To tell or not to tell that is the question.......................

[LeaveItToSleever 80]

I do not discuss my body, and my physique, with the general public or with co-workers. It is personal. NOT up for discussion. WLS is NOT the only way to lose weight fast. Before surgery, I lost 100 lbs in 9 mos. My yo-yos are legendary. So bottom line- if anyone says wow, you look great, what are you doing, I say "thanks, I'm starving myself. How have you been? How's the kids? How's your dog? How's your mom?" etc etc etc. You DON'T have to talk about it if you don't want to. Just change the subject and move on.

[newat52 1,613]

I do not discuss my body, and my physique, with the general public or with co-workers. It is personal. NOT up for discussion. WLS is NOT the only way to lose weight fast. Before surgery, I lost 100 lbs in 9 mos. My yo-yos are legendary. So bottom line- if anyone says wow, you look great, what are you doing, I say "thanks, I'm starving myself. How have you been? How's the kids? How's your dog? How's your mom?" etc etc etc. You DON'T have to talk about it if you don't want to. Just change the subject and move on.

I couldn't agree more! I don't discuss medical issues of any sort with anyone outside my husband. Never have. Never will. My weight loss, gain or whatever the case may be is not up for discussion. Period. My weight is not what I am about. If that's all people have to talk about with me, I move on. It's really just that simple.

I know some people have a hard time grasping this concept and think they owe anyone who asks personal questions of any sort an answer or explanation for anything and everything. I'm not one of them.

[Beach Lover 1,084]

Ok, now let me ask you this. Did anyone not tell and people found out later and they felt like you were lying to them? That is my only fear about keeping it quiet. I don't feel like it is their business and yet I will feel guilty of omission. Honestly, I shouldn't feel this way at all and I hate that I do!

[ChristineR 128]

The people that know in my life are my support system. It includes a few friends and some family. I didn't tell my whole family (but I didn't tell them not to share the news) so they did tell other people. In the end, I would rather have their support than not. I think support systems are very important after this surgery. This doesn't mean confiding in every person one comes into contact with though.

[bobheist 85]

I had my surgery over Christmas break. Just before I told someone I work with, someone who I knew had a big mouth. By the time break was over everyone knew -- made it so easy and saved me from having to tell people.

[staceybar 1]

I agree. My immediate family is the only ones that know. Not even my best friend.

[GypsyQueen 198]

I did not announce it on FB, but I did tell people I see day to day if they asked. Some asked a lot of questions, most didn't beyond the basics. It's all been very positive.

[KatInFL 216]

Ok, now let me ask you this. Did anyone not tell and people found out later and they felt like you were lying to them? That is my only fear about keeping it quiet. I don't feel like it is their business and yet I will feel guilty of omission. Honestly, I shouldn't feel this way at all and I hate that I do!

To me, it's the beauty of being a grown up. I don't OWE anyone any explanations.

Truly, if someone came to me months from now and wanted to know why I hadn't told them or I opted to not tell them and then changed my mind, I'd just be honest. I wasn't really telling anyone because it was my journey and I wanted to get my feet under me and figure it out for myself before sharing with people.

~Kat

[Beach Lover 1,084]

To me, it's the beauty of being a grown up. I don't OWE anyone any explanations.

Truly, if someone came to me months from now and wanted to know why I hadn't told them or I opted to not tell them and then changed my mind, I'd just be honest. I wasn't really telling anyone because it was my journey and I wanted to get my feet under me and figure it out for myself before sharing with people.

~Kat

I absolutely love your answer!! It is the God's hones truth and I would feel totally comfortable with giving that answer!!! Thank you so much that is what I was looking for! :)

This is why I love this forum................support and answers to things that trouble you!!

Thank you!!!

[PGee 318]

This issue still plagues me......for now mum's the word......but as someone pointed out, people will probably figure it out on their own...I've been large too long.....

[camihsmith 18]

I don't seek people out to tell.. If the subject comes up I say yes I had help.. I mean come on people even using the Atkins diet as an example. I went from eating 3-4 pieces of grilled chicken to not even eating 1/4 of a chicken breast. That is normally when the conversation comes up.. I've worked with these people for years so they are like extended family. I think to each their own. If you want to share then share if you want to keep it personal then do that and never ever ever feel guilty about your decision!!!!

[NellieBean 70]

People can be judgy, I get people not wanting to tell people the facts. I am not going to post a banner or hire a band but I like to be up front with people as much as possible. This surgery isn't something to be embarrassed about. In the course of preparing for this, of the circle of people I have shared my plan with one is considering it for herself, another her husband had it and another is talking to their partner about it because he is concerned for his health.

Let people judge, who cares? You never know when you will be an accidental inspiration or find an unlikely ally or new friend along the way.

Good luck on your journey.

[LeaveItToSleever 80]

I don't struggle with this AT ALL. To me, it's just personal, and not something I discuss conversationally. Eating tiny amounts, weighing, measuring, and keeping to a strict eating schedule are ALL things I did before, every single time I ever lost weight, prior to surgery. Those things don't 'give you away'. Only loose lips will give you away. If you keep the belief that your body and your diet are YOUR business (and yours alone), you'll be fine. If anyone finds out after the fact and asks you why you lied to them, you can give them the blank stare and ask them "What lie?". If they ask why you never TOLD them, then you can say "it never occurred to me that you'd feel so strongly about knowing this, and I'm frankly pretty surprised by your reaction, why?"

[newat52 1,613]

I don't struggle with this AT ALL. To me, it's just personal, and not something I discuss conversationally. Eating tiny amounts, weighing, measuring, and keeping to a strict eating schedule are ALL things I did before, every single time I ever lost weight, prior to surgery. Those things don't 'give you away'. Only loose lips will give you away. If you keep the belief that your body and your diet are YOUR business (and yours alone), you'll be fine. If anyone finds out after the fact and asks you why you lied to them, you can give them the blank stare and ask them "What lie?". If they ask why you never TOLD them, then you can say "it never occurred to me that you'd feel so strongly about knowing this, and I'm frankly pretty surprised by your reaction, why?"

Are you sure you are not me??

[ChristineR 128]

Off topic warning:

Get this one: My mother is worried about me and the surgery (of course, it's surgery) so she used her old co-worker, since they were working in the hospitals a lot, to come and check on me the day after surgery! (My mother moved back in January) A woman I have never ever met, had no idea who was walking into my room and stayed for about 30 minutes doing laps with me in the hall way. I was too tired to be real angry because I know her heart was in the right spot but COME ON ...... don't send a stranger to me when I'm hooked up to a catheter with my butt flapping out of a hospital gown to socialize with me! My husband was pretty angry but he was too busy with the kids to really focus in on it. I told her it was awkward to say the least and left it at that.