gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Once again, no consolation to offer - but I have two sons. My oldest is adopted, my youngest is natural born. I would die for either of them, and at times I want to wring both/either of their necks. While I definately have more traits in common with my natural born child, I have seen that kind of diversity in "all natural born" families. I often feel that when I offer my perspective of old age it is taken as judgment and that isn't what I mean at all. what i mean to share from life at a more mature stage is that perspectives - there are many dreams that seem so important and then in hindsight...

I had a really bad day on the anxiety front today. dammit

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I'm not ready! I'm not ready to be THAT, isn't it enough how much I have had taken away from me? What the f**k Life, give me a reason to stay!!

[UK Cathy 977]

Florinda, I'm 5'3" too and I've slipped back into the obese range.????????In my case it is my own fault (too many Snacks and drinks) but I can see that you are really trying and it must be so hard. I hope that you get an appointment with someone soon and that they can offer suggestions and answers. XX

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Well you know Florinda, you can have a child without "THE man"... You can still make your family now if you wish!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Sheryl... sorry about todays mood, but I have to say it sound like you are heading in the right direction. my "pills" are doing pretty well... still slip off the edge now and then, but the mood is better than before. When I got home from work today, someone (Im pretty sure it was my cray cray neighbor) had cut down a coyote bush I had growing outside my fence. On private property. It was around 12 feet high, and trained as an arch over the sidewalk. It was cut down to 20 inches from the ground, and all the branches thrown on my lawn. Last month, someone (same person?) went into my next door neighbors back yard and chopped her pear tree down to about 3 feet tall. It was not hanging over anyone's fence. So CRAZY! That wild Coyote bush was the favorite hide out for my wild bird family... it was probably full of nests.... I am steaming! My husband has no love lost on that bush, but even he was mad as hell. Hes ready to "Roundup" the neighbors yard... we do not have any witness, so probably will come to nothing... but so rude and disappointing!

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

That is really low Kim. I can't imagine a person chopping another person's stuff down without even a conversation about why they felt it needed to come down. They must be mean and vindictive people.

Florinda, I am sorry that nobody has answers for you. I can't remember the thread it's in, where someone was talking about they body burns muscle instead of fat and she has to lift weights every day to lose. The weight lifting must make a huge difference because I know my body looks like I've gained more than 20 and I've only gained 10.

Bill called all nice and sweet and wants to bring my stuff I still had at his house, and he forgot something here when he packed up. I plan to have as little interaction with him as possible. He asked me to unblock him on my phone. I do plan to tell him that he fights dirty and below the belt a and even though we were breaking up, I didn't sink to his level and start name calling.It really made me me lose respect for him and I'll tell him that too. If I get one text that I don't like, I will block him again. He has diarrhea of the mouth when he's angry.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Sad thing about Bill is it seems that he has brought alot of drama and pain in the ass from day one. Wasnt he the one with the girlfriend who made up being pregnant? Then just the immature reaction to every little thing etc. I have found that people who have alot of drama like that generally are the source. Your life will be better once he is gone.

I am not having a happy week but I am doing the things I need to do to get on track. I am literally forcing myself to right now to do things but i know it will pay off.

I agreed to let my boys stay living with me and they are now paying rent. I am regretting my decision right now. Not because they do anything wrong, but i just don't want to be responsible for so many people. I like having them here, but I also feel like I want a life of my own. Lets be honest, I want to feel like I can have a boyfriend over and of course I don't do that!

Sorry I am so pissy lately, it is how I am feeling.

[UK Cathy 977]

Holiday over!!! We had an 8 day all inclusive cruise on the Rhine (great food and ever flowing drinks) followed by 3 days in Amsterdam. It was all great and Amsterdam was so pretty and I'm sure I will go back there again.

Got on scales and it as up as expected, all crap removed from house and no wine in. It is going to be a tough couple of days.

One important thing I have realised is that my Water consumption is way down and I have to think of a way to fix that, especially when I'm at work.

I'm lucky in that I'm not back in work until 1 Sept so I need to use these next couple of weeks to get back on track with the exercise and Water.< /p>

Hope everyone is well

[UK Cathy 977]

Coops did you see the program 'The Unbreakables' on BBC3 it was filmed at my college. You can get it on iplayer, worth watching. I'm not sure if BBC iplayer is available oversees, if you can get it watch the series (3programs) and see what amazing people I work with.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Well I guess I have a new boyfriend already. I can't believe it. I had met him awhile ago while out dancing. We have met up for dancing a few times since. Yesterday he called and said it was a female friend's birthday and would I go out with them to Celebrate. I always love to go out and dance so I was game.

We had a lot of fun. Sheila is his friend's name and his name is John. So sheila tells me that John really like me as more than a friend. I was really surprised to hear that because he's 12 years younger than me. Sheila said John didn't care. I've always thought he was hot and has a great body. So today he calls me and asks me if I want to go to the beach. So we did that, and hiked all around the cliffs around the ocean. We stropped at the fish market and he bought all sorts of fillets of white fish and 2 crabs. We went home and made dinner, and after dinner he kissed me. I told him he really surprised me and he said he's wanted to do that since the day he met me. 12 years younger did I mention? So we spent the evening talking and kissing and he said the age difference meant nothing to him. He said he wants us to just date and see what happens. I'm game! He's handsome,. has a great bod, funny, easy to get along with , and loves to dance. I hope I can dance again after surgery..

Anyway, we shall see where this goes. Wow is all I can say.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Wow Denise I am glad you are able to hike and did you get to dance too? He sounds like a cool guy - I say why not just let things see if they evolve into something real? Sounds great!

I went to a friends party and did a bunch of riding this weekend - forcing myself to do good stuff in life. I did work in a "first date" with someone. In someways he isn't my type (short!) but other ways is my type so I thought, well, why not. We met to listen to some blues music and did a little dancing. He was fun to be with, but an incident happened that upset me (more in hindsight). So, he got very flirty with me and more than hinted we go back to his place. I of course said NO and had a very convenient excuse that i was heading off to a party. I decided it was a good sign that a man is interested in me sexually as I have had experiences of guys who had sex issues (Scott for example) and we never really had a sex life beyond kissing and stuff. So, I think to myself, I would rather know that he actually wants sex, right? so, then I he compliments my hair a few times, which of course I thank him. Then he starts touching me alot, especially my hair and says how much he wants to run his fingers through it. My hair is uber curly, there is no finger running and besides... we are in public, during the daytime, in a town where lots of people know me. Like... go easy there sort of feedback I give. Next thing I know, he gets a goodly hold on my hair and gives it a pretty serious pull like some guys like to do in a sexual context. It didn't hurt so much as it embarrassed me. Alot.

So, I didn't make deal out of it, we listened to music a little longer and then I headed off to my party. I told him I would see him again (he asked) but later I asked myself... what? Do I want to see this guy again?

So, tell me, am I being a weird prude? I WANT a guy who is passionate and touchy and sexual but sheesh... I want to be seduced not pressured and that is how it felt. Your thoughts?

I also met a guy at dancing last week and exchanged numbers. I think he will ask me out - he was nice, into horses, a bit shy/quiet and I have no idea if he is my type.

I find it interesting that the less I care about finding someone the more they keep falling in my lap so to speak.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Cathy, Sounds like a great time. How nice to have a couple of weeks to get set up for success as well!

Sheryl.. So I say go with your gut.... if you do decide to see him again, perhaps set some boundaries... if he can't take that, then too bad for him! I sure would want someone who could take no for an answer! Slow down cowboy!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Someone I work with took her own life this weekend. It really is very upsetting and seems so senseless. Many of us are deeply impacted by this.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Sheryl that's so awful! My condolences! I never understand why that happens. People have to think that over, and should be considering those they will leave behind.

John continues to be sweet and charming. He's very different. I never even realized his Spanish blood. His mom was born in Spain. He speaks reads and writes spanish. He had some alcohol last night and I finally detected an accent.

I'm just going with the flow and hoping this surgery next week is going to help me. Right now I have bad days and good days if the sciatic nerve isn't pinching the nerves in my leg. I'm taking pain pills more often now. It really bums me out that I can't fine one full bottle. I hope I didn't leave them at my son's house.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

John sounds cool...just go easy is my advice. With your surgery coming up it is easy to get over involved too soon.

I finally got medical assistance for my "dry" vaja issues. I started yesterday, supposed to take 2 weeks but I already feel better. Hope i don't get side effects. If i can make it 3 months with the hormone ring ... estring. .. then I will shift to once or twice a week inserts and hopefully can maintain.

So far, I am liking feeling like 32 year old " down there"