gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Interesting. I was raised to believe that I was ugly because my dad called me that, and fat, and useless and stupid and all those things. Somehow in life, feedback through successful career and schooling etc led me to feel very confident in my intelligence, in my innate value as a human. I have struggled with seeing myself as someone physically attractive but more importantly, as seeing myself as someone who is lovable.

I have been seeing a counselor and one of the things that I realize is that the not being lovable or worthy of love or those things is actually much more compelling then the attractiveness factor but i have confused the two in my mind at times.

Here is the crazy thing - even when I was fat, I could still get dates/had relationships. Even my non communicative EX have told me i am pretty. I have no explanation of why my belief system is such that I am unattractive/unapplealing other then the fact that it was pounded into my head by my dad.

Now, I joke about being vain, but to some extent I am embracing it. i LIKE looking good. As time goes on, it isn't even really about attracting prospective boyfriends, it is about do I LIKE it! I think that I am living through some missed experiences in life and one of them is this vain stage that i was never really allowed as a teen or twenty something when most women go through it.

I think it is all tied up in the being sad about getting old, like I missed out and will never regain a certain aspect of my life.

whenever I get feeling too sorry for myself - I remind myself of the many many people who would LOVE to have to turn 50. My dear little sister didn't make it past 40 due to breast cancer and I let her memory give me a kick in the butt for my ungratefulness when it rears it's ugly head.

Truth of the matter is that this is a GREAT decade for me coming up. Kids are nearly out of the house (one more year of college tuition!), I have a good career, lots of friends, am physically very capable and active. I have a good life and so much freedom! When I was young, I made so many decisions toward getting to this place in life - and I have made it! Getting rid of the excess weight was my nemisis and even that is under control. ya hoo - so what if there is a little chin wattle and wrinkles to go with it.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Globe- I can't send private messages from my kindle. I Iooked into 2 other Mexican surgeons and I don't know the name of the other one you are considering but I wanted to warn you about very mixed reviews for Niebles. I was really impressed with results that I saw but was turned off my his patient coordinator. She was eventually booted off gastricsleeve forums. Anyway, there is a thread on that forum from someone with really terrible results.

Let me tell you the primary negative to Dr Sauceda, my surgeon. He is less aggressive than many. That is why he has very low complication rates and can do jumbo procedures, alot at once, but you won't be quite as tight.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Thanks Cowgirl, it is Niebles actually. I remember hearing about that person that was kicked off and I seem to remember that she wasn't actually a real coordinator, just an obsessive fan who tried to give herself a position of authority? I will go check out the mixed reviews on him though, see if I can parse out the reality. What does that mean, not as tight? Too tight and you risk ruptured sutures, right?

I absolutely agree that I have noticed a different tenor since the site change, I think it really threw us. Also perhaps, at least for the Americans, the paired holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas are a time of high anxiety for people with food issues. At least I am spared that, being out here in Afghanistan, I doubt we will get any sort of traditional Thanksgiving foods, maybe I will arrange my sardines to look like a turkey!

Been having a pomegranate every day for lunch, they grow great poms here. Today's food is: Protein Shake (thanks to OD!! chocolate toffee powder plus coconut oil, plus a splash of coffee = YUM), a green apple for lunch, and salad with 4 oz shredded chicken for dinner. If I can spare the calories, a green drink too. This should bring me in at about 586 cals. The trick for me is to keep pumping the hot liquids all day, something about hot beverages that keeps sleeve purring contentedly.

Oh yeah, I'm wearing a pair of jeans today that 6 months ago caused physical pain I was so sausaged in them. So, yay.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Interesting.  I was raised to believe that I was ugly because my dad called me that, and fat, and useless and stupid and all those things. Somehow in life, feedback through successful career and schooling etc led me to feel very confident in my intelligence, in my innate value as a human.  I have struggled with seeing myself as someone physically attractive but more importantly, as seeing myself as someone who is lovable.

 

I have been seeing a counselor and one of the things that I realize is that the not being lovable or worthy of love or those things is actually much more compelling then the attractiveness factor but i have confused the two in my mind at times. 

 

Here is the crazy thing - even when I was fat, I could still get dates/had relationships.  Even my non communicative EX have told me i am pretty.   I have no explanation of why my belief system is such that I am unattractive/unapplealing other then the fact that it was pounded into my head by my dad.

 

Now, I joke about being vain, but to some extent I am embracing it.  i LIKE looking good. As time goes on, it isn't even really about attracting prospective boyfriends, it is about do I LIKE it!    I think that I am living through some missed experiences in life and one of them is this vain stage that i was never really allowed as a teen or twenty something when most women go through it.

 

I think it is all tied up in the being sad about getting old, like I missed out and will never regain a certain aspect of my life.

whenever I get feeling too sorry for myself - I remind myself of the many many people who would LOVE to have to turn 50.  My dear little sister didn't make it past 40 due to breast cancer and I let her memory give me a kick in the butt for my ungratefulness when it rears it's ugly head.

 

Truth of the matter is that this is a GREAT decade for me coming up. Kids are nearly out of the house (one more year of college tuition!), I have a good career, lots of friends, am physically very capable and active. I have a good life and so much freedom!  When I was young, I made so many decisions toward getting to this place in life - and I have made it!   Getting rid of the excess weight was my nemisis and even that is under control.   ya hoo - so what if there is a little chin wattle and wrinkles to go with it. 

Jane, I would never want you to stop wearing what you like or pursuing your personal happiness! (spoken by the 60 year old in the skinny jeans and high heel boots with the pierced nose and purple hair!) I don't even think that is necessarily vanity... I'm really talking to myself out loud... the vanity I am talking about is more insidious... hefting around the feeling like I look/am not quite good enough(then what/who?)... and spending precious time being motivated from that... its just like some devils work.... 

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Globe - I can't explain it, but something about Neibles made me nervous - I think it was his deranged fan. By the way, Dr Sauceda has a few of them too. I came to realize that someone who used to weigh 500# and now has lost a bunch of weight and has had plastics but has no real relationships (I am not talking about just with a man - I mean in general) is a prime candidate to become obsessed with a surgeon. Dr S I promise is not difficult in spite of some of his crazy ass fans.

Anyway, some of the pix I have seen of Niebles work are amazing, but the key is to see lots and lots and lots of before and afters. Dr Sauceda has done about 300 jumbo procedures (ie multiple stuff at once) and I have seen before and afters of probably 50 of them. That helps build confidence - but not everyone gets the same results, it is very individual. Some of these women started out much heavier and in much worse condition. When I posted some before pix one of the ladies told me that I look as good as some of the "afters" - you need to keep all of that in mind. A doc who takes on more difficult cases is not going to have as perfect of looking afters either.

Take a look at this thread and I would contact TulipTwy to try to understand the specifics. Every surgeon has some that are less then ideal and this woman has NOT shared photos so I don't know what to think, but it is just another data point.

http://www.gastricsleeve.com/forum/body-makeovers-and-cosmetic-surgery/23333-lower-body-lift-belt-lipectomy.html

What I mean about less tight - is Dr S doesn't remove as much skin as some surgeons. Lower risk of wound separation etc. i know he removes less because I was ready to do plastics in the USA in the spring and I know how much she was planning on taking of my tummy and he did less. Also, he TOLD me that he is more conservative. He told me he would rather have to revise someone (ie take more skin) then have too high risk of complications. This is part of the sane approach which allows him to do a bunch at once. Flip side is, she was going to do my work over 3 surgeries - something I could NOT deal with so the trade off is worth it to me. The key thing to understand about plastics is it is a serious of tradeoffs - risk versus benefits. Scars versus results... that sort of thing.

Thank you FYE - you are a true artist and that comes across in the way your present yourself too. I sometimes think I am just an ordinary middle age woman trying to look 20 years younger, not really an ideal goal. I am adjusting myself though, i still dress fashionably, youthfully (dresses and tights and boots and skinnies and all that) but trying to rein it in to get a nice look rather then a "trying too hard" look. Work in process

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Oh I wish it were so simple! I LIKE sex and I would even be willing to cook if I could get even 1/3 of the other list!!!

[coops 1,790]

Hahahaaa... CGJ, that is good!  I'm crap at cooking just as well I can tick the other box hahahaaa

 

So, fast day number two in the bag, didn't eat til the evening, had cups of tea/coffee and a cuppa Soup all day - and refused a cake in work - then refused another one at home -check me out!

[coops 1,790]

On another note - I think I know where my funk has come from and why it has been around so long.  I am blaming hormones.  As you all know, my lady hormones have put me into early menopause... well, since starting the 5:2 WOE I have seen more of my friend than I have in the last 3 years!  This time she came with no warning - and without TMI she was heavy and I had cramping which I haven't had for a while!  Not sure why this is happening, as I've said before, my doc told me that my ovaries have pretty much packed up!  This has been going on for over 3 years - I think it probably started before my sleeve, but my weight was always a convenient excuse for the medical world to blame any bodily inconsistencies on!

Can the 5:2 change hormone balances?  Is this why the scales isn't being kind to me?

I dunno, but it certainly explained part of the funk!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

On another note - I think I know where my funk has come from and why it has been around so long. I am blaming hormones. As you all know, my lady hormones have put me into early menopause... well, since starting the 5:2 WOE I have seen more of my friend than I have in the last 3 years! This time she came with no warning - and without TMI she was heavy and I had cramping which I haven't had for a while! Not sure why this is happening, as I've said before, my doc told me that my ovaries have pretty much packed up! This has been going on for over 3 years - I think it probably started before my sleeve, but my weight was always a convenient excuse for the medical world to blame any bodily inconsistencies on!

Can the 5:2 change hormone balances? Is this why the scales isn't being kind to me?

I dunno, but it certainly explained part of the funk!

coops - i don't remember your age, but I went through menopause in my early 40s when I was very obese. I blame it on the trauma and stress of my little sisters long illness and horrible death from breast cancer but who knows.

Anyway, I had pretty mild menopause symptoms - basically I just got irritable at times. Very limited hot flashes and I had too much vaginal moisture, no dryness. Then, I lost like a 125# or so and dang, my girl parts started hurting from horseback riding, biking etc. It turns out that all that fat kept my estrogen high even through menopause. After losing the weight, my estrogen dropped.

I use a bio-identical hormone cream a few times a week and my girl parts are happy again and I have no other symptoms.

I mention this because I do wonder if the weight loss has now "unveiled" the estrogen changes. Some women go through perimenpause for YEARS before the real menopause happens.

[coops 1,790]

I'm 42 now - officially told I was peri menopausal at 39 but I feel it started years before.  I went through 2 years of terrible hot flashes 24/7 but they have dropped off - they come and go now.  Before the last 6 mths I'd probably had 2-3 visits from aunt flo and they were, well, nothing to report.

I've tried HRT in Patches and tablets but I didn't get on  with them (started gaining weight too) so I on no form of treatment now.

 

What do you mean by 'unveiled'?  I've heard that fat cells hold more estrogen - is that what you mean?

 

I know the position I'm in isn't uncommon and I also know that hormones 'can' affect weight loss... this is why I posted.  However, I've also read a lot of posts from women who are in the menopause losing weight with relative ease.  I suppose it is just another case of, we are all different and respond differently to external and internal factors!

At least I'm not and haven't gained! =]

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

What I meant to say is that obesity kept my estrogen high even through menopause. So, I had delayed symptoms and it was no surprise to the doctors even though I had never heard of this. The fat seems to not just store estrogen, I suspect that fat actually helps maintain it.

The reality of it is that weight loss is impacted by all sorts of things and hormones are probably just one of them.

One thing we don;t talk alot about but really made a difference to me was changing my exercise approach. I went from long duration to short duration/high intensity workouts - including HIIT training. Changing things up like that really help me lose a few pounds.

I am also convinced that our bodies fight pretty hard to hold on to a certain weight - like the setpoint theory. I maintained at about 156-158 range for many months before dropping to the low 150s where i am currently maintaining/bouncing. I have a feeling that I am in the ballpark of what my body wants to weigh; not sure I can go much lower and still actually live a normal life...lol

[coops 1,790]

Oh yes, that set point - I was there for 2 years before starting the 5:2 and I think I've found a new one at 159 cos I've been here for 6 weeks!  It is a pain in the tail... but I am determined to break through this one also, even if it takes another 2 years!

 

I've also tried the change in exercise - it seems my body reacts short term then gets kinda 'comfy' and stops reacting - then I hit a plateau and stay there for a while.  I've heard a lot about the Insanity but it is really expensive here in the UK!  Not sure I am totally motivated to spend that much money and have the DVDs collect dust?

I do enjoy my Curves work out and I've lost 12 inches since starting there, which was the end of May - started the 5:2 mid June so the inches are higher than the weight loss.. that gives me some hope that changes are being made!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Julian Michaels dvds... ripped in 30 days.

Cheap... 10 bucks in the usa anyway

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I had 5 years of meno hell. I finally went on HRT and have been on them ever since. They are supposed to be bioidentical. I never want to go off of them.

 

Globe I hope my box makes it there before Thanksgiving.

 

I am really hoping to get to a new low after today's fast. I want to see that scale say 135 so badly . It said 137 this morning.

[sarsar 824]

Ladies, you have to see this. It was floating around on fb today.

http://www.upworthy.com/2-people-described-the-same-person-to-a-forensic-artist-and-this-is-what-happene