gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Chimera, tell me more about flashing light therapy? I wonder if my head meds are making me anorgasmic, I take venlafaxine and the Dr just told me to up my dose yet again....

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I did EMDR - the flashy light/sound thing. It was very focused - I think I did about 4-6 treatments and I went from having full on panic/I am back in the moment of the trauma to being able to view them as memories without a panic attack. It was life changing at that time. In my experience it helped tremendously with post traumatic stress over specific incidents but not so much with the trauma childhood as a general concept. It helped me alot but I probably won't do it again. I can share more about this later if anyone is interested.

I can tell you a therapy NOT to do - called Lifespan Integration. It made me sick. My girlfriend who did it developed hives and her hair started falling out. I come to the conclusion that there are some things the subconscious isn't really ready to share with the conscious world... better left buried.

Interesting about wellbutrin - I was told that is an anti-depressant that is known to trigger anxiety but clearly for you it is very effective! One of the good things is it doesn't tend to cause weight gain.

Is clonazepam one of the ones they say is addictive? That "group" of drugs helps me alot but my doc will only prescribe it like 5 pills at a time to deal with a specific anxiety event like my whole breast mystery thing. One of my best friend has a doctor who prescribes that type of drug generously and she uses them daily with no apparent ill effect, but I guess the current thinking is that we will all become anti-anxiety junkies.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Okay, i just read up on wellbutrin. My counselor was against it as it triggers anxiety in many people (I read alot about this)...however, it is very effective at solving the lack of concentration aspect of anxiety. That is my #1 symptom so i wonder if it is worth trying, especially since it tends to promote appetite reduction. It is scary for me to try something that MIGHT trigger more anxiety though because i feel like I am managing it "ok" and just dread it getting worse - it is the worst feeling!

My counselor is on vacation until next week and i am impatiently waiting. Thinking about going to see my primary doc instead because frankly, i don't want to talk about it. I have talked and talked and I can't change this underlying issue.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Yes, heaven forbid we become addicted to experiencing a situation with a normal and appropriate bodily response!

My neuro wants to put me on copaxone, and wants me to up my dose of venlafaxine AND gabapentin. I didn't gain any weight during my vacation but neither am I losing. 3 months and 8 pounds.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I'm sure it's the Gabapentin that caused my weight gain. I say that because the scale would show a 2 lb gain when previous days, I had stayed on track the whole time.

I'd like to try Welbutrin. It's one of the only ones I have not tried. I'm so afraid of weight gain. Everyone that starts an antidepressant tells me they have gained weight from it. A friend just told me she has gained 20 lbs since she started the Abilify 6 weeks ago. I bet I gained 75 lbs way back when I was on Amitriptiline (sp?) when the internet became available, I looked it up and it said as one of the side effects that it makes you crave sugar and carbs.

I take Ativan if I am in freak out mode. I don't know what I am going to do now for a doctor since my nurse practioner left. It's really hard to get a doctor around here. They only want to take patients who don't have medical problems. People who only come in if they have a cold or need a physical.

I think I am getting out of the hospital tomorrow. Now it's going to become really hard. I won't be able to drive and I can't sit on the couch or recliner. Of course I want to bone graft to take so I will follow doctor's orders, but I am going to be miserable.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@Oregondaisy Good to hear from you Denise - how are you feeling? Has the surgeon mentioned anything about how it went, prognosis, anything like that? Is your daughter or girlpals around to help take care of you?

I would like to suggest you put positive mental energy toward healing rather than imagining the misery. It helped me alot with plastics as I just knew it was going to be amazing and wonderful (and in the end it was!) rather than focusing on the very long, slow recovery.

I took wellbutrin when I was suffering through menopausal symptoms. My primary issue with menapause was I was irritable. I took such a low dose i am not sure it really helped - noticed no change when I stopped BUT I don't think it triggered appetite. I am going to seriously suggest it if i can get into see someone.

My latest anxiety relieving activity is moving dirt with my tractor. i know that sounds absolutely nuts, but it is somehow very calming ...haha.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I don't think I will up the gabapentin, and although I will up the venlefaxine, I am worried about becoming further anorgasmic. The reality of starting MS drugs has had me hiding in bed and not eating.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I am doing pretty well actually. I got home from the hospital today. Jon will be over every evening, and I am sure my daughter will check in on me when she gets off work. She's off on Mon. and Fri. anyway. My bff is coming tomorrow. Last time I had surgery, I got really tired of people over here all the time.

I really think there's a good chance Jon and I will be together a long time. He's so low maintenance, fun , and easy going. He's like a breath of fresh air. Who would have thought I'd be with someone 12 years younger. I've always said for years, I would never date someone younger than me. Now I take that back!

[UK Cathy 977]

Denise, glad to get your update. Was the operation a success or will time only tell?

Back fixed and personal life looking good, it appears that life is on the up for you. Take care and keep us informed. XX

[coops 1,790]

Hello all...

It sounds like lots of us have a lot going on, both physically and mentally. I hope you all find the answers you need. Currently, although at times I feel blue, I don't have any worries with anxiety or depression (that is in the past and it is where I would like it to stay). I wish I had some advise for you ladies. My husband is currently in a 'dark' place and is taking anxiety meds and I find it hard to watch him go through it.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@Oregondaisy happy to her you are recovering well!

@@coops nice to hear from you. I will say that this "round" of anxiety is pretty mild and I have done pretty well managing it with out drugs (my primary care AND counselor are both on vacation right now and I couldn't handle going to a new person!). The best part is because it is mild, I have been able to think alot more about what is under the anxiety besides my genetic predisposition to it. In truth, the only reason I want to medicate for it is because the suicide at work was a real eye opener/wake up call. I am tired of "managing" anxiety and would like to find actual relief from it. Maybe starting counseling again with the goal to address what I believe is an underlying life concern/theme is the thing to do right now. I would not characterize myself as depressed, but some days i feel great and other days a little less great.

[coops 1,790]

We've been back from our family holiday for over a week now... we had a fantastic time! I honestly can't believe how fast it went... the quickest holiday ever!

I was proud of myself... I wore my bikini and I didn't feel wrong or bad - even though I am far from perfect, what I learnt from my observations is that my body is suitable average - and I am ok with that. I suppose it is part of self acceptance.

I would still like to lose more weight... but if I don't then it is ok.

My hot flushes have returned though,,, and since I've returned home they have been crippling hourly some days and nights- I am sure that stress has a lot to do with the severity of them. I just hate the feeling of the intense surge of heat that leaves me bathed in sweat. It is so embarrasing. I can actually feel a change in my hormones as I feel emotional and irratic for no real reason.

I don't know if any of you have heard about the 'lady magnet'? I have been using it to combat the hot flushes since Nov time and it really did work - then about two months ago they crept back but not too bad... just a few a day none at night... I took it off for my holiday as I didn't want to go through the airport and set off the scanner things with it - way too embarrasing for us Brits to explain the menopause to a stranger...lol - and I since my return I have put it back on but it hasn't had the same effect second time around. I am hoping it will soon kick in, especially as I return to work Tuesday and there is nothing worse than stood in front of 30 teenagers and going bright red with sweat running down the side of your head! Fingers crossed.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My counselor just got back from vacation.

She called in my scrip... she actually thinks wellbuterin is an outstanding choice except there is a risk of suffering through anxiety while ramping up to thereuputic dose. She is prescribing something else to help with that in the short term. Reason she likes wellbuterin is that it doesn't have the weight gain, sexual killing side effects and is just generally well tolerated by people. I have an appointment with her monday, but I appreciated that she was supportive of me getting started on this ASAP.

I have alot to talk to her about. The last week i have been driving my tractor, doing some earth moving, preparing planting beds for spring... and it is a time of contemplation. We shall see if she sees much into my recent epiphanies.

I am going on a date tonight to listen to music. I am so unexcited about it... I better get my shit together soon... less than 2 hours and Prince Charming will be arriving to pick me up. I am sure I will have fun once i get there, but i somehow feel very tired today. My son told me that I have been grumpy for 2 days, although I don't think he means grumpy as we have had no altercations/arguments. I think he means that I am not smiling, not full of my usual pep and zest.... that is for sure.

[sarsar 824]

Hi ladies. I apologize for not posting on here more. I finally caught up with with all the posts. I'm going to post a real update tomorrow as I just took a sleeping pill and I'm rather tired. My summer with the kids ended up being very busy while we had originally hoped for a mild calm summer. That's ok though.

I can also relate to a lot of you with depression and anxiety. I'll talk more about that tomorrow.

Denise sounds like recovery is going well for you so far. I'm glad to hear that.

Sheryl, so happy nothing came out the the breast scare!

Going to bed now. I'll update tomorrow .

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I guess it takes a couple of months for the bone graft to take. The doctor will take xrays or whatever to see if it's taking.

I hate that I can't diet. I have to eat a well rounded diet of fruits and vegetables not just Protein, in order for the graft to take.

I am really tired of sitting around. I can't drive and I hate being dependent on everyone when I need to go somewhere or need food or whatever.

I haven't heard from Jon since this morning when he went to work. I really don't know him that well, so I don't know if he would just go to bed without calling when we've been staying in contact every day. I can't imagine he's still working. I don't know if he's the type to go to the bar with one of the guys and not call, so I am left in the dark. I know he leaves his phone at home a lot because he hates his phone. He uses it more for an answering machine. He will return calls from his voice mail, but he hates it ringing all day while he's at work so he leaves it at home.If he takes it to work, he leaves the ringer off.