gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I couldn't see it either. Later this week I will have time on laptop and will look

[coops 1,790]

Kim, you are one impressive lady! Loving it! You must be sooo proud... I know I would be x

[swizzly 901]

I know I'm bad for reading and never posting...but then when you all stop posting, I MISS YOU in my inbox.

How's things? Denise, how's the infection and aftermath?? I SO hope you are feeling better now. What an awful experience you've had. :-(

How's everyone else doing? When I tried to find this thread, I ended up on page one of it and saw all the people who've left us. I got a bit sad. Social media is awesome...and awful as well. I'm not built well for it cos I really miss people I think of as friends or trusted advisers.

Anyhow. I hope people are off having fun and enjoying life!!

I finally have to get real about the past year. I had SUCH an easy ride the first three years, I guess I just didn't realise what could happen. That long into it, I figured I was safe. So here's the truth now: in the past year, I've gained about 12 kg, which is around 26/27 lb. O.M.F.G. Half of it was in the past four months. WTAF?!? My four year surgiversary was on 23 Feb and I didn't even weigh myself that day. I am starting to think something is actually wrong to gain so much, so fast. My four-year follow-ups are coming up so maybe that will shed some light.

But yeah, I'm not happy about it. I've already tried to not focus on hating myself or feeling like I've "blown my chance" -- that kind of all-or-nothing will just send me down the abyss spiral. So I'm trying to keep my cool and think of approaches for fixing this mess. I've bought some new clothes so that I have stuff to wear, but I feel quite huge -- much huger than I did when I weighed like 250 lb or so. I feel embarrassed and ashamed too. All WLS cliches you can think of, I feel them. I jokingly told my husband I bought the entire shame-spiral collection at a local discount shop where I bought large loose pull-overs in every color on offer, plus some cheap black trousers. God. Damn.

So that's how I am. I'm in pulling-myself-out-slowly mode, can't do everything at once, esp with my GD job being such a huge PITA. So I ALWAYS use the fitbit still, my wee lifesaver it is. Try to do 10k steps per day, just to maintain a bottom line of some sort. Some point I WON'T go past...I hope. I had started smoking again from stress, but have now switched to a vap/e-cig thing I ordered from the US cos it has actual nicotine in. Been off the fags for two weeks so far. Baby steps...

Trying not to fall into self-pity mode. Any suggestions? I can't really do 5:2, which is maybe where this all went awry...? It really messes with my emotions and anxiety -- so perhaps it's actually messing with my hormones? I've been eating cleaner than anyone might think, given the gain -- so I reckon it's the work parties, the traveling, the wine. And I have zero desire to go back to the gym cos it comes out of my sleeping time -- and with my insomnia, I have to choose. I choose sleep so I don't go mental...

There. That's me coming clean now. What a fukakta mess. I hope you are all doing better than me!!! <3

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Dee - I too came to the conclusion that 5:2 contributes to mood issues. I dont' take ANY drugs for anxiety anymore, and so I avoid behavior type things that tend to trigger it.

I also think some kind of regular activity or exercise helps with mood, general help etc probably more than it does the weight.

It is good you will have your sleeve checked, but i am guessing it is the business dinners at restaurants, the wine, the lifestyle that is the issue.

I don't even know what you do, but i used to have a very high pressured job. i had an uber high pressure week these last 4 days and it reminds me that for me, it is incompatible with a healthy lifestyle. All that stress and working crazy long hours - exercise, physical therapy, adequate sleep (which is an issue anyway) just fly out the window. I ate pretty healthy, avoided the junky Snacks in my workshop that everyone else was eating but i did eat too much over all. fruit, nuts, bigger lunch, out to dinner, wine with dinner, too late of nights etc. and just ridiculous amounts of coffee. I feel like i was running on stress and caffeine this last week.

This is why i don't want a promotion, my quieter daily life allows me more time to focus on my own needs.

[UK Cathy 977]

Here in the UK it is Mothering Sunday today so I'm just off to have a lovely meal with my boys who are visiting. Coops and I are generous people so we will share the day with you so HAPPY MOTHERS DAY XXX

[Globetrotter 1,340]

OMFG HAVE I MISSED AMERICAN MOTHER'S DAY?!!!! I'm in T-R-O-U-B-L-E .....

[UK Cathy 977]

No it was the UK one, big breath your fine.

[UK Cathy 977]

Denise report in and let us all know how you are and if you are beating the infection.

[swizzly 901]

Sheryl, yes, the job is doing a number on me. Careful what you wish for and all that.

How much have people here regained and lost again? I need to feel like it's possible, cos now it just feels like trying to lose weight pre sleeve.

Ugh I gotta get my head right.

UK Mother's Day always freaks me out too lol. Happy Mother's Day to Sue and Cathy!!

Denise, I hope you're doing okay.

(I've stopped getting notifications for this thread, thought no one had posted since I did. Has that happened to anyone else?)

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have been invited to apply (not the same as being offered the job) for an expatriate job at my company. It would mean moving to Europe - something I did for work 15 years ago and loved. I was very excited about it, the travel opportunities etc when i realized it would be a major derailment of my life trajectory. I have things i am still working out to be sure, but my life finally feels like it is going the right way, why mess it up? Besides, I already know that a high stress job helped me get to over 300#. We can say "it's different now"... yeah, it's different because i put ME ahead of work and not sure I could in that setting. Good to think these things through... i think i will just cough up the money for a European vacation and call it good..haha

So things are going pretty good. My weight seems stuck in the mid 150sm which is truly just okay, but I still dream of wearing my smaller pants without having to worry about if they squeeze me too much. Really, just getting in the 145-150 range would do it for me, but it is very elusive. Okay, i am not trying that hard, and i am maintaining just fine. You know.. it is that wishful thinking deal.

Things are going really great with the man I met a few weeks ago - seriously I met him right before my deadline of just giving up on the whole deal. He is something different than I have ever experienced before. Part geek with a big job at a tech company, part urban sophisticate with fine tastes in food and wine, but MOSTLY redneck cowboy who hunts, fishes, rides, makes his own beer, backpacks, travels, loves to cook and thinks cowgirls are awesome. We both deleted, not just hid, our crappy POF accounts and are giving this real life thing a serious whirl. Oddly though, I am more worried about him getting hurt then me, but I am giving this my "all in" and we shall see. I realize it may not work, but, I think he is worth trying for.

What is funny is we have been spotted by his people a couple of times when we are out on dates. (he gets the text). I took him up to my little town and later I heard from people "so, how is it going with the new boyfriend?". It made me realize we must be looking at each other different because i have never heard this comment/question after being out on a date, or even with Kevin who I actually saw for 3 months. So, tonight he is meeting more of my friends and later in the week I am going to go to his office for lunch and meet his team as they are apparently quite interested in this redneck woman..hahaha

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Dee, I had gained 22 before the big 5:2 where I lost it and a bit more.... Starting around June of last year (9 months ago) I started gaining again... high stress, mom sick and then dying.... job going wonky.... so I blame stress... started 5:2 again, and its just not working the same way as before... In all honesty, I am working out a little less... not as many imprompty hikes bird watching.... eating more suger Snacks and bread things... I wandered off the myfitnesspal at first, then got back on after i could see the  gain... at this point I am up 12 pounds from the top of my goal bounce range... add 3 more for my lowest. 15...BIG SAD FACE. I prefer to be where I was, but don't feel like a giant cow or anything... but have the old fear, the one where I don't feel like I have any control over losing.... and very little over gaining. Use myfitnesspal to see what Im doing... fast at least once a week.... go to dance class..... but walking class is sporadic... bird watching field trips are down... stress is still up.... lots of chances to eat out, drink more wine too the last few weeks while my hubby has been out of town.... love the  "shame-spiral collection" I had to buy new pants because the others were forming an inner tube effect- not pretty.... If I continue to gain 12 pounds a year, Im in deep sh*t in no time. The doctor really wants me to lose 5... good luck!

 

Cathy and other Eurpean sisters... happy moms day!

 

 

Sheryl..... I love urban geeks with a manly twist!..... best of luck with that!

[swizzly 901]

Thanks for the nice replies, Sheryl and Kim. I'm already crying after work today, so I'll leave it at that. Life is hard.

Good luck with the new guy, Sheryl. ENJOY.

I really wish Denise would check in, that infection so worries me.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Swizz, Denise is on the mend. I am sure she will post. I feel for what she has been through. Michigan chic and bethinpa have both been dealing with post plastics complications for months and will likely need revisions. It is odd that i feel a bit of guilt. I did the crazy ass go to Mexico and have jumbo procedures done at once. Recovery was hard but I was horseback riding and skiing at 3 months post op. Michigan has an open wound....and I think its been half a year. If I had had that I would have blamed my wreckless decision...and those ladies did the USA based staged surgeries. Not sure my point really but it does make me reflect on luck of the draw....and maybe post op rest?

The new beau met more of my friends. It was supposed to be just Mary but word got out and 2 more showed up. Scott was perfect and I think enjoyed the henfest haha. He passed.

I am going to share a very personal issue. I saw Steven several months ago. We never ended things..I just let it fade to background because he has a big business related crisis and it stresses me to be around him when he has drama. Anyway I know I need to tell him to not call me again, regardless of what happens with Scott but I feel stress over the idea. It's like I am fine not seeing him (even before I met Scott I was not seeing him) but the IDEA of never seeing him gives me angst. I think it is because he was so influential in shaping how I see mself (I mean that very positively) . I think in some crazy ass way he has been a father figure who actually treated me like I matter when mine didn't. Maybe I am blowing smoke- I don't know why I feel this draw actually. I need to separate permanently but it stresses me to visualize it. I decided I will face it after costa rica because I wonder if I will go through a funk as a result. If I feel like crap I'd rather be where my support network is.

Life is great overall but works sucks right now and one of my best pals is severely depressed and another is losing her mind during a bad divorce. It drains me to be there for them but I am managing and balancing my needs too. I realize I am much stronger than I was and those two friends were there for me when I needed it.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

You know what hit me after I posted. Wow, what a blessed life I have that my friends chase me down to meet the new beau... what I mean by that is that I have such a supportive and loving social circle. These ladies want the very best for me and as Mary says "rooting for me" in all things in life - maintaining my weight, finding lasting love, retiring early..all things horse related..whatever. I am lucky!

Tonight, Scott and i are going to a casual Birthday doings for a guy friend of mine. Well, I am friends with him and his girlfriend, in fact my horses are currently vacationing at his house.

Scott and i were planning on having a solo evening as we won't see each other for about 2 weeks due to his daughter being in town, but it is a huge priority for him to meet my friends AND it is a huge priority for me to "show up" for my friend. The birthday boy is going through a low emotional time and doesn't want a birthday bash, so a low key sit around the campfire with a small group is nice.

Last minute - I gotta find a gift by tonight...yikes!!!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Yesterday my doggie was so out of it, I thought for sure I would have to have her put down. So sad.  A little better today. She has some kind injury to her front arm... probably fell off the couch.... is now blind, deaf and is having trouble standing on the slipery floor... her legs just spread while she eats or stands still.... I am putting down rugs to give her traction, and night lights to give her an idea where she is in the dark... yesterday she was so tired when i carried her out to pee, she just layed down in place... then wobbled up and could barely stand. She is 16, and i know shes not long for this world... but trying to figure out when I need to help her along is so painfull.  After that I just ate a big chunk of chocolate... went right for it... eating my emotions.... and when Im doing it, I really dont care. Im just trying to write it all down... I usuallyeat around 12-1400 a day... yesterday was 1900.   Fasting today, so far so good, but its not over till its over.

Edited March 19, 2015 by feedyoureye