Friend or foe?

[Gojogo 55]

Hi, I'm a newbie and a bit of a computer phobic lol just trying to get to grips with things. I have a number of very close friends who are being very supportive of my decision to have surgery. Alas there are lot's who are not! can anyone advise how to deal with negativity? :-)

[tigerbelle 328]

the only way I've found to deal with negative people is to simply ignore them...by that I mean to--as much as possible--avoid those people, especially now when you need to stay positive...also, what I always try to remember is that when people are negative (or hateful in any way), it is all about *them* and not about *you* at all...it is their own insecurities and issues they are projecting and I would just pretend I have this shield surrounding my body protecting me from their negative vibes

[Gojogo 55]

Thanks Tigerbelle this forum is fab! Such nice people :-)

[gmanbat 5,889]

I have found that the negativity of others only causes me distress when I am unsure of myself. If I have done my research and know what I know, I can listen to their negativity, analyze it for any possible merit, and quickly consign it to the trash can of my concerns.

As Tigerbell observed, negativity is often about the self interest of the negator and not about the welfare of the negatee.

You will run into many flavors of poo-pooers on your journey.

We have the "I know everything" folks who think that since they know nothing about weight loss surgery it must be something to fight against because it challenges their lofty delusion.

There are the "easy way out" morons who demand you to take a "natural" approach to weight loss, never defining "natural" with any consistency, logic, or self-application.

Then we have the "position holders" who don't want you to become the slim, attractive gal because they lose their contrasting position as the "cute one".

You be true to you, let the doofuses waller in their doof.

[FranWa 12]

It's so hard I've stopped telling people I'm going to have the sleeve as all I hear is negative stuff

" that's just the easy way out" " your not that big"

"Make sure your doing it for the right reasons"

After 15 yrs of trying to lose weight and spending $$$$$ on personal trainers, gym membership diet pills, etc I'm ready, I've done my research I'm going to be calorie counting for the rest of my life but hopefully I will get a chance of a healthy life to........

[Cajunlady12 49]

I asked my father yesterday what he thought about the surgery I am having and of course I received more negative words. All I heard was that he knew people who had it done and it didn't work, I would be living on liquids for the rest of my life. etc... When I asked him what kind of surgery they had, he replied the people he knew had both the gastric bypass and the lap band. He does not know anyone who had the sleeve. I did not even waste my breath trying to explain to him about the surgery because all he kept saying was that he would not have it done over and over again. When I got off the phone with him,I told my husband that when I had the surgery, I was not going to call my dad. But my husband he was going to call him and tell him. I really don't think my father could care less if he knew or not. So be it. I am having the surgery and I am going to lose the weight and that is the way it will be. I know that I can do this and will do this.

[Gojogo 55]

Gmanbat your so right I have spent hours doing research! I like the idea of just binning the negativity and letting the doofuses waller in their doof. As us Brits say " put your chin in the air and walk on by" lol. I really need to learn to do that :-).

FranWa after at least 30+ years of constant dieting and failure I can't wait to start living. Have you a date for you op?

[ShellBell25 41]

My response really is.....this was MY decision. It's not right for everyone, but it was right for me! Someone told me their response was " I'm sorry....Your opinion didn't really figure into what I decided to do so I didn't think to ask you BEFORE I made my decision!" LOL Guess you just need to get to a place where what others say doesn't really bother you. It isn't the right decision for everyone.....but I KNOW it was the right one for me and I'd never go back!

[Gojogo 55]

Hi Cajunlady 12, I think sometimes we expect those close to us or loved ones too understand! Some do and some don't! Seems to be the same in life in general. That's the fab thing about this forum, we are all on a journey together! It doesn't matter who we are or where we come from, there is support and understanding. So glad I found this forum! Thanks :-)

[TerryBelieves 352]

I made my decision based on what I researched and what I know was the right decision for me. I didn't need any approval from a single person. Now that being said my oldest brother decided not to respond to my PM's. His wife made a couple of comments by PM's and I let her know real quick what all I had been through with all the pre op test and consults and my countless hours researching. She doesn't and never has had a weight issue! Her response was I have researched it also....LIE! Anyways my brother finally called me the Saturday before my Monday surgery. He was only scared of the unknown. Now my oldest son just a couple of weeks ago made a comment that he really didn't want me to have the surgery in the beginning. I told him well I am glad you kept it to yourself. I have really had the best response from co workers and friends. I actually posted my WLS on Facebook a few weeks back. I had no negative feed back and several PM's about needing advice on how to proceed with WLS. That was my intent. If I can help anyone that is where I was at this time last year, I want to help.

[FranWa 12]

Thanks Gojogo yeh date is Aug 30th counting down the days how about you ? So glad to have found this forum awesome advice and support.

[liteNsun 58]

I think most people don't like change. I think we are progressive thinkers when we consider the WLS with the sleeve. We are tryers of any and all diets and we are willing to go even further than most to find a way out of a never ending cycle of defeat, fighting with our own bodies...if that is exhausting enough, then fighting with others who want a vote on our personel liberty, our body. Be the change for your own life and find freedom I believe.

[Gojogo 55]

FranWa I'm living in the UAE at the moment. I am travelling back to the UK to have the op. I have my post op consultation on 26th July. Hoping to have the op on 15/16th August :-).excited but nervous.

[Pixie Dust 526]

I don't have the will nor the strength to deal with negativity, so I've kept this decision quiet, except for my husband (of course), my 1 aunt who lives out of state & 2 close friends who also live out of state. At the last minute, I decided to tell my one neighbor (who doesn't speak to any of the other neighbors) because I have an autistic son & in case I need help, I had to have someone else who is local, know that I was having this done. That's it. My aunt wasn't too pleased at first but she has at least stopped the negative talk & is wishing me well & is being supportive. Whew! Good luck to you & if you're still getting negativity, & I would just stop telling people. That's just my opinion. All the best!

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Hey Gojo! We all understand why you're having the surgery, we have the same reasons! Unfortunately, there's a stigma against wls and those who've never had weight issues really don't understand. Not too many people knew I was getting it done before I got it done. My husband was unsupportive and I just didn't talk to him about it. I knew this is what I had to do and he wasn't going to talk me out of it. He's 1000% supportive now.

My aunt tried to spew her negativity behind my back but my dad shut her down quick! You're doing this for you and no one else! This is a great place for support and we understand what you're going through! Good luck!