Sabotage?

[Kat817 19]

I think my MIL is doing her best to sabotage me---and need advice on how to handle it.

My SIL and I were banded at the same time, we went together and did it. It all started out well, but then she began having problems eating. In my opinion, she is causing a lot of her problems, she went at her fills fast and furious, and got to a point where she ate nothing but Cheetos, and mashed potatoes. Well, she ended up with a total unfill, and is now filled again, and falling back into the old problems. She claims she cannot eat food--good food, but she can eat 2-3 pieces of pie, or sweets without a problem.

So now she is saying the Dr. has told her she may not be a good candidate for the band, that she may always have problems. I think she is wanting it out.

Now my MIL is always bad mouthing the band...talking about how it is not proven etc. So suddenly she is making things for my DH that she is just sure I am not doing with my constant dieting!!! She sends home plates of fudge, bowls of food--all the time. We say no... so she sends my FIL over with them later!! MY DH, is great, he refuses, and is actually trying to drop a few pounds himself, so is trying to avoid all the holiday extras too. I have so far tried to be gracious with it, and actually use the things she sends to add to DH's lunch for work, etc. I thought I was handling it well. Now today, she makes us a plate to bring home from New Years dinner---and it is full of things DH is not even fond of, but she knows I am!!! Mostly sweets--candy, and DH is not a candy eater! He pointed it out to me when we got home, and ask if he should talk to her. I told him I didn't know yet!!!

So....should I ignore it until it goes away, and just try to avoid the food?

Throw the food away, and let her be? Or confront the situation??? HELP!!!

Advice appreciated!

Kat

[laurigee 545]

Kat

I Would Just Tell Her That Your Husband And Yourself Are Watching What You Eat And That You Really Appreciate The Thought, However, The food Isn't Getting Eaten And You Feel Horrible Having To Throw Most Of It Away. Tell Her You Know How Much Time It Takes To Prepare And That It Should Go To Someone Who Is Able To Eat And Finish It. I Would Also Let Her Know That She Is An Awesome Cook And That You Appreciate It, But Its Just A Shame Its Being Wasted. Good Luck. Try To Kill Her With Kindness. That Usually Works Every Time.

[juliegeraci 7]

Kat, if you don't feel you are strong enough to say something I would simply accept and throw them away. Good luck.

[ReneBean 3]

I think killing her with kindness is a good way. You can use the excuse of hating to waste her superior cooking by having to throw it away when nobody eats it.

It's sad to think - but maybe she sabatoged your SIL and succeeded. Don't let her succeed on you.

Hugs!!

[Kat817 19]

Thanks guys---I really have tried to talk to her, as has DH. She is an old woman--used to getting her way!! After 80+ years of it, she likes it that way!!! She definitely acts differently with me when DH is around than when he isn't, so I think I will follow her lead, and just take it and toss it when I am alone, which is when she gets borderline hateful about me not fixing these things for Rick, because HE didn't get banded!!! But let him tell her if he wants them when he is around.

Beannie, I thought about that, wondering if she did SIL that way, but it is more of an issue, that she is upset if I have successes that her DD doesn't. A very normal, and understandable role for a Mom to take, I am not faulting her---just wanting a better way to handle her!

Her Mom--our Granny, was a feisty old gal as well, and she had a mean streak a mile wide!!! Slowly but surely my MIL is turning into her Mom!!! Granny was 98, and would get totally peeved over what she deemed injustices to her in the nursing home!!!

Well now MY mom is here---gotta go!!!

Kat

Thanks for the advice!!

[gonnabethin 10]

Just smile take the food and toss it. She will be gone soon enough.

[Big girl banded 0]

take and toss.

My MIL wanted to stuff me like a bird during the holiday even though she is aware i cant eat if all..... she herself stuggles.

So my DH and i had a plan of attack... i fed him off my plate while we had our "appetizers" and at dinner I had just a little bit and pushed it around a bit. They thought i ate too much appetizer and thought i was feeding him HIS... he was actually getting mine and his. His mother thought i was SOOO Sweet and in love that i was feeding her son to fatter him up ( he is underweight) little did she know!!

It is all about you and the DH having a plan of attack and sticking to it. Good luck!

[Marimaru 7]

I think you could probably do it both ways... sometimes just say "I really appreciate it, but if I take that home it just wont get eaten, and I don't want to waste it" and other times, just take it and toss it or whatever... maybe you can ween her down, you know? That way, you don't always have to fill up your trash cans with all the extra food, and at the same time, she doesn't get too upset because you "never want her cooking" or something like that....

[derbygirl 0]

Just toss it. It does sound really annoying, but it's good practice for you to be around the temptation.

Sabotage is something we're all going to encounter on this journey. It amazes me that people who love me want me to be unhealthy because it makes them feel better about themselves.