Starting to get scared!

[zenandnow 514]

I need some guidance from the veterans! I was sleeved 5/16/13 and as of today I'm down 28 lbs. It's starting to get real and it's freaking me out! In the past every time I would diet I'd do great until I got to anywhere above 200, but as soon as I got close to 200 I'd self-sabotage. Obviously I can't do that now, but I feel like my dog when I try to give her a bath....all backpedaling claws on linoleum! "Uh uh, not me, ain't gonna do it!"

I've done tons of therapy, went through a year pre-op specifically to prepare for the surgery, I know what my issues are, but its still scary BECAUSE NOW IT'S HAPPENING!

People are starting to notice...they're commenting on it. I'm one of those people who HATES to be noticed, don't like being the center of attention, just want to blend into the background. No one sees you when you're fat, but now THEY'RE STARTING TO SEE ME! Scary as hell!

It's not a confidence thing - I'm successful and assertive in my job, at ease speaking in front of large groups, and am generally not seen as a shrinking violet. I am an introvert, but I've had to learn to work around it due to my job. But part of what helped me deal with it was the fact that I was (am) fat - it's a mental & physical barrier, the last thing protecting me from other people. And now it's melting away!

I don't regret being sleeved, and I knew what to expect, but knowing and experiencing are two different things. It's exciting, but SUPER scary at the same time. Panic is setting in!

Did anyone else feel this way? How did you get past it?

[ladylaura 77]

I can kind of relate. I have done the same thing with the self sabotage. I'll loose some, then I'll mentally tell myself "Oh! I lost weight! Now I can have that slice of cake!" LOL and so the yo yo dieting set in. And I would feel that fear as I inched closer to 200 also. I don't know why? Maybe it's a comfort thing and a safety thing with what we know? Maybe it's a fear of success, fear of failure thing?

Either way, you're not alone...

[pantala 125]

Real common! I think especially for us introverts. Part of the attention is because you are changing and ppl who know the "old" you are commenting about the change. When I have lost weight in the past this drove me crazy! But I'm handling it better this time.

Can you continue your therapy? This is exactly the time it helps to have professional guidance and coping advice. In time, you will get used to the extra attention and the changes will be your new normal but this transition period can be tough.

Hang in there!

[Firëfly 39]

I had to find something that counted on me being smaller and meant more to me than the pain of going through being noticed and even what the numbers said on the scale. When I couldn't make this journey about me or my health, I made it about getting smaller so that I could ride my horses and get back into competing on them. You can't be as competitive as a rider when you are bigger. It's not fair for your horse to carry that extra weight -- you're not upholding your part of being the best you can be as part of that team.

Granted, I like how I look in the mirror now that I've lost 40 pounds but just looking better for me is not motivation enough. I'm actually dreading getting smaller and having guys hit on me. It makes me uncomfortable if they are way over the top about it. One of the perks of being fat is being invisible and it's hard having to learn with how to cope with stuff like that.

The only way how I know now to get through that discomfort is to remind myself that it's important for me to get smaller for my horses and for what I want to do. I cannot let my embarrassment or uneasiness about how I look trump me getting fit for them. It has to take a back burner if I want to do what I've dreamed about for so long and stopped doing once I was bigger.

I don't know if it's a healthy approach from a medical standpoint but it's the only one I know that's going to work for me so far. I've tried working with therapists to figure out why I sabotage or have those feelings of being exposed more when I lose weight but I never figured out why. I wasn't abused in any way and didn't have any really bad dating experiences. I'm just uncomfortable being judged like that. So I had to find something that meant more to me than having that discomfort. Riding horses is my lodestone that keeps me on track.