gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Dang, I can't believe that only 2 people noticed my naughty little post about whoopin it up with a young hawt soldier!! Laura - where arrrre you?

Maybe it's a generational thing, I think I am one of the younger folks in this group, but I don't go in for that business of "I know he loves me, he just never shows it/puts me down/treats me like I'm the help/ is nicer to everyone else ..... but I know he loves me" NO. WAY. It's just passive abuse. Substitute in the word "hit" for each of those things and you will suddenly see. "I know he loves me but he punches me every time I orgasm ... I must just have a low sex drive....." :/

Today is the one year anniversary of my Father's death and some truly horrible awful things have happened at work that would be horrible any time but I especially do not want it today. Long story short, my program is looking for a scapegoat, they don't need reasons, they will make them up if they have to, but there is an uproar over how my team leader's family was notified, they think the family found out via Facebook prior to the official word from the DoD. Now, I had put some sorrowful words up, but I am not friends with anyone that I work with, nor anyone from his family, and I took the stuff down right away. I sent his eldest daughter a letter of condolence on the day that the DoD made it official. But I am scared and freaked out and upset and all of this today? And I'm ready to throw in the towel. I went to the combat therapist today and told him to get the ball rolling on sending me to Germany for a medivac, I have spent the day cleaning up my workspace, going through paperwork, shredding, organizing, and tonight I am going to haul out my footlocker and start packing everything that is mine that I will want to go home. Whatever happens, I want to be as ready as possible.

I am sad, lost, scared, scared, scared, terrified, sad, lonely, angry, and more.

Holy Cow Florinda! When it rains it pours! It doesn't seem like they could pin anything on you from what you say.... I guess someone out of the family could have seen your facebook and jumped to conclusions about the family... anyway, I guess it was only a matter of time before the footlocker was packed up. How is it the DoD had not contacted them sooner anyway! Really. I guess the ball is rolling. (can I possibly use any more cliches in my writing?) I'm glad you had a little "Hawt" time girl!

And about the poorly behaved husband... really, although being a "d**k" can be a form of abuse too, hitting is over the line for me. He would be gone in an instant. He is an equal opportunity d**k as well, he has no filter when he's in that "mood". He had a head injury years ago... and his instant mood changes are a classic symptom of that. I am diagnosing him with this, and I am not a doctor, but do work with lots of people that have had head injuries, and it looks like it to me. He also has horrible Migraines. This helps me to see him in a different light in the big picture... but its easy to take it personally when its happening. Believe me, I have thought about moving on more than once. We have been together for over 20 years, have gone through riots, illness, at gunpoint, at the ends of the earth, and in the most sublime situations you can imagine... sharing this with someone is a strong bond, whatever their foibles.

Edited January 9, 2014 by feedyoureye

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Kim thank you for sharing this with us.....There is no relationship between spouses that is 100% healthy. We all carry our baggage with us. I have been married for 34 years and I know that my husband loves me. He frustrates me and he is good to the core of his being. We have our idiosyncrasies and we choose to continue to be each other.....Yes, he is passive aggressive at times, but aren't we all? I know I have been and all my clients that I work with have the same qualities.....

Florinda I'm sorry you have yet another stressor to deal with. I did pick up on the Hawt new soldier but didn't say anything because i did not want you to feel like you were being judged in any way.....It saddens me that the DoD didn't notify the family more quickly......Hang in there......

LAURA where are you? Hope everythings ok......

[M2G 1,836]

Wow, I can see I've missed a lot of good discussions going on over here.

Let's see, I love what you said Coops about how you deal with things. I've been in a bit of a funk myself since Christmas, hubby got into a row with my brother and it kind of ruined Christmas. Then 2 days later we had to put our beloved cat to sleep and things have just been "prickly" since. We haven't had time to process everything, hubby has apologized to me, mom, and brother, but it really was a perfect example of him building up with little things, then mt. vesuvius explosion over something stupid. gah! Still process our fur-baby and haven't been able to bring myself to donate his unused food, toys, etc. Love that my girls are back in school, but hubby who usually works from home has been called into the office which I'm excited about having a house to myself but sad about timing, as we could use the extra time to "iron out some kinks" in our relationship. Sigh.

I don't think kissing on a first date is wrong at all. I'm a hugger, and usually greetings with friends (male and female alike) are with hugs. I do think that the pace you are keeping Sheryl with the dating is exhausting. It would exhaust me emotionally and physically to have so many dates all the time. I've been married 17+ years and with the same man for 22 years so I don't *remember* what dating was like but just listening to the stories (which I love don't stop posting ...I think this is a safe place for you to sort your feelings out) about this man, that man...just seems like a super-quick pace.

Florinda, I'm happy for your HAWT encounter, and sad for the issues surrounding the death. I hope you can make a decision about what to do that has NOTHING to do with the death of this person. You need to make your decision based on YOU for YOU and be all about YOU. Hugs. Nothing worth having is ever easy.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have been meeting about one new person a week lately - and part of it is because when you find a possiblity - I feel like you need to go for it because this stupid online thing... people forget about you in 2 days since they have 10 new emails. sigh. I hate emailing someone for weeks and then it just fades away... waste of time. Now that I am back to horseback riding - the pace will slow way down...haha

Doug, the lunch the other day wasn't a date. We aren't a prospect, that was made clear many months ago that was more like a possible friendship. We have stayed in touch via text, occasional email and phone call since we met last summer. He knows about my plastics and all that. I admit I really like this guy so even though he doesn't want to date me I am open to light socializing because you just never know. I think somewhere in my brain is a formula - personality, location, looks, character, interests/hobbies/lifestyle, my impression of their stability - etc. and this guy just seems like he is this just right blend. I don't know but I assume he senses i am not the right blend for him but likes me. Or maybe he just doesn't really want a girlfriend right now, I am not sure but I am not going to bug him about it.

What the heck, I can always use new single friends since most of my friends are married. My oldest son has a great theory of meeting people. Find someone you like and maybe that person isn't "it" but there may be someone in his social circle. My son's point is to hang out with people that you like and that is how you often meet other cool people. That has totally happened to me with women friends and horseback riding friends. My very close friend Mary I met through common aquaintances.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I have been meeting about one new person a week lately - and part of it is because when you find a possiblity - I feel like you need to go for it because this stupid online thing... people forget about you in 2 days since they have 10 new emails.  sigh. I hate emailing someone for weeks and then it just fades away... waste of time.  Now that I am back to horseback riding - the pace will slow way down...haha

 

Doug, the lunch the other day wasn't a date.  We aren't a prospect, that was made clear many months ago that was more like a possible friendship.  We have stayed in touch via text, occasional email and phone call since we met last summer.  He knows about my plastics and all that.  I admit I really like this guy so even though he doesn't want to date me I am open to light socializing because you just never know.  I think somewhere in my brain is a formula - personality, location, looks, character, interests/hobbies/lifestyle, my impression of their stability - etc. and this guy just seems like he is this just right blend.  I don't know but I assume he senses i am not the right blend for him but likes me.  Or maybe he just doesn't really want a girlfriend right now, I am not sure but I am not going to bug him about it.

 

What the heck, I can always use new single friends since most of my friends are married. My oldest son has a great theory of meeting people.  Find someone you like and maybe that person isn't "it" but there may be someone in his social circle.  My son's point is to hang out with people that you like and that is how you often meet other cool people. That has totally happened to me with women friends and horseback riding friends.  My very close friend Mary I met through common aquaintances.

This is exactly what I tell my clients about finding partners...I also tell them to look up meet up groups to meet people also....

[Georgia 2,908]

OK, I'm bringing out the big guns Laura!!! Sex & Donuts!!!! -------------- He is the type that blows up, then just goes on to the next thing. He can't see how I won't do the same thing. He also thinks hes always right, so any comment I make is usually moot...Its a rare thing where he says I'm right about something.. like i can count on one had all those times during the last 20 years! This being said, he can be sweet and funny... not just a d**k! (or I would have kicked him to the curb long ago...) There are a couple of things in his history that make him blind as a bat about some things, he might be much happier if he could allow more gray into his life, not just black and white.... not sure he is capable of that though.

Don't they all? I mean -go on to the next thing. . And what's sex? It's been so long that I even remotely wanted it it's just sad. No hormones AT ALL and very low drive even before that and with low dose anti depressant NONE. ha!

But I think most guys are just about the same. They can hit it, roll over, forget ANYTHING ever happened that might have upset you. Duh. We have had fights that have gone on for years! Lol. Those things he forgets but I can't seem to let go of.

Now, it took me years to really really see all the great qualities that the hubs has and he NEVER, let me repeat, never, made me feel inferior or fat.

I feel bad for any of you whose significant others treat you with less than respect. We may fight and duke it out sometimes but I know I'm valued.

[Georgia 2,908]

Dang, I can't believe that only 2 people noticed my naughty little post about whoopin it up with a young hawt soldier!! Laura - where arrrre you? Maybe it's a generational thing, I think I am one of the younger folks in this group, but I don't go in for that business of "I know he loves me, he just never shows it/puts me down/treats me like I'm the help/ is nicer to everyone else ..... but I know he loves me" NO. WAY. It's just passive abuse. Substitute in the word "hit" for each of those things and you will suddenly see. "I know he loves me but he punches me every time I orgasm ... I must just have a low sex drive....." :/ Today is the one year anniversary of my Father's death and some truly horrible awful things have happened at work that would be horrible any time but I especially do not want it today. Long story short, my program is looking for a scapegoat, they don't need reasons, they will make them up if they have to, but there is an uproar over how my team leader's family was notified, they think the family found out via Facebook prior to the official word from the DoD. Now, I had put some sorrowful words up, but I am not friends with anyone that I work with, nor anyone from his family, and I took the stuff down right away. I sent his eldest daughter a letter of condolence on the day that the DoD made it official. But I am scared and freaked out and upset and all of this today? And I'm ready to throw in the towel. I went to the combat therapist today and told him to get the ball rolling on sending me to Germany for a medivac, I have spent the day cleaning up my workspace, going through paperwork, shredding, organizing, and tonight I am going to haul out my footlocker and start packing everything that is mine that I will want to go home. Whatever happens, I want to be as ready as possible. I am sad, lost, scared, scared, scared, terrified, sad, lonely, angry, and more.

Oh, I noticed. Believe me. Just didn't know how to respond in my older married woman way! LOL BUT the image is burned in my mind!!!!! Ha!

 

Now, about your life changes. You have the right to be scared and lonely and sad and whatever else you want to be. Just know, though, that every new day will bring you some sort of answers as you need them. I just believe this for you, Florinda! Truly. Hang in there!!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

 

OK, I'm bringing out the big guns Laura!!! Sex & Donuts!!!! -------------- He is the type that blows up, then just goes on to the next thing. He can't see how I won't do the same thing. He also thinks hes always right, so any comment I make is usually moot...Its a rare thing where he says I'm right about something.. like i can count on one had all those times during the last 20 years! This being said, he can be sweet and funny... not just a d**k! (or I would have kicked him to the curb long ago...) There are a couple of things in his history that make him blind as a bat about some things, he might be much happier if he could allow more gray into his life, not just black and white.... not sure he is capable of that though.

You have said this perfectly! Men are men and yes, we all have our fights...I hang on to

my anger and he moves on.....but he does treat me with respect and had never said anything about

my fat former self....

 

Don't they all? I mean -go on to the next thing. . And what's sex? It's been so long that I even remotely wanted it it's just sad. No hormones AT ALL and very low drive even before that and with low dose anti depressant NONE. ha!

 

But I think most guys are just about the same. They can hit it, roll over, forget ANYTHING ever happened that might have upset you. Duh. We have had fights that have gone on for years! Lol. Those things he forgets but I can't seem to let go of.

 

Now, it took me years to really really see all the great qualities that the hubs has and he NEVER, let me repeat, never, made me feel inferior or fat.

 

I feel bad for any of you whose significant others treat you with less than respect. We may fight and duke it out sometimes but I know I'm valued.

[Georgia 2,908]

On another note, I truly love 5:2. Back at my lowest 140 after this weeks schedule. But boy, I'm on a Peanut Butter crackers crave right now. In fact, crackers at large! Ha! Plain old saltines are awesome.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I would like to add that women can be emotionally abusive to their husbands too. One of my friends is kind of... abrasive is the word I would use. I feel like she is a little asberger syndrome type. Anyway, her hubs is far from perfect, but he has invested so much time and money in HER horse hobby, HER farm and i feel she really doesn't treat him as well as she should. Just the tone of her voice when they talk on the phone, how critical she often is when he helps around the place but doesn't do things "right". Last summer, I finally said something to her about it (gently) as she was talking in the context that she doesn't like having sex with him but she wasn't worried because he doesn't have the social skills to attract a different woman. I told her to not misjudge men - their emotional life is important to them too, it just looks different. We actually had a long talk about it, i never told her I thought she was mean to him, but she kinda knew she was. Anyway, I noticed a difference after that, just a gentler, less critical tone. Except for a lunch in December I haven't seen her since my surgery (we do horse stuff together only) so I don't know current status. I hope she is taking it seriously because they have been married 10 years and if they divorce - everything will fall apart. They are in their 40s and that is a time of life when I think many people consider if their needs are being met... She needs his income (she works too) to sustain their farmette and horse hobby and frankly she needs his help too. anyway, my point is that emotional abuse comes in alot of forms and people who love each other seem to do it to each other.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Craig has never made a peep about me being fat. In fact, he may silently be a little sorry to see the love handle and boobs gone. I have always appreciated that about him. He does still find a way to grab any fat still present and growl with appreciation.

[coops 1,790]

Oh Florinda, I do wish you some luck - such a lot of horrible things are happening right now for you. I am glad you pop on here and tell us... glad to hear your encounter was good! Nice to feel wanted.

Where is Laura?

Sheila, great to hear from you - I am liking the sound of a quite house for a while, even if the timing is bad!

Oh and from me... I desperately need to poo - ain't been since Friday - booo hooo - top end of my bounce range now! I am bloated and swollen and it is uncomfortable!

On the plus side did my first Insanity work out today in work - 6 of us used the hall and did the power dvd - hard but a great feeling to complete it... won't be able to walk now mind...lol

Hugs to all

[coops 1,790]

Kim, I don't know why, but I can't imagine you putting up with any shite of a bloke!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I won't take any shite at work, and believe me I get a lot of it coming my way, but sometimes I'm a pushover with the man.... I wouldn't say I'm a shrinking violet though....he gets an earful now and then when Iv'e had it up to here-

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I won't take any shite at work, and believe me I get a lot of it coming my way, but sometimes I'm a pushover with the man.... I wouldn't say I'm a shrinking violet though....he gets an earful now and then when Iv'e had it up to here-

I am like that too; I don't like to admit it but it is true.

Let me give you an example. My ex and I broke up last spring... well... we had been in the process of breaking up for quite awhile but the final "I am done" came from me in the spring. We want to remain friends, he can't support himself so the whole idea was I would give him...yet again more money so he could keep his debt collectors at bay, and continue to live in my house. In exchange, he was going to do some specific projects around the place AND take care of the horses during my surgical rehab. I thought a more than fair deal for both of us. He did take care of the horses, but NONE of the projects are done, and most are about 20-50% complete leaving me with a freaking mess. I finally today confronted him over it and he just said "it takes longer then I thought". My response was "it was like 9 months ago we agreed on all this". I am frustrated but I largely have myself to blame because he always did this (like I expected it to be different?) and because I should have been bitchier about it like 5-6 months ago but that just isn't how I am. Frustrating. But mostly I am frustrated at myself for once again believing... and for not standing up for myself.