gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[sarsar 824]

Georgia, did you find out if you have shingles?

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Okay, I have a serious deep thinker/mind blower here to discuss...

When I was M.O. I would look out at the world like a trapped princess in a tower, seeing the world and unable to participate. I had impotent rage and frustration, not being able to play in all the reindeer games... and it occurs to me, am I repeating the pattern, even now? I stay in this job, remote and isolated from life, the tower is no longer obesity, but it is a tower all the same. I watch as good life happens to other people and once again I feel trapped, screaming in a sound proof room.

And yet, I live rent free, neither cook nor clean, have free access to a good gym, have free electricity and use of washers and dryers, and am saving money, so what am I complaining about...?

[UK Cathy 977]

Florinda, I can't offer anything too deep but the first thing that hit me when I read your post is that you mention a list of things and ask "why am I complaining"? But there is no mention of people, family or friends, so maybe that is the missing bit of the equation..

I know that you have taken an extension on your job to maybe fund further education and relocation in the US so perhaps you can concentrate on that. Make a count down calendar, firm up your plans. In this way you are concentrating on you and not on things.

I'm sure someone will come along and offer something much more philosophical but this is what hit me immediately.

I've forgotten are you in Europe? Just that it is early and maybe like me you are awake too early. I woke at 4.30 and cannot get back to sleep so thought I would log on and watch a bit of TV until it is light.

[BrownDoesAll 409]

Hi Globe. I agree with Cathy. U made decision to stay and make money so u could get back "in the game" more secure. Do u think you are staying in this job because you don't want to be "in the real world"? How long have u been doing this job?

Maybe your missing that special male relationship? Or like Cathy said your missing family and friends. If I had to live where I worked I would go nuts!! Personally I bet its not much deeper than maybe u sense its time to move on. Look ahead to where u wanna be. See the vision u have for your next step and know right now is preperation for that.

What do u mean u watch as good life happens to other people? Your feelings are valid cause they are yours. Explore your thoughts. But remember the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

[BrownDoesAll 409]

The 600 calories a day. I am with Globe on that. Sorry if this is a stupid question. But why was it okay to eat that low for the year during WLS? Doc said it wouldn't ruin our metabolism but I don't remember why? I am slowly moving in that direction much smaller portions during meals and only eating meals because I have to eat something. Cutting out sugar and really low on the carbs

Why is 600 calories a day a problem now?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Okay, I have a serious deep thinker/mind blower here to discuss...

 

When I was M.O.  I would look out at the world like a trapped princess in a tower, seeing the world and unable to participate.  I had impotent rage and frustration, not being able to play in all the reindeer games... and it occurs to me, am I repeating the pattern, even now?  I stay in this job, remote and isolated from life, the tower is no longer obesity, but it is a tower all the same.  I watch as good life happens to other people and once again I feel trapped, screaming in a sound proof room.

 

And yet, I live rent free, neither cook nor clean, have free access to a good gym, have free electricity and use of washers and dryers, and am saving money, so what am I complaining about...?

Listen to all that good advice from Cathy and Wanda! I think the set up in these "work camps" is made to make it easy to just be there to a degree. All that cooking, cleaning and yes, possible deeper relationships await you here lovely! Its a good question you ask, and only you can really answer it. Do plan for your near future... I for one think it is time for you to get on with your other future, not the austere Afganistan one....that can go in the memoirs later!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

one day of eating half way decent and I am down to 152. Hopefully I can start to lose more of this Water weight in the next few days!

Globe, I tend to agree with what others said, but what also occurs to me is that your current situation is intentionally temporary. Think about these feelings when you create your next "base camp". I know that although I am very social there is a part of me that wants to build the fences and lock the gates if you know what I mean. In my case, I think it is age related because i have noticed the same dang thing happening to some of my girlfriends. My friend Tamara's place looks like fort knox although they haven't mounted rifle towers yet I wouldn't be surprised if that is next. Seriously, security cameras, automatic gates and just everything being positioned so you can monitor for invasions. It's a little weird but I have found my brain going that direction myself though I haven't acted on any of it.

A comment about the grass being greener. I shared that when I had dinner with two very unhappily married friends who are my age... they were envious of how good I have it. I was shocked and not sure they have a realistic picture, but the point being is that no matter our circumstances it is easy to think some other way is "better".

What I hope I am learning is that the key is to find out what you want your story to be... what you want your life to be. You may have to make compromises and choices to get that. I have been putting alot of thought into that lately for myself and have been developing at least a rough idea of a plan.

[Georgia 2,908]

Georgia, did you find out if you have shingles?

I finally got appt today at 2. 100% sure it is. Rash w blisters over the area and excruciating pain. Wish I gotten the vaccine. My dr wouldn't give it until age 60. ( turned 60inJan)

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Georgia, did you find out if you have shingles?

I finally got appt today at 2. 100% sure it is. Rash w blisters over the area and excruciating pain. Wish I gotten the vaccine. My dr wouldn't give it until age 60. ( turned 60inJan)

Georgia sorry to here about the shingles. I asked my PCP for a a shingles shot and he told me I couldn't get it until I was 60. That so sucks. Hopefully it's a mild case and will clear up with the proper medical care.

Florinda I love your insight. I think in some ways we are all trapped in our own little boxes and get stuck in our comfort zones..... Perhaps maybe the time is coming to open the door and experience the other side. You are beautiful inside and out whether you realize it or not. I have learned that life is what I make out of it and yes, I too have been doing a lot of contemplating about what I want to do.....I find myself just doing the same old thing everyday. How boring is that. the problem is, I don't know what to do to get out of this box...

Lately I have committed myself to being an in home health provider for my friend that is paralyzed from the waist down. I see a different part of life and am coming to realize how lucky I am to have mobility, good health, and wonderful friends. She lives on basics and takes care of herself last which really pushes my buttons so I find myself doing what I do (I'm a therapist), and challenging her to take care of herself. then I have to remind myself to take care of me too.

Cathy it's good here I'm not the only one sitting in the back seat. I am working on encouraging myself to bring myself forward too.

Yesturday I started out really good and realized that I could do a fast day since I was out of the house and ate minimally. well when I got home, I ate everything in sight! I don't know what happened. It was a ravenous hunger. I ate so much, 2 small slices of pizza, Protein Bar, piece of sugar free pie and then sneezed for about 5 minutes. It was like I lost my head. SO frustrating......

I know that a friend of mine has this dilemma going on too. I need a coping skill to deal with this issue. What do you guys do if you have this situation? Do you know what causes it? Is it that I'm hungry? Or is it stress eating? So many questions........sorry....

Sheryl I love your pics! You look awesome and sexy! Greta Garbo looks too!

[Georgia 2,908]

Got my meds ( thank you, Jesus!) and it is shingles. Will take vaccine after I am well

 

If you are over 55 and your Dr will give it, get it!'

 

Very very painful.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Georgia - so sorry! My mother got shingles too and I remember how much she suffered. grrr... just seems like getting more "mature" has enough challenges - why this??? Anyway, get better soon!

Dorrie - your remarks about insane out of control hunger really hit home with me. I saw this counselor again about a week and a half ago. She had a theory that my weird mood swings (more specifically, that feeling like I just got devastating news, my stomach sink to to floor horrible bad feeling for no reason, that lasts very short term) had more to do with blood sugar than hormones. i try to eat by listening to my body anyway (no tracking) so I kinda let myself eat when hungry over the last week or two.

Well, besides baking that stupid peppermint chocolate "cake" and polishing off the last of the bread and Peanut Butter my son left... grrr.... I mostly ate fairly healthy but huge quantities. I gained SIX FREAKING POUNDS in less than two weeks but nary a mood swing. Puzzle isn't it. Yesterday I buckled down and of course am even stricter today and guess what... I had one of those "moments" this morning.

I was able to reflect on it intellectually and the feeling passed very quickly so I am okay, but I am wondering... is it a physical low blood sugar response? Is it "all in my head" missing carbs and freewheel eating? I really don't know because eating doesn't cheer me up or make me feel better anymore - I just observed no "drop to the pit of my stomach" moods during the freewheeling binge.

I would really love it if those of you who are experiencing "mood" issues try to start notice it in conjunction with fasting or not. I am journalling. I moved my "90 day" challenge to a private journal and I am including this stuff in my daily log too.

In my case, it was the day after having a stricter eating day. It may still be hormonal and I do have an appointment with my doctor to look to see if i need a different bio-identicical cream. I feel like my vaginal moisture issue is not being resolved by the one i am on. At least it doesn't make me itchy like that horrible premarin did, but I want to try a different formulation next time.

I recall that saying "youth is wasted on the young" and I am really feeling that right now. What I would give to have my 22 year old body with the knowledge and life experiences I have now. I wasted those years either worrying about being fat or actually being fat... and lots of other pointless things. Now, I am ready to conquer the world - that is- if my knees hold up, there is enough light for me to read the fine print and I don't get shingles... haha.

[coops 1,790]

So sorry to hear you are unwell Georgia - hope the meds kick in soon and you find some relief.

 

Dorrie - you gotta do what is right for you  my lovely... take time for yourself as well as others. Remember how far you have come and that you are at a good weight for you and that is really important.  

 

Cathy good to see you... I often wonder if you are ok.  How is work going?  Getting back into the swing of things... my first week back, all two days of it, and it feels like I've never been away.  A lot of deadlines looming and a lot or work to be done before then.

 

Sarah, thanks for the app hints... I will have a look and see if I can work it out.

 

Florinda, your posts really are from the heart and resound with me on many levels.  Regarding your eating pattern,  habits and quantity is a very personal thing and again, you have to do what works for you.  Many people have their opinions, and that is all good and well, but what works for one doesn't work for another.  Remember we are in this together.

 

I hope everyone else is well... sorry I haven't given personal responses to all the 5:2 gang.

 

So hubby and I did our first fast day together yesterday and didn't we do well!   He is really committed to losing some more weight - not a lot but every pound will help alleviate the pressure on his knees - something which has to be done as they are not in a good way and this is worrying for him (and me due his 'young' age).  Our next fast is Thursday.  I am hoping that this united front will help me stay on track -  I am seeing 156 - 157 most days and I know this is the top end of my bounce but I really want it to go down again... be great to see 155 stick again, and then below.

I am back at Curves more now and getting back into it again as I did when I first started.  I am hoping that I will see some changes in measurement if not in weight, as at least that is one bonus.

 

My funk is still hanging around, but there are times, when I feel a little lighter, then there are times when I feel overwhelmed and want to shut down and hide... I am still waiting for the progesterone cream to be delivered... if it doesn't help I will defo go back to my doc.  I just can't stay like this indefinitely!

I think work plays are large part in my mood - I am not happy in this school because I feel 'invisible'.  My efforts do not get mentioned and I feel there is no reward for my hard work and my results.  I don't want to sound big headed, but I am a damn good teacher and the kids love me, they often call me Coops the legend!!  But my face doesn't fit and the management team don't notice or mentioned my results (which are very good).   I am actively looking for a new job after putting it off for a few years.  I am looking for a post that is part promotion as I feel I need a new challenge now my classroom practice is at a good standard... perhaps this will give me a new focus and the worthiness I need to feel.  Fingers crossed some posts will come up soon that I can apply for - even if I don't get the job the experience of the interview and to make noises in this school might have a positive outcome.  I'll keep you all updated!!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Coopie Doll I loathe the administration of your school for not recognizing you! I want to come over there and shake a fist in their collective faces! grr!! And you my dear, I think you need to go buy yourself a giant pair of boots, the kind that lace up to the knee, and go in there and do some $h!t kicking, Your forehead does not have "welcome, wipe your feet" printed on it!!!!

Ms Skinny I keep forgetting that you are a therapist, would you mind PMing me? I have so many questions and am looking for advice as I turn my face toward the goal of gettiing a PsyD iot become a clinician specializing in trauma acceptance. The most immediate hurdle is that I do not come from a psych background and so must complete several prereq courses and take the P-GRE, before I can apply to the programs.

I know what I want, I genuinely do. However, I am a realist and this sadly does sometimes curtail my ability to hope and dream :/ I need money. I did not come from money, I have had to earn and scrape every penny, I have perhaps an inordinate fear of being a homeless beggar on welfare, and I coo and pet my money hoard, if Scrooge McDuck and Mr. Crabs had a lovechild, it would be me.

I want to share a bit of .... I don't know what emotion to ascribe here, it isn't anger, or necessarily pure jealousy, although it is probably in that sphere; here I am, dodging bombs and getting scarred for life just so I can scrape together a tiny bit of savings, and I have a friend who is super lazy, took 10 years to get her BA, but her Father died and left her his life savings plus his home, which she sold. From that alone she was able to buy her own house AND have enough savings that she was able to take the first year of her second child's life off from work (albeit on disability) . So, she struggles of course, she is a single Mom of two boys (13 and 3) but, if she wanted to, all she would have to do is sell her house and boom, she would have more cash money savings than I do, without having to risk her life. I guess that makes me a little grumpy.

As much as this job feels pointless, I am also afraid to not have it, I am afraid to be without the salary and status this job has imparted, I'm not gonna lie - it has felt good to have this sort of prestige for the last five years.

I just need to keep reminding myself, it's only for another 12 weeks, in 12 weeks I can start trying to get medivac'd to Germany again.

I don't want to be invisible again!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

 

Georgia, did you find out if you have shingles?

I finally got appt today at 2. 100% sure it is. Rash w blisters over the area and excruciating pain. Wish I gotten the vaccine. My dr wouldn't give it until age 60. ( turned 60inJan)

So glad you got some meds! The vaccine works after you have already had an outbreak? That is great to hear as well.

 

 

 

Georgia, did you find out if you have shingles?

I finally got appt today at 2. 100% sure it is. Rash w blisters over the area and excruciating pain. Wish I gotten the vaccine. My dr wouldn't give it until age 60. ( turned 60inJan)

Georgia sorry to here about the shingles. I asked my PCP for a a shingles shot and he told me I couldn't get it until I was 60. That so sucks. Hopefully it's a mild case and will clear up with the proper medical care.

 

Florinda I love your insight. I think in some ways we are all trapped in our own little boxes and get stuck in our comfort zones..... Perhaps maybe the time is coming to open the door and experience the other side. You are beautiful inside and out whether you realize it or not. I have learned that life is what I make out of it and yes, I too have been doing a lot of contemplating about what I want to do.....I find myself just doing the same old thing everyday. How boring is that. the problem is, I don't know what to do to get out of this box...

 

Lately I have committed myself to being an in home health provider for my friend that is paralyzed from the waist down. I see a different part of life and am coming to realize how lucky I am to have mobility, good health, and wonderful friends. She lives on basics and takes care of herself last which really pushes my buttons so I find myself doing what I do (I'm a therapist), and challenging her to take care of herself. then I have to remind myself to take care of me too.  

 

Cathy it's good here I'm not the only one sitting in the back seat. I am working on encouraging myself to bring myself forward too.

 

Yesturday I started out really good and realized that I could do a fast day since I was out of the house and ate minimally. well when I got home, I ate everything in sight! I don't know what happened. It was a ravenous hunger. I ate so much, 2 small slices of pizza, Protein bar, piece of sugar free pie and then sneezed for about 5 minutes. It was like I lost my head.  SO frustrating...... 

 

I know that a friend of mine has this dilemma going on too. I need a coping skill to deal with this issue. What do you guys do if you have this situation? Do you know what causes it? Is it that I'm hungry? Or is it stress eating? So many questions........sorry....

 

Sheryl I love your pics! You look awesome and sexy! Greta Garbo looks too!

Skinny! In home care, thats a job that really needs great people, and Im sure you will be one of them. Lucky friend to have you! My bestie is in a chair, has to have care 24 hours a day in her home... when she finds someone who is good and cares and does not steal... she is so happy. I could never work for her because honestly, I am a slob., and she is not.. but I do love to spend time with her and she is a great gal.

 

Coopie Doll I loathe the administration of your school for not recognizing you!  I want to come over there and shake a fist in their collective faces!  grr!!  And you my dear, I think you need to go buy yourself a giant pair of boots, the kind that lace up to the knee, and go in there and do some $h!t kicking, Your forehead does not have "welcome, wipe your feet" printed on it!!!!

 

Ms Skinny I keep forgetting that you are a therapist, would you mind PMing me?  I have so many questions and am looking for advice as I turn my face toward the goal of gettiing a PsyD iot become a clinician specializing in trauma acceptance.  The most immediate hurdle is that I do not come from a psych background and so must complete several prereq courses and take the P-GRE, before I can apply to the programs.

 

I know what I want, I genuinely do.  However, I am a realist and this sadly does sometimes curtail my ability to hope and dream :/  I need money.  I did not come from money, I have had to earn and scrape every penny, I have perhaps an inordinate fear of being a homeless beggar on welfare, and I coo and pet my money hoard, if Scrooge McDuck and Mr. Crabs had a lovechild, it would be me.

 

I want to share a bit of .... I don't know what emotion to ascribe here, it isn't anger, or necessarily pure jealousy, although it is probably in that sphere; here I am, dodging bombs and getting scarred for life just so I can scrape together a tiny bit of savings, and I have a friend who is super lazy, took 10 years to get her BA, but her Father died and left her his life savings plus his home, which she sold.  From that alone she was able to buy her own house AND have enough savings that she was able to take the first year of her second child's life off from work (albeit on disability) .  So, she struggles of course, she is a single Mom of two boys (13 and 3) but, if she wanted to, all she would have to do is sell her house and boom, she would have more cash money savings than I do, without having to risk her life.  I guess that makes me a little grumpy.

 

As much as this job feels pointless, I am also afraid to not have it, I am afraid to be without the salary and status this job has imparted, I'm not gonna lie - it has felt good to have this sort of prestige for the last five years.

 

I just need to keep reminding myself, it's only for another 12 weeks, in 12 weeks I can start trying to get medivac'd to Germany again.

 

I don't want to be invisible again!

You are still young, just go for it girl. Scary as it is, the older you get the more hurdles life can throw up, so live it like you mean it. Its hard to see you as ever being invisible again if you avoid hiding!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I got this private message today and it is representative of what I get a few times a week:

"I was told you had plastics don't in Mexico? What all did you have done and how much did everything cost?"

Okay, it is a PITA to type from your phone so that probably explains the lack of an intro or a please or thank you - but I am getting sort of burned out on these kind of messages. I have always answered them in some detail but a part of me wonders... does this person even read on the plastics forum? I am also sure that if people are only shopping on price, they can likely find someone cheaper then Dr Sauceda.< /p>

So, did I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed or is it annoying to get a "hand me all your info on a silver platter" request a couple of times a week? LOL

2 more sleeps till Mexico!