struggling Totally Off The Wagon

[Oliver's Mom 258]

Sounds like your life has a 'full plate' of stress - try not to translate that to a real 'full plate' of food. It's hard not to fall back on our old habits when outside stressors are pushing.

You have already lost 105 lbs so you know you CAN do this. Laura is right get the crappy food out of your house. Get back to basics. Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up - this is just a bump in the road.

We all care and there isn't one of us who hasn't responded to stress with poor food choices. We are here for you.

One step at a time, and they can be baby steps - is how you will get back on track. Pick one thing (Water for example) and commit to getting in your 64 oz.

Stress - that's tough to deal with. Everyone has their own way to deal without food. But through it all remember to breathe. My way now to deal with stress is to take my dogs outside (I have 3 small dogs) either in the yard and toss a ball around for them for a while, or leash them up and take them for a walk. For me just being outside and moving a little, plus seeing the antics of my dogs calms me down.

Good luck sweetie, we care, we truly do. And we are on your team, rooting your on, knowing you can do this.

[deedeemuffin 346]

ok back to square one with you missy.. get back on the Protein shakes...

get off of the slider foods... you have control of this situation.. no matter how much stress you have.. I have had so much stress in the beginning... my son was killed on the day of my surgery.. my mom died 5mo before that.. in jan after wt loss they found some masses in my legs.. had them removed.. they thought they were cancer.. but they were not thank goodness. with all this going on.. not one time did I fall off the wagon... we have control of our lives.. we cannot blame this on anything but ourselves.. you have to take responsibility of your actions.. you can do this.. you did it before.. you can do it again.. get back on the protein shakes.. get all the crap food out of the house.. I even managed to lose 4lbs on a cruise no less.. if I can make it thru this.. you can too.. im on my way to wonderful things.. im 3/4 of the way there... I did it by making smart choices.. do I eat things im not suppose to? once in a great while I treat myself.. but I dont let it get out of hand.. I stop.. I dont want to go back to the title of being Obese.. not one I enjoyed at all.. im not longer the fat girl anymore..and never never will I go back to that.. my life means much more to me now... im healthy and I look great now.. never have I ever been able to tell myself that.. I have very low self esteem.. low.. never thought much of myself... but now I have that chance.. a do over if you will.. im not screwing this up... I love my life now.. you will too if you just get back on track.. dont let food rule you.. you rule your life..not food.. re direct.. get back on track.. get to the gym.. call a friend.. come on here to chat we will get you back on track.. if I can do this.. so can you.. best of luck to you

I am sorry to hear of everything that you have been through. You are obviously an amazingly strong person. I have been through/am going through some other personal issues that I did not share. I am not using them or anything else as an excuse. Even if my life were "perfect" I might still be having this issue. I appreciate you sharing & your encouragement. I too struggle with low self-esteem. I also felt like I got a do over with my sleeve. I am afraid that maybe I have ruined it due to my behavior the past 2 weeks. You are probably right. I probably need to go back to square one...water & Protein Shakes. Although I very much feel like it I have not completely given up hope. I hope that I will be able to come back & share some progress with all of you in the weeks/months/years to come.

[deedeemuffin 346]

Sweety I sympathize w u bc we know that food nd stress, unfortunately go together for those of us w a food addiction. It is no different for an alcoholic whose been wo it for many yrs, nd then life hits them in the butt nd they turn to their old comforts. One thing they both have in common, a support group. Ik u said that its not possible but pat urself on the shoulder bc u r asking for help when u cuda stayed in ur misery. With all of that said, and Idk how u feel about this but I'm going to suggest you gt a private room and speak out ur issues to God, He knows yes, but speak it and ask Him for strength nd mercy, be humble but bold in what you need from Him. I am a true believer nd ik that if u were not going to be successful, He wud not have allowed u to get this far. Next, do as the OP said, start small. Start w the Water issue, only. Try it for a week, pray for strength! I'll pray too for you:) next, stop eating one of the trigger Snacks nd add a Protein Drink in its place, pray nd I will too. Then try the next thing to stop, just one thing at a time. But believe in what ur doing nd y. As you r doing these few things, pack ur boxes to distract u, pray that God will give u ur New home, if it be His will, I will pray too. Pm me if u want to pray together:) id be honored. As for ur job, again, instead of totally stressing, give it to God, nd believe He will deliver to u, a job w ur name on it! Again, if u don't believe that u can do it alone, ADD God and know, He wants to help u. Also know that there are many here who want to help but u gotta start by helping urself nd uve started tryn bc u posted here. Proud of u. As UK, u ended up in the hospital alrdy, nd u don't wanna keep doing that bc of the infections u cud get there, the bills to worry over, u get what I'm sayn. I just want u to STOP, look at where u were preop nd now postop. Stop, take a breath, nd just take one day nd problem at a time, don't add to what u feel is the end of the world bc its not. Just be still. Sorry for long post but not for trying to help u. I truly hope that som1 says somthn to help u:)) u r awesome, brave, strong, beautiful nd human...dont keep beating urself up! It won't be worth it AT ALL. MAY GOD cont to Bless u. {{{{Hugs}}}}. Dee

Thank you for posting & I would certainly welcome you keeping me in your prayers. I was raised as a Christian. God & I are a little out of touch right now. My 26 year old wonderful, loving baby brother died & I have not been able to come to terms with it. I don't understand why God would take him, but leave me. So, although I don't feel very connected to God at the moment you are welcome to pray for me.

[deedeemuffin 346]

May I suggest a Mindfulness Eating log? I started one up since my psych evaluation pre-op on the psychologist's suggestion. Keep a journal of what you eat and when during the day, but also track how you feel (hunger-wise, emotion-wise) before, during, and after eating. Stress and hormones definitely triggered my compulsive eating. I found this log to be so helpful in understanding the connection between how I feel and what I shove into my mouth. It has helped me make more conscious food choices. Hey, it's cheaper than therapy!

It's not too late to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You can do this! Also log your liquid intake and make sure you are getting enough - don't end up back in the ER for dehydration!!

I also did a mindfulness journal as part of my pre-op. Maybe I will pick it up again. Thank you.

[deedeemuffin 346]

You have reached out in a time of need and you know by the responses that you are cared for and supported. I'd like to add my support and hope that your stress will be less very soon. Specifically, I want to urge you not to give up on school. I went back to school in my thirties to finish my bachelor's degree (actually restarted the whole thing, but that's another story!) and graduated at 38. It was not easy being non-traditional plus being overweight, but I surrounded myself with good, supportive friends of all ages and backgrounds and was so proud of myself when I graduated. It was one of the biggest boosts I could have had to my flagging self esteem. Plus it helped me to get my second career started. Please don't take that chance for raising your confidence away from yourself, no matter which degree you are pursuing. Whatever troubles you are going through will pass, but you will still be you. Be kind to yourself and get back onto that wagon ~ many are reaching toward you with virtual hands to help you get back on board!

Happy,

Thank you so much for your response. One of the most anxiety producing areas in my life is trying to go back to school. This past semester I decided to take classes at a state school that supports adults returning to school & allows you to do all your classes through independent study at home. The main reason I chose this route was so I didn't have to face class rooms with their small arm chair desks or trying to huff & puff my way from one class to another. I think because my heart wasn't in what I was doing I did not complete all my work. I was given an extension until July 30th to finish my work. I haven't picked up a book in a month.

I really want to go into the health care field...specifically Radiology Technology. I mustered up the courage to register for just 2 classes in the Fall that are prerequisites for the program at a "regular" school where I have to actually attend classes. I figured that maybe with my weight being down & continuing to go down that I might finally be in a position to go to school for what I actually want. I am 34 so I would be 37 or 38 when I graduate. I would also be going into a whole new career.

I have so many fears that go far beyond teeny,tiny desks.

Lately I have been thinking that I made a huge mistake & should withdraw from those 2 classes before the semester starts. The amount of stress, fear & anxiety that seems to come hand in hand with trying to get a degree has made me question if it is even worth it. I also have the mind set of "I fail everything I try". My self-esteem is in the toilet. You say that you surrounded yourself with friends. How did you manage that? I literally do not have even one friend. My weight has made me so self-conscious for so long that I withdrew from life until I was left with only my boyfriend & a couple family members who love & support me.

Your post has made me think that I really NEED to go to school & get my degree. Maybe I don't have to be a failure at everything I do. Maybe this can be something that will help my self-esteem if I can complete it. Any other tips or suggestions? I already very much appreciate your response.

[NoneYa 380]

I'm not a psychologist but i disagree with one point. Based on my own experiences I don't think this comes from a place of lack of control. I think that your inability to control the stressful issues that are ongoing in your life has brought you to this as the only thing you CAN control. Does that make sense? To explain... The difficult and sometimes unbearable things life throws at us are often totally out of our control. We are like sitting ducks and have to sit there and be hit with whatever comes our way. The job market and housing situations have dragged many down with them. One or two things at a time can be managed fairly well but when we get pummeled we grab onto something we can control, in my case eating the garbage that brought me to this place. I think you might be dealing with this like I have in the past. If you think of the triggers as the thing you can control you may find it easier to walk away from it, just like you did before. You can do this. Take a few minutes to remember the goal and how sweet it will when when you arrive. In my mind i see the new me on one side and the old me surrounded by the crap foods on the other. That makes it much easier to move in the right direction. The fact that you're human means you will stumble and even occasionally fall. The fact that you're determined means that you will right yourself and succeed. You got this!

[NurseGrace 509]

Let me start off by saying I am not looking to be yelled at or coddled...something in between might be helpful. As some of you know I landed in the hospital 2 weeks ago because I got severely dehydrated. They also ran a pregnancy test which came back positive, but it was a false positive. I am definitely not pregnant.

I do not know what is going on, but I have been totally out of control since then. Prior to that I had been drinking & getting in my Protein just fine. (Aside from a bread incident many a month ago in case NurseGrace is lurking ) I am full blown eating whatever I want with no problems. I am a vegetarian so no meat binges. I have not been drinking Water & I have been straight up eating , garbage...crackers, chips, pop corn with butter, Pasta, Cookies, candy, ice cream & so on & so forth. I have no desire for anything except carbs & sugar. I'm not eating bread or anything that will cause physical pain to my sleeve, but things that if eaten slowly enough cause no problems.

I'm not drinking Water or exercising. Today the only liquid I had was 2 cups of coffee this morning. I still weigh myself every day. Although I haven't lost any weight, I haven't gained any weight either.

I have been under a lot of stress lately...waiting for our mortgage to approved, looking for work, struggling to finish my semester which I was given an extension on. At this point I am ready to just give up on everything. I am ready to give up on school, looking for work, cleaning & packing up our apartment. I am feeling like I just completely lost control & I don't know how to get it back.

I don't want to go to OA. Been there, done that. Therapy is not an option either. Has anyone else been through this? I feel like I'm so lost that I just don't even know where to start to get back some semblance of normality.

ohhhh gawd I am cracking up. <3 ya girl

So when I needed to get back in the saddle what I did was worry about starting my day right. I made myself my usual coffee but for food I make myself a salad. Not some BS salad with fried bits of whatever in it, but a proper salad. Something about starting my day right helped me ease back into things. Some people like to start with more Protein but for me, that sits like a rock in my stomach first thing. I do much better with a salad or something. after a few days of that the rest sort of slid back into place naturally.