gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I saw 158.9 on scale this morning!

.8 more to be back at goal!!!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I can't edit the typo...grrr

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My nerves are really amping up - surgery for implant removal is Thursday. I am not scared of the surgery (well, a little) but I am mad that I have to do this and feel... dismayed... at being lopsided for 3 months. I have a nagging fear that they won't be able to "make me right again" even after going through all this. I shouldn't be so negative as odds are on my side, but it is my anxiety speaking up....

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Leaving for the hospital in just a bit for my total knee replacement on the left side - I haven't really been on the computer much the last few weeks. See you guys on the other side

Oh my! I have a knee thats going south... I will have to do something some day too.... Best thoughts your way.... check in and let us know how its doing!

My nerves are really amping up - surgery for implant removal is Thursday. I am not scared of the surgery (well, a little) but I am mad that I have to do this and feel... dismayed... at being lopsided for 3 months. I have a nagging fear that they won't be able to "make me right again" even after going through all this. I shouldn't be so negative as odds are on my side, but it is my anxiety speaking up....

I would be nervous too.... its stress even if you are happy you are getting it "fixed".

Best of luck dear!

Well all... after 16 hours on two different bikes, and some class time, I have my field test passed and done. Now I just have to do the DMV written test and I will have my motorcycle license. My stress has gone down a bit after getting that done.... I still need to take more classes for sure, and practice practice practice! Shooting for the Arctic circle next year if all goes well.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

yesterday I drank coffee and tea, and ate some salmon salad and panforte. Today I am drinking coffee, ate 1 small biscotto, and will probably not eat dinner. No, I am not doing this on purpose, but for some reason the idea of cooking food depresses me.

I threw my back out 10 days ago and although the immediate pain went away after 2 days, there are aggravation points, the most disturbing one being on my spine, bottom third, on the right. I had a massage Saturday and, while wonderful, did not make it go away. Everything aches. I hate my fat saggy floppiness so much that I just want to punch it (don't worry, I don't).

Men don't want relationships with me beyond that of FWB. They see me as just one dimensional, a f*** toy.

If I could just drink coffee all day, and not eat, I would. I just don't want to eat.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Kelly, I hope your recovery goes well and you're feeling great soon!

Globe I know what you mean about taking a parent on vacation. I took my dad to the Grand Canyon and the first thing he did was fall down and hurt himself. I'm glad to hear you did enjoy some parts of the trip. I also know what you mean about cooking. I never cook unless there is someone to eat with.

Kim you are so brave! I wouldn't dare try a motorcycle. I love to ride on the back of one, but driving one would scare me to death. Congratulations on taking the plunge and learning something new!

Sheryl Congratulations on getting back to goal! I don't know how you did it, cause you're still socializing which is death for me and my eating. You have so many big changes lately and more coming up. You're right, it's not fair that you should have to go through this whole implant ordeal.

Cathy and Coops I am so glad you're both still checking in here and staying part of this group. I am so glad there is still a core of us left to share everything together.

My eating sucks and I can't seem to change it. I eat cr@p every day. (it bugs me when it **** out the letters) and then I am bummed when I get on the scale. I am considering the pouch 5 day thing cause I know if I could get through 2 days of liquids, it would get me over the worst of it and start heading down the scale and not up.

The medium I went to see was ok. She described how my husband died and said that he said he didn't feel a thing. ( He had an accident at work at 36 and would now be 65) She told me a lot of things I already knew, and for the most part, I thought it was pointless. She really wasn't one to predict the future, it was more like confirming things that had happened. I was disappointed. She asked if I had any questions and I asked her if I would ever find someone who I could share my life with and she told me my husband and mom and dad were all looking for someone for me. She said I would find someone within a year. I should have asked her where I'd find him. I wouldn't go back to her. I have been to physics who predicted things that came true and they gave amazing details.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Kim you are so brave! I wouldn't dare try a motorcycle. I love to ride on the back of one, but driving one would scare me to death. Congratulations on taking the plunge and learning something new!

Its funny, I have been afraid of doing this for years, then I just over road the fear.... its still there in my body, but my mind just decided to go ahead and try to be as prepared and safe as possible. I'm buying the best armored gear that I can afford, and taking classes one and off before I go... Its a little bit of a "mid......make that late life crisis" I want to fit in at least one more crazy adventure if not more....

Cathy and Coops I am so glad you're both still checking in here and staying part of this group. I am so glad there is still a core of us left to share everything together.

Me too ladies!

My eating sucks and I can't seem to change it. I eat cr@p every day. (it bugs me when it **** out the letters) and then I am bummed when I get on the scale. I am considering the pouch 5 day thing cause I know if I could get through 2 days of liquids, it would get me over the worst of it and start heading down the scale and not up.

Try it, use the cream Soups, it really helps you feel like you are full and satisfied.

I have been to physics who predicted things that came true and they gave amazing details.

Its a crap shoot... I have been to one palm reader in India that everyone said was the best, and he was pretty spot on about the future. Only charged $2 !

[coops 1,790]

Yes! I am still here... apologies for not posting as often as I should - I am not being rude, it is just that I often feel there is nothing to update you all on. Sometimes I think about responding, but I am worried that it might come across as patronising in writing... if that makes sense?

Hope the op goes well Kelly!

Just an interesting moment to share with you... I was with my friends (there were 3 of us, me and a mother and daughter - the family that lost their dad at the beginning of the year) last weekend and we were all moaning about gaining weight - they know I am sleeved - anyway, the youngest is the heaviest and wears size UK 16-18. No biggy, if you saw her in the street you wouldn't look at her and think 'oh my! she is fat!' She carries her weight well and it is all over if that makes sense; she is relatively fit and healthy. She has a fantastic dress sense and is very 'funky'.

Then there is me size UK 12 -14 again, no biggy ... I look my size and I think I look fit and healthy - I certainly feel it.

And then there is the eldest, size 16 who is a pound LIGHTER than me and about 35lb heavier than her daughter, yet they are very similar in size and shape ... How is that even possibly!!

It really made me think that the scale isn't the be all and end all in this thing called weight loss... as paradoxical as that sounds the three of us just show how weight and size is very individual and idiosyncratic!

[UK Cathy 977]

Have you seen this poster before Coops. Yes we can weigh the same but we all look totally different.

The sizes quoted are UK

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@coops I know exactly what you mean. Also, there is this subjective thing about what size even looks good on a given body type. I am broad shouldered and have a naturally muscular build (gee thanks Dad!) so I can outweigh someone by ALOT and not so much look fat as just look proportioned for me.

My friend M is taller than me, but fine boned and carries weight in her butt and mid section. I outweigh by a little bit but am like 4 pant sizes smaller - our tops are fairly similar but I have the bust. I have looked at pix of us together - she looks more overweight than I do even though I outweigh her.

My friend S is taller than me, very very fine boned and flat out skinny - not muscular at all and has total chicken legs. I outweigh her by 40# and she wears tiny clothes. I only feel like her fat friend when I try on something that is huge on her and I can't button it over my boobs - ha. I think if she was my weight she would have excess fat since she has that ectomorph build with no appearance of muscle tone. I personally think she could stand to gain 10 and I could stand to lose 10... but we will never meet in weight or size and both me healthy.

I was looking at pix of myself smaller and while I liked the skinny waist and pants, my face looked older and not so healthy. I am finding much contentment in the 150s and just want to stay here! I felt a bit heavy when I got over goal.

So, I am practicing what I preach and focusing on what is best for me.

I still sometimes wish I was skinny - ha - but that is cultural influences speaking not really my own perspective on what is most attractive or healthy.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Omg...laser hair removal and she seems to have burned me again. Different machine, on very low setting but I am covered with red itchy bumps. I will say I get no regrowth after this machine (last time) but ouch!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1445962688.124642.jpg

Have you seen this poster before Coops. Yes we can weigh the same but we all look totally different.

The sizes quoted are UK

Love that photo.. so true!

[coops 1,790]

Yes Cathy, I have seen if before... the difference there is that they are all different heights, whereas me and my two friends are between 5'2' and 5'5'! Still an interesting pic. If I was taller I would be at goal... but I am a lil shortie (not that I am complaining, I have never had an issue with my height).

How we see ourselves is totally different to how others see us... I am sure of that. A lady in work called me 'tiny' and asked why on earth I would want to lose more weight when I am so small! I actually laughed at her cos I thought she was taking the pi$$ but she was serious. Even the pupils call me small... hahaha!

It will always be a minefield. But what Sheryl says is important -and that is to be comfortable in our skins regardless of numbers.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

When I came back from Afghanistan I was 159 lbs, the best I've achieved post-op, and only then did I almost begin to see the glimmer of a body that I could feel proud of and confident in, and even then I was angry at my overhanging bulgy pudenda.

I have that pain in my back still, I have a corresponding pain in the middle of my right side ribcage now, persistent. I have no appetite and feel constipated but don't think I am. I pretty much just drink coffee and eat a couple of bites of food when I get home, before collapsing in bed. Yesterday I drank several coffees, ate a small biscotto, and a few bites of salad.< /p>

Without love, life has no meaning or purpose.

I realize I am a slave to my chemistry, whatever enzymes or hormones or chemicals washing over my brain, there is no "true" emotion, it is all a result of the chemical cocktail bathing your brain atm. I am on an outstanding amount of Vitamin D, as well as B, as well as an anti-depressant, and I still feel totally hopeless and fatalistic.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

When I came back from Afghanistan I was 159 lbs, the best I've achieved post-op, and only then did I almost begin to see the glimmer of a body that I could feel proud of and confident in, and even then I was angry at my overhanging bulgy pudenda.

I have that pain in my back still, I have a corresponding pain in the middle of my right side ribcage now, persistent. I have no appetite and feel constipated but don't think I am. I pretty much just drink coffee and eat a couple of bites of food when I get home, before collapsing in bed. Yesterday I drank several coffees, ate a small biscotto, and a few bites of salad.

Without love, life has no meaning or purpose.

I realize I am a slave to my chemistry, whatever enzymes or hormones or chemicals washing over my brain, there is no "true" emotion, it is all a result of the chemical cocktail bathing your brain atm. I am on an outstanding amount of Vitamin D, as well as B, as well as an anti-depressant, and I still feel totally hopeless and fatalistic.

---------------------------

Chemistry can be a Bi*ch. So hard to fight. Perspective can be such a game changer... and our perspective seems immutable, and constant in the long moment... but that is the illusion of Mara. Every moment is charged with the possibility of change... Good? Bad? are both fleeting.... a fly thinks sh*t is the best dinner EVER. The sh*t has not changed, only the perspective. There is opportunity every where. The world is full of women who weigh societies perfect weight and hate their lives. Where does happiness really lay? Its the holy grail. Perhaps you need a spiritual journey?