gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[sarsar 824]

Kim, I am so sorry. Hugs to you my friend.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Thank you Sarah.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So.. Atlanta has been amazing. If I EVER relocate (not likely) - it will be to here. The food is epic, my work colleagues here are so genuine and welcoming and while the weather was crappy when I arrived... tonight I did an 1 hour and 15 minute walk and saw so many people out after dark, sitting in outdoor patios, etc... love southern nights!

I am here one more day, then take a late flight home. I will be dead on Thursday, but worth it!

Hard to believe... but Friday is my one month anniversary with Scott. He still calls me everyday. I still feel like I have known him for years, not weeks. My friends adore him - ha - whats there not to like? If I were not such a self confident woman I would worry they like him better than they like me .. Actually, I LOVE that. I trust my peeps instincts as they are not subject to "sheryl's way of rationalizing things". He keeps telling me there is plenty to not like - I just haven't found it yet. Keeping fingers crossed.

This week has been one more reminder.. I eat every meal with colleagues. I eat less than other women and I am eating way more than MY normal. I expect to go home with a gain. I don't feel resentment, I feel grateful for the reminder that I can't eat like normal people and maintain my figure. Some of my pals that I haven't seen in about 18 months (last time I was down here) remind me I look so amazing. It is like that boost you get when you first got to goal. i think i needed that.

How are all of you doing - I don't mean weight - I mean how are you FEELING? I feel damn good and thank my lucky stars for it!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Feeling a bit like crap/sad on and off, but thats to be expected. Craig is coming home after 5 weeks tomorrow night. I hope it is a good reunion. I have often thought our little dog kept us together at times. We will see how the new environment is for our marriage.

I am very happy for you Sheryl, Scott sounds like a keeper, and it sounds like he feels the same about you.

My old dog sitter/nanny gave me a dozen Gladiolas today... she called last night crying. What a softy, just like me. It was so sweet of her.

My art show has been going really well... sold a number of pieces and meeting lots of new people including a few collectors. I will be showing my animations next sunday followed by a pot luck at the gallery, that should be fun. Got a few goal/things done over the last 5 weeks, that makes me feel good... getting excited to work on some new paintings for a show in August. Seeing all my work up like this show reminds me of what I can and have accomplished in my life art wise... Its a good feeling.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Kim, i didn't know this when i was obese because i buried my feelings - oddly not so much in the food itself, but the obesity - but I thrive on touch. My dogs provide affection. Especially my little dog gives me that feeling of someone who pets me whilst I pet her. I know that probably sounds wacko, but it soothes us both to just be in contact. I know you have just had a terrible loss and when my previous Papillion Ziva died in April 2012 i didn't want another lover lapdog EVER. My partner (now my ex) insisted we at least meet the pup nobody else wanted - that was offered to me In June 2012 and it was the best decision EVER to take that wild child home!

Fast forward to 2015 - part of what I find so wonderful about Scott is he "gets" my attachment to my 7 pounder like he has to his hunting dog. They are so bonded; she is is girl just like Suzy is my love.

I know you aren't ready for a new pupster, but be open to it in the future. dogs can fill a hole in the heart and soul...

okey dokey.. speaking of scott. tomorrow is our one month anniversary. We met tonight after what seems like a long absence, because his daughter is visiting in town and we decided we are not ready to introduce her yet - but tonight she was at grammys house so we spent some time together. I loved that he asked the "kids" that work for him what you should do for a one month anniversary (wow, he noticed!) and the consensus was take me to a nice dinner.< /p>

We had an amazing wine tasting and then sushi meal. And lots of romance.

Here is the thing.. and I guess I needed to go through all the dating to get this.... He isn't tall, he isn't super hot (like Steven) but I am so drawn to him. His eyes are beautiful, he is beautiful to me - his heart is so into me, and he treats me like a princess. He thinks I am the hottest girl on the planet. My friends adore him (hmm... i wondered if they like him better...haha) They see he is a good man. Keep fingers crossed that we make it another month.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Thanks Sheryl. Craig and I are not looking for another girl, but are leaving a space to a special connection to happen at some time, just like our last two doggies. Our first pup we met in the Indian himalayian foothills... rescued from a street in the snow.. with a big abcess on his neck. We brought him home, our nurse friend gave him antibiotics, our farmer friend lanced the abcess... and Poopy thrived. The Tibetan landlady didn't have a problem with us taking care of the little guy in our room. When we were ready to leave town, we decided to find a good home for him. tibetans have preference for dogs that are more white than black, and Poopy was more black than white. We finally found a family that owned a tea stall up on a mountain trail who wanted a little dog. The took good care of him, but one day we asked how he was, and found out he was killed and eaten by a leopard.... poor little Poopy... and poor family, but his life was better than it would been if we would have left him sick on the street. We found Sukie just a few months after Poopy died... if you believe in reincarnation, she could have been made of Poopy energy.... crazy but it crossed both of our minds when we saw her....

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Kim, I'm so sorry to read about you having to put your dog down. I'm glad I didn't have to do that, but my little silky terrier died in my arms after I took her outside and she would not walk, just  laid down. I had called the vet but she died in my arms before I could get her there. I haven't had a dog since. It was so painful .

 

I am freaking out over my medical bills. I called my ins. today to find out how much I paid out of pocket for taxes for 2014. I found out they were charging things way over my $750.00 deductible to my deductible. Plus I am only supposed to pay a total of 4,000 and then they pay at 100%. My hospital bill was 24,000 so that should have covered the 4,000 and they aren't paying the bills that are coming in. It's a complete mess. It's a good thing I called!

[swizzly 901]

Denise, is your infection all sorted now? Do you feel any better? Sorry to hear about the insurance crap -- that is always a huge PITA.

I'm totally sick to my stomach right now. My husband just texted me that he gained 7kg...by moving the scales from the bathroom where we always keep them, and weigh on a tile floor -- to the hallway where there are hardwood floors, and his weight was 7kg higher on the wood floor. I can't even think about this or I am going to FREAK THE EFF OUT. I'm already dealing with 10+ kg weight gain, what if it's more like 15, or 20??!?

OMG. I'm in hell.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have never been set up for email notification as that would drive me crazy. Do you all see the little pulldown arrow right affer the "Hello Cowgrrljane" .click on it and chose "content I follow" and it will list the threads you are following.

Had a fun s Saturday, my friends 50th. We went to dinner, a country western dancing bar and then salsa..woo hoo!

Things are going well with Scott and life is good overall.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@swizzly

Dee - I had a bit of a shocker this last weekend. I am bigger in size than I was at this same weight. It is because I am not as fit. I am not sure about your scale shenanigans - have a hard time believing that just a different hard surface makes such a difference!!! What did you find out

When I return home from vacation, my priority is on establishing a life cadence again that works for me on all fronts. I have time to work out as long as it is a priority!

I head off to Costa Rica with a girlfriend soon. I don't know why, but i was feeling a little anxious the last few days and kinda down today. I am not afraid of travel, and have done alot of it so I am not sure the "place" this comes from. I actually think it is not so much related to the trip but rather the pressure I feel from some other things in life.

i have decided to sell my house - probably early spring 2016. I am looking for relief from the maintenance etc - i just don't enjoy home ownership like I used to. It is a scary decision as I have owned a home since i was 24 years old. I think that decision tripped some internal wires about insecurity and "shoulds".

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@Oregondaisy are you fully recovered yet? IS your mobility better/pain decreasing? Sure hope you are finally getting some benefit from this nightmare surgery! I know that some people get good results from back surgery, but I have heard many horror stories!

I was going to share that my appetite is WAY up. In truth, that isn't really it. Rather my resolve to not use food to soothe myself is way down. I have caught myself eating when I am not truly hungry and eating more than I need to "no longer be hungry". I need to figure this out before I start gaining.

I think this is rooted in my anxiety uptick. A year ago, I couldn't eat I was feeling so bad. I don't really have a reason to feel bad now, life is good, I just have allowed myself to lose some focus on my fitness.

There is a certain amount of midlife crisis going on. I frankly do not really know what i want to do with myself in the bigger picture. I want to "retire" so I can be free to pursue other interests, but beyond that - I've got nothing. I don't really know what I want in terms of long term relationship (do I ever want to live with a man again etc).

I do have a medium term plan in terms of living arrangements because I recognize that for me, that is a very important. I want privacy, but not isolation and I am working on a plan for that that is kind of exciting!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

only have a minute here.... glad to see your posts here gals, was kind of quite here for a few days. I am holding up, not gaining any weight...Easter coming up... friends visiting from Germany, so dinners out coming up soon... more later... K

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Yes, I am going to start using content I follow to get here. I just thought nobody was posting in here.

 

Yes I am completely healed finally from the infection but no, the surgery did not help my sciatica. In fact, it's worse. Dancing makes me so happy, but now I must watch the bands more than dance. I can dance a little , but if I keep it up, it's very painful.

 

I went to the gym yesterday and I am determined to get back in shape. I am so sore today from the work out. I just hope this sciatica does not keep me from exercising.

 

My neck needs surgery too which at this point is pretty scary. I do know people whose neck surgery was a lot more successful than their back surgery.

 

It's really maddening that so much socializing revolves around food. It's no wonder all of us are up in weight. It's so hard to have the willpower to stay on track all the time. It's taken me 3 weeks to lose the 4 lbs I gained from having an eating frenzy at one of my girlsfriend's house.

 

I'm back to 140 so I don't understand why my clothes fit like I've gained much more. It's a good thing I didn't get rid of all my clothes when I got rid of all the really big stuff. I've bought some new tops that fit, but I can't bring myself to buy bigger jeans. It seems like such a defeat.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I weigh in the mid 150s but take a bigger pant size than I did before. Even my fitted tops are a bit too fitted right now. It is because i have lost tone/fitness. My legs remain very defined, but my core and arms are not. It is because I haven't been doing my horse chores (they are at a friends house) and because my workouts have been intermittant for a variety of reasons.

What worries me is anytime i start up again with planks, pushups, shoveling horse manure etc my tennis elbow talks to me. I have been resting it for months... so discouraging!

I'm back to 140 so I don't understand why my clothes fit like I've gained much more. It's a good thing I didn't get rid of all my clothes when I got rid of all the really big stuff. I've bought some new tops that fit, but I can't bring myself to buy bigger jeans. It seems like such a defeat.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Okay, my anxiety went way up and I realized something about it. It was like a cry for help because what happened was two people in my life contacted me when I was feeling wound up. One of them, came to realize (this is my ex) that he needs to take care of some crap he left with me. Just one example, our very old family dog needs some vetting etc and i can't squeeze it in before I go - and so he will do it. I must have vented at my ex for a solid 20 minutes and out of it came the recognition that he dumped alot of crap on me (mostly in the form of literally old stuff he left behind for me to deal with) and he needs to step up and take care of it. I felt my anxiety levels DROP almost immediately.

Second person - we pissed each other off which was fine. I didn't get all emotional about it - more like, lets talk in a month. click. Another drop in anxiety level.

I know anxiety has many roots, both physical, bad habits, history of thought processes etc. I am no longer medicating for it (yea!) and I am thinking that sometimes I NEED something from others and I don't completely recognize it - rather I experience it as angst. Interesting, huh?

So, I had a wonderful, relaxing dinner with Scott. We cooked together, and made these wonderful shrimp and steak kabobs with veggies. yum. I always bring my little dog over and she has really taken to him and his big hunting dog is very sweet with her. It works well. I think he was about ready to tell me that he loves me last night which would not have been good. I realize those words mean different things to different people, but i am NOT in love with anybody i have known a month. Smitten, attracted to, crazy about... all those wonderful feelings but to me, that isn't love.

He brought up my being gone for 2 weeks and all that so I promised how I will keep in touch and all but I feel like a little breather is probably a good thing. Of course, I am still seeing him Friday before I head out to Costa Rica.

I really do like him alot, and he is a good, considerate man. I have feelings for him, but when he revealed to me last night that he does feel sort of jealous at times, I got a little red flag in my mind. I was careful to tell him details about my girls night out on Saturday (friends 50th birthday) so he wouldn't "wonder". I didn't do anything jealous worthy and I felt that being transparent is a good thing to do. Even so, I won't like it if he is a jealous type person. time will tell.