gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

She wouldn't prescribe me progesterone cream... not without oestrogen too and I don't want oestrogen again... it didn't work last time and I felt as bad.  I am looking on line for some progesterone cream, if anyone has a good make please let me know cos it is an expensive minefield and I don't want to waste money.  I am still plodding my way through the book Kim recommended...

source naturals natural progesterone cream- 4 oz

http://www.luckyvitamin.com/p-19305-source-naturals-natural-progesterone-cream-tube-4-oz

one tube lasts over 3 months, so, not to dear. It takes around 3 months to really kick in, but stick with it and it should be worth it for you after that.... read directions on the back... I used the lower dose with good results.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Okay all - I am in my new location. How do I describe the suck...

Well, the living quarters - makes my last cubby look like a palace, this one is so small I am made claustrophobic, something I have never felt before in my life. it is like a crypt, barely wider than the twin bed in there, and only just as long. the walls are shorter than my last, and the females in there spent the entire night eganged in ... carnal pursuits with each other and having graphic conversations about which Hollywood actress they would like to ... have amorous relations with -.- lights were kept on till midnight, as well as music, and have you ever had to listen to people swap spit? Unless you are one of them, it is one of the more obnoxious sounds.

My body is exhausted.

Sheryl - where is a pic of those shoes!!!! strap 'em on and take a pic, they were gorge

I feel really fat today, last night was my first workout in four days and I haven't been able to weigh myself in like, three weeks, and my breasts have been painful swollen for weeks now (the Mirena has my cycle all katywhumpus) and for the first time in my life I know what all those average/skinny girls meant when they said they "felt fat". I feel fat. I just feel like a giant termite queen :/

[Globetrotter 1,340]

If men can take Viagra into their dotage, why can't we get HRT too? Why can't I keep my body in it's 30's, so to speak? Or do we only get the scraps from the table so long as it benefits men (contraceptives so they don't knock us up in our youths). I guess since they don't want to f**k us in OUR dotage, we are screwed. -.-

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Denise that would drive me insane... The 24/7. This is what's so hard about taking a risk with a new man ... only to discover he wants that or is a right winger...haha. Really if the guy i met starts gay bashing I won't be able to handle that.

I met David via Match. I deactivated my dating profiles back when I got disgusted with the process but match is paid through March. I never found anyone decent on match so I just ignored the emails until one came from David. I liked his profile, he wanted to talk rather than email constantly and he just charmed me so I thought what the heck, let's meet. That was before my trip - we had a nice time but again low expectations. Since then he has been checking in and the reason I took that photo before the party was his request. He has an engaging personality and is very attentive but in short non smothering bursts so far so good. We'll see how today goes. It's pouring rain.

Ah the age thing...yeah I know. I found another post 60 guy who looks better than most 50 year olds. ED was never an issue with Steven so I hope that holds true with David. Seems like something that is not asked about before the physical step though. ..so take chances?

Like I said, staying with Steven is more comfortable but I decided after the super bowl weekend th a t I am ready to give up the best sex and best confidante in exchange for a reliable person who wants someone close and who can do the things I want like travel and stuff. Steven feels very close to me but he can only partially translate that to actions and deeds and that will never change. He is still supposed to fix my truck tailgate and I think he will as just a friend. We have been good for each other and no regrets I just can't let this "chance" go by without at least getting to know David.

Florinda those were the shoes i bought for my date night outfit but i didn't like them with the skinny jeans. They were perfect with the dress though. I will dig up a photo.

I have been curious what you specifically do there, can you share that info?

Don't feel fat. It happens to me sometimes and then I remind myself that it is a mental space it's not fat.

Why does merena mess things up?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Da Shoes!

the night of the awards banquet I was walking with my boss down to dinner and one of the men I work with catches up to me and says "I had to run to catch you girl, you can rock those heels". I loved it. I watched a u tube done by a pro runway model to learn how to walk in high heels and the key is to just own it. Tentative short steps don't work.

We had to catch shuttle busses from our hotel over to the other hotel where the big closing dance party was held. I wound up being on my feet for hours - I should have sat down more - but it did make it easy to leave the party at 10:30 as my feet did start hurting. If I had sat down instead of stood/walked for hours and hours I could have worn those shoes all night.

1030 was a good time to leave. Remember this event had no "spouses" so was at least 85% men. The booze was flowing and the mood started to become very alcohol induced festive about that time - like I could sense the change in the vibe. I was chatting with a couple of guys I used to work with - one of them was my employee 10 years ago. It kept me "safe" and I didn't get hit on over and over like I did last year. I am finally figuring out how normal women deal with these social situations.

I did pick up a really cool guy "stalker" but that was earlier in the week. LOL. I really liked him but of course no work with pleasure and he lives in like Kansas. My boss noticed him too as he came and chatted me whenever the opportunity presented and managed to get my phone number too - but again, he is in Kansas so no real problem.

I do own a pair of Guess booties that I still don't feel comfy walking in - fear of falling. They aren't that much taller and they are fairly comfy but there is something about the foot angle that is just hard. I suspect that is why i like them - the steep angle makes my huge feet look better...haha.

I have another pair of bootie/shooties that I bought before I even knew what a shootie was - more than a year ago. They are a black and white floral pattern with sheer black panels on part. They are pretty wearable but to my eyes a little more cutting edge looking than a girl from the country wears around here. Nobody would look twice in NYC etc but around here, they look weird. I only wear them occasionally but Steven is crazy about them because they have a sheer portion which turns out to be the thing that gets his interest.

Speaking of Steven, it is his birthday today - turning 66! I am forbidden to Celebrate it in anyway which is probably one reason he blew me off again and hasn't called. I am thinking about dropping something small off at his house - can't decide since he asked me to not do anything. I imagine he isn't thrilled - I know that turning 50 later this year is kinda of a yikes thing for me. Anyway, I am not telling him today about my decision due to the birthday, but soon.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I feel fat. I just feel like a giant termite queen :/

Termite queen... Worth a quote! And as for the rest of the stuff... yuck! Sounds like the women's prison scenes in "Orange is the new black" on netflix. Love watching the show, but would NOT want to live them.

....This is what's so hard about taking a risk with a new man ... only to discover he wants that or is a right winger...haha. Really if the guy i met starts gay bashing I won't be able to handle that.

I understand your list of desires. I love sharing those things too, but I chose to be an artist and low end social worker, so money is not a big player in my choices most days! People do seem to enjoy my company so I get asked along to some out of my league events.... but I really do not want to be seen as the "moocher" to them or myself. Its a dilemma at times. I treat them to my world... sleeping on the couch, great home grown food and tours of the secret treasures road trips I have found in California. They can buy the wine!

I went out with an older guy for around a year(14 yrs older)... handsome, sporty, was a dean of a department in the Sciences at a world renound University... owned a Night club (thats were I met him), well traveled.... really "the package". When we broke up I was heartbroken and really spoiled for it in a way. I can't say I have any regrets though... Such is life.

My little bell went off when I heard the Right wing Fox News talk you described.... I think that smacks of one of three things, Ignorance, willful ignorance or self centered lack of compassion. The first one can be cured with knowledge and understanding, the second two are difficult to near impossible at best. And painful to criminal at worst. Just a deal breaker for me... even though he sounds like an attractive deal breaker!

You posted the shoe photo while i was typing... those are cute! I can see how they would look better with a dress than with the skinnies. Very nice. I have been hit on a lot lately too.. its so weird. I like it. It is interesting who is doing the hitting, the age, the looks and such. I find myself saying (to myself) "Would I do him?" haha! the sex brain is not entirely dead.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Warning - political rant so don't read if this stresses you out!

Actually, I think David is the worst kind - you know how ex-smokers are just insufferable about tolerating smokers? Well, David was raised by a very dicey family. His mother was married SIX times. He left home at about age 13, had dyslexia, learning disabilities etc and is one of those "self made" types. So, that type tends to really disrespect anybody that didn't have that success.

My story isn't as bad, but I was raised dirt poor too. My parents contributed $500 to my college education which to them was a HUGE sum. The rest was on me. It is very hard for me to understand people who mooch/live off the system as I have always worked, always. Even as a little kid, I pulled weeds, picked berries and babysat for money. Starting about age 7-8 we were expected to buy our own clothes and personal items - that was not funded by family income so we had to work if we wanted to show up at school with decent (KMart) clothes.

It is very hard for me to accept men who mooch/live off women and I have had two of them now. My EX husband liked it, my EX sig other (the one I just parted with) HATED it but could not seem to change it even after more than a decade. This is a sore point for me, obviously.

I am basically liberal but i have a very hard time with the idea that just occuppying space entitles every tom dick and harry to be supported by the taxpayer. We are reaching the point where too many people collect some kind of assistance - it will break our economic well being if we continue on this trajectory. I personally know of two women who had no work history and when there husbands died in middle age went on disability. WHAT? As far as i am concerned, anyone who can own, care for and ride horses is not disabled enough to collect benefits. I DO care about people and really don't want anyone to suffer but people need to take responsibility for their own financial lives too.

I have a couple of siblings who are on disability - one of them following multiple brain aneuresms and the other developed the brittle diabetes and lost his business due to the illness. I think he could probably work at least some now that his diabetes is under control, but the way the system is set up that would be a disaster for him - he needs to be considered disabled in order to get proper health care. He needs to stay on it or he will die if his care returns to the same old crappy care he was getting before he qualified for disability. Our family also supports both of them financially as well. Anyway, I didn't mean to rant but even though i am more liberal than not, even I agree that some of this just isn't sustainable. Also, do NOT take my comments as being a slam on any individual that needs disability it is just an example of the larger problem - we need more people who work and contribute and fewer that take. I am all for supporting retraining and think that is a great investment - helping people get a new start helps us all.

But, if you want me to really get started on a rant... lets talk about the military industrial complex. I am so sick of how much money we spend on security, war, weapons etc. (not to mention the human cost, but i won't eve go there). Even most of our "foreign aid" is actually at least indirectly military/defense related. It is simply all too much and not sustainable, in my opinion.

So, this is going to be a tough topic with David because i respect different opinions, I actually agree with SOME of the conservative points of view but i cannot deal with the mean spirited based, science denying "Rush Limbaugh" or "Beck" or stupid "Michelle Chapman/Sarah Palin" style hate based conservatism that runs rampant. It might be a deal killer for me at some point, but I have decided I need to at least give it a chance because I think this is the closest I have found to a relationship that will please me in 2014. Remember, in upper levels of corporate america - these guys pretty much fall in the mean conservatism camp so I have plenty of practice ignoring it.

[sarsar 824]

Whoa, Sheryl, you are on a roll today!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I am basically liberal but i have a very hard time with the idea that just occuppying space entitles every tom d**k and harry to be supported by the taxpayer. We are reaching the point where too many people collect some kind of assistance - it will break our economic well being if we continue on this trajectory. I personally know of two women who had no work history and when there husbands died in middle age went on disability. WHAT? As far as i am concerned, anyone who can own, care for and ride horses is not disabled enough to collect benefits. I DO care about people and really don't want anyone to suffer but people need to take responsibility for their own financial lives too.

OhOh! Looks like I'm ranting a little too!

I think everyone has something to contribute to our culture/lives. Some of it is more financially remunerated, and some less... we have a tendency to attribute value to money, when I think some value is not so easily linked to money. Many(not all) of those "self made men" don't see all the little people who spend all of their lives emptying garbage cans and putting the cork in the wine bottle for minimum wage as part of the cost/support of their success. There isn't room at the top for everyone. You can work full time and still qualify for subsidies in this country... and I don't really think many of these people are actually working less hard than corporate big wigs or trust fund babys.(ever watch undercover boss?)

I have a masters degree, have traveled to 22 countries, slept in the Bombay train station and been in war zones as well as on safari with a Maharaj in India. I am an adventurer of life and have sat to talk with beggars with Leprosy. I choose to make less than $12 an hour to work with adults with developmental disabilities... lots of head injuries, autism, downs....I and most of the people I work with have saved someones life at least once on the job. Most of them are artists. I work there for that kind of money because part of my remuneration is gotten from what I learn from them. Every day. It is clear to me that those who have NOT been diagnosed with some disability are just as likely to have one... of some kind as those who are diagnosed. We all have blind spots, weakness, vanity, ignorance, impatience, hatred or something that puts us at a disadvantage. We also underestimate the importance of Emotional Intelligence. I'm not one to think everyone should be treated the exact same way and get the exact same amount of money for services rendered...or for just existing... but a little more perspective is in order.

My dads mom was married 6 times, he and his three sisters lived in a tent for a while. He is a self made man. He believes giving money and things is how you show love. He grew up with none. When my mom and dad got married her parents gave them an ironing board for their gift. He worked three jobs and went to school when I was little, getting his MA in education. I didn't have to go without like they did. But I do respect the work, and I feel responsible to contribute what I can contribute best to this world. I am grateful every day that I can pay for my own food and shelter, and still contribute something of "value" to those who I encounter. I don't hate them because they need help. I identify with them because they need help. I also respect them because they give help when they know how.

Remember, in upper levels of corporate america - these guys pretty much fall in the mean conservatism camp so I have plenty of practice ignoring it.

I heard some story/study lately about how many corporate heads might be diagnosed as high functioning psychopaths... http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2011/06/14/why-some-psychopaths-make-great-ceos/

[BrownDoesAll 409]

Globe u ok? What's going on? U sound umm????

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Sheryl - the current foam-at-the-mouth, raging ignorance that passes for "conservatism" is hardly distinguishable from Weimar Republic rhetoric and is frankly shameful and has little to do with pre-WWII conservativism. I too work with these types, the Army is primarily made up of faithfully blind young masses. And you are completely accurate in your estimation of the wastes in war, the hideous hideous waste. Case in point - I was forced to destroy very expensive perfectly good office equipment because it was scheduled to be destroyed, no other reason. We are talking printers, monitors, flatscreens, digital cameras, chairs...

Oh and that IS exasperating about your friends on disability - Here I am with a degenerative disease and the more I am learning, the more I am discovering that it could take at LEAST a year to qualify, and that I have to have a shocking number of symptoms, basically be in living agony, in order to qualify as even having the disease by their criteria - WTF WTF WTF!! I want to keep working as long as I can, and my eye toward going into therapy is also because I feel I can have a longer career doing that.

Edited February 18, 2014 by Globetrotter

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Oh so much news to catch up on!

 

I have to talk to Bill. this is ridiculous . I can't get online, and I have had 3 friends text me and say that they are hurt because since I've been with Bill, I've been ignoring my friends. I hate to bring it up, bu it's got to be done.

 

I've got way more to say about David, Sheryl, but I got up in the middle of the nigh because I could not sleep, so I have to get back to bed.

 

I hope we can meet in Portland in Mrach. I'll be there arround the 15th whatever the weekend is.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Well FYE I agree with you. I don't thing monetary success equates to a better human. I am not religious but I do think even Jesus had words about this. I am not looking for a guy to fund me, just himself. And I want him to have time to do at least s little stuff like travel. I didn't seek someone at the higher end of financial security but just that he is on the financial security scale is a huge move up for me.

Disability for my brother and sister were hard but doable. In the case of my sister the brain aneurysm left here partially brain damaged. The middle age lady who still cares for and rides her horse supposedly has a physical disability but at our age - knees, backs and hips start acting up and many of us suffer chronic pain and still work. To be honest my rant didn't mean to focus on disability-it is just I have more experience with it due to family and others. My view is those programs are needed but we have too much expended and it is not sustainable. Our military situation is an even bigger problem. People who claim to be conservative only care about overspend on. Social programs. Liberals often only complain about military spending and I am saying it's all too much and not sustainable. Take a look at the demographics...the baby boomers retire and their tax revenue contribution will just keep dropping. We just cannot afford it and our legacy is massive debt.

Denise I hope you can find a good way to discuss this dominating of your time. Did you resolve the CPAP issue?

The scale continues to be kind still under 150 even though went out to eat with my son.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I read that article on psychopaths as CEO. Interesting. I decided to look up the Hale text and am happy I scored 5 out of 40 which is a normal non psycho. However I took some other tests and I "May" have symptoms of general personality disorder. What's interesting to me is that when you look up General personality disorder it doesn't appear to be a diagnosis. So I wonder...

What I notice is some of the thoughts indicated as problematic are mostly post weight loss....I am more aware. I think in all honesty that childhood trauma has been well managed by me but probably causes some of my internal feelings. Like I think I am more prone to emotional swings...like feeling great and then kinda low very quickly. They don't last long and most of the time I am even/in the middle. People around me don't notice it since the down feelings are usually gone in an hour or less. I think I also have feelings of emptiness sometimes.

I get alot of private messages of people asking advice. The one this morning, I don't even know how to answer as she sounds emotionally out of control. It was alot. She also asked a million questions...not about WLS but about losing weight. Actually the right questions....including what are the best and worst things that happened in life as a result of weight loss. Like that is so complicated.....the good is overwhelming but how do I explain that I feel things more intensely and though it is getting better it has been uncomfortable at times. I had a phone call with someone considering plastics and she was emotionally out of control, crying etc. I feel like my mood issues are minor compared to what it seems like some others experience and yet it impacts my life negatively so I want to fix it if I can.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Okay, I did something I normally avoid - tangled with someone on a forum thread. Over in the plastics forum this man named scout has been posting about his plastics stuff - cool. Then he makes a statement that Based on his research (ie photos) that results from Mexico aren't as good. Well, I took issue with that since the way I read it, mine and other "mexican patients" would be part of that research he drew his conclusions on since I have shared photos on that same forum. Not just me, lots of other people too. I probably could have been more diplomatic... however, it got construed as I somehow think he should stop posting and everybody has to defend his right to tell his story. I am like... WTF? Tell your story - why do you need to bash somebody else?

I just think if you are gonna dish out those kind of sweeping negative generalizations about choices others have made (as if reading forums is real research anyway) you better be ready for someone to stand up and call "Bull" on it. Anyway, I was pretty much done after I said my peace but he has his little gang that apparently think I am somehow a rabble rouser because I didn't let that remark slide. I can't help but notice that he singled out Mexico in particular when obviously people go many places for plastics. I made that observation which of course he turned into me calling him racist. Actually, I am not sure race has anything to do with it - but it is that whole America is better thing that so many subscribe to?

I was told I should start my own thread - I have no interest in bashing someone else's choice so why would I do that? That I should have worded it that "based on my research I chose Mexico". I still say Bull - somebody specifically says that results from Mexican surgeons aren't as good and I just don't think that is based in fact and is a generalization based on a specific nation or country where the surgery is performed.

Truth is, there are some pretty bad results out there on the internet and by volume, most are from the USA but of course that is because that is where most of the surgeons are for our purposes. Doesn't mean that USA surgeons deliver substandard results.

sheesh

Of course, I should have never posted since you never really change anybody's minds anyway. As the saying goes... walls have ears and ears have walls.