gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[coops 1,790]

Well Sheryl, can I just say not all english men are as crude as your date - my hubby is english...lol!

I gotta be honest with you, I am not a fan of tablets - I have a pretty addictive personality and the thought of taking tablets on a regular basis freaks me out. I've often been given the opportunity by my doc for anti depressants, and I did take them for a short time after the birth of my second child, but I didn't take them for long. Too scary for me.

As far as sleep or the lack of it goes, I rely on the old fashioned way of exercise to wear me out! If I am physically tired I sleep much better - I also like to read before bed... all old fashioned but work for me. However, if I have real bouts of restless sleep patterns, I just go with it and let it take its course. Just lately, with the hot flashes coming back I haven't been sleeping well... and yes I am tired, but I just gotta let my body deal with it.

So, bad feelings? Hmmm, this is a good one... when I was a teenager I was very angry - and I mean effing angry, about everything and everyone. But if you ask anyone, they wouldn't know. I hid it and I hid it well... always laughing and smiling - the joker of the group (of which I still am). I would let things fester and fester and fester and try to find ways to deal with it. Private tears. I found exercise. I also used to draw a lot - pencil drawings of people and some Water colour; I would lose myself for hours and hours just drawing and listening to music. This didn't get rid of the anger but it let me deal with 'myself' and it allowed me to keep it hidden ... funnily enough, I didn't use food!

Now, I often 'allow' myself to feel bad feelings; I allow myself to recognise the feeling and the effect it has on me and others. I let it be... I don't try to change it. I have found that this has helped me deal with bad feelings in a more positive way - I think I have learnt from it and learnt that things are not always perfect; I don't always feel good and I can't control everything around me.

I have periods of 'dwelling' - I let myself feel down - time to lick my wounds as such - and this has enabled me to recognise my own behaviour patterns. I can also recognise others' behaviour patterns too.

I agree with Kim, I can't change the big things and I don't try - I do try to change what I can, if it is for the better.

Not sure if that helps anyone... I doubt it...lol!

Edited January 7, 2014 by coops

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Ok want to hear a funny? I was going to do a speed dating thing last weekend...I registered on the website but didn't sign up and of course didn't go. Today I received an email with my mutual matches..Haha. I wrote them back and said...cool...but I wasn't even there...hmmmm. Now I have a vmail from someone I don't recognize who I apparently have a date with Thursday night. NOW THAT IS A DATING METHOD THAT WORKS....HAHA. Should I just show up???? (That was a joke)

Spent some time with an old friend who is unhappily married and going through tough times with her son's learning disabilities etc. Her hubby never wants to do anything and she has given up all her friends....so on Saturday nights, after the kid and hubby are settled in she goes to the 10pm movie showing alone. That's lonely. So I told her I can do a 10pm movie. I hope she calls me.

Met someone new after work. Good news is he didn't try to invade my space and is super intelligent....but he is a metrosexual which I think means shaves body hair. He told me I make him nervous which is a good thing.... I just dunno. Has the whole world gone mad? LOL

[feedyoureye 3,087]

People are just trying to make their way in the world. That doesn't mean we have to date them, like them or sleep with them, but I guess a little empathy can go a long ways towards recognizing the humanness in all of us.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

People are just trying to make their way in the world. That doesn't mean we have to date them, like them or sleep with them, but I guess a little empathy can go a long ways towards recognizing the humanness in all of us.

I agree. I didn't mean to sound cruel - I suspect he is the most genuine man I have met in a while. I am just feeling the whole jaded thing.

We had a lovely time and I turn on the charm no matter...My good friend Priscilla once said they don't "deserve" sex but perhaps the pleasure of the company of a gentle woman and nice smile...yeah, I ALWAYS deliver that as I feel it is good manners. A man takes time and effort and money to take you out...he is the center of my world for that moment.

[BrownDoesAll 409]

CGJane I $ay get Boo'd for this comment but I worry about u. I am old school and don't think I would ever kiss on the firt date. To me it sends the wrong message. Do u carry mace? Do u google these gentlemen before being alone with them? I am an old "fuddy Duddy" but for my two cents are u a bit too trusting of these men u only know from a paragraph in a bio or what they tell u about themselves. Please be careful.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Yep what Brown said. I also rely on watercolor painting to relieve pain/tension/fear/anxiety all the things. However, as of today, I found a NEW WAY TO PLAY, heh heh heh ..... in the form of a delicious Specialist with a Crossfit body... mm mm mm... don't want to make anyone's eyebrows go up in flames but it was HAWTTTTTTT.

But, like with anyone who has gone without for so long, I'm like a hysterical junkyard dog, ready to pounce and hump . Also, Tomorrow is Larry's funeral, AND the one year anniversary of my Father's death, I get hypersexual when I am in an intense state of anxiety or fear or sorrow.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

HAWWTTT... awesome!

How is insanity going?

So, the scale says 147.5 today... woo hoo.... solidly in the middle of my bounce range of 145-150. 5:2 is good even though I admit my fasting days have been even less perfect that before, it still works. I also thinking resuming working out is finally kicking in.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Yep what Brown said. I also rely on watercolor painting to relieve pain/tension/fear/anxiety all the things. However, as of today, I found a NEW WAY TO PLAY, heh heh heh ..... in the form of a delicious Specialist with a Crossfit body... mm mm mm... don't want to make anyone's eyebrows go up in flames but it was HAWTTTTTTT.

But, like with anyone who has gone without for so long, I'm like a hysterical junkyard dog, ready to pounce and hump . Also, Tomorrow is Larry's funeral, AND the one year anniversary of my Father's death, I get hypersexual when I am in an intense state of anxiety or fear or sorrow.

A dash of Hawt in ones life reminds us we are alive. I know my brain rushes back to my 30s and "the clam" does most of the thinking, but it feels luscious. Last year when I ran into my ex (who I always thought was hawt) thats exactly what happened, it didn't even matter that intellectually I know all the down side, I am married to someone else and this guy was trouble.... Who cares! The chemistry speaks first*! Luckily I had the control to not make a total monkey out of the event, but I really wanted to dive into the "mode". That feeling lasted almost 2 weeks after seeing him...! LIke the carbmonster but worse! I probably would have thought the Boston strangler was hawt! Maybe getting fat was part of dealing with that monster!

* No I didn't go any further than react chemically... heart racing, getting all flirty postured... I have only seen him twice (he goes to my gym on days Im usually not there) in the last 25 years... thats a good thing!

Edited January 8, 2014 by feedyoureye

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Soooo delicious ... I'd rather feast on his lips than eat food! Just the act of human touch, touching someone else, being touched, being held - god I needed it. And he's SO STRONG, heh heh , woo is it hot in here, I'm getting the vaypahs! I never thought I cared about a man's physique but, at one point I was straddling him and we were kissing, and he put his forearms under my thighs and flipped me onto my back on the chair I was sitting in, like it weren't no thang! Just hoist! He has a girlfriend back home and claims they have an "understanding" due to deployment, and I'm not interested in anything real, he is WAY too frickin' young OMG, but this, this feels so very good

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Georgia:

Have you tried taking melatonin 30 minutes before bed? I am in the same boat for the last few weeks. Friend recommended. Has to be the quick absorb you out under tongue. Seems to help me a bit.

I have tried Melatonin for the past few nights and it really didn't help much.... But I'm not giving up either....

Have any of you used Melatonin? I have a terrible time falling asleep and have had to take something for probably 5 years or so now. I used to take Ambien every night but about a year ago my PCP wanted to me stop or cut down bc she heard it caused cancer in some people. I take it 2 or 3 nights a week now and I take Melatonin on the other nights. She would rather I don't take the Ambien at all but the nights I take it are the only nights I fall asleep and sleep well and wake up like I had a good sleep.

I use to take ambien but my metabolism gets used to a medication and then I need more to get the same effect. I really hate taking more just to get the relief I'm needing. But I'm also willing to go back and try it again.....

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, its usually several things piling up that I don't have control over or that aren't going my way... if I sit down and list what I feel like... hopeless is the bad one that trigers anxiety, then I list what the things are that make me feel hopeless, then I look to see if there is anything I can do to counteract the feeling... communication, action, whatever... and schedule some of that, and if I can do something right away..... that helps almost immediately to some extent. If I don't let it go too long, then I can usually manage those stressful types of ecperiences. The old saying, "do what you can, and let go of what you can't" is a good one, but when I "can't" sometimes it makes me sad. I am attached to holding on. Attachment. I confuse attachment with love, and really, thats more objectivesiing than love. Its mistaken thinking on my part...

As an example, I was feeling bad about all the birds and animals that get killed and disrupted by human behavior. Poisoned, run over, shot, on and on. Sometimes when I think about this it makes me hate people generally. Not really productive! Or true! I want to make a difference, but the problem is so huge... I feel overwhelmed. So I made a list of things I might do, small things, but things I have control over. So I took some things over to a wildlife rescue place near by, some things from their wish list. I also made some art for a show, and dedicated $50 from any one that sold to go to the same wildlife rescue place. Just a little thing, but it did make me feel at least there was something I could do, however little.

I love this strategy. It does help to recognize what we can change and what we can't. I also like prioritizing my to do list when feeling overwhelmed.... It warms my heart to hear about the wonderful things you are doing for wild life. I have the same feelings. Humans are so unkind to animals and it will bring tears to my eyes.

Lately I'm finding myself feeling depressed and viewing things in my world as hopeless. I work on re-framing these negative thoughts to being grateful for the things that I do have like a good husband that's pretty healthy, healthy children, financial security, a house, bills are paid, etc. I am really blessed that I have some wonderful pets that I have rescued from numerous places and they're so loving and giving.....But I do have a chemical imbalance right now.......I have thought about asking my PCP for an antidepressant but I remember the havoc they created with my sleep......I don't really know what to do about it but to get my butt to exericising. I have stopped walking when I went to Las Vegas because my knee got really painful and I thought I was going to have to have knee replacement. so I am fearful of that happening again. But I do need to kick myself in gear and just do it......... Perhaps that will help me sleep at night.

My scale is so out of whack these days....yesturday I weighted 147 lbs and today i weight 136 lbs......Why is there a 10 lb difference? I did eat more yesturday....... I'm going whacko..... Have a great day.....

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think it is interesting/strange that several of us are feeling that "imbalance" right now. Short winter days? I don't know, but I am struggling. Logging out my pattern is helping me see what is paralyzing me - inability to focus on work. I don't think work is the root cause, but it is where the problem collides with reality I guess. So, I am trying to focus on solving JUST elements of that for now.

I woke up in a panic this morning - that never happens - but it did today. I woke up because of some stuff I forgot to finish... my brain is just mush. In general, I am sleep deprived because i wake up in the middle of the night for hours.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I woke up in a panic this morning - that never happens - but it did today. I woke up because of some stuff I forgot to finish... my brain is just mush. In general, I am sleep deprived because i wake up in the middle of the night for hours.

This has been my pattern in the past, but now I just wake up to go to the rest room and I'm totally awake...

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Georgia:

Have you tried taking melatonin 30 minutes before bed? I am in the same boat for the last few weeks. Friend recommended. Has to be the quick absorb you out under tongue. Seems to help me a bit.

I have tried Melatonin for the past few nights and it really didn't help much.... But I'm not giving up either....

Have any of you used Melatonin? I have a terrible time falling asleep and have had to take something for probably 5 years or so now. I used to take Ambien every night but about a year ago my PCP wanted to me stop or cut down bc she heard it caused cancer in some people. I take it 2 or 3 nights a week now and I take Melatonin on the other nights. She would rather I don't take the Ambien at all but the nights I take it are the only nights I fall asleep and sleep well and wake up like I had a good sleep.

I use to take ambien but my metabolism gets used to a medication and then I need more to get the same effect. I really hate taking more just to get the relief I'm needing. But I'm also willing to go back and try it again.....

>

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, its usually several things piling up that I don't have control over or that aren't going my way... if I sit down and list what I feel like... hopeless is the bad one that trigers anxiety, then I list what the things are that make me feel hopeless, then I look to see if there is anything I can do to counteract the feeling... communication, action, whatever... and schedule some of that, and if I can do something right away..... that helps almost immediately to some extent. If I don't let it go too long, then I can usually manage those stressful types of ecperiences. The old saying, "do what you can, and let go of what you can't" is a good one, but when I "can't" sometimes it makes me sad. I am attached to holding on. Attachment. I confuse attachment with love, and really, thats more objectivesiing than love. Its mistaken thinking on my part...

As an example, I was feeling bad about all the birds and animals that get killed and disrupted by human behavior. Poisoned, run over, shot, on and on. Sometimes when I think about this it makes me hate people generally. Not really productive! Or true! I want to make a difference, but the problem is so huge... I feel overwhelmed. So I made a list of things I might do, small things, but things I have control over. So I took some things over to a wildlife rescue place near by, some things from their wish list. I also made some art for a show, and dedicated $50 from any one that sold to go to the same wildlife rescue place. Just a little thing, but it did make me feel at least there was something I could do, however little.

I love this strategy. It does help to recognize what we can change and what we can't. I also like prioritizing my to do list when feeling overwhelmed.... It warms my heart to hear about the wonderful things you are doing for wild life. I have the same feelings. Humans are so unkind to animals and it will bring tears to my eyes.

Lately I'm finding myself feeling depressed and viewing things in my world as hopeless. I work on re-framing these negative thoughts to being grateful for the things that I do have like a good husband that's pretty healthy, healthy children, financial security, a house, bills are paid, etc. I am really blessed that I have some wonderful pets that I have rescued from numerous places and they're so loving and giving.....But I do have a chemical imbalance right now.......I have thought about asking my PCP for an antidepressant but I remember the havoc they created with my sleep......I don't really know what to do about it but to get my butt to exericising. I have stopped walking when I went to Las Vegas because my knee got really painful and I thought I was going to have to have knee replacement. so I am fearful of that happening again. But I do need to kick myself in gear and just do it......... Perhaps that will help me sleep at night.

My scale is so out of whack these days....yesturday I weighted 147 lbs and today i weight 136 lbs......Why is there a 10 lb difference? I did eat more yesturday....... I'm going whacko..... Have a great day.....

I went to a sports medicine Dr, who referred me to a physical therapist who nailed down why my knee was bothering me... it was a weakness in my hip! So I started doing exercises for my hip, and the knee got better.

Sounds like you need a new scale!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I had another thought.... my EX has been living here still. He is gone alot, but is still around. He moves this month... I wasn't cognizant of being freaked out about it, but i decided today that I am. I finally finally finally understand why things ended, which maybe gives me a little peace, but I am still freaked by the change.

[swizzly 901]

Dee, where are you headed to in the states?

I will be in SF

In general, I am sleep deprived because i wake up in the middle of the night for hours.

Yes, this is what I do as well. I CAN NOT STAND IT. Ugh. I would love a full night's sleep. :-( Melatonin, even the smallest little molecule of it, knocks me out like a concussion and I can't wake up. Ambien gives me horrible vivid dreams that disturb me during the day. Benzos help calm my anxiety but don't make me sleep. G*ddam* menopause. =/

Dating sucks. I hate it and I'm glad I'm not doing it. I have never had a sex drive in my life, so the clam has never been in the driver's seat LOL. But I'm glad you're getting properly seen to, Florinda!! :-)

I am not old enough to be truly old-fashioned for any reason, but I still am. Wouldn't kiss on first date EVER. Never slept with anyone till *months* together. SOOOO picky and hard to get -- not playing, but for reals. But *I* am the weird one here, I consider all of you quite normal and hormonally normal as well. I'm just an outlier in the weird zone.