200lbs from goal / body issues

[goirish78 100]

*hugs* I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone on these forums who ISN'T their own worst critic, especially those of us who have been overweight our whole lives, so no judgments here. Literally, being fat is all I've ever known (my first diet started when I was 6 mos old and the doctor suggested my mother stop breastfeeding since I was gaining too much weight). While it has taken me many, many years to start to overcome all the negativity and trauma I've experienced as a result, I'm getting there. I'm pre-op, my surgery is on Monday, and I've only lost 6 lbs so far. I started at 379, and I am shooting for 160, so I'm looking at almost 220 lbs to lose. You know what? I'm ok with that. While I've always felt that my weight was my biggest failure, and have fought with it my whole life, going through this year long process of getting ready for surgery has made me evaluate all aspects of my life. Being this size has hurt a lot in so many ways; yet, in a weird way I'm also grateful for the perspective it has afforded me. I want a healthier and smaller body, a body that will hopefully allow me to have children, but I'm never going to be a size 2, nor do I want to be. I look at many of the thin women I know, some of them healthy, some of them not, but all with problems just like anyone else. I know that while I might end up being a smaller person, losing weight is not going to magically fix everything wrong with my life. I am grateful for all the skills that I've developed to "compensate" for not being the thin girl people always thought I should be. I wake up everyday realizing that while my life is not exactly what I want it to be, I'm still here to do what I need to in order to make it better. This is going to be a long, slow process, but I know I will get to where I need to be in the end. And part of the reason I will get there is because of people like you, who come to these forums to be honest and say how they're really feeling when things are hard. People like you remind me that I am not alone

Know in your heart that you are changing everyday, that you WILL get to the place you are meant to be, and that you deserve to be happy with yourself and your life. You may need help getting to that place, and there is no shame in that. One of the best decisions I ever made was talking to a therapist, because it allowed me to be completely honest and not worry about how the person I was talking to was going to react. That was many years ago, and I realize that I may need to talk to someone again as I go through this process. You will lose the weight, but while you do, work on letting some of the emotional weight go with the physical weight; relearn the meaning of beauty, and one day you will see yourself as beautiful as we see you (hint: it really has nothing to do with your weight .

Take care of you and be kind to you - you deserve it and you can do it!

[Kennedy310 33]

You are doing great!

When I get overwhelmed by the weight I still have to lose, I shift my focus to how I'm feeling physically. I focus on the positives of being able to move more freely, walking further or faster without losing my breath the way I used to just 15 weeks ago. Little successes like that.

Be sure to remind yourself of all the things you're doing right!

And don't be nervous about seeking out a good therapist. Therapy can be a really wonderful experience.

[nervousnelly 24]

I am new to this whole thing.... I am getting sleeved in August and like you have 150 plus to loose. I only hope I am as successful as you are! 82 lbs in 10 months is simply amazing! I don't know why we are our own worse enemies but I got to tell you I think you are doing awesome and you inspire me!

[Allan Cameron 98]

MMOL,

No lecture here, you and I are on a very similar path. I can only let you know what I do, as your screen name implies, you have to do for yourself. Like others have said, I notice that I can now sit in chairs I couldn't, I can reach my feet to put on shoes and socks without falling over. Sure I'm still really really big, but I'm getting smaller than I was and that is what this journey is all about. Granted I'm a guy and guys and gals look at ourselves in different ways. With all that we had to loose from the get go, only having to loose 200 more is a milestone to Celebrate. I hit 390 this morning on the scale, way too damn heavy but I'm happy I can't remember the last time my scale only said 390. Heck even the reading glasses I have to now wear because I'm growing older fit my face better. Yes I'd like to have a small waist and be farther along, but this is a long path we've chosen, sports metaphor coming up, this is a marathon not a sprint. You've done great so far, keep going the end is a ways away, but you're on the right path, alway remember that...

[makemyownluck 785]

I am overwhelmed and touched by all of your thoughtful and encouraging responses. Some of you made me cry reading these!!

Things are getting better, but I still have some things to work through. Thank you all for being a support system, for your kindness, your words, your encouragement.

<3 <3 <3

[Beach Lover 1,084]

I so get you!

I have my surgery on Wednesday this week, and I have over 300 lbs to lose. My family is hopeless as, when I loss weight no one notices and when I gain they all comment on how I am losing weight. At my size 50 lbs either way is hardly noticeable except in the physical stuff I do on a daily basis. I hope to loss a lot of weight, and your 82 lbs thus far is fantastic. So stop for a moment and just notice the other things that have occurred. Maybe you don't worry about what the seating is everywhere you go now. Maybe you aren't thinking about food all the time. Whatever it is find something that you are grateful for in this journey and don't swim in that pit of despair that can engulf us as we see how much further we have to go!

Thank you for your honesty and willingness to post your feelings. This is an important topic for us discuss.

Many blessings

Good luck with your surgery!!! Keep us posted!