gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Georgia 2,908]

Yes Jane, I need to grow a pair! I'm not going to be a doormat and I've spent the last week letting them know that. Brown, I love that story! It's makes it even better that it had such a positive impact on your son. You handled that situation and teaching moment just right. Ladies I binged bad last night.. When I first started to write this I was going to say I don't even know why.. But I think stress and funny enough relief played a part.. My daughter and I fought again last night.. But I was able to be brutally honest and purge some things to her.. She has people believing I'm a horrible cold person that is verbally abusive. In fact one of her friends moms is supposed to contact me this weekend to "talk" according to her.. She comes at me with "what kind of mom is counting the days until her daughter is 18 to kick her out" so the fighting began. I let her know I feel like I've been living under siege by her for years she is violent and if I enter her room or get close to her she starts blindly swinging we've to tackle her several times my husband and me helping restrain her as he is trying to pin her down she literally goes crazy and even sounds like an animal and starts smashing things and swinging blindly. I'm scared of her on some level. I know that if she feels I'm in her face she will hit me (it's her strange defense mechanism) she almost goes into a fugue state.. Yes jane many years of counseling for her, it's helped some.. Especially when she was younger. But she refuses to go anymore. Last year it got really bad. We found someone who was supposed to be the best around it was an emergency situation and my husband called in some favors to contact this man. OMG he charged 300 dollars an hour! Not covered by insurance! He met us and her. She even kinda seemed to like him the first day. he had two sessions with her and on the third she was pissed that I was interrupting her life to do this (he only had appointments right after school so she had to come straight home) he came out afterwards and said they would not be going forward.. Wtf??? She refuses counseling now and we can't force her.. I let it all out last night. Told her she is abusing me, that I'm scared of my own daughter.. That I refuse to live like this anymore and that's why I count the days. I just want peace in my life.. So the relief? It felt good just to be honest (and sometimes it wasn't nice what I was saying but honest) And we at some point stopped fighting and spent the rest of the night together.. But I BINGED! I ate so much I can't even remember it all... I stayed up until almost 2 am eating.. I ate things like Peanut Butter, Protein Cookies (350 calories worth) a Protein Bar a granola bar, some chips, and this was after saying screw it at dinner and eating chicken tortilla Soup and some cornbread. Sorry I needed to purge this and get it off my chest. It is done, I am done, Going to consider this all spewed out and I will move in from here. Thank you for listening.

Bless your heart, Sweetie. I fully understand. Went through years of it with my son. Unless you've been through it with a child it is hard for others to comprehend and others tend to think since we are the adults that we HAD to have caused it! Good for you on the honesty with her. I lived many years With guilt thinking they're MUST have been something I could have done to change things. Sometimes there is simply NOT. some kids only learn by the road of hard knocks. And we suffer along with them because we would gladly take it if we could to help them be okay! I agree that you need to care for YOU and in Doing so will be better able to help your daughter. Take care. Good thoughts and prayers your way!!

[No game 14,437]

Thank you Georgia:) I really love you guys. I feel like I can come here and just let it all come out and be myself.

Georgia yes living this is quite surreal sometimes even when I'm writing it it sounds made up like somebody else's life.. So it's nice to know others can relate.

Dorrie,

It sounds like things went well today with your daughter! Good news maybe we will all sleep a bit better tonight.

Brown good ideas wrapping those presents.

Lol I still need to buy some.

My daughter and I did retail therapy today but just for ourselves

[Chimera 644]

So sorry I am so terrible at keeping up - I know i am probably viewed as an outsider, I have been so busy i don't have a lot of time online that isn't related to my job right now.

I am Kelly btw

We had our support group meeting today at the hospital and the talk was about Overeaters Anonymous - something I have long considered looking into - it was nice to hear how transformational those meetings have been for fellow surgery folk. Lord knows I am having a time of it now - seem to be in the grip of the carb/candy /holiday beast - soon it will be over!

I was thinking that I need a lint trap for my life - I dunno why, perhaps it is due to having a lot less padding as protection (like that protected me hah!) but I come home from work utterly flayed, lacking in confidence - just feeling like I want to disappear. Was even looking at protection types of gemstones I could carry in my pockets to ward off negative energy - and increase positive ones...I know it is me - I feel like I am some hellish sponge that is absorbing all of the yucky stuff around me and making myself think that i suck (like its all about me - feels so self absorbed.)

On a bright note I have been buying hideous holiday sweaters for my family - they are pretty epic - i will post a picture of us all on Christmas.

GT I also live in Seattle - West Seattle specifically and I work downtown - if there is anything i can help with - please let me know. Wishing you all the very best!

Kel

[sarsar 824]

Sounds like most of our days ended better than they started!

Dorrie, so happy you and your daughter were able to talk and cry and bond. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction.

Laura, retail therapy is the best. Thinking of you tonight...you have had a rough bunch of years with your daughter. The ache that a mother feels when their children are in pain is hard to handle. Keep hanging in there.

Kelly, our lives get busy at times. You are welcome here whenever you can get here. Can't wait to see the pic of the ugly sweater family! We wear pj's with our family at Christmas. Well some do, some don't, it's optional but I love it!

I was able to step away from the food and get busy today. Felt so much better.

Gnight all! sleep well...

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

gee kelly, I didn't know you are just accross the pond from me! I am in Woodinville. Maybe when life settles down we can meet for retail therapy or something. Especially of Globe comes to visit to check out Antioch!

Georgia - I like your profile pic, I think it is new...

All - maybe we can plan a holiday escape..haha! Actually, I love being around my extended family. Today was the family party and I had a great time. My only complaint is the food... omg... so many sweet carbs. I feel like a stuffed slug. I don't "hate myself" in the sense of over indulgance, but I hate how I feel. I puffed up (I STILL swell from the plastics) throughout the day... uhggg. We talked, ate, sang Christmas songs (we have several musicians in the family that lead the sing alongs). I don't know, just a good time. The out of towners call and we pass the phone around so talk to the family that is out of state - it is a big doings.

A distant relative was there today - in her late 90s but still sharp as a tack. Anyway, I sat and chatted with her for a few minutes and she told me when she saw me in the kitchen she had to ask who the beautiful woman was. Didn't recognize me at all. She is one of those strict, never had an ounce of fat in her whole life, but she was proud and happy for me. It felt good.

This is the last party of the Christmas season and I am hoping to go on a hot date for New years instead of another eating fest, so I hope I am done with the carb laden mess we call the eating season!

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Wow! How did I miss so much?

Laura My daughter was pure hell from about 13 until about age 20. It was awful. I am glad those days are over. She is 32 now and pregnant. We still butt heads often. We are just as different as night and day.

The guys I am seeing are so far away and it really sucks. I talk to them on the phone and one of them likes to text. I wish Portland wasn't so far from here. I can't even go there for awhile now because my son will be coming for 5 days at Christmas. Plus I really hate that drive.

My weight seems to bounce around from 135 to 137 depending on if I've been able to get to the gym.After the holidays, I'll be more dedicated to 5:2 and try to get below 135.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Oregondaisy

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Phew, it took me almost 3 hours to read the NINE pages that got posted since Thursday! I took TWO PAGES of notes because otherwise I would not have remembered a tenth of what I want to respond to! So here we go......

I woke up this morning and weighed myself, no change, rats. Then around 1:30 I went to the bathroom and uh, was so successful that I um, weighed myself again ...... I fully expected to be er *rewarded*, but I was ALMOST 3 POUNDS HEAVIER THAN WHEN I WOKE UP! Now, I have known for years that gravity, Water intake, etc. always make you heavier at the end of the day but seriously ......

I love British tv, moreso than American usually. The UK version of Being Human was way better than the American, IMO. I was devoted to it, the Aidan character was killed off btw so that he could go film The Hobbit! He plays Kili, one of the dwarves. Another great show was Survivors, I think it was way better than The Walking Dead is now. Survivors really went into the changes in humanity after a calamity and WD just seems to be devolving into just special effects.

Laura and SarSar - you are both straight up genuinely skinny, so yeah whatever is goin' on is goin' on upstairs *taps temple*. But you already know that, and you are both aware of the generally great state of your health so I'm not worried.

Is the denim jacket up to a vote then? If so then Coops I vote no, that dress is too darling to hide under a boxy jacket, and so are you!!

CGJ - You know, I grew up with my Father ordering for my Mother and myself and it never ocurred to me to be wierd or anything in fact, I accidentally did it to a guy on a date!! He had never been to the restaurant before and we were just ordering dessert and when the server came I ordered for us! I nearly snorted when you mentioned purple jeans! For a former model (Steven) I'm sure they were quite alarming! . Oh and uh, what was the first thing my pervy mind did when you called Frasier the Pipefitter?? "yeah ... Pipefitter indeed, heh heh heh!" Remember bizarro world, from Sienfeld? You have the Bizarro Frasier of Seattle - opposite of the TV Frasier in every way not a bad thing.

ODenise - This Jonathan sounds a bit passive aggressive, like he might even be setting you up on purpose with the conversation lag/interrupting thing...

Laura - I had already taken the notes "have daughter committed?" before I saw Feed's suggestion of the 5150. There is so much obsession these days with respecting children's rights that people forget that parents - every human really- have rights too, namely the right to not feel fear within their own home. And the Army? Perhaps it is the ticket for her, I do know plenty of soldiers who admit readily that the Army saved their lives. But one thing you must be able to muster on your own is self control, the Army has ZERO TOLERANCE for a person who cannot control themselves.

I haven't gone to Germany yet, I don't know if that is even a possibility but if it is, it won't happen till February. Speaking of the job, there is a possibility that I may get a 6 month extension. I am conflicted, for obvoious reasons. I should go Stateside, I know that, but the money! The money ....

Somebody mentioned something about how Former Fats often seem to think that we will finish losing and be able to walk away from It - weight care, monitoring, etc. And that many Never Fats know that this is not the case. It stuck with me because it reminded me of my Father, when he was getting ready to leave rehab (alcohol). That is exactly how he talked, like all of this was some nonsense that was behind him now and not worth a second thought. Less than 4 months later he was gone. I filled my hole with food, he papered over his pain with drugs and alcohol. Christmas this year is so many things, so much pain to relive, so much sorrow, since it was Christmas last year that was the catalyst for his death. I feel so much responsibility, so much sorrow, for the stupidity I displayed. I tried to bully him into better behavior, not knowing it was too late for tough love, too late ..... January 9th will be one year, and only recently have I for the first time felt anger. I've just felt sad this whole time, my Mom went to the anger right away and has stayed there, only now starting to move away from it.

*deep breath*

As for Seattle - Having a job before I get there would be awesome, I don't relish trying to find a job "last minute". I am looking on CL for a place to live, I wanted to live alone but it looks like my best bet will be a houseshare. I want to live within walking distance of yoga, coffee, and either a farmer's market or co-op. I have an awesome bike and would like to operate as carless as possible if possible. The school I want is Antioch, but it is private and I don't know if they will fully fund a doctorate, whereas State schools do so, so I may need to look at UDub as well.

You know, technically I am the same weight now that I was in my profile pic, but I KNOW I am nowhere near as firm and strong as I was then, I was doing crossfit 3x a week, plus yoga 2x a week and tango 1x a week, plus running with a friend outdoors. Now, I do Insanity 5 days a week and after 2 weeks I am still a marshmallow. AND WHY AM I NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT, MUTHREFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brown - so glad you are not giving up, please show kindness and nurturing to yourself, the same you show to us.

Phew, okay, I think I got about all of it, if I missed something/someone sorry, I'll take better notes next time!

PS - knew I'd forget something! I wanted to comment on what a huge difference arms make - my profile pic I look so fit because I purposely angled my arm in such a way that it looks normal sized. when I take a selfie now, and use one hand to hold back all the upper arm pudge, it completely and radically changes the look of my entire body. I go from looking like a pudgy middle aged soccer Mom to a fit woman. Okay, NOW I'm done!

Edited December 15, 2013 by Globetrotter

[swizzly 901]

Then, I decided to turn our Tempurpedic mattress around on our bed, king size, I was laughing at myself, trying to turn that crazy thing around!

Hahaha, I'm laughing at that cos it just took FOUR movers to pick our KS tempurpedic up to move it after The Flood. LOL. GO YOU!!!

Love this!! You are so pretty!

Thanks, Georgia -- and everyone else who said nice things to me. :-) I never post pics on the internet so that is only like the second time ever...

Laura My daughter was pure hell from about 13 until about age 20. It was awful. I am glad those days are over. She is 32 now and pregnant. We still butt heads often. We are just as different as night and day.

I have to say, I was pure hell on my mom (and dad) for soooo many years. :-( I was just carrying so much pain and anger and I aimed it at them like a fire hose. No excuses, just no explanations either. Luckily, my dad and I made up before he died and my mom and I get along pretty well now. But oy, the guilt.

Happy Sunday, all. Hope you don't spend it getting wound up about Monday like I do...

xoxoox

[M2G 1,836]

OH my gosh, yep, just again less than 24 hours and this lively thread just keeps on a moving...love it!

Dee - wow, you are just beautiful. Your "cartoon" (Denise you too!) profile pic does NOT do your beauty justice!

Laura and Dorrie - your daughters and their struggles. I have only daughters and my youngest is my total spitfire. LV we used to have to hold my dd down when it was time to trim her toenails...until she was like 5 and then it got better. But you would think we were cutting her skin and making her bleed the way she acted. I can only imagine what it's like to have to do that to your almost-grown daughter and for something more than cutting toenails. I'm sorry you guys have to do that, and I really hope the army helps her. Self-control like GT mentioned...that is something my spitfire struggles with also. Sigh. Dorrie, I hope you and your daughter will get to a better place soon. Her holding a grudge against you will accomplish nothing.

CGJ - wow, those are some flashy shoes. I love that you had the confidence to wear them and it sounds like Fraiser was really overall a perfect gentleman. Certainly worthy of seeing again to see where it leads...

Sarah - Sadness. Yes, (shoot can't remember who said it) yes we were used to numbing sadness with food. In fact sometimes I still do that. (Not a binger, but just when I feel the stress level elevate, I search for something with sugar...NOT a good habit to have) The difference now is that I can "recognize it" not necessarily STOP it but at least make my mind aware of the fact that I'm "using food to numb my feelings" so that even if I did find myself eating sugar just because it would temporarily take my mind off of whatever stress I'm feeling I can say to myself "look get your sugar, and then STOP because you know this won't make it any better" and so that helps me when I feel like that. To know that I can SNAP out of it instead of letting it just take over and be out of control.

Chimera = Kelly

YAY!!! I will try to repost the list with with this added.

GT - wow, the process of your father's death, I'm so sorry, I guess I didn't realize that in Jan it will be a year. It sounds like you have started processing some of what you are feeling and that is good. And I had to laugh...there is SO much that goes into taking a good photo. Like I probably took 15 of myself before "settling" on having this one as my profile pic. Different angles, do my eyes look goofy, etc etc etc. Lighting...camera angle...OMG there is just so much to having that good pic. Thanks for making me smile. And I hope that by Feb you have some more things lined up...thanks for giving us a timeline so we aren't worried about you when you drop off the radar for a day or two.

As for me, my daughters are feeling better but I'm bummed that I lost a WHOLE week during this busy time. I should have been out shopping/decorating/present wrapping, etc. while they were at school and instead I think I had MORE than one day when I didn't even get out of my fuzzy PJ's because I was sitting on the couch watching movies with my sick kiddos. Yesterday I had a "cleaning" day...I vow that NO ONE ELSE WILL GET THE FLU. SO I scrubbed all 3 bathrooms, wiped down the entire kitchen, cleaned every doorhandle, light switch, TV remote, nook, laptop and even the pillows on the couch. Phew. I felt better doing it even though sickness is sickness and you can't always prevent it. So far hubby and I are feeling fine. Oh it was finally warm enough to air out the house too, we opened windows and let sunshine and fresh air in here.

Now I've got to scramble this week and FINISH up. Sheesh. And I only fasted (again!) one day last week, and I feel sluggish. I need to get a good two days in to feel better about my diet I think!

Edited December 15, 2013 by M2G

[M2G 1,836]

Okay I thought about adding where you live because sounds like a couple of you live pretty close to each other without realizing it. So I'm including my location, and please copy and paste and add yours also.

I live in Centennial, Colorado ...a suburb of Denver, and yep same city where the kid took a shotgun to HS and shot another girl, then killed himself. Not the same school dist. as my girls but same city if that makes any sense.

Anyway please add yours and GT, we need your name!

Ms. Skinniness= Dorrie
Feedyoureye= Kim
Sarsar = Sarah
MG2= Sheila - Centennial CO
Ccjane = Sheryl
Georgia = Georgia
Uk Cathy = Cathy
Swizzly = Dee
Brown= Wanda
Globe= Florinda?? ...GT help!
Susan= Susan

Laura-ven= Laura

Chimera= Kelly

Supersweetums= Sheila

Coops= Sue

OrgeonDaisey= Denise

[coops 1,790]

Great idea!

 

Ms. Skinniness= Dorrie
Feedyoureye= Kim
Sarsar = Sarah
MG2= Sheila - Centennial CO
Ccjane = Sheryl
Georgia = Georgia  
Uk Cathy = Cathy
Swizzly = Dee
Brown= Wanda
Globe= Florinda?? ...GT help!
Susan= Susan

Laura-ven= Laura

Chimera= Kelly

Supersweetums= Sheila

Coops= Sue - Pontypool, sunny South Wales UK

OrgeonDaisey= Denise

[coops 1,790]

GT,

the 'first anniversary' for all major events are so hard after a bereavement - I am lucky that my parents are still with me but I have watched my husband and his mother go through the process of grief and it is not easy. I think it gets slightly easier, with time, but never goes away. You are dealing with this loss, and your personal problems in such a beautiful - much respect to you my friend.

Dorrie, I forgot to say that I am thinking of you too - the daughter thing strikes a chord with me but for different reasons.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

So sorry I am so terrible at keeping up - I know i am probably viewed as an outsider, I have been so busy i don't have a lot of time online that isn't related to my job right now.

I am Kelly btw

We had our support group meeting today at the hospital and the talk was about Overeaters Anonymous - something I have long considered looking into - it was nice to hear how transformational those meetings have been for fellow surgery folk. Lord knows I am having a time of it now - seem to be in the grip of the carb/candy /holiday beast - soon it will be over!

I was thinking that I need a lint trap for my life - I dunno why, perhaps it is due to having a lot less padding as protection (like that protected me hah!) but I come home from work utterly flayed, lacking in confidence - just feeling like I want to disappear. Was even looking at protection types of gemstones I could carry in my pockets to ward off negative energy - and increase positive ones...I know it is me - I feel like I am some hellish sponge that is absorbing all of the yucky stuff around me and making myself think that i suck (like its all about me - feels so self absorbed.)

On a bright note I have been buying hideous holiday sweaters for my family - they are pretty epic - i will post a picture of us all on Christmas.

GT I also live in Seattle - West Seattle specifically and I work downtown - if there is anything i can help with - please let me know. Wishing you all the very best!

Kel

Kelly, your pic looks so much like a friend of mine named Kelly, that should be easy. Don't feel bad about missing some face time with us... someone has to check in the least (thats not even you!) and someone the most. You are our sister that has "been busy" still a sister!

Globe! Im so impressed with your note taking! I just blast through and forget 75% of the stuff I wanted to say... Sorry you have to go through the dad anniversary at the holidays... My folks are in their 80s and I can see it coming.

You know, my doc, when I was getting the talk before surgery, full of warnings and benefits, said many people get depressed after the surgery. Its statistically significant numbers.

I used my list today to try and get some names straight.... thanks again for that...

Sheryl Jane, your family thing sounds nice. I hope we can pull off something nice this year... our get togethers always gather in all the strays and black sheep... so disfunction is on parade, but everyone needs a little love, so that is the way and this is the season. My mom and dad are the "heads" of the family, and make this happen, being so old now, it is hard, and these gatherings may not be long for this world. My nephew has taken on Thanksgiving and has offered for Xmas... he lives in town now, but if he moves... no one even has the space or money to really make it happen the way it has in the past.

I went for a great birdwatch walk yesterday, out in nature and great weather. Then I ate a big fat brownie, Vietnamese food ,and wine which was great, but full of salt. up one pound, but feeling ok about it. More of the same today. The basket of brownines and Cookies we won in the raffle are almost gone, I ate two of the dozen packets... my visiting friend ate two and hubby will do a good job scarfing the rest... almost done and gone.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Globe glad to hear you are okay.... and I know what a difference the arms make on my silhouette. About 3 weeks post op my son's girlfriend almost didn't recognize me..except for my hair...my back sitting to them waiting at a bar. She could not see my abs or thighs....smaller arms changed my whole look. Steven didn't know I had skin removal on arms and thought I had somehow lost weight there (naive about reality that I really can't lose weight to fix the problem areas) 1, but very noticeable even under sleeves, more than I realized. So glad I didn't chicken out on the arms.

I also lost my dad to the ravages of alcohol. I felt so much guilt when he died but it was mostly for all the years I spent wishing him dead. Time does help and I have come to a certain peace with it and you will too. One thought I have is that now is MY time, my life and I won't let my bad feelings over his life take any more of my precious time here.

Yesterday the nieces and nephews were telling funny first date stories and how they met spouses.almost all were online dating. Anyway my niece's hubby talked about his mohawk and kilt he sported at the time. He always got "looks" so part of his reason was to be in control of that. When I go out and about,I get looks. When I was morbidly obese it was for my huge mid section. Now,I don't always know why,but I get"looks". I kind of like wearing something like those flashy shoes, or my striped sweater dresses or whatever and he articulated the reason. I feel confident in cool shoes and like to giggle with other women over it for example. I can go into a store and know I am dressed way outside the social norm and wear it with ease. If I don't have something that I know draws attention I wonder why people are looking. Don't tell me I am paranoid friends have noticed it too...I somehow stand out no matter what.

Btw, I did not share my dating adventures. Maybe next year.

Yeah and while colored jeans were a trend last spring,the purple jeans were not my best fashion risk...haha. Everyone loved my outfit yesterday including my shoes but I don't have pix! Red and black was my color scheme and I have cute flats with sparkles....my sis called them ruby slippers. This is a family of tennys, crocks and clogs which is all very Seattle. This is NOT a fashion town.

Have any of you thought about stress and weight loss? I wonder now that most of us have already lost alot of weight if stress cortisol is part of the mystery.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Great idea!

Ms. Skinniness= Dorrie

Feedyoureye= Kim

Sarsar = Sarah

MG2= Sheila - Centennial CO

Ccjane = Sheryl - Woodinville, WA, 25 miles NE of Seattle

Georgia = Georgia

Uk Cathy = Cathy

Swizzly = Dee

Brown= Wanda

Globe= Florinda?? ...GT help!

Susan= Susan

Laura-ven= Laura

Chimera= Kelly

Supersweetums= Sheila

Coops= Sue - Pontypool, sunny South Wales UK

OrgeonDaisey= Denise