gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I am so sick of being fat, I am so sick of this blubber hanging off of me in sheets, of moving and having parts of my body continue to sway and wobble after I have stopped moving. I am fed up with putting in so much effort and seeing no changes to the width of my body and no rewards on the scale. I have lost my regain and am at the lowest weight I have been post-op yet I am looser and softer than I was in April of 12 (my most fit), and my breasts aren't as small as they were then either, they haven't shrunk I'm still a DDD. My face still looks fat in photos, I am wearing the same pants I wore THIRTY POUNDS ago, and they are not even baggy. My ass is still misshapen raw cookie dough. The fat flaps around my ribcage under my arms that spill over my bra drive me to a rage.

Fasted yesterday, about 630 cals, and killed it at the gym (legs) and was up 4 lbs this morning. So effing sick of it.

[swizzly 901]

{{{Florinda}}}

I hear you. I often feel The Rage. It sucks. But what are the options? Give up? I do that sometimes, but I always regret it. So... I think you are super hard on yourself - I bet you look way better than you think you do. We are so our own worst critics...

Did you decide to stay the extra six months and bank the money? I can't remember if I voted or not LOL, but that is totally what I'd've done. How are you feeling Healthwise? Did that dude who went all wacko on you ever apologise?

My 5:2ing has been sort of sucky for so long. I feel a bit of a failure myself. I haven't really gained, but I've gone all soft and muffin-toppy in the middle and my trousers are tight in the waist. Good news is, we are moving back into our place again next week and hopefully we can get organised and settled in again quickly, so I can resume gym-going and not feel displaced and mental half the time...

Hope you all are doing well. <3

[Georgia 2,908]

Yep, Florinda, I feel for you. I'm lower In weight since probably maybe, um, the 6th grade and even though I'm thin NOW all the skin is dimpling and wrinkly! It seems to be much more so than even 6 months ago! Yes, I know I'm older but heck, I'm thinking, "I look like my Aunt Eva did at age 75!" It's kinda depressing.

But as Dee said, no choice here. We keep hitting it for healthy sake. (BTW, Dee, happy you are FINALLY going to have some order in your life again. And I'm sure that will aid you in getting back to pre-house disaster disciplines)

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I am so sick of being fat, I am so sick of this blubber hanging off of me in sheets, of moving and having parts of my body continue to sway and wobble after I have stopped moving.  I am fed up with putting in so much effort and seeing no changes to the width of my body and no rewards on the scale.  I have lost my regain and am at the lowest weight I have been post-op yet I am looser and softer than I was in April of 12 (my most fit), and my breasts aren't as small as they were then either, they haven't shrunk I'm still a DDD.  My face still looks fat in photos, I am wearing the same pants I wore THIRTY POUNDS ago, and they are not even baggy.  My ass is still misshapen raw cookie dough.  The fat flaps around my ribcage under my arms that spill over my bra drive me to a rage.

 

Fasted yesterday, about 630 cals, and killed it at the gym (legs) and was up 4 lbs this morning.  So effing sick of it.

Florinda, please make more of your life than the shape of your butt...is that really all you think of yourself? I know "looks" are stressed in our culture to the extreme (mostly in advertising... I know how you feel about that!) every minute you concentrate on the size/shape/imperfections of the body, the magic stops. You know how to fast and work out... what you need practice in is loving kindness and the spirit of adventure! Make your life sing girl... it may be harder than focusing all your feelings and attention on your butt (fill in the word with whatever is bugging you about your body) but the rewards are so much more liberating. For you, for others as well. We know your a bloody genius... so go use it on this, OK? 2 cents...Love ya! 

 

{{{Florinda}}}

 

I hear you. I often feel The Rage. It sucks. But what are the options? Give up? I do that sometimes, but I always regret it. So... I think you are super hard on yourself - I bet you look way better than you think you do. We are so our own worst critics...

 

Did you decide to stay the extra six months and bank the money? I can't remember if I voted or not LOL, but that is totally what I'd've done. How are you feeling Healthwise? Did that dude who went all wacko on you ever apologise? 

 

My 5:2ing has been sort of sucky for so long. I feel a bit of a failure myself. I haven't really gained, but I've gone all soft and muffin-toppy in the middle and my trousers are tight in the waist. Good news is, we are moving back into our place again next week and hopefully we can get organised and settled in again quickly, so I can resume gym-going and not feel displaced and mental half the time... 

 

Hope you all are doing well. <3 

so glad your going home. What a relief that must be!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Florinda I'm so with you on this.....this is not an easy journey....I am so frustrated with my body that I am so bitching at other people right now.....gotta start recognizing what I do have and let go of what will never be for me. The rage moments about the extra lb gained and the wrinkly skin really bites me at times. But as Kim has said, perhaps it's time to start rockin this skinny body, after all, I do look good in my clothes these days.... I haven't went down in clothes size for over a year and I really miss dropping cloths sized the most.....LOL

Dee I am so happy your finally moving back home.....There's nothing like home sweet home...

 

I have really been doing awful with the 5;2 diet. Can't seem to focus these days.  Today is the day that I have desinated as clean eating again. Today is all Protein and the snacking has got to stop.....I am a food addict and an emotional eater....there's no way around it... I have to stop and work on my thoughts about eating those stupid Cheetos because I have an emotional crisis happening. That's my truth and now I need to do something about it...  

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

ms skinny - i am so sorry you are having to deal with all this drug stuff too. A good friend has essentially lost her daughter to drugs - meth I think mostly. The stories she can tell - the stealing, lying, cheating, the 100,000 spent on drug rehab, the now raising of a granddaughter... but somehow the story that kicked me the hardest was when her daughter needed surgery to remove a needle from her NECK that had broken off there. It gets worse, the needle had been there awhile but started moving and irritated her - she didn't even KNOW she had a broken off needle in her neck. Doesn't that just tell you how BAD it is? Hang in there is all I can say,

Florinda, (and actually all of us!) I was alarmed by your post but I thought to myself... maybe it is just venting. I don't mean to lecture, but you can't really mean what you said. I have seen photos of you and know it isn't true, and honestly, even if you weighed 300#, I would disagree with the self loathing over physical appearance. I can see how easy it is to head down this thought path though. I had an amazing amazing time with my "friend" Steven last week. He has a way of making me feel just so beautiful and sexy and he means it, I know he does. He loved the outfit I wore and responded to my appearance in a very enthusiastic way. He often tells me I look like a pinup girl, or Betty Boop - curves in the right places kinda thing. Anyway, he brought up - not me - that he didn't even notice my scars and that he thought i shouldn't even mention it when I meet someone in the future I really want to go all the way with.

So, I decided I would take updated photos of my body to show how well the scars are healing and share with the DR S plastics group I am a part of . I took a selfie in undies and was HORRIFIED when I looked at the picture. The scars were fine, it was that I still look... fluffy...round...NOT the hot bod I like to dream I might have, I still have a bit of smooshy to me, especially my thighs. More than a bit. And my waist is thicker now then it was a few months ago which is frustrating considering my weight is good. I don't know if it is still some swelling but i felt very disappointed looking at my waist in that photo - although frankly nobody else notices. How quickly I forget that my thighs were AWFUL before and being a little smooshy now is nothing. I have a flat tummy so do I really care that I measure an extra half to one inch around the waist now? But when I took that pic i started thinking how I need to lose another 20# or something like that and that I look fat and blah blah blah. All these other women on the forums (including many of you on this forum!) get down to the low end of the normal BMI - why can't I?

I had to just STOP that destructive thinking because I am healthy, I know I look good. This weight and size is a good balance of healthy, looks and practical maintenance. In all honesty, even if I were 20# heavier I would still be "fine". I will never be a runway model and I don't even really WANT to be that thin but the brain takes off like a runaway train thinking that no matter - it is never.good.enough. I call Bullshit on that whole self torture. We have more important things to do in life than worry about smooshy thighs or less than perfect waist.

Last night I watched a very unenjoyable Woody Allen movie "Blue Jasmine" - in the end I thought what a waste that this woman lives such an unhappy life and spews her negativity at everybody. Everything is a drama and misery - what if she had taken even 10% of her angst and channeled it to helping others or saving the planet or something useful... It isn't the same as our body image situation since we tend to spew that garbage at ourselves rather than others, but it reminded me of the wasted energy that hate/loathing/destructive thoughts bring. I only have so many breaths, so many hours to live and I am NOT going to spend them hating myself for having smooshy thighs. I invite us all to really think about that.

Sorry, I didn't mean to lecture - I really didn't but life is just so precious, and for now, we just have the one we have - we need to all treat it that way as though it were worth a million times more than the hope diamond or the total net worth of Microsoft... you know - it is irreplaceable.

Edited January 27, 2014 by CowgirlJane

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

It's only 10 am and I feel like I have already over eaten. I had an uber high carb day yesterday and boy is my body responding - saying FEED ME!!!! What a difference it makes if you can control those carbs...

so, yesterday was interesting. Don't know if you remember, but over a month ago I had a very embarrassing incident of going out with someone I had met just a few times and having too many martinis. He swore I was fine, but, it was not a proud next morning because we made out and it was only like the 3rd time I had met him and I just didn't like that - and it was alcohol induced...not good. Anyway, we finally got together again. Spent the day in Seattle, took a walk along Alki Beach etc. We watched a movie and just hung out and talked. It was a nice time, but this guy is really high stressed out and I am feeling that energy even today. He used to live in Asia and came home 6 years ago to care for his aging parents. His dad passed away last summer and his 95 year old mom has parkinsons. There are financial matters, a house, caregivers and all sorts of stressors. He likes to talk to me because i went through similiar things with my mother, a couple of stepdads and of course my sister. That is all in my past, but I must still hold some trauma - it was HARD - because I "feel" it this morning - a bit shaken up over his stress. I need to think about this - nice guy, cool guy, loves adventure and travel - but i am not sure I need this in my world anytime soon.

I have stopped dating for now, while I sort things out with getting my EX moved out and moved on, so it was kinda on a whim that I agreed to hang out with him anyway. He also eats really high carb food and I felt like just spending the day with him encouraged me to overeat. I don't blame HIM for that, but I definately try to keep company of people who are less food oriented usually.

[Georgia 2,908]

Boy, I know what you mean about carbs, CGJ! I am going to have to truly detox this week. I want to eat constantly and it's all carbs!

[M2G 1,836]

Sarah, I'm so sorry about your friend. So hard seeing or knowing someone is struggling and there is nothing you can do. And for you moms that deal with your children and their addictions, my hat is off to you. I can't imagine and don't want to imagine how hard that must be. Sending you all hugs...addiction is a really rough challenge.

Dee, so glad to hear that you get to move back home next week...WOW that is so exciting!

Florinda, OMG you lost all your regain? Seriously? I like to *think* that I follow along with posts pretty closely, especially when it comes to this group because honestly I just don't always have the time to devote to all the posters here, so I tend to stick with the ones I know and care about. WHEN did you lose all the regain? Because I must have fricken missed that party post? I thought every post was that you were basically STUCK STUCK STUCK! Was it when you were sick the first time and taken to Germany? I know you have had to change your eating according to your medical issues, but I'm so sorry that I missed how you got rid of the regain. And along that note....um WHERE is the f'ing celebrating? Oh I know there is "work to be done" blah blah blah, because honestly I'm a "work in progress" too, but can you do a little happy dance for getting rid of the regain? Okay, if you won't I will ***bah, still totally miss the dancing bananas from the olden days of VST*** BUT if we HAD dancing bananas I sure would put a bunch in here for you!!!

Dorrie, sorry you are struggling... me too. Somewhere between Nov and now I lost my mojo...can anyone help me find it? It might be over there in the corner under the triscuits. Sigh. I definitely overindulged this weekend, my girls were at a sleepaway church camp and hubby and I partied like we HAD NO KIDS and NO PARENTAL RESPOSIBILITIES! Wheee, it was fun. Drinking, dancing late night movie (saw American Hustle with get this a showtime start of 10:35 PM ...this from a gal who likes to be in bed by 9:30pm...and there was at least 15 mins of previews!) Anyway, eating out should also be added to the list. It was fun but I definitely am paying for it on the scale. I was going to FAST today but just had some triscuits and greek cream cheese along with half of a black bean burger. (Breakfast was hard boiled egg and cheese...) so much for a fast day unless I don't eat dinner which isn't likely to happen. I've been doing 6:1 for THE LONGEST TIME EVER NOW and I can't seem to get out of the rut and get back to my 5:2. Advice??? I know I need to pull up my big girl panties and JUST DO IT!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I think the 5:2 is much the same as other "diets" in that we can get bored of the same old habit... and might get excited over something new. i have checked out so many diets over the years... at first I was so excited, and hopeful that I could make the new changes last.... but few of them lasted. (a few did at least!) I have to say sometimes I meet a fast day with less than enthusiasm... really not so much when I first wake up, but later in the day..... the last part of the day when that spoonfull of PB just slides right down before I even notice I did it. BUT and this is a BIG BUT(not butt... ) It has worked for me when I use it, and even sometimes when I don't. I do 6:1 some weeks too... and 5:2 some weeks when I pull it together and there is not too much distraction (I have a short attention span around food and partys...) Some days I have to re-evaluate my commitment to the plan....What else has worked better for me in the past? What is new out there that might work better than this has? I think there is some room for maneuvering and freshening up the plan...Some feast days I eat over my MFP calorie limit... I just choose to do it... my reasoning is, that the 5:2 plan says you can. I know I am not "normal" and this might be dangerous reasoning... usually its not over, and the days that it is, are not that often. I figure if I can't maintain with the sloppy way I do things, I will have to tighten up again. But I learned from the Buddhists, who know about vows.... when you take a vow, the first time you break the vow, it gets easier to break it again... and the more you break it, the less power the vow has. Keeping a vow is not always easy, but there is great power in it if it is the right vow for you. So I try to look at it like that... I take breaking it seriously, because I think it might be the right vow for me. You can re-establish a vow... but you really have to feel it in your heart enough to get over the little voice that has broken it in the past...

...and heII yes Florinda, that kind of slipped by me too.... you are at you lowest again? Well, then you are on the very edge of getting below that! How cool is that!? Take it girl, take it and run with it!

Party time!

Edited January 27, 2014 by feedyoureye

[UK Cathy 977]

Well done florinda on getting rid of your regain, you are obviously not feeling a good place at the moment so sorry about that. You seem to have been through a lot recently, I don't have any words of wisdom, just ((hugs)) sent your way.

Dee you too have had a lot to cope with, glad you can move back to your house soon. Maybe then you can get back to your routine.

Still bouncing around myself, like many others I'm having too many carbs. I need to detox.

Is it me or has the whole site been very quiet this past week or so, I think the Christmas holiday caught up with everyone and a bit of hibernation is going on.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My corset arrived... it is beautiful but I think I ordered too small a size. Even laced, the modesty panel doesn't close all the way. I ordered according to my waist size but I guess I just don't squeeze as tight as some do....

[feedyoureye 3,087]

does it close in the middle? Is it the top or bottom that doesn't close? Perhaps you can pick up a small piece of fabric to add onto the existing panel...? Is i a Juliette? Picture please! I have not even tried mine on yet.... I wonder if mine is too small as well... I have only worn the 3/4 black one, and that was fine.....

[Globetrotter 1,340]

SherylJane - do you know how to "properly" lace a corset? You count down the holed and the two in the middle you lace down instead of criss cross, then at the very bottom you knot the laces. Now you put it on, it is super loosee, and you reach behind you for the pair of down-laced loops, switch hands so the right hand is holding the left loop etc., and bring them around in front of you and pull baby, pull! You can go even tighter by looping them onto a doorknob or bedpost. Then you tie off the laces either in the front or back. when you take it off you just undo the front buttons, never the laces. If you "waist train", wearing it at home for a few weeks, you will make your waist smaller, season the corset to your body shape, and will have "closure" lol. hope this helps

As for me, wow, I had no idea my moment of selfie rage would ilicit such a response (in a good way), thanks guys!!

So, I must confess something, I actually never told you guys that I had lost all of my regain because I was waiting for a more impressive stat like, "I've lost all my regain AND made it to surgeon's goal, wooo!" But now the cat is out of the bag so, yes, I lost all of my regain, in three months. That's 25-30 lbs, depending on which numbers you are using, thanks to our friend 5:2. My lowest legit (non-diarrhea induced) weight post-op was 167 which I achieved in February of '12. My highest was just shy of 200 a year ago March. Four days ago I weighed in at 164.8 lbs. This morning I weighed in at 168 and I could just spit nails but I'm hoping it is just Water in mending muscle tissue.

I think the frustration dam broke because I had pulled on a pair of pants that day that fit just fine - as they have for the past 30 lbs!! I mean, COME ON! Sure, they didn't look as good on me 30 lbs ago, but the fact is that they fit just fine then, and they fit just fine now and that was absolutely the last straw and I 'sploded.

I also don't understand how I can weigh less than I did in February of '12, yet be bigger/lumpier now? I told you I use this one VERY $$$ bra as a marker and last time I was this low it fit smoothly across the decolletage with "chicken cutlets" inserted. Now, no cutlets, and I still have breast skin bubbling out the top. what the??

I am 5'3" and if we go by the day the scale was my friend, 164.8 lbs. 15 lbs from surgeon's, 35 from personal.

I am staying in this abusive relationship of my job the way my Mom stayed in her marriage. I don't know how to quit and am afraid to quit and try something else, afraid to be without the only safety net I've known, even though it is destructive to me. I accepted the extension, this would give me the kind of cash money savings that could pay for a doctorate or a down payment on a house or invested in my future since it can take years to get SSD for MS... but I am so over being here, I'm angry at missing life, missing out on everything, it's like being fat all over again ...

And why the hell hasn't my front or back shape changed? My profile I will be the first to say has changed amazingly, my bootay especially , but back and front photos reveal no changes whatsoever.

Perhaps another frustration I have is in my eating. As you know, my restrictions aren't solely based on weight loss and following a diet for diet's sake but rather to retain my cognitive and physical function in the face of MS. I feel a bit like how I imagine a child born with type 1 diabetes might feel, angry at knowing you can't have that treat, and even angrier knowing that you just do not have the option of cheating, not if you want to survive. I ate some popcorn last week and my foot went numb.

I agree it has felt quiet around here, haven't heard from Coops, Kelly, Wanda, Sheila (Sweetums), the long lost Cheri, Laura...

Dee I'm so happy for you that you will be getting back into your home soon!

Sarah, (and all whose lives have been touched by addiction) - it is so painful to watch someone lose their lives to addiction, that is how I lost my Father one year ago and I still fantasize about what could have been done, "if only..." I wish I could cradle him in my arms and take away his pain, I wish there was a surgery for his addiction like there was for mine ...

I need to let go of my anger(s), feel the blessings in my life, why am I not able to do that? Why don't I feel blessed, why am I not brave? Why am I not better at all of this ...

Denise - IMPHO, I think you need to back away from Bill until he makes a firm move regarding his ex.

SherylJane - pics of the corset or it didn't happen! .

Oh, PS!! The D-bag "friend" trainer did reach out and apologize, via FB, for his behavior. I wrote back that the apology was "acknowledged and accepted", and left it at that.

Edited January 28, 2014 by Globetrotter

[coops 1,790]

Good Morning all - I've been around, just reading and thinking. 

 

Florinda, I completely 'get' where you are coming from... I've just come out of a frustrating time feeling like I am wasting my time with no rewards but like others have said, what choice do we have.  Good for you for getting rid of the regain, that has to be a good feeling. I suppose we just gotta keep on keeping on and knowing we have this support thread helps me too.

 

I've not been very well, and I'm still not 100%. I had a funny turn in work Friday morning and was sent home.  I had a severe headache, sickness and dizziness and that stayed with me I also had pins and needles in my lips; I thought it was a Migraine. I slept most of Friday and the weekend.  Monday and today I am off work and I just have no energy at all... my headache is still here and I have a dull ache behind my left eye and I just feel exhausted even though I have done very little. I have tried to get an appointment to see my doc, but no luck yet - I will ring again later.

 

Although the symptoms are like my usual migraine ones, I usually get an aversion to light - but not this time; no problems with light, reading or flashing lights.  It is probably a 'virus' or some such generic complaint.  What is worrying me the most is the lack of energy or inclination to do anything.  I am knackered after making a cuppa.

Not sure whether I will be in work tomo or not yet?