gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[sarsar 824]

Here's the side by side pic

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Sheryl,

 What is going on? Is it Tino? What did I miss?

 

Coops, Have fun in London. I wish I could go to Europe.  I'm sure that One Direction concert is going to be exciting! I'm glad you to the pub and dance with your friends. Like you said, as long as you're having fun, who cares. I don't even pay attention to people when I'm dancing. I am having too much fun.

 

Sarah, 12 miles? Wow! I am in awe!

 

Bill is snoring on the couch and I am sick to death of him being sick. I hope he recovers from this surgery soon, or I will go crazy!

[sarsar 824]

What did I miss with you Sheryl ? What's going on?

I really hope bill gets better soon!

[sarsar 824]

Ok just went back and saw your post Sheryl. Not sure how I missed it. Are you talking about Steven? Are you feeling better and did you eat. You gotta make yourself eat!

Edited June 8, 2014 by sarsar

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I finally had big talk with steven and I am shocked it impacted me so much. Took forever because he has been generally unavailable.

Edited June 8, 2014 by CowgirlJane

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I forced myself to eat which made me feel better. Grocery shopped, cleaned carpets and waited for shoer...mia lost a shoe Friday. Horse shoer was reason I couldn't go on boat with Tino yesterday.

I am riding my older horse today..I cannot stay home alone again today although I feel better so far.

Tino has 2 of his daughters and a bunch of their friends on the boat today. Gabby the daughter I met asked about me but I told Tino we need to get to know each other before it involves family etc. A day on the boat with young people having fun is however the best cure for any lingering sadness.

[swizzly 901]

OMG COOPS!!! We were both in London at the same time!! I wish I would have known...we could have at least had a quick hello maybe.

Sarah -- you look amazing -- I can't imagine what you're having lifted/tucked...? You look tight as a drum in that pic.

(((Sheryl))) Hang in there, lady. <3

[Georgia 2,908]

12 mile bike ride with the hubs today! I love bike riding! Here's a before and after.

Amazing!!!!!! And you are on a big girl bike! Ha! 12 miles. Amazeballs. And your surgery! Kinda jealous. Ha! I, honestly don't need a BL but would love TT and Neck!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I feel on the verge of a relapse to depression. I am doing everything I can to ward it off. I don't understand this, it feels like before that it is something that has taken over rather than it being related to or proportional to events in life.

I am making myself eat and taking things to help with sleep since that is how it began and I realize the physical pain of low blood sugar and exhaustion gets mixed up with this.

This is so crazy, I know it isn't worse than before but I guess being free from this for awhile even a hint of it returning makes me feel terrible.

[Georgia 2,908]

I feel on the verge of a relapse to depression. I am doing everything I can to ward it off. I don't understand this, it feels like before that it is something that has taken over rather than it being related to or proportional to events in life. I am making myself eat and taking things to help with sleep since that is how it began and I realize the physical pain of low blood sugar and exhaustion gets mixed up with this. This is so crazy, I know it isn't worse than before but I guess being free from this for awhile even a hint of it returning makes me feel terrible.

Sorry to hear this, Sheryl. Here's what I've learned. Depression doesn't always NEED a reason. It just comes on sometimes. Hormone imbalance, change in circumstances, delayed reaction to something like your extreme PS. Take your meds! They are your friend right now. Truly. I'd you are like me, you think you should be able to Handle it without help. We are take charge people and used to making things happen and when we can.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

You are right Georgia and I get so dismayed... disappointed at myself. I have so many good and exciting things in life. I am blessed in so many ways... and yet I feel like hell right now. No good reason. I find it to be self indulgent and small minded and I really dislike this is happening when there are people with real big problems who aren't sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. The trouble is, I can't seem to use force of will to stop it.

I am being diligent about taking those meds, good news I am still getting stuff done. Saturday I had a horrible day and I decided that if I was gonna be miserable I would at least accomplish something. I grocery shopped, had my eyebrows done, vacuumed and steamed my carpets and planted some flowers. I hated every minute of it but at least i didn't spend the day in bed numbing myself with Netflix or something.

Sunday I played and had a good time but everytime I was alone.. I felt the wolf at the door if you know what I mean. Today, I am working and I have a clear plan of what I need to accomplish at it isn't quite 8am and I have made good headway so far. At least I am focusing which is much better than what happened to me before.

I don't think this has anything to do with the PS. I think I have always had this lurking thing and I hid it/self medicated it away with food. I don't know why it took so long to emerge, but I suspect that I was "exercising" much of it away during the weight loss and early days of maintenance. Now, I am facing and feeling it which I tell myself is something I need to go through so I can resolve it as an issue in my life, but i don't really know anymore.

At this moment, I can barely stand it. I feel empty inside and I have gotten used to not feeling that way so it is almost harder to bear even though it isn't as bad as it was a few months ago - well not yet anyway.

This is the very reason I don't want a "real" boyfriend right now. Tino wonders what the hell happened to me - why I don't want to come out and play - and truth is I am not sure I feel safe enough reveal this to him but today I am going to have to tell him SOMETHING as he deserves to know that I am not blowing him off or moving on. He is used to talking to me everyday and seeing me every few days and right now I just am not myself. I just wish I didn't feel the desire for affection, companionship, sex and other things that come with a boyfriend which is what draws me to a man like him anyway.

I am rambling pointlessly ... so I will shut up now. Least I still have a sense of humor.

[Georgia 2,908]

You are right Georgia and I get so dismayed... disappointed at myself. I have so many good and exciting things in life. I am blessed in so many ways... and yet I feel like hell right now. No good reason. I find it to be self indulgent and small minded and I really dislike this is happening when there are people with real big problems who aren't sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. The trouble is, I can't seem to use force of will to stop it. I am being diligent about taking those meds, good news I am still getting stuff done. Saturday I had a horrible day and I decided that if I was gonna be miserable I would at least accomplish something. I grocery shopped, had my eyebrows done, vacuumed and steamed my carpets and planted some flowers. I hated every minute of it but at least i didn't spend the day in bed numbing myself with Netflix or something. Sunday I played and had a good time but everytime I was alone.. I felt the wolf at the door if you know what I mean. Today, I am working and I have a clear plan of what I need to accomplish at it isn't quite 8am and I have made good headway so far. At least I am focusing which is much better than what happened to me before. I don't think this has anything to do with the PS. I think I have always had this lurking thing and I hid it/self medicated it away with food. I don't know why it took so long to emerge, but I suspect that I was "exercising" much of it away during the weight loss and early days of maintenance. Now, I am facing and feeling it which I tell myself is something I need to go through so I can resolve it as an issue in my life, but i don't really know anymore. At this moment, I can barely stand it. I feel empty inside and I have gotten used to not feeling that way so it is almost harder to bear even though it isn't as bad as it was a few months ago - well not yet anyway. This is the very reason I don't want a "real" boyfriend right now. Tino wonders what the hell happened to me - why I don't want to come out and play - and truth is I am not sure I feel safe enough reveal this to him but today I am going to have to tell him SOMETHING as he deserves to know that I am not blowing him off or moving on. He is used to talking to me everyday and seeing me every few days and right now I just am not myself. I just wish I didn't feel the desire for affection, companionship, sex and other things that come with a boyfriend which is what draws me to a man like him anyway. I am rambling pointlessly ... so I will shut up now. Least I still have a sense of humor.

No reason to be disappointed at yourself but TELLING yourself that and BELIEVING it are two entirely different things, right?

And I think you are probably right about using other things to mask hidden feelings of self doubt, Loneliness and just plain ole pity party. And yep, LOTS of people much worse off, unfortunately, that doesn't help me feel better either. LOL.

You are doing all the right things, still engaged in life and keeping busy. If Tino is a good man, he will understand. If not, well, ...

Man, I would not want to go through relationship crap again! Hard enough with the guy I've been "happily" married to for 40 years! Hahaha. Wonderful man but he's still a man! LOL

[Chimera 644]

Sheryl, I am sorry you are going through it - your awareness and insight is very healthy though, and sometimes we just don't feel exuberant even when things are generally okay. I don't think we are meant to. I panic when I start to feel myself sliding towards sadness or any significant "poor me" feelings that can really derail the good things in my life - those days I feel like I could be on an episode of Intervention (if the episode was about destructive behaviors with food, shutting oneself off from others, and deep depression).

 

Thank goodness I am not a hoarder lol - at least I am more of a minimalist , I am grateful that my madness does not manifest itself in that manner.

 

Have had about 500 calories today and had a good workout this morning with a feverish hour on the treadmill and upped my upper body weights - felt great especially considering the carb train had pulled in to the station this weekend with my in-laws visiting from California.

I have a few events coming up over the next two weeks with folks I haven't seen in a long time - in two weeks a birthday party for an old friend with some folks attending I know I haven't seen in 20 years - many who have never seen me as anything but super morbidly obese, should be a good time.

 

Its very exciting to hear that you are going to get plastics Sarah! You look fantastic in your photos - I can only imagine how much better you will be after your surgery. Sheryl looks amazing. Someday I hope to have  PS as well - I need to get the weight down a bit more I think though - still have stubborn fat lurking in my flappy stomach pouch and on my thighs...I look at the folks on Extreme Weight Loss with Chris Powell and I look similar to the folks who get sent back to lose another 10-15% heh.

[BrownDoesAll 409]

CGJ I feel for you and keeping u in my prayers. Question are u alone now more than in the past? I wonder that those feelings emerge more now because in the past you were more occupied with caring and doing for others. Now in this stage of life you are your focus and maybe your not sure what to do. For my two cents you sound aware and that's a good thing. Some things you can't just will away if that were true we would all be able to will ourselves to great fast days eat right and always excersise. In no way take this as a thought to trivialze what your going through maybe think of these as a bad day and know this too shall pass. Know you will feel good again. You have the easy part to help move through these days, by already knowing your blessed and the world is a good place.

I agree with Georgia, Tino will understand and if it scares him and he runs then he wasn't good enough.

Cyber hugs! Stay strong!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am lonely - I used to be part of several very active "hives" if you know what I mean. My work life was a busy hive. My kids and their friends running through the house. My extended family... All of that has changed. I have good friends but I work remotely in a much quieter job. Kids have moved on. I live in the country with my animals. I live a peaceful life that many aspire to but it is killing me....haha. When I was in a whirlwind all the time, I craved the peace and time alone and now i have too much of that.

I am used to being in the middle of the action and I feel so lost at times without. A part of me thinks I will be a better person when I get used to it and another part of me thinks "nope, my nature is very social and I like being in the middle of the whirlwind"

Talked to Tino - haven't seen him in a week. He said to me "it is ridiculous we haven't been able to get together, but it is real life." That is how I feel too so it felt good to talk. I am not really ready to tell him about my emotional struggles and that I am still in mourning for some things I can't even really articulate. I have told him that I am not that far out from my major life changes and still getting used to it and he seems pretty okay with that. I don't mean to be disingenious in the least, but it is hard to explain something like this... there is a whole life story behind it I think.

I am sorry I haven't been responding to all your posts, I have been very self centered lately. I suck.