gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Powerful stuff Cheryl...

Jack did not make me feel beautiful or sexy. At first, when we would Skype each other, he would murmur lovely things about my eyes, my smile, but he never told me I was beautiful, never complimented the way I looked (I think once he might have said "you look nice"), never complimented me in bed. Being with him disintegrated my self-esteem, my self confidence, although that probably has more to do with myself then him, you aren't supposed to blame others for the way you feel about yourself ....

Something happened during our camping trip to Mendocino, he was unimpressed by it, which shocked and hurt me since it is so meaningful to me. We made love the first night he arrived from OR, and then only twice more during the next two weeks he was with me.

Was I more in love with the idea of him than him in reality... yeah, that is a distinct possibility.

What's weird about the lack of affection is that before he flew down to meet me in San Diego, he practically made me guarantee that sex would definitely be happening, or else he wouldn't fly down.....

and you know what else, he would often say, "do you know that I love you". At first I said yes, but after awhile, when I thought about it, the answer was no, how could I? Without any interest in my life or issues, without ever complimenting me or showing me physical affection, how could I know that he loved me?

Edited August 26, 2014 by Globetrotter

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I'm so sorry Florinda. So many men online are serial daters. They just date someone until the "real stuff" appears, and it's not fun for them anymore, so they just click on another profile. The whole time, they tell you what you want to hear,

 

I don't know what to do about Bill. He has some terrible character defects, but he has started therapy and really likes his counselor. He texted me once last week and asked if I would consider going to some of his sessions. He also has some wonderful qualities that I love about him. These are qualities that I can't fine here in this little hick town. Men in this town are chauvinistic pigs.

 

Sheryl, I will go and look at that thread. You should give me links more often because I am not good about searching around the board anymore. I will click on new posts, the powder room, and vets and look for something interesting to read. I hardly find things I can even post in.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

We are all wired different. ..but I can't fathom being truly in love with someone I scarcely know. Maybe I don't know what love is anymore but I use it uncomfortably myself unless we are talking about my sons and other very close people. I am innately suspicious if anyone that throws around emotionally charged words like that early on. I use it to describe feeling between steven and I but it isn't accurate. What we have is an attachment and chemistry. ..lots of both of those but that isn't love to me.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

What I said was there are some qualities that I love about him. I love his sense of humor, for one thing. He is one of the funniest people I have ever met. I guess if saying I love something about someone , it would be the same thing as you saying that you really like a certain quality about someone.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Insomnia problems again....grrr

Hauled home hay tonight after work -great deal on some nice hay. I didn't reserve as much as I should have..

Denise, my love comment was in reference to Jack using that word alot early on when it doesn't seem like he really followed through. I too make the distinction..like I say I love something about a person. Or I love raspberries.. And I am not saying I am right, just that is my idiosyncrasy - I distrust people who profess love too soon.

So how is Dee Kelly and Georgia and everyone else that's been pretty silent.

Sarah, are you loving your flat tummy?

Wish me sleepy thoughts

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Cheryl - I agree, early I love you's should, for me, be a red flag, but you'd have to be made of some pretty strong stuff, stronger than me, to turn away from that...

My self-esteem and self-confidence are dissolving like sugar cubes these days, what is it about sexual/romantic/flirtatious interaction with me that makes men go off physical intimacy?! v_v... My grooming and hygiene are excellent, I am generous and playful, and I know we are supposed to pretend like it isn't important or that we are ignorant of it but, I also know that I am not difficult to look at, hell, I'm really pretty. So, what the eff???

Also, I just dyed my hair red, deep deep auburn with copper lowlights, and I love it, but guess what?? Precisely two people have noticed, one of whom was a very stylish and chic gay man (counts but doesn't count you know what I mean...) I mean, seriously, HOW F*U*C*KING INVISIBLE AM I???????? I went to tango Monday night, not one person said a word about it. And just in case any of you can't remember, my hair was ash blonde level 7 with nearly platinum highlights, not to mention a solid 3 inches of silvery white roots. So I went from that, to solid rich dark auburn with coppery lowlights.

one hundred and thirty five pounds gone, and I am still invisible. v_v

I am attaching two pictures, one is of me with my new hair and no makeup, the other is a painting of a French princess, one of Louis XIII, "the sun king"'s daughters. Not only do we look wierdly alike, but that's the level of grey white my hair was, lol.....

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Florinda you are beautiful, intelligent and desirable. I don't know the secrets of the universe but I think that as soon as this external validation from men becomes less important, you will likely find a better man. It is completely understandable why someone full of sweet nothings drew you in...and actually I think it's okay to have fun with that but as we know "good timing men" aren't around when the going gets tough. I am sorry you have gone through such a hard time and I suspect some of your frustration is really about life and not about Jack or people not noticing your hot new hair! Once you are settled I hope you can get in a good groove of life as I honestly think that will make things easier. Bad news though. .Seattle is one of the worst places to meet men. For one thing, women out number men by a bit...but I read about this ... not a single woman s paradise!

Work has been intense and I am falling behind. I need more motivation!

Notice that every one use phone on this site so they can't see profile or signatures so newbies want people to retype their stories stats and photos. Not their fault but it really is a shame as those signature and profiles were very informative and inspiring to me as a newbie.

[coops 1,790]

Blimey - Florinda, those pics - you do really look alike! And pretty? Try beautiful!

When you said about being invisible - I can relate to that... even now, if I chose to be invisible in a room full of people, I find it really easy to do so. When I was fatter, it was defo a thing that I clung to as I hated attention.

I am not sure why you don't get noticed - 'cos you would defo get noticed in one of my regular pubs looking like that!

[Georgia 2,908]

Cheryl - I agree, early I love you's should, for me, be a red flag, but you'd have to be made of some pretty strong stuff, stronger than me, to turn away from that...

My self-esteem and self-confidence are dissolving like sugar cubes these days, what is it about sexual/romantic/flirtatious interaction with me that makes men go off physical intimacy?! v_v... My grooming and hygiene are excellent, I am generous and playful, and I know we are supposed to pretend like it isn't important or that we are ignorant of it but, I also know that I am not difficult to look at, hell, I'm really pretty.  So, what the eff??? 

 

Also, I just dyed my hair red, deep deep auburn with copper lowlights, and I love it, but guess what??  Precisely two people have noticed, one of whom was a very stylish and chic gay man (counts but doesn't count you know what I mean...)  I mean, seriously, HOW F*U*C*KING INVISIBLE AM I???????? I went to tango Monday night, not one person said a word about it.  And just in case any of you can't remember, my hair was ash blonde level 7 with nearly platinum highlights, not to mention a solid 3 inches of silvery white roots.  So I went from that, to solid rich dark auburn with coppery lowlights.

 

one hundred and thirty five pounds gone, and I am still invisible. v_v

 

I am attaching two pictures, one is of me with my new hair and no makeup, the other is a painting of a French princess, one of Louis XIII, "the sun king"'s daughters. Not only do we look wierdly alike, but that's the level of grey white my hair was, lol.....

Florinda, how old are you again?  You are SO YOUNG!!!!!!   This is the coolest video of women in art!   Made me think of it when I saw the pic!  LOL

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUDIoN-_Hxs

[Georgia 2,908]

Well, finally got myself back on track for last two weeks.  have pulled off two weeks of good fast days and better "non fast" days. Amazing how just eating right changes your overall psyche (for me) and losing a few pounds motivates a body!

 

I've figured out for me - maintenance will ALWAYS be difficult.  With that said, I tend to be "that person" who reaches a goal easily, loses easily (usually - isn't it amazing how QUICKLY you can add back pounds and how SLOWLY you lose them????), and then I REWARD myself mentally which, in turn, causes me to add the "junk" back 'cause let's face it, I AM A CARB ADDICT!   Ha!   There!  I've said it!

 

One thing that stirs me, though, is when I feel my skirt size slipping away!  Ha!   Size 6/8 is AWESOME - 10 tolerable - above that NOOOOO!   And this will tell you just how drastic I get - I went for annual Surgeon followup end of July - THREE WEEKS LATER, I was up almost 10 pounds!  

 

Was down four pounds from last year's visit and all blood work perfect, though. 

 

Welp, I'm back "on!" So, that's my post for the day!   Best to all!  

(Yeah, I know - I should be able to do better at 4 years out but...life is hard sometimes!  Lots of stress and "junk" (right Florinda?)  So I'll just keep on keeping on!  It's all good!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Georgia, I am a carb addict too. I am doing better overall, but I got a little stressed out a few days ago and found myself eating... bread. Not a sandwich, not toast.... just bread. This is why when I live at home, I just don't keep it in the house. I think you are very successful... 4 years out, still in single digit clothing sizes...woo hoo!!!

Actually, I am very inspired by people like Julian Michaels. She says things about how perfection is not required, it is the keeping on trying, the doing your best every day that you can. I actually think that is the hardest thing - to not just "give up" because we gain 5# or 50# or whatever. All or nothing thinking is the curse of the obese and formerly obese somehow.

[coops 1,790]

bread is also my enemy!  I can walk past sweets, crisps, cakes and pastries but you put a piece of bread in front of me and I start dribbling like Maslow's dogs!

So from Monday onwards no more bread!

I'm still at the top end of my bounce, the 2lbs holiday weight has gone ( I am sure this is due to fizzy drinks - I don't touch them at home!). I am still not stressing about the scales... but I will be back on the 5:2 wagon Monday!  Whether I lose or not - I like the feeling it gives me.

[UK Cathy 977]

Count me in Coops, back to work and back to 5:2!

[UK Cathy 977]

I don't believe it, got up early to do my exercise just got to the end of the warm up and my back went 'pop'. It has happened before (but not for a long time) but it is a bummer. I'm back to work Monday after just having 6 weeks of for our summer break, they will think I am having a laugh when I tell them I might have to have restrictive duties for a couple of weeks. I was just trying to get healthier and fitter.

[coops 1,790]

Ouch Cathy - that hurts like mad.  Have you seen a dr? Will you bother... I know mine ain't much use!

Rest up m'love! x