first weeks after I informed him of my decicion. I try to explain him in many ways but I realize it was my choice and not his I was the one who was not feeling good and the one morbid obese. So the last thing I did was I told him listen I am going to get this surgery everything is ready and I just want you to know that i am doing this for me. I dont know if you are going to be with me in the future and I dont really care if you want to call me selfish then yes I am going to be selfish for me. If you want to be there for me I would really appreciate if not the I have my family that supports me. I just want to be there for my kids and right now without the surgery I dont see that happening. And I walk out of the room he did not say anything to me until a few days later when he ask me when was the surgery because he wanted to be there for me. Day of surgery he joke about you still on time to walk out I say nooooo way. I am doing it.

[serenity1959 67]

Why is he unsure of it? Is he worried you won't come through it or is he worried after you lose a great deal of weight you might leave him?

[Doxiemom 16]

Why is he unsure of it? Is he worried you won't come through it or is he worried after you lose a great deal of weight you might leave him?

I think it comes down to two things.

1. It's surgery. It cant be undone. We both believe if we where born with it then there is a reason for it to be there. I still believe that but I also know that a change has to be made.

2. Have a wife with a few extra pound is a social status thing in his culture. It show that he is a good provider. It's crazy, but it's the way it is.

I try to easy his mind by the fact life will be better for both of us, and we will be able to travel back and forth to India without any issues.

Everything has moved really fast at this point. Im just 3 weeks from my first meeting with the doc and I will have a surgery date in a 7 to 10 days. I think he need more time to deal with it.

[BKLYNgal87 503]

This surgery is for YOU darling, not him. No doubt you have already determined this procedure is the best path for you to take. My fiancé is from a similar culture as your boyfriend but he would rather I have a healthy longer life than worry about what his friends/family think of him or us. But his head is screwed on straight, not everyone's is .

A successful relationship mandates both parties support each other through challenges. This is a good test for your boyfriend. Give him as much information as you can about what to expect from the surgery, drag him in to meet your surgeon, don't totally write off his worries and see what happens.

The body is a temple, yes, but I believe God gives us [or shows us] the tools we need to overcome our trials and tribulations. It's up to us, for the most part, how we proceed from there to meet and surpass those challenges. This may not fit with your beliefs but it's my two cents as a Jew engaged to a Muslim .

[Christine O. 7]

My husband was opposed until he met the surgeon. I had to really beg him to go, but after that he was on board. I think it really helped for him to hear the surgeon explain my risks of remaining obese.

[Doxiemom 16]

Thanks everyone. I will take him to my next appointment and keep talking to him.

[Doxiemom 16]

This surgery is for YOU darling, not him. No doubt you have already determined this procedure is the best path for you to take. My fiancé is from a similar culture as your boyfriend but he would rather I have a healthy longer life than worry about what his friends/family think of him or us. But his head is screwed on straight, not everyone's is .

A successful relationship mandates both parties support each other through challenges. This is a good test for your boyfriend. Give him as much information as you can about what to expect from the surgery, drag him in to meet your surgeon, don't totally write off his worries and see what happens.

The body is a temple, yes, but I believe God gives us [or shows us] the tools we need to overcome our trials and tribulations. It's up to us, for the most part, how we proceed from there to meet and surpass those challenges. This may not fit with your beliefs but it's my two cents as a Jew engaged to a Muslim .

Thanks, Im glad to see there are other on here with the similar relationship background. He is Hindu so keeping the body whole is very important but health is too. Im sure he will come around it's just a matter of time.

Thanks again.

[Sydney Susan 333]

To my knowledge even Hindus would cut out a cancer that may kill. I don't know your situation but many of us here were genuinely frightened our weight would bring us a very premature end and leave our children motherless. It's the most natural thing in the world to want to live and live well.

[Heartonsleeve 32]

If he does not agree with the surgery then he probably shouldn't have it! Your body your choice.

[ramirelek 59]

To my knowledge even Hindus would cut out a cancer that may kill. I don't know your situation but many of us here were genuinely frightened our weight would bring us a very premature end and leave our children motherless. It's the most natural thing in the world to want to live and live well.

Completelly agree with your post. I did it for me but also thinking about my kids.